When sorrows like sea billows roll…

the verse from the old hymn made me grip the back of the seat at church.

I thought of the wave of sorrows I have known the past year-loving Maureen, losing her family members, letting God build a house, living a life with one foot here, the other there. Equally, I’ve experienced the most profound joy I’ve ever known.

But now, it’s the new sorrow that each of our Mercy House girls carries from abuse, neglect, threatening to destroy them.

Some days, I don’t want to read the emails from Africa or wait for the ping of Skype. It’s not because I don’t long for Maureen, them. It’s simply because I’m afraid.

If I’ve learned anything in this wild God-journey, building a maternity home in Africa, it’s to expect the unexpected. And sometimes I’m scared the problem will be too big.

I’m afraid I won’t have answers for staff asking questions-hard ones about 10 year old girls being raped by step-dads and wondering if we have enough money for outpatient hospital care for one of our unstable girls and…..

I struggle because I don’t have the answers. Not even one.

I know too much. Imagine the worst situation for a young girl in Kenya-the worst. (Hunger. Prostitution. Rape. Incest?) Now double it, triple it. I’ve learned of things I cannot even imagine.

Some days, knowing so much is too much to handle.

And the sorrow like sea billows roll….

I sat on the dark beach, illuminated only by moon, and whisper-cried to Ann a few weeks ago how heavy the burden is some days. And even on days, it’s lighter, the guilt presses in. Do we buy a new sofa because ours stinks (literally smells)? Or do we make do because we have so much and know those with so little. She grasped my hand, tears glistening in the moonlight and I knew she knew.

I’ve never lost a parent or a child. I haven’t know physical abuse or neglect. I was raised in middle-class America, braces on my teeth, degree in my pocket. I live a comfy American life, and most days, I’m the wrong person for the job.

But then He reminds me, in the way only God can, you said yes. It is enough.

I don’t need you to fix the problems or offer solutions. I need you to trust and let me move.

And I find my way back to the place where I need Him.

Every hour. I need Him.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

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I know that we face periods of sorrow in our lives-sick children, aging parents, financial crisis. Moments when we just need Him.

How can we bear each other’s burdens today?

It’s the one thing I long for my family to learn, live:

Gratitude.

It’s the one thing I teach by example (or lack 0f), a heart full of thanksgiving, overflowing on my husband, surrounding my children. They are watching, waiting. Not just for the outward, polite, mandatory “thank you.” But the grateful heart that spills out and is contagious.

It’s not just the gratefulness for new things, a comforter on sale for my daughter’s bed brings praise, “thank you, Mom!” It’s thankfulness in the trials, the hard times, the difficult spots we find ourselves. These are the moments that define us: digging deep when gratitude isn’t easy.

Thankfulness isn’t inherited. It often doesn’t come easy. It needs to be practiced, made a priority.

We are counting to a thousand in our house, one thousand thanks to Him.

Each night after our dinner routine, we pull out pen and our Family Gratitude Journal. It’s lovely and leads us into deep, fun conversations.

This past week, we talked about Sara and her choice to choose joy in all circumstances. She has been in our prayers, this far-away, (in)courage writer-friend of mine, who passed away after her fight with a debilitating illness. She left a legacy of thankfulness, which is really about finding the joy in every situation.

My kids asked a couple of hard questions. The kind I don’t have answers for. But we look for the good even when it feels bad.

My kids bring a pen to the table, offer their answers to questions like, “What’s your favorite thing about our house?” and “What makes you laugh?” and then we take turns around the table giving thanks. “Today, I’m thankful for…”

Sometimes the answer is silly (my 4 year old answered “Facebook” the other night to a hysterical family. What??) and sometimes they take my breath away. Like last night when my oldest said she was thankful, truly grateful for something I’d done for her. It hadn’t gone unnoticed and her thankful heart made me smile.

How to Stir Up Thanksgiving in Your Family:

• Record your gratitude
• Read past entries aloud
• Reflect on the day, the good and bad
• Reinforce-nothing is too small
• Resolve to give thanks, in all things

I was gifted a Family Gratitude Journal (from Ann Voskamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts) by (in)Courage. Although they aren’t available for giveaways, I bought one to share with one of you, today!

1000 GIFTS GRATITUDE JOURNAL

Thank you Lord for… hands of friendship, God our Father, and the Way into Joy. With 1,000 numbered spaces, this robin egg blue journal with a closing strap provides a special way for your family to keep track of God’s gifts to you. The pages are filled with Scriptures, inspirational photos, and conversation starters so you can continue to keep track of the memories your family makes together. Measures 8 3⁄8″×1 3⁄8″×8″ Pockets are built in to many pages for keeping precious notes, photos, and other keepsakes.

If you’d like to win, please tell me something you’re thankful for in the comments.

(You can also purchase one for $24.)

So, choose it: joy. And by doing so, you’ll be teaching your family the greatest gift of all-gratitude.

My youngest is a strong, free spirit.

She’s almost “a whole hand” [holiday birthday looming].

I caught a glimpse of her wild “white” hair (as she calls it) under the kitchen table as I fixed dinner the other night. She was cutting a hundred tiny bits of paper and sorting coffee beans into piles. (don’t ask)

“Watcha doing?” I implored, when I really wanted to say  CLEAN UP THAT BIG MESS.

“Making a coffee shop. For Africa,” she replied so matter-of-factly.

I smiled and took a sip of imaginary coffee. It tasted like delicious paper.

Just minutes later, this delightful child was standing at the pantry door, hunting for a snack, a snack I told her she couldn’t have because dinner was soon.

She put her hands on her hips and said, “There’s not a stupendous thing to eat in here!”

That’s her way of saying a bad word (since we don’t allow the word stupid to be used).

In the scope of 2 minutes, my little girl had gone from one extreme to the other. Delightful to Disobedient.

I’m raising a strong-willed child, no doubt, and I’m one of those moms who likes to have my way. This is a dangerous mix. In an effort to get things done the right way (mine, of course), I’m often tempted to engage in a battle with my strong-willed girls.

And when this happens, we both lose. Every time.

If I’m not careful, I find myself squelching some of their dreams, just to get my way. (One time I actually argued with my child about the color of the sky. She wouldn’t back down and it made me furious. I lost more than my cool that day. I lost a perfect opportunity to dream wildly, have fun and use my imagination with her).

A couple of weeks ago, my 4 1/2 year old woke up, insisting that we take the training wheels off her rarely-used bike. My initial thought was NO, and I said so. My hubby, who is much better at all this said, “Why not? She can at least try and she’ll see how hard it is.”

That girl took off riding like a pro and hasn’t stopped since. I think she learned to petal by sheer will. I thought about how my negative reaction might have killed her dream before she even had a chance to try:

I want to share a few simple thoughts that have revolutionized the way I’m raising my strong kids.

Three Keys to Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child (Discover Your Child’s Heart by Dr. Tim Kimmel)

1. View Them Positively-as hard as it may be to acknowledge, being strong-willed is a gift. A beautiful trait that needs to be refined, but appreciated. They should never feel like having a strong personality is a negative thing.
2. Draw Clear Boundaries-“Clear moral standards draw boundaries within which a strong-willed child can flourish.” They need consequences, regimentation, traditions, routine, rituals and rest.
3. Give Them Some Say-most battles can be avoided, if you maintain authority, but also give your child some say…from eating to napping to keeping their room clean, you can work together to accomplish the goal.

[While I was writing this post, I called my hubby in and read these three keys to him {again}. We are constantly reevaluating and working towards raising our strong-willed children well.]

As I helped my little one pick up the tiny bits of paper from under the table, I said,”What do you want to be when you grow up?”

She looked upward, with a hand on her hip, her eyes all dreamy,”A mermaid,” she said matter-of-fact.

“Or a cat.”

I didn’t argue a bit.

——————————

Do you have a hard time dreaming with your kids-unleashing their potential, trusting their intuition?

Tell me about your strong-willed child.

—————————–

This post is part of a series I’m writing from  Family Matters Resources. Family Matters is my sponsor for the Relevant Conference this year! While they are paying for my (and Mercy House) travel expenses, all the opinions in this post are mine.  I have read and used their products and attended their parenting conferences for years (because I want to!) and I highly recommend this organization. The book I mentioned above is a part of their Flag Page, an innovative tool that helps you discover your child’s heart.

Wow. I’m blown away with all your incredible t-shirt wisdom and advice. Y’all are the best readers friends, ever.

I have someone doing an official tally for me, so there will be a clear winner. But I’ve pretty much decided to do more than one shirt, add kid’s sizes, throw in a v-neck with a URL and a partridge in a pear tree.

Can I share some stuff with y’all to pray with me about? I’ve just got the heavy feeling and I need t-shirt-loving friends to lift me up. I’m even adding bullet points:

• Tomorrow is our first Fair Trade Show in Houston for Mercy House, where we will be selling the girl’s products. Exciting! In the middle of that madness, I’m speaking at a Girl’s Leadership Conference and then rushing back to the show. I’m thankful for volunteers!
• My neck pain has reached new heights, and now I’m having a lot of arm numbness, pain in my shoulders and wrists and just generally not able to turn my head much. Reluctantly, I’m seeing a new neurosurgeon on Monday morning. I’m scared. But I think it’s time.
• Maureen is sick (Mercy House Director and daughter o mine). I don’t have a lot of details, but I do know she’s scared of doctors and  hospitals after losing her sister and nephew in them last year. Please pray for healing.

I love y’all. Really. love. y’all.

Happy weekend.

My hubby was starting a new job, 10 years ago today, training in a new city,

Two days earlier, he was on an airplane.

He ended up stranded in a strange city. Thousands of miles from our small family.

The day before Sept. 11, 2001, I found out I was pregnant with my son.

My hubby didn’t even know he was going to be a father again when the tragedy occurred. The news was delivered among fear and sadness.

Fast forward to this weekend, I was out of town.  When I called home to talk to my family, my 4 year old greeted me with “Mommy, did you know a plane crashed into a building in New York? Daddy is going to pray with me tonight about it.”

I was getting on an airplane home the next day. We both deal with this in our own ways.

I hate explaining terror to my kids. I pray through stumbling words about Jesus keeping us safe. Because He does, here on earth and eventually, all in Heaven.

I pray we never know such a day again.

What were you doing ten years ago today?

We will never forget.

September, 11, 2001.

It was hot. Texas hot. We had 30 minutes left on an 8 hour drive home. I was fidgety and cranky.

And that’s about the time my hubby spotted a young woman on the side of the road, trying to change a tire.

He slowed.

“I think we should turn around.”

I whined, “But we’re almost home. And it’s so hot. Someone else will help her.”

He ignored me.

From the backseat my kids asked: Who is that? Why are we stopping? Why us?

With every answer…. [A stranger. She needs help. Because it's the right thing to do.]

Coals heaped on my  head.

Ten minutes later, hubby back in the car, hot and sweaty, “that poor girl! She’s on her way to college. She had no idea how to fix that blow out. I’m glad she had a spare.”

More coals. On my selfish head.

It was a beautiful lesson for my kids that day to see their Dad help a stranger in need.

It was a tough lesson for me — a reminder that I often put myself in front of others.

Fast forward two weeks. I was pulling out of a parking lot and my car suddenly sputtered and died. It was 103 degrees and I was stuck in the middle of the road, with all 3 kids panicked in the backseat.

I tried to start the car–over and over.

I got out and tried to push my heavy van to the curb, while cars behind me honked.

Guess how many got out to help? None.

Guess who I couldn’t stop thinking about? That young college student…

Finally, a kind soul stopped. I called my hubby and we waited in the nearby air-conditioned grocery store.

Nothing will teach you to be a good samaritan, like needing a good samaritan!

When my man rescued me I told him how many had passed me by.

He smiled. He knew I’d learned my lesson, the hard way.

There are two powerful effects of the Gospel that my Pastor pointed out recently:

• a heart of love
• spontaneous generosity

I want both.

We don’t give because we have a lot. We give because we’ve been given a lot to give away.

A good samaritan is always ready to spontaneously give to those in need. It’s usually inconvenient and unplanned. It will probably cost us comfort, even pride. It won’t be easy or bring us fame.

But this is Christianity.

In honor of Labor Day, I’m sharing the hardest work I’ve ever done!

How long were your labors?

Kid #1, 12 hours

Kid #2, 10 hours

Kid #3, 8 hours

How did you know you were in labor?

Kid #1, 2 weeks late, induced due to begging.

Kid #2, 1 week early, induced due to threatening

Kid #3, 7 weeks early, emergency c-section, because I like to mix it up a little.

Where did you deliver?

In the safety and security of the hospital, where most patients with OCD deliver.

Drugs?

Yes, many and all kinds.

C-section?

On my last one, after 7-8 hours of laboring without dilation, I was rushed down the hall because the baby and I weren’t doing well. I’ve never been more afraid of a nurse with a razor!

Who delivered?

Kid #1- A nice midwife who sat on the end of my bed to ‘take a looksey’ broke the end of my bed– completely off—she went on to do a great job!

Kid #2- We moved when I was 8.5 months pregnant and a very reluctant doctor I only met once, delivered my son.  When she told me I was too far along to accept as a new patient, I burst into tears and said my hubby would have to do it.  She quickly changed her policy.

Kid #3- The best OB in Texas!  I love this woman.  I’m pretty sure she saved my daughter’s life!

How about you? What are your numbers?

[Did you adopt? (how long did you wait?) Not a mom yet (how long were your mom's numbers)?]

originally posted, Sept. 1, 2008

Just to clear things up: The total you give them is to vote once. So all the IPs get to cast 10 votes on 6 entries. This means that once they vote all the contestants they still have 4 votes they will not be able to cast. Voting is not on a per day basis but it is like an election. Every IP gets to vote but not re-vote.

Some people may see the “already voted” thingie if one member of their family (or whoever may share their router/IP address) has already voted for something. People behind the same IP get only one set of votes.

If you feel that something is going wrong, you can always check in the moderate links page. There you can see a button with a number of votes. If you click that button, you will be able to see which IPs have voted. you will sort them based on their IP and actually see if anyone from a specific IP range is voting too many times.

Once a vote has been cast, even if the browser has cached the collection and still display the stars, the vote will not be re-cast so if someone thinks he is voting multiple times, he isn’t as the server silently rejects multiple votes from the same IP over the total number of votes.

Anyway, you should probably lower the number of available votes as the vote number is for each IP and it is more than the contestants.<———— which I did to 6 instead of 10