O. My. Word.

Do I have a Not Me story for y’all!

I started out the week telling you how my teeth have a low self esteem. And then I spent two hours in The Chair yesterday. I survived.

Well. I want my kids to have healthy teeth too and positive feelings about their dental hygiene experience, so I took them to their bi-annual visit this week also.

I find this nearly as bad as taking myself to the dentist.

Because you know who they blame when your children have cavities.

Oh goody, more Mom guilt. Thankyouverymuch.

In my wildest imagination, I prepared myself for 10 cavities each. 

I said wildest.

I wanted to go there mentally, just in case. I like dealing with worst-case-scenarios head on.

So. 

It was much worse than I feared.

I mean, so bad, I might need counseling or a beer. (Which is saying a lot, the beer part, anyway. Former Pastor’s wife, remember? And I get tipsy with Nyquil).

Oh, no, my kids didn’t have 10 cavities, they had……………….

wait for it…………………..

But apparently that’s nothing because by the look on the hygienist’s face, I knew there was something else.

She quietly leaned in and said for adult ears only, 

“Your daughter has lice.”

Let’s just let that nugget sink in.

Um, no thank you, my kids don’t get lice.

L.I.C.E.

As in little bugs in the head region.

Turns out my deep conviction that only dirty people get lice is not true.

Or is it?

Thank God for over-the-counter hair pesticide.

On the bright side, I’ve learned there’s much more to fear than a simple visit to the dentist.

And now it’s your turn to fill up my comment section about all the times your children have had lice. This will make me feel normal, less dirty and possibly make me stop scratching imaginary bugs. So, go ahead, tell me how you boiled your sheets, stood your family in a line like gorilla’s to check each other’s heads, used the tiny, fine-toothed comb….hello?  Anyone there?  

H-e–ll-ooooooo……..

P.S. We caught it very early and only had to fumigate my daughter. Turns out it was going around in her class. Who knew? But still, y’all: lice. Oooh.

I’d feel like such a tooth failure if I sat in his dental chair. One look in my mouth would tell him of my sad dental past.

When my current dentist looks into my mouth, do you know what he says?

And that makes me feel terrific.

How about  you? Do you fear the chair?