I shut down my computer, but I couldn’t turn off the chaos.
So many things out of my control in my heart and on the other side of the globe.
I’m a Type A fixer of things. I scratch it out on my to do list and I attack, I problem-solve.
I grabbed the vacuum and violently battled the dirt while I started barking orders at my family. How did this house get so dirty? Who made this mess? On and on…
My best friend stopped me, rubbed my shoulders and bravely stood against my torrent of commands: “Can I make an observation?” he asked quietly. I stilled. “When things are out of your control over there,” he said pointing to my computer, to Africa, “You try and control things here. Let it go, Kristen. Give this to God.”
He read me like a book. Every word true.
I don’t know why God asked me to help start a maternity home in Kenya, something so big, so out of my control.
But that’s probably exactly why He asked.
God knew I would need to lose control.
We are in a good place: Girls are slowly healing. Staff developing. A house full of precious babies. Plans for more pregnant girls in the Spring. Big plans for 2012. Dozens of volunteers and interviewing interns stateside.
But it’s not easy, this giving birth. I never set out to be the founder of a non-profit, filling my days with tasks I don’t know how to do. I’m just a mom.
A writer telling the story of my life…
But God is teaching me that I never had control in the first place. He is showing me what trust looks like. He is expecting faith.
He’s is showing me that when I feel like I’m losing control, I’m actually winning.
P.S. Our girls and staff in Africa want to wish you a very Merry Christmas!