I keep meaning to show y’all my Mother’s Day gift. If we’re Twitter or FB friends, you’ve seen it. But I love it so much, I might tell you about it again tomorrow. But in case  I don’t, come back. I like to mix the crazy up.

[Speaking of crazy, I'm so busy packing 1000 pounds of donations in 18 suitcases, getting ready for Africa (leaving in 15 days!) and remembering all my kids  last-week-of-school activities, that I'm a pretty scatterbrained person right now. I have forgotten about 4 important things this week!]

Anyway, back to my pretty:

My hubby read this tutorial, bought some bronze wire, a few pearls (one for each of my kids) and a twist of pliers, he made me my favorite new necklace! He said it was surprisingly easy and inexpensive.

Every time I wear it, people stop and ask me about it. I brag that my hunky hubby made it. (I leave out the part about it being easy and inexpensive!)

I love that man.

P.S. I *totally* emailed him the tutorial.

I slammed the bathroom door and exhaled loudly.

Doubt and defeat assailed me.

My husband looked up from shaving. I knew he’d heard the harsh words between my kids and I. The battle would be forgotten, but not the words. I beat myself up: why do I engage? Why don’t I just walk away…?

It was a rough Sunday morning with a whiny preschooler refusing her clothes, an emotional tween outburst, and an easily distracted son still not dressed for church, not to mention the constant sibling arguing and the mom who’d had enough, biting off every head she could find.

I’m not going to lie:  it was all very ugly.

My thoughts immediately went to our upcoming trip to Africa in just three weeks.  With slumped shoulders, I put words to doubts: Why are we going to Africa? Why does God want us? We aren’t worthy of this.

I’m not worthy of the task before me. I have no business leading a non-profit. I am terribly inadequate and not qualified to travel across the globe with my family to help at Mercy House.

I am prone to sin. Prone to wander, Lord I feel it:

And after I dumped that verbal mess on my husband, he pulled me close and said, “Good, that’s exactly how you should feel. We aren’t worthy. We are inadequate. We are nothing without Jesus.

But He is worthy. He is adequate. He is everything.

He will go before us, work through us, use our unworthy mess of a family to accomplish His purpose.”

And then I recognized the attacker, the one who seeks to destroy my soul and uses my own weaknesses to try and accomplish it. The one who uses the people I love the most to discourage me the greatest, the evil one whispering “Kristen, you aren’t worthy of this calling,” into my ear.

I closed my eyes and listened to my wise husband. I acknowledged the spiritual war raging and I remembered the girl I love across the ocean waiting for me. I offered it all to Him. I will not be defeated by doubt and fear.

When I feel unworthy, it’s probably because I am.

But I’m leaning heavily on the One who is worthy.

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Last week was hard. We had a plans to go to the beach (something I honestly don’t love-love, but the rest of my people do. Love).

As we packed our lunch for the day, we received more bad news. I didn’t want to go.

But it was exactly what I needed:

"Mom! There is sand on my hands!"

"Dude." (new favorite word)

Yes, that is seaweed in the background. Galveston is not known for it’s beauty. But we aren’t picky.

This girl LOVES the beach. "Mom are there fleas in seaweed?"

My hubby (fourth child), building a sandcastle.

"Mom, do I have a farmer tan?"

"This is the best day ever!"

My kids teach me that even in sorrow, there is joy.

And now I’m looking forward to the next trip to the beach.

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Are you a beach lover or a there-is-sand-in-every-crevice-and-the-water-is-freezing-kind-of-girl like me?