I started blogging around six months ago. It was a whim. It was a selfish act. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even open it to comments for the first 4 months.
I wrote. For me.
It was out of defiance, really. I filed away another rejection letter from a Publisher, turned on my computer and rebelled. Every post I wrote was an act of revenge, “Well, then, fine. I’ll just publish myself.”
I’ve written about my kids and their fiasco’s. My bad mommy moments have been on display.
One word comes to mind: selfish.
I didn’t plan to allow comments. I didn’t plan to meet other people. I didn’t plan to be moved with compassion.
I’m glad I didn’t plan.
And that’s why I want to say thank you.
In the past six months, I have traveled to Africa with Shannon and Sophie. Tears have puddled on my keyboard as I have watched these two ladies struggle with their emotions and closely watched how they fit Africa into their everyday lives. My family sponsored Bereket, a five year old Ethiopian child who lives in extreme poverty. I think about this precious child every time I eat. Which is all day long. A giant lump forms in my throat each time my kids pray for him at bedtime.
Between loads of laundry and dishes, I have met and grown to love courageous women who are fighting cancer, like Heather J. She makes me laugh everyday. I glean from her strength. And she has reminded me that I still believe God can heal.
Reading through the grieving heart of a woman who lost her twins in utero has touched a place in me I didn’t want to visit. Journeying with Lisa as she mourns the loss of a three year old cousin has moved me. For days, I couldn’t wipe away the image of a tiny white casket from my mind or of a childless mother. Thinking of her, I have whispered prayers over my own children and sat by their sleeping bodies and wept- from love, sorrow, guilt and thankfulness.
Following Happy Mommy‘s chronicles of her desire to have another child after her husband’s vasectomy reversal have been inspiring. I love watching her life unravel and I can’t help but root for this lady who longs to grow a new life, again. As I did last week, when Baby Mama, pushed out her sixth baby, at home.
I have dreaded the deployment of Kim’s husband that has left her a Situationally Single Mom. She is a hero and I can’t help but think of her empty bed when I snuggle up against my husband.
And these are just a few . . .
My perspective has changed. In just a few short months, my world has grown. Blinders have been lifted from these shallow eyes.
God has renewed my compassion for parts of the world I will never visit. He has used the challenges of others to remind me that I have much to be thankful for. In His Sovereignty, He is teaching me to blindly trust in Him, even when I can’t trace His hand, I can always trust His heart.
So, thank you. Thank you for blogging. You are making a difference.
And, thank you for reading. It’s my desire to remind moms they aren’t alone. I pray through my silly, nonsense writing, you can see my heart and know that I am just a simple mom who has been changed by this bloggy world.
And, by a very BIG God.