My youngest is a strong, free spirit.

She’s almost “a whole hand” [holiday birthday looming].

I caught a glimpse of her wild “white” hair (as she calls it) under the kitchen table as I fixed dinner the other night. She was cutting a hundred tiny bits of paper and sorting coffee beans into piles. (don’t ask)

“Watcha doing?” I implored, when I really wanted to say  CLEAN UP THAT BIG MESS.

“Making a coffee shop. For Africa,” she replied so matter-of-factly.

I smiled and took a sip of imaginary coffee. It tasted like delicious paper.

Just minutes later, this delightful child was standing at the pantry door, hunting for a snack, a snack I told her she couldn’t have because dinner was soon.

She put her hands on her hips and said, “There’s not a stupendous thing to eat in here!”

That’s her way of saying a bad word (since we don’t allow the word stupid to be used).

In the scope of 2 minutes, my little girl had gone from one extreme to the other. Delightful to Disobedient.

I’m raising a strong-willed child, no doubt, and I’m one of those moms who likes to have my way. This is a dangerous mix. In an effort to get things done the right way (mine, of course), I’m often tempted to engage in a battle with my strong-willed girls.

And when this happens, we both lose. Every time.

If I’m not careful, I find myself squelching some of their dreams, just to get my way. (One time I actually argued with my child about the color of the sky. She wouldn’t back down and it made me furious. I lost more than my cool that day. I lost a perfect opportunity to dream wildly, have fun and use my imagination with her).

A couple of weeks ago, my 4 1/2 year old woke up, insisting that we take the training wheels off her rarely-used bike. My initial thought was NO, and I said so. My hubby, who is much better at all this said, “Why not? She can at least try and she’ll see how hard it is.”

That girl took off riding like a pro and hasn’t stopped since. I think she learned to petal by sheer will. I thought about how my negative reaction might have killed her dream before she even had a chance to try:

I want to share a few simple thoughts that have revolutionized the way I’m raising my strong kids.

Three Keys to Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child (Discover Your Child’s Heart by Dr. Tim Kimmel)

1. View Them Positively-as hard as it may be to acknowledge, being strong-willed is a gift. A beautiful trait that needs to be refined, but appreciated. They should never feel like having a strong personality is a negative thing.
2. Draw Clear Boundaries-“Clear moral standards draw boundaries within which a strong-willed child can flourish.” They need consequences, regimentation, traditions, routine, rituals and rest.
3. Give Them Some Say-most battles can be avoided, if you maintain authority, but also give your child some say…from eating to napping to keeping their room clean, you can work together to accomplish the goal.

[While I was writing this post, I called my hubby in and read these three keys to him {again}. We are constantly reevaluating and working towards raising our strong-willed children well.]

As I helped my little one pick up the tiny bits of paper from under the table, I said,”What do you want to be when you grow up?”

She looked upward, with a hand on her hip, her eyes all dreamy,”A mermaid,” she said matter-of-fact.

“Or a cat.”

I didn’t argue a bit.

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Do you have a hard time dreaming with your kids-unleashing their potential, trusting their intuition?

Tell me about your strong-willed child.

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This post is part of a series I’m writing from  Family Matters Resources. Family Matters is my sponsor for the Relevant Conference this year! While they are paying for my (and Mercy House) travel expenses, all the opinions in this post are mine.  I have read and used their products and attended their parenting conferences for years (because I want to!) and I highly recommend this organization. The book I mentioned above is a part of their Flag Page, an innovative tool that helps you discover your child’s heart.