He Said/She Said (7): Warning Signs

Thank you for joining us in this very heavy topic for the last two months. It hasn’t been easy for us to write it or for you to read it. As we begin to wrap it up in the next few weeks, it’s our prayer that in the least, this series will open up some good discussion with you and your spouse.

She Said:

I’m going to be perfectly candid with you, I didn’t recognize the warning signs of lust and pornography that bound my hubby off and on in the first ten years of our marriage. I didn’t think my hubby was capable of being so terribly human. I thought we were above such a disgusting sin. I was wrong.
Looking back and knowing what I know now, there were some red flags. The last four years of our marriage, the transformation and deep level of intimacy we’ve experienced is proof enough. Sure, we had moments in those first years of marriage, but we didn’t live in the profound place of knowing each other in the soul’s lowest and highest moments, as we do now.
Once, I remember standing in the store watching my hubby’s eyes follow another woman. I remember being hurt and even making an accusation and picking a fight right there in the store. I clearly showed my hubby that I was furious with him and had a complete lack of understanding of man’s most natural temptation. I’m sure he buried his secret even deeper that day.
Whether or not you’ve walked this road, I want to encourage you in one thing: Don’t be afraid to ask your spouse if he struggles with lust, especially if you are suspicious. Suspicion only damages your relationship. Keep the line of communication open.
If your spouse is open with you, that is a good sign. If they are defensive or angry, you need to talk it out.
I gave my hubby an iPhone for our anniversary, his first phone that easily accessed the Internet. I wasn’t worried about him giving into temptation. I truly trusted him. But then we started this series and in order to answer and empathize with heart-wrenching emails and even phone calls, I had to go back to four years ago and to the place where my heart was broken in two.
I woke up one day and I just felt insecure. Rather than build a case against my husband or make a false accusation or hurt him, I simply asked my hubby if he would put a safety program on his phone.
He did so immediately and without hesitation. He said, “I want to do everything I can to be accountable and to make you feel secure.” And then he thanked me for suggesting it.
This man has been free for four long years. He wasn’t defensive, critical or even irritated. He was thankful. And that says it all.
He Said: DISCLAIMER: This “He Said” is mostly for women. I want to caution everyone about the intentions of this particular vlog. I do not advocate that wives or girlfriends go snooping around trying to “catch” your husband or boyfriend doing something wrong. If you are partnered with a Godly man just set down and have an honest conversation with them about lust and pornography and your concerns. Your goal is to have the most intimate, honest relationship possible. The “warning” signs that I talk about are for marriages where there may be a trust issue, or your significant other has been unfaithful in the past, or is unwilling to open up about this topic. I also want you to know that my heart is for you to have an incredible, intimate, Godly marriage!

We will be resume with the last post in this series week after next, Rebuilding Trust.

P.S. My hubby has lost TWENTY pounds since his first vlog! Just wanted to brag on him.

WFMW: Traveling Without My Family

Please mark your calendars for the temporary move of WFMW for the next two week’s (March 3 & 10) . While I’m in Kenya with Compassion Bloggers, Shannon of Rocks in My Dryer, will be welcoming you all back to her place as she hosts WFMW for two weeks! There will NOT be a special theme for March 3, link any tip you’d like!

As most of you know, I’m heading to Africa in six days (or 126 hours, 14 minutes, 9 seconds to be exact).

Not that I’m a nervous counter or anything.

I’m nervous about the 30-something hours I’ll be spending in airports and airplanes. I’m a bit worried my queasy stomach will rebel with all the unaccustomed smells and travel. Not to mention, seeing the unfathomable hardships of a third world country will surely change me forever.

But spending 10 days away from my hubby and kids is what I’m preparing for today. That’s a long time. I know I will be extremely busy and with the time change on different continents and all, it might make daily contact with my loves difficult.

So. In order to help them not miss me as much (read between the lines–me missing them like crazy), I have done some pre-trip preparation to stay connected. Whether you travel for a weekend or a month, being away from your kids can tough, so I hope these tips help you sometime:

  • I have small journals for my two older kids. I’ve written them a note and tucked away pictures for each day that I’m gone. I’ve included little memories, scripture, and even jokes. I also tucked a $5 bill in the back, so their Dad can take them for a treat.
  • For my toddler, I bought a book at Hallmark called “All the Ways I Love You.” It’s a recordable storybook with my voice reading to her. There’s even space to record a little love message.
  • My hubby is completely capable, but just to ease his burden, I’m leaving him with a stocked pantry and some pre-made meals in the freezer. Since he’ll be juggling all my duties plus his own with the help of his mother and mine, I’ve left detailed instructions for each day.
  • I also have a family gift for my kids and hubby to open halfway thru my trip (some fun music, books).
  • Skype-While I was a Blissdom, I found an empty hallway and tested Skype out with my family. I think this little bit of technology is going to make a huge difference!
Do you have any ideas to add to this list? I’d love to read them!Thank you for joining me for WFMW! {You can read the guidelines here.}Have a Works-For-Me Wednesday tip you’d like to share? I’d love for you to join us!

Powered by MckLinky

Get your free Mcklinky here…

Bel Kai Designs {Giveaway}

*UPDATED with Winner* Thanks everyone for entering! Congrats to random winner Celeste!
Just when I think I’ve seen a sampling of all the beautiful jewelry out there, I find a place like Bel Kai Designs.
I love this unique, personalized jewelry. It’s meaningful and elegant. Just look:
Image of Photo Pendant Necklace
Image of Custom Japanese Blossom
Image of Square Initials Necklace
Bel Kai Designs sent me the Spring Cluster Necklace to review. It’s absolutely lovely! I’m wearing it today in utter protest of the forecasted snow in my part of the deep South:

Image of Spring Cluster Necklace

Go visit and tell me your favorite! Bel Kai Designs is offering one lucky reader a $50 gift certificate!

This giveaway will end on Thursday.
Bel Kai Designs is supporting Compassion International with this giveaway.

Bedtime Theater Winner #1

I love giving away fun stuff! If you don’t see your name below….stay tuned…..
Because I’m giving away TWO MORE of these amazing gift packages from Goodnight’s Bedtime Theater valued at $175 in the next couple of months!

Congrats to Michelle of I Don’t Believe in Grammar!!!

Make sure you check out the Bedtime Theater Iggy’s Next Adventure contest! Help write the next chapter in Iggy’s great adventure and you could win a $2500 trip for your own family adventure!

How [NOT] to Kill a Bug

I am not scared of bugs.
I am also not a fan.
I don’t harbor ill will towards the multi-legged creatures, I just don’t want to live with them.
My problem is not in the killing of a bug, it’s in the crunch. I simply cannot stand to hear (or feel) the crunching under my shoe. It makes me shudder. [Shuddering now just typing the word].
So. On Saturday, my hubby went across town to pick up our camera from a repair shop and that’s when the biggest, baddest, CRUNCHIEST water bug decided to come out of hiding. I’m not kidding, it was the size of mouse.
In moments like these, my seven year old son likes to be the man of the house. I called him in to do the job and when he saw the massive creature, he started screaming like a girl. And I know girl screams.
My toddler and oldest daughter joined in (the screaming), while I randomly yelled and waved my arms around, “kill it! kill it!”
The man of the house grabbed the broom and whacked it a few times. I think the bug liked it and said “a little to the left.” Every time it moved, more screaming ensued.
It ran under the washing machine and I grabbed my camera because such Saturday entertainment must be digitally recorded.
Here’s the trap my kids set up:

According to my kids: The broom was placed to block the way of said giant bug. It could also be used to sweep it into Abe Lincoln’s top hat. My toddler went and got Febreeze from the kitchen which she deemed “bug spray.” I tried to convince them to get shoes on to crunch it, but they take after their mother [shudder].
So, they waited.
Here’s what I captured when the bug came out:
Oh, and my toddler got so excited she aimed the Febreeze and squirted herself right in the eye. Maybe her mother should put down the Flip video camera.
Of course, the bug ran back under the washing machine and is still mocking us……
And probably waiting for it’s next surprise appearance when my hubby leaves for work in the morning.

Signup for my newsletter!