How [NOT] to Kill a Bug

I am not scared of bugs.
I am also not a fan.
I don’t harbor ill will towards the multi-legged creatures, I just don’t want to live with them.
My problem is not in the killing of a bug, it’s in the crunch. I simply cannot stand to hear (or feel) the crunching under my shoe. It makes me shudder. [Shuddering now just typing the word].
So. On Saturday, my hubby went across town to pick up our camera from a repair shop and that’s when the biggest, baddest, CRUNCHIEST water bug decided to come out of hiding. I’m not kidding, it was the size of mouse.
In moments like these, my seven year old son likes to be the man of the house. I called him in to do the job and when he saw the massive creature, he started screaming like a girl. And I know girl screams.
My toddler and oldest daughter joined in (the screaming), while I randomly yelled and waved my arms around, “kill it! kill it!”
The man of the house grabbed the broom and whacked it a few times. I think the bug liked it and said “a little to the left.” Every time it moved, more screaming ensued.
It ran under the washing machine and I grabbed my camera because such Saturday entertainment must be digitally recorded.
Here’s the trap my kids set up:

According to my kids: The broom was placed to block the way of said giant bug. It could also be used to sweep it into Abe Lincoln’s top hat. My toddler went and got Febreeze from the kitchen which she deemed “bug spray.” I tried to convince them to get shoes on to crunch it, but they take after their mother [shudder].
So, they waited.
Here’s what I captured when the bug came out:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVt374ZgUlE]
Oh, and my toddler got so excited she aimed the Febreeze and squirted herself right in the eye. Maybe her mother should put down the Flip video camera.
Of course, the bug ran back under the washing machine and is still mocking us……
And probably waiting for it’s next surprise appearance when my hubby leaves for work in the morning.



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Comments

  1. 2

    says

    Have you been filming at my house? Hee hee! Been through this routine many times. I have a suggestion–I've found it easier to remove a shoe and smack the bug with it rather than step on it. You can hit it really hard and it doesn't crunch that way. Well, I guess it does, but it's so much faster, you can't feel the crunch, and you don't hear it because your shoe is making a loud bang noise. I'm an expert. In fact, I just killed a camel cricket using that very technique. ;) Happy hunting!

  2. 3

    says

    Oh. My. Goodness. That video had me laughing so loud!! I could totally see us doing that in our house – and unlike you – I am truly afraid of bugs. Not just kinda afraid, very afraid. Too many legs for me. I hope your water bug dies of internal bleeding, and doesn't come back out when your husband is at work!

  3. 6

    says

    That is one tough bug to survive that broom beating by your son (he is a good brave boy), when I lived in "bug" country I used to put small dishes of boric acid out. It really works, it is what most exterminators use and it is cheap.

  4. 7

    says

    Oh goodness! I am crying laughing so much. Only because it did NOT happen at my house. And if it did, I'm sure exactly the same thing would've happened. The crunch freaks me out too.

  5. 8

    says

    This was hilarious! I am crying. I love the screams of 'Mama get the flashlight!!' like you're really gonna reach down there with a bare hand. lol I am shuddering just watching this!

  6. 10

    says

    O.Mi.Gosh. That was absolutely hysterical! Had me rollin' on the floor. Next time that bug comes out put a jar on top of it (it should be half dead from the broom beating)then slide a piece of cardboard under it. Turn it upside down in the jar and deposit it in the toilet….

  7. 11

    says

    I hate the crunch, too. My preferred method is to spray it with anything handy (the Febreeze would have at least slowed him down). I've also been known to use the jar technique, except I leave it there until it's good and dead. Ick.

  8. 12

    says

    HA HA HA!!! I love this post. So funny. I would have done the very same thing. Only my kids would not have gone CLOSE to that room at all. This very morning, while cleaning their closet, the girls came to tell me they would NOT go back in there because of a dead moth. DEAD.Moth. Um, okay…that's a little much.

    Good luck! :)

  9. 18

    says

    That was hysterical. I can't believe that bug survived having the crap beat out of it by a broom!!!

    Maybe it learned its lesson and will stay put until your husband is around.

  10. 20

    says

    Thanks for sharing I needed a good laugh. But the only reason we all laugh is because we can all relate and would have done the same thing. I love the fact that I am not alone, when something major (or major to us) happens, me being the super mom and protector of all…..heads to the camera first!!! Too fun!
    AmyD

  11. 22

    says

    My husband always laughs at me because I feel the same way about the crunch. We get these awful crickets and I just can't bring myself to kill them because I'll be able to feel them under my feet. That scene on Men in Black where Will Smith is stepping on all those cockroaches and they're crunching under his feet? Oh. My. Word. I wanna puke just thinking of it. :)

  12. 23

    says

    Love those sound effects! I hope you catch it. Your son is hilarious! Poor guy.

    I was once sweeping my living room when a huge spider came out from under a curtain. We heated with wood so it happened a lot. But this spider was HUGE. So I ran and got my dachshund and brought her in the house. With broom in hand, my dog at my feet I stood like a statue until my husband arrived home to kill it. My dog even whimpered a couple of times when the spider moved. Big help.

  13. 24

    says

    I hate to say, but it looked like a cockroach. Do you think it was? Imagine his little heart beating a mile a minute as giant beings attacked him. Oh dear, it's exactly the way we do it in our house, LOTS of yelling and random flailing!

  14. 26

    says

    Oh, my. What a great way to start out my week – laughing like crazy :)

    I do sympathize with you, I really do. I hate spiders especially.

    But for one small moment, I did feel badly for the bug. He must have a terrible headache with all that bashing. LOL

  15. 27

    says

    That was hilarious! It reminded me of me and my children this past Thursday. We had a mole in our house that decided to come out of hiding. We used a broom, tupperware containers, and my daughter's treasure chest to finally capture it! Oh, and there was a lot of squealing here as well!

  16. 31

    says

    Thanks for starting off my Monday morning with a laugh! That exact same thing would happen in my house, but I'd be the one screaming the loudest!!

  17. 32

    says

    Wow, here in Texas, I think those are the official state bug! Amazing how something so small can just wreak havoc in your household?

    THANK YOU for the hilari-osity to start my Monday morning!

  18. 33

    says

    Thanks for the laugh on this cold, cloudy Monday morning! I only laugh because it's at your house today, and I can totally relate. I cannot 'crunch' a bug by stepping on it. I'm get chills just thinking about it. I would be screaming too!

    Cute broom! How fun.

  19. 37

    says

    Thanks for the laugh! We had lots of water bugs in our old house and I would trap them with a coffee can and then put something heavy on top of it till hubby got home to take care of it. I don't like crunching either.

    I was in Victoria, Texas back in 1996 in June for business. My last night there I needed to gas up the rental car so I stopped at a well lit gas station around midnight. I stepped out of the car and all I could hear was crunch crunch crunch. The ground was covered, and I mean covered, in June bugs and they were everywhere. I got right back in the car and prayed I'd make it back to the hotel. I still get the chills when I think of it – yuck!

    I hope he doesn't come visit today!

  20. 39

    says

    EEEWWW!!! I'm right there with you on the crunch. I'd say the man of the house did a good job considering the size of the creature he was up against. May he have injured the bug enough for it to go off and die in peace. Amen.

  21. 40

    says

    OMG!! I have tears streaming down my face from laughter & sheer terror!!! I hate those cockroaches. I woke up this morning to one at the foot of our bed!!! this weekends warm weather brought them out. Do you know they live under the soil in the flower beds ALL winter-then emerge in Spring-like the living dead!! ugh!! Im getting chills just thinking about them. I truly believe God DID NOT create those things-they are pure evil! LOL!!!

  22. 43

    says

    I decided not to watch I will take your word for it…:) I dont like the crunch either, and Im putting off a Plant Pest class to avoid having to touch these things as long as I can…..:) I hope he gets outside and finds a new home, out of yours!

  23. 44

    Kelly says

    OMG!!! Too funny! Another *crunch* hater here, lol! I have to plug my ears when I stomp those things. Thanks for the laugh!

  24. 45

    says

    Oh, my gosh, that was funny! I laughed till I cried–and that was before I watched the video! My weapons of choice: wielding a shoe (not wearing it–can't stand that crunch, either) and/or hair spray. It paralyzes them so you can hit them with the shoe. I'm like your daughter–grab any kind of spray bottle and start spraying!

  25. 48

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  26. 49

    says

    I love living in a cold climate. Never see bugs that big. Ours are small and easily squished. By my 7 year old son, of course.

    I must say that I'm surprised you would film your crime of insect abuse. Some bug-hugger could turn you in, and you'll find yourself in court with that scene being played as evidence. I think your son would get community service, but you could be in big trouble for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. ;-)

  27. 50

    says

    I'm still wiping my eyes from crying! This was an unexpected hilarious post! They say things are funniest when they have a sense of truth or personal reality mixed in . . . this could SO have been recorded in my home!

  28. 54

    says

    < ???>
    ICK!! We've had moments like that at my house. But I was laughing at your video. I'm sure if I had one of those cameras and caught us in the same situation it would be just as hysterical…to others.

  29. 59

    says

    I think what you have there is a cockroach, so you might want to think about what do to when the rest of his family shows up.

    When we lived in Seattle, we would get these huge spiders called The Agressive House Spider. Seriously. They were as big as my hand. I found one once and as I was beating it to death with my husbands shoe, I was screaming "Die, spider! Die!" And then I heard myself screaming that like a crazy person in a B horror movie and about peed my pants laughing.

  30. 60

    says

    Had this happen to me while in the bathroom and my husband was down in the basement late one night. He was so mad when he saw the bug because he had thought there was a burglar or something b/c I was making so much noise. Only my tears saved me! YUCK! Hate bugs!

  31. 61

    says

    Had this happen to me while in the bathroom and my husband was down in the basement late one night. He was so mad when he saw the bug because he had thought there was a burglar or something b/c I was making so much noise. Only my tears saved me! YUCK! Hate bugs!

  32. 62

    says

    Yikes!!! I would have been standing on a chair waiting for my hubby to get home. You're much braver! Oh and my 2 year old daughter was cracking up and this video and keeps asking me if she can watch the bug video again.

  33. 63

    says

    Thank you for making my day! I remember SO many times I was hysterical and that made my girls hysterical. If my husband wasn't home, it was chaotic screaming. And yep, that was a cockroach. I've met him before. Loved that you had the presence of mind to film the whole scene!!!

  34. 68

    says

    All I can say is you should NEVER move to Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Our house had so many huge cockroaches. I knew I was in trouble, when our neighbor saw one, shrugged, said, "Oh, those things," and kept on talking. There was no getting rid of them. I was SOOO glad to move away!

  35. 70

    says

    That bug was nasty.

    I always get a really big book, like the dictionary, stand back and throw it so it lands flat on the bug.

    Of course, this leaves a bloody stain on the back of the dictionary, but let's face it… who uses a real dictionary anymore when we can look up words using the online dictionary… mine is solely a bug-killing device.

    I then leave the blood-stained book and it's smooshed captive in place until my husband comes home and make him clean the mess. Oh… and you can jump on the book for extra assurance, if you need to. No crunching sensation that way.

    Hey, it works for me! (haha! should have been my WFMW post!)

  36. 71

    Anonymous says

    Ok I hate bugs too but I hate them so much that I am compelled to kill them. In college my roommate would put a cup over the bug and them proceed to stack other things on the bug to insure he could not escape. So when I returned I had a bug to wrangle. I will tell you in 5 years of dorm life I ran to a lot of bugs and hair spray will kill most of them. At least to the point that you do not have to crush them. Just sweep them away. It worked for me- you might want to try it- just don't let Grace spray the bugs er, herself.

  37. 72

    Linda says

    I HATE that crunch thing. My remedy is to place a plastic cup over them, leave it for a few days, and let them die a slow death. That's probably not very nice but I don't share my house and I can't stand the crunch!

  38. 73

    says

    "Oh, and my toddler got so excited she aimed the Febreeze and squirted herself right in the eye. Maybe her mother should put down the Flip video camera." — This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I think I just peed myself. Thank you for sharing.

  39. 74

    says

    AUGHHHH!!!!! I am wiping tears from laughing so hard, but at the same time, freaking out right along with you. I KNOW I'm gonna have nightmares now. That was a HUGE bug. I've never seen a bug that big in my entire life. Holy moly!!! I hope it dies under the machine and doesn't come out and scare you again. :){{shudder}}}

  40. 76

    says

    so so funny!!!
    In that, I don't even like an earwig finding it's way into my house and I live really far north where bugs don't grow so big kind of way.

  41. 80

    says

    funny story about bugs: my brother's nephew was at his house during "bug season…" Apparently my sister-in-law must have killed enough bugs for the 2-year-old tyke to learn the phrase "take that!" because now he says "take that!" when he's slapping his shoe on the floor.

  42. 83

    Anonymous says

    I'm the lucky one who gets to kill the bugs in the house. We get mostly spiders that are about 1-2 inches, including legs, and scorpions (these gross me out but somebody has to take care of them before they sting someone). We get those palmetto bugs (looks like what you had) only a few times a year when they fly in from outside (kids – CLOSE THE DOOR!).

    The only time I recruit my son to help is when the occasional salamander comes in and I'm standing on a chair directing where to get the thing. Those things are too similar to snakes for me. Oh yeah, we did have a snake in my daughter's room one night. That one my husband got.

    Where do we live? In swampy Florida with woods right behind our house.

  43. 85

    says

    Yikes, that is one huge bug! Hilarious video, I love the traps they have set up.

    Once I see a bug, I can't sleep until I have seen it's corpse and flushed it!

  44. 86

    says

    LOL!
    I was laughing so hard because Sunday we had a run-in with a silverfish and my 7 year old brought all this "equipment" in to help his dad, but my husband just had to smash it with a kleenex. I was ROTF just watching them in action. In the end I was just glad it was GONE!! I was so afraid that by the time they got back to get it, it would have escaped! Bugs always wait until my husband is not home!

  45. 89

    says

    Kristen, I hate to tell you but that is a roach. In Texas they come that big. My hubby can't stand them so I (not liking bugs either) have to be the one to kill them. I run around with the raid, spraying everywhere chasing it, then wait to find them on their backs stiff. Little one had the right idea just wrong stuff. Thanks for the laugh.

  46. 93

    says

    I'm SO glad I put the sound on to watch the video. I laughed so much I cried.
    Been there and done that. However, with me it's not just bugs and spiders it's also frogs and toads. I HATE the way they jump around the room when you are trying to catch them. Of course we don't kill them we put them right back in one of the ponds praying that they will stay there.
    Now my boys are strapping teens they don't take too kindly to mum screaming like a little girl and jumping on furniture etc.
    By the way the video woke up our 10 month old black lab puppy who was VERY concerned at the children's screaming!

  47. 96

    Anonymous says

    Wow interesting thread… if most/all of you "hate" these gross bugs, why do you Hate the "crunch" so much? I know some very Nice females including Me who "like" the "crunch" as it represents that the Bug is gone. Just "Crunch" them ugly under-foot (with shoes on). I used to be afraid of them until a friend convinced me to always step on them with my shoes and I learned to feel ALOT better.

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