He Said/She Said (4):Prayer

My hubby and I are working on a giant post of resources, links and practical ways to STOP the use/addiction of lust and pornography with the help of Jesus Christ, as well as sharing ways you can help as a spouse.

In my hubby’s vlog next week, he will teach/equip men how to STOP lust in it’s tracks and give men a practical way to put away all the harmful images from yesterday or 15 years ago that their mind catalogs.

We never imagined the depth this series would reach. We are answering countless emails, even talking on the phone with some who are desperate. Please pray for us. We are not counselors and while it is good for us to testify, it is also hard.

Shelley of Hopefully Devoted, shared this incredible article Hijacking the Brain: How Pornography Works
It is a must read!

A comment from a reader:

“I think this topic is CRUCIAL for married couples, and for raising our children. Up to the point you shared, my husband’s story is very similar to yours, except that he was not raised in a Christian home and the magazines he discovered were actually porn.

For years now we have discussed his struggle and we actively fight against it. Yes, I said “we” because I have helped and continue to help him in a number of ways: I let him be honest and didn’t give him the church lady response the first time he shared his struggle. Though I didn’t understand it, I trusted him and believe him, and frankly I was impressed with his honesty and obvious desire to turn from his sin rather than hide it and let it fester into an even greater secret sin.

I continue to give him a listening ear whenever he’s had an eye-popping moment (which unfortunately occurs more often than it should because of the way women dress!), and on occasion, have even given myself to him after such times just so that I know he’ll go into the next day with my body on his mind and not another woman’s. I have cancelled all catalogs from stores such as Victoria’s Secret, which are down-right pornographic, and we have an internet filter on our computer and I am the only keeper of the password.

Though it is much less harmful a sin, I struggle with eating whatever sweet food will make me feel good at the moment (I really have to fight emotional eating!), and the biggest way that I fight it is to not let it in the house. If it comes in, I will not be able to resist. Likewise, my husband knows the temptation is great and is grateful that I am helping him by keeping it out of the house. His desire to avoid temptation rather than have to resist it does not make him a weaker man; it indicates his humility as he fights his flesh and his fervent desire to remain pure before God.

We need to help our husbands with this strugg
le instead of keeping our heads in the sand. It is such a shameful topic that men often don’t feel comfortable sharing it with anyone (especially in church!), which only makes it worse. We need to be a safe place to which they can turn for help.

I have learned so much thru this journey. I am even able to thank God for it.

I’ll leave you guess with the passage of scripture I’ve been chewing on all week: Psalm 51

“I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.” Psalm 51:17 Message translation

There is hope.

While we pause this series this week, we’d like to ask you to pray for us and we will pray for you. Lust and pornography are some of the enemy’s best tools. He isn’t thrilled that you’re reading this. If you’d like your marriage lifted up, please just leave PRAY in the comments (even if you do it anonymously).


    • 1.1


      My husband has struggled with porn our whole marriage of 22 years. I have only known for 5 years. The lies and lust have destroyed so much that I am not sure if I can stay any longer, honestly I dont want to.

      • 1.1.1

        Anonymous says

        When my husband came clean, it was after 27 years of marriage. The only reason he came clean was because due to his pornography addiction, he had put our family $20,000 into debt. I never made leaving an option for either of us. First, I fixed the financial problem and then slowly but surely, with a lot of work, together with God we fixed our marriage. You can do the same. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but if both of you are willing, it is possible. I will be praying for you and your marriage to have the strength to make it through this.

  1. 3


    Thanks so much for your willingness to discuss the issue. I think sometimes the church is naive about the issue and it really does need addressed. My husband read "Every Man's Battle" He said it was a life changing book! Thanks again!

  2. 7

    Anonymous says

    I can't leave my name. My husband and I are on the brink of divorce with three small children. God is bigger than this problem. This is so complicated, I just don't see how it can possibly be fixed, but I'm praying. And I'm praying for you both. This was incredibly brave of you both. Thank you.

  3. 8

    Anonymous says

    Please help – I know my husband is in the midst of this problem. I have caught him on the computer and he still continues to deny it. I pray all the time. All he does is deny everything. It is impacting our liveshorrendously! Is there anything else I can do. He won't read anything, he won't discuss it, and he won't see a counselor. Is there anything I can do in addition to the praying?

  4. 13

    Anonymous says

    PRAY! Praying for all of my sisters who are in this crisis. You are not alone. Today is 8 months that my husband has been faithful to stay away from this sin. Please pray for him especially that he will continue to stand firm against the attacks of Satan. I know that it is possible to escape this, and God does work miracles.

  5. 16


    I ask for some prayers as well, and I am sending them out. I, being a woman, seem to be in constant lust.

    I was raised by a single mother, who once she got remarried changed and did a 180. She began showing me, at the age of 13, porn – down right explicit, dirty porn on the internet and TV. I even was forced to watch several of "movies" she made with my stepfather.

    Since then…I have been very, very lustful. My husband is not. He can go a month without sex… even if I see another woman bend over it can get me excited. I'm not into women…but I think because of all the sexual images and videos that play in my head-it just gets to me.

    I have never cheated on my husband. And I am honest with him, that if he goes back into over the road truck driving then I am not sure if I will be able to stay faithful. I tell him because I want him to know that I am trying and I want to be honest with him completely.

    We are newly married…7 months. But, it's hard. There are times I would just love to get online and just search around and see what I can find.

    I am trying to find God. I have never been Christian and as a teenager, going through the abuse and on top of that cancer…I turned to Wicca. I have since turned away and to Christianity.

    There are times where I feel like I'm not worthy of such great love from Him. There are times where I will do very good and stay away from my sin…but it creeps back upon me.

    I want to find God's love…I want to abolish this sin from me… and I feel like it's just stuck to me.

    What do I do?

    I'm only 25 – I am going for a Masters in Educational Technology. I could loose everything to me – my husband, my career, myself — everything — if something doesn't change.

    • 16.1

      Tash says

      I stumbled on this blog by accident, and I have to admit I’m fascinated. I’m not a Christian, so I can’t offer you any advice on God’s love, but I would like to offer some secular advice, that I hope will help you with your problem, and perhaps your faith.

      From what I saw of your post, the way that sex was introduced to you was traumatizing, and it has fairly clearly left you struggling with your views on sex and intimacy. I really think you should seek the help of a professional, and if you have already talked to a counsellor and found it unhelpful, then perhaps one who specialises in helping people who were sexually abused as children (for that is certainly what the behaviour you described above was). I realise this may seem self evident or condescending, but I know how difficult I found it to admit that I needed help, and then to seek it out.

      I would also suggest that you and your husband find a way for you both to be intimate and fulfilled in your sex lives while he is away. I’m not entirely sure what the general views on masturbation are here, and I hope I don’t offend anyone by suggesting that perhaps mutual masturbation is one way that you could maintain intimacy while you are separated. Talk each other through it, send pictures or find a way for you to have the intimacy and sensuality that you need, without having to look outside of your marriage, or feel frustrated and angry with yourself.

      Finally, I get the impression that you feel lost, and are struggling to define yourself. I think in that situation, when you don’t have a great relationship with yourself, that it must be incredibly difficult to maintain a relationship with another human being, with their needs and baggage, and with all my heart I wish you luck. I also get the impression that you have and are trying different ways to fill that gap in self-knowledge- sex, religion(s) etc. I really hope that Christianity offers you the answers and support that you need. But on a personal level, I would start with a list of things you like about yourself, and then identify what you want to change about your life. Then find out the people that can help you- counsellors, doctors, teachers, pastors, who ever, and surround yourself with people who will support and love you.

  6. 23

    Melissa says

    Please pray. My husband and I have been dealing with this in out marriage for almost 9 years now. As far as I know it's been almost a year since his last "mess up" but I still have so much trouble trusting him and trusting God that it's all going to be ok. We're in a highly stressful time right now and that's been a trigger in the past – plus I'm 5 months pregnant which makes me feel unattractive and sometimes too tired to be in the mood. I'm scared that sometime in the near future I'm going to open up my weekly accountability email and find that he's stumbled again – I don't know if I can handle that again. I pray that someday we can say this is all behind us and that we too can be a comfort and support to couples going through it in their own relationships.

  7. 25

    A.C.L. says

    Up until now, I have never commented on your blog.
    First of all I would like to say, Thank you, for being soooo brave, for being so encouraging, and for following the Lord

    I have been following your blog "He said, She said"

    I read and listen and then cry. (WEEP) I have bitter sweet feelings behind all this: Bitter because there are so many suffering from " Lust" in one form or another and Sweet because I am not alone. My husband is currently serving a prison sentence because of Lust, Not following the Lord and letting little forms of sin to creep in. We are approaching 9 months of a 4 year sentence. It has been the longest 9 months of my life. We have four beautiful children. We have all been affected by this. I am totally committed to staying in my marriage. I love my husband very much. I forgive my husband and truly believe that he has finally found victory over his sin ( and NOT because he got caught). This is a topic that is rarely taken seriously and so much of the time looked at as cool. I look at it as a death sentence. I am praying for the two of you and your kids too. The whole Family suffers from stuff like this. I look forward to the Vlogs and Blogs to come and I pray for Strength and Grace for the two of you and your marriage. May God Bless you for helping and ministering to fellow Christians. I pray, Non-believers would see Christ through the two of you and the Unconditional love that Christ has for us. You are a BLESSING to me. Thank you again :)

  8. 26


    Dear A.C.L,

    As soon as this comment came in, I read it to my hubby and we immediately prayed for you-for strength, grace and endurance. I can't imagine what you are facing, but you are NOT ALONE. God is with you and He is faithful.

    Thank you for sharing your story, there are SO many who don't believe any of this is wrong and it Satan has them exactly where he wants them-in denial and apathy. What a wake up call your comment offers. Praying God's very best for you.


  9. 29

    Broken Hearted says

    I am on month 3 of the hardest walk IN MY LIFE. My husband confessed to me this summer, that he betrayed our marriage and marriage vows for a day of shameless flirting, touching and 15 minutes on the office floor with a woman I don’t know. All this starting with porn every morning before people came to the office. I have warned him from the get go, lust of the eyes, leads to lust of the heart, then lust of the flesh. Porn is a slippery slope, and he slipped, big time. The Lord is speaking to me and others we counsel with, that the time is coming to share….then, tonight, I read this! Interesting how the Lord speaks to us, isn’t it? I have a blog, 400-700 views a day, nothing like this, but growing none the less. I am terrified to share, yet I know that it can and will be used for Gods glory. I KNOW He is making beauty from the ashes of my once wonderful marriage. I know the glass Happily Ever After Castle that lays shattered on top of my broken body, can and will one day be restored to its former glory, no….be BETTER than what we had before. I have to believe that, or why am I fighting THIS hard?

  10. 31

    Ashleigh says

    It’s so amazing how God is ever faithful. My husband I and both grew up in church and as a married couple (4 years now) we haven’t been able to STAY in church even though in our hearts that’s where we desire to be. 2 weeks ago I found out my husband had been watching porn (again). It was the biggest blow up we’ve ever had. He confesed that he doesn’t WANT to watch porn. I was so hurt, still am so hurt. I’ve felt like I just didn’t know what to do to get through this, to help him. I’ve been giving myself to him more lately, but I don’t think that will be the complete cure. I was lead to this site tonight and this has been so overwhelming for me! I am going to pray about this and sit him down and talk to him about trying to overcome this for our marriage. Please pray for my family. I love my husband and I have no doubt he’s the man God made for me. We have two boys and I worry about them also. Please pray for us! God bless you both!!!

  11. 32

    Anne says

    Please PRAY for us, too. I married this man knowing that there had been problems since he was a 7 yr old. We went to counseling and I married him anyway. Now I am 8 months pregnant and feeling overwhelmed. It just doesn’t go away. I need to read lots of books, but hate the whole process. Please pray for me, that I won’t give up, and we can find help.

  12. 35

    J&V says

    PRAY please. This continues to raise its ugly head in our marriage. Thankfully, he is seeking God and I am praying over him concerning this. We are bombarded by sexual sin and temptations regarding this in every direction! Thanks for what you are doing and thanks for your prayers!

  13. 36

    A says

    PRAY please. I sit here with tears running down my face as my husband confessed last night. I am feeling so overwhelmed, so hurt, and going through all the feelings and emotions you have talked about in your testimonies. I love my husband so very much and I know his confession to me was a way of reaching out and saying I need your help in over coming this addiction, God’s forgiveness, my forgiveness, and to be able to forgive himself. Your website is where God directed me to help the man I love with all my heart. Thank you, for sharing your testimonies and helping with resources and tools. Please, please pray for my marriage and ask God to give me the strength to forgive, to be the help meet my husband needs so badly to get over this addiction, and the resources to get us both through this. Thank you for all you are doing to help those in need and thank you for your prayers.

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