100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock


  1. Write him letters
  2. Go on regular date nights
  3. Write his name on lipstick on the bathroom mirror
  4. Revitalize the romance with intimate dates
  5. Pray together
  6. Hide notes in secret places
  7. Go to bed at the same time
  8. Listen to music together-share earbuds
  9. Send him on a scavenger hunt in the house
  10. Buy him gifts he will love
  11. Hide a treat in his glovebox or desk at work
  12. Read the Bible together
  13. Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse
  14. Praise your spouse to other people
  15. Let them overhear you
  16. Read a marriage devotional
  17. Porn-proof your home
  18. Be best friends
  19. Sleep in his t-shirts
  20. Look to him to make the big decisions (see comment section for my opinion on #20, #21)
  21. Let her make the small ones
  22. Don’t nag him
  23. Put down the seat, pick up your socks for her
  24. Renew your vows privately with whispers and memories
  25. Renew them publicly with cake and bubbly
  26. Fight naked
  27. Tell him you like him
  28. Receive his compliments
  29. Pick your battles
  30. Show her you love her and tell him you respect him
  31. Go away together at least once a year
  32. Frame your wedding vows
  33. Her: Read For Women Only
  34. Hang pictures of the two of you around your house
  35. Kiss in front of your kids
  36. Make his favorite dessert
  37. Have pictures of just the two of you made
  38. Make sex a priority
  39. Spend time apart occasionally
  40. Learn to enjoy something he loves
  41. Surprise each other
  42. Meet him at the door
  43. Dreamstorm
  44. Text each other from across the room
  45. Be accountable to each other
  46. Set reminders on your phone to remember him/her throughout the week
  47. Call him right now and tell him you appreciate him
  48. Be affectionate
  49. Him: Read For Men Only
  50. Leave work and come home early
  51. Wash, vacuum her car. Keep it full of gas.
  52. Give each other romantic coupons
  53. Engage every day in meaningful conversation
  54. Compliment each other
  55. Touch your spouse several times throughout the day
  56. Take one day a month to make your spouse your total focus
  57. Let each other sleep in
  58. Be spontaneous!
  59. Argue fair: avoid these words “you always” and “you never”
  60. Kiss every day
  61. Find tangible ways to serve your mate without complaining
  62. Forgive quickly
  63. Be honest.
  64. But not hurtful
  65. Get on the same page: plan your budget together
  66. Look your best as often as you can
  67. Guard your marriage
  68. Get out of debt (and stay out)
  69. Laugh together
  70. Have a date night in
  71. When your together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)
  72. Talk about your favorite memories together
  73. Tell him he’s sexy just because
  74. Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it
  75. Make him breakfast in bed
  76. Do her chores for her
  77. Get a couple’s massage or host your own privately
  78. Read a book out loud together
  79. Dance together-soft music (alone) or rocking music with the kids
  80. Bring her/him a favorite drink during the middle of the day
  81. Exercise together-hikes, bike riding, etc
  82. Choose not to be annoyed by an irritating behavior/disappointment
  83. Tell him a secret he doesn’t know about you
  84. Thank your spouse just because, often
  85. Sit on the same side of a booth at a restaurant
  86. Lay in bed together and stare into each other eyes, without talking
  87. Learn something new together-take an art class, cooking lessons, etc
  88. Leave a sweet comment on the Facebook wall
  89. Teach your kids about marriage
  90. Stop what you’re doing, look them in the eye and listen to their answer
  91. Create art together
  92. Support each other’s goals
  93. Know when to talk and when to hush
  94. Consider counseling (even if there’s not conflict)
  95. Doodle his name
  96. Bring her flowers (even when she says they are too expensive)
  97. Wear something he loves
  98. Share furniture-sit in his lap
  99. Fight for your marriage
  100. Remember your spouse rocks-even when they don’t

Does your spouse rock?  Do you have the shirt to prove it? Get yours here.

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Comments

  1. 5

    Judi says

    There are a lot of great things on this list that I want to implement! Thanks for the list! Some of them I know my husband wouldn’t find interesting, like using lipstick on the mirror. I know this, because I tried it once and it wasn’t a big deal. I think knowing what your spouse’s love language is makes a difference too! But that is the beauty of having a list…you can pick and choose what works for you and your spouse! So thanks for putting the list together!

    • 5.1

      says

      I agree that knowing your spouse’s love language makes a huge difference! There are many things that I tried and he didn’t really care about, but after having read that book (we both read it!) we can now make each other much happier.

    • 5.2

      Jen says

      Some of these things on this list I don’t agree with – maybe 1 wants something that is on the list but if they do it for the other it won’t be appreciated and it will backfire and make the person who thought they did something good feel bad. The key is a deep love that both realize and feel, by understanding the needs of the other. Read the Five Love Languages. Find out what your partners language is and work to make them happy every day in the way that they need to be shown love. Don’t get me wrong, I think some of these ideas are good – once you know what your partner NEEDS to feel loved. #96 is an example. If she thinks flowers are too expensive and you blow money on them that isn’t going to make a happy marriage especially if her love language is touch and not gifts. She doesn’t care about flowers, she’d rather have you pick a dandelion (if giving flowers makes HIM happy because his language may be gifts) and then hug and cuddle. The flowers are nice. i get them all the time from my love – picked fresh from our yard and it is the best feeling in the world to know he was thinking about me, but knowing he is thinking about me is a different feeling than knowing he loves me. Show love :)

      • 5.2.1

        samantha says

        I hope this helps you!

        Biblically, it does not matter if the flowers cost money because it is the Husbands final decision to buy them. If the wife you are referring to is walking with God, there would be no conflict about the cost because she.knows that the decisions are her husbands, as well as the consequences. Woman should not be concerned with the money unless agreed upon by her Husband.

        http://www.backtothebible.org/index.php/Gateway-to-Joy/Decision-Making.html

        P.s. This is difficult to comprehend because women so much of the time overcome their Husbands. The Bible is clear wives should not be trampled on, but much allow the Husband to make the final decision. If a wife disagrees with her Husband and makes him choose her opinion, it is no longer a Husband/wife relationship but a Mother/Son relationship which is not right.

        • 5.2.1.1

          Dawn says

          Seems to me a woman should indeed be fiscally responsible. Isn’t that part of being a Proverbs 31 (I think that’s the chapter?) woman?

          And if a husband loves his wife ‘as Christ loves His church’, then he will seek to bless her in the ways that please her most, just as a wife who respects her husband will seek to please him in ways that he appreciates and understands best. So if he knows she’s not a flower gal, but it’s easier for him to pick up flowers, well, she needn’t get in a tizzy, but that’s not really loving either. It’s convenience and literally buying a way out of truly being a blessing, a support, etc. Which is why we have God as our judge…He knows our thoughts and intents!

        • 5.2.1.2

          Lois says

          RE: If a wife disagrees with her Husband and makes him choose her opinion, it is no longer a Husband/wife relationship but a Mother/Son relationship which is not right.

          If you use that logic, then if the husband has the final say it would be a Father/Daughter relationship. That doesn’t seem right either.

          • 5.2.1.2.1

            Jessica says

            Seems right to me…many young women I know are closer with their father than mother. The bible does not dictate the parent which I relate to, not does the quuaran, or any other religious guide.

        • 5.2.1.3

          Lyndsie says

          I know this post has gotten a lot of feedback, but I just wanted to say that we are living a different time now. In my house we make the decisions together and compromise until we agree. We are equal and therefore there is no power over each other. I believe that a husband and wife should be equal partners, and if it is going to be otherwise then it needs to be discussed and arranged prior to marriage.

        • 5.2.1.4

          Erin says

          I just can’t believe anyone could be so ignorant. It’s not love if you submit to his every decision – you have to work together. It doesn’t matter what the bible says exactly – it’s a book that was written thousands of years ago. It matters what you FEEL. I’m not religious, and I don’t mind people who are or dislike them for praying or anything. But this is one thing I feel really strongly against – certain religious people who follow the bible so closely.

          • 5.2.1.4.1

            Sheyla says

            Coming from a woman who does believe she should submit: That verse is so often taken out of context. It doesn’t mean the man rules over his wife and she has to submit to his every whim. It’s giving order to potentially chaotic decisions when the two cannot agree. In the end if there’s a disagreement someone has to make the final decision and to be quite honest I think the men got the harder end of the deal. Women do have to submit to their decision in the end but the men have to love their wives as Christ loved the church which goes to the length of laying down their life for them. So ideally even though the wife submits the man loves her so much more than himself that he would chose the option that he truly believes is best for them and will make her happy in the end. And I personally dont think think this is a big deal when it comes to equality. I think it’s more of a game plan for those times when you can’t come to an agreement.

        • 5.2.1.5

          Jemma says

          Notice that this link you used does not even use scripture to support its view! It throw in Proverbs at the end that does not help there case and another verse that doesn’t helps its case either.
          The problem is bad hermeneutics.Why do so many read the bible as though it was written to americans in the 2000s? TOO many sit there and reads the English version of the bible that has been translated by patriarchal cultures and gets stuck in the brain washing view that has been a cancer in our culture and to following God.
          When you learn about the culture, how to look at all of what the bible says and not just bits in pieces, you learn that our God a good God built us as one body, with Christ as the head, Christ is the one who we all submit to.
          Ephesians 5 says to : “Submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence for Christ”. That’s how all of those instructions begin. That’s the main point! When you write a paragraph you write the main point and then go into detail.
          Do you realize how RADICAL this statement was to the culture it was written to. This was telling husbands how to treat their wives with respect (in a culture that treated them as property, and the men got away with it because they believed the men were in charge). This is a prescription for the Ephesians that would have been difficult to here. Submit to one another. Yes, wives still submit to your husbands, but HUSBAND SUBMIT. In otherwords you don’t always get the last say husbands.
          Have you gone back and looked at the Greek? Have you read how these words were translated into english, but just don’t quite have the same concepts in our culture that they had then? Please don’t just study the english version of the bible, what a tragedy to live this way. Did you know the greek word translated for submit in our version is actually a lot like “respect”.
          If you study the bible, you will learn that God created us to be one body, all with different gifts and those gifts are to be suited to be used in community. Let’s face it, some wives are way better with numbers than their husband, some husbands are way better with numbers than their wives. When we use our gifts that God gave us (which biblically shouldnt we use?) you will find that our strength and weaknesses compliment one another. Sometimes a husband is best suited to make a decision and sometimes women are, the Holy Spirit doesn’t JUST dwell and work in the husband or the wife for guidance.
          Their are plenty of egalitarian marriages, that know the truth that men and women are equal before God… remember “there is no longer Jew nor Gentile, slave or free, nor is their male or female” Gal 3:28.
          No longer male nor female! Do you know how awesome crazy radical that was and IS. Do you know what those implications to even utter those words would have meant for them. It would have knocked the wind out of them a hundred timed over. It sounds like some of us need the wind knocked out of us. Instead of looking for the holy spirit to just give your husband wisdom, the holy spirit offers all of us great Godly wisdom. I’ve witnessed God’s truth when God grants wisdom to women who co-lead with their husband. You can not deny the power of the holy spirit to work in women. The bible says their is no longer male nor female, we are all created in HIS image (one of us is not created more in His image than the other). We need to use each others wisdom to make the best decisions and submit to one another out of reverence and the great Spirit of God directs your path.
          I know so many of you believe that complimentarian marriages are the way to go, but I encourage you all, do not limit the power if God. When you decide that He can not use you to make decisions you prevent Him from working in your marriage. You may overlook a huge calling on your life because “you don’t make the decisions”.
          For all of you who have been frustrated with the message that mean are to make the final decisions and that women are simply suppose to submit because they do not have the final say, I feel your pain. And also, I’m sorry to women who feel like they could never be a Christian because people have made you believe this, and deep down you know that you werent created to be that way (because if you didn’t make some final financial decisions you and your husband would have blown all your money on stocks and you’d be living in your car). I get it. Other people get it too. There are egalitarian marriages and they are Godly and holy and beautiful.

        • 5.2.1.6

          s says

          I’m trying to submit but that is making it like a Father/Daughter relationship! The Bible also states that women should not lead in Biblical teachings but that is something that is allowed in today’s times!

    • 5.3

      Christy says

      Instead of lipstick on the bathroom mirror washable marker works great and its a lot less messy and cheap! :)

  2. 8

    LA says

    Great list! But a couple of them had me raising my eyebrows.
    “Look to him to make the big decisions
    Let her make the small ones ”
    Why? Shouldn’t people who love each other this much enjoy their *union* and make decisions together (with God)? I simply cannot understand this. It seems both people should be paying attention to what the other wants/needs/is best, and they should be working together to make the best choices. My husband would hate it if I left him to make the big decisions, and it would drive me insane to have to make all the small ones. This seems less helpful than all the rest of the ideas. :)
    Don’t nag him (or her, depending on who the nag is in the relationship!) Maybe “Don’t nag each other.” :)

    • 8.1

      says

      Exactly my point. I don’t like the whole ‘woman being inferior to her husband’-thing. Actually, I hate it. Times change, like we have different clothes, different jobs, different languages and a whole different world than the Bible’s.
      If my husband would have that attitude, I would never have married him..

      • 8.1.1

        Megan says

        I can see how the idea of ‘woman being inferior to her husband’ would be completely ridiculous, and it is. However, I do not believe that is what the bible means at all when it says ‘wives should submit to their husbands.’ If you translate the word ‘submit’ back to Greek (which is what the NT is written in), ‘submit’ is a much similar word to ‘respect’. ‘Submitting’ or letting your husband make the big decisions doesn’t mean that you (the wife) doesn’t get the say in anything, it simply means that after all the discussion is made, the wife should trust that her husband will make a decision that is in both of their best interests.

        On the subject of Biblical matter, it seems that you are picking and choosing what to believe. If we are all sinners, meaning we are imperfect, then we do not possess the ability to accurately pick and choose what is real and not. Yes, there are cultural differences; however, the Word is living and still applies to our lives today. God instituted marriage, and he simply tells us the best way that it works. But honestly, if God is plainspoken and if the Word is God inspired, then don’t you have to take him at his word?

        • 8.1.1.1

          Stacy says

          While I am a Christian, and I agree with some of what you are saying, I have to say that if being submissive in the original text was synonymous with respect, respect doesn’t mean voiceless. I think that you were out of line by saying Eline was picking and choosing what to believe, because you don’t know the extent of her beliefs and how that impacts the way she lives. I think she was just saying that there is a different culture now. Typically women are more involved in the business and finances of the household. And just because we have more input doesn’t mean that we “respect” our husbands less. It just means that sometimes being overlooked in decision-making processes can cause resentment and harm a marriage. Being the head of the household is a big responsibility, and you need the support of your team… your household. Some feel it’s unfair to place the decisions and responsibility on one person, and they feel more loved and valued when you make decisions together. I’ll say it again respect doesn’t mean mute.

          • 8.1.1.1.1

            Helayna says

            ” ‘Submitting’ or letting your husband make the big decisions doesn’t mean that you (the wife) doesn’t get the say in anything, it simply means that after all the discussion is made, the wife should trust that her husband will make a decision that is in both of their best interests.” – Megan

            Now where does that say voiceless?

        • 8.1.1.3

          joey says

          I sure hope I don’t regret this comment but here it goes. 1st – women are not inferior to men. God mandated roles in the home. This is not about equality. However, the word submit is a military term in the Greek. It means to get in authority under the husband. That being said, any husband that treats his wife as if she is inferior is not loving her as Christ loved the church.

          • 8.1.1.3.1

            says

            If you look at the Greek, that word for submit has many meanings. For the military it did mean to fall in line under a commander, but outside the military context, one of the meanings is “to cooperate or work together.” I agree that in many cases in today’s marriages, the wife overcomes the husband. And that kind of overbearing behavior is wrong on BOTH sides of the marriage. If we are equal, then let’s be equal and WORK TOGETHER. Neither side should pull rank on the other.

        • 8.1.1.4

          Jeannie says

          I ABSOLUTELY agree with you Megan :) Times change yes, but the Word does not. The line of Authority is Christ first then the husband then the wife. It is our covering and frankly makes life easier for us as women…IF ONLY the man in our life makes Jesus the Lord of his life….otherwise we see the husband deferring his responsibilities onto his wife. Which, even if we like the control that brings, we will eventually hold that against him in time…. YES, we ARE just as important! We should have a say in ALL decisions because we are our husbands HELP MEET, God has given us to our husbands to help him in this life BUT it is not our place to be over our husbands, they are the ones who will stand before Our Lord and answer for the decisions they have make for the family :) JUST a thought not an argument made :)

      • 8.1.2

        Crystal says

        My husband hates making decisions. Always leaves it up to me. Trying to get him to make all the big decisions would have a negative impact on our relationship. Not all men are domineering.

      • 8.1.3

        Ana says

        While I tend to agree with the “let him make the big decisions/ let her make the small ones” sentiment, I think it is a bit simplified.

        And while I understand why many Christian women get tired of the “are women inferior in Christian marriages?” discussion, it isn’t one we should shy away from! The Bible was written for all cultures, all peoples, and all times.

        In Biblical (new testament) times, for instance, most married couples would work from the home together— yet I know of prominent pastors who would say that a marriage where the woman is working and the man is staying home is a sinful relationship! I know that this is a bit of a divergence, but it illustrates just how damaging Christian culture can be to the actual message of the Bible, especially in regard to gender roles. As a result, Christians and nonChristians alike are going to be skeptical about these roles!

        Just as much as we need to make sure that our culture isn’t editing/ watering down the word to fit their preferences, we need to be sure that Christian culture isn’t misinterpreting the word. Unfortunately, Christian culture often does, making our ideas about how to live Biblically more significant than what the Bible actually says.

        I understand completely why women would have an issue with the idea of letting their husband make the big decisions. Sadly, in our society, too many men AREN’T men. Often, they aren’t making decisions that are the best for their family, they are making decisions selfishly. Of course women will respond with mistrust! Why do we as Christians frequently expect women to “behave like a women should” when men aren’t acting as men should?— both members of the relationship are equally responsible for their calling to act out their faith in their marriage, both members should hold the other accountable to do so as well. When one partner isn’t doing so, the other will be deeply, sorely affected. I would argue that a woman who doesn’t hold her husband accountable for making selfish decisions and whatnot is in the same boat as the woman who doesn’t trust her husband to make decisions.

        In essence, I think that the issue of headship in a marriage and “who makes the decisions” has to be one that is the result of a Biblical marriage, where the man is supremely counter-cultural in his ability to be a selfless, mature, loving leader. Not a perfect leader, but a leader who submits to Christ constantly.

    • 8.2

      kristen says

      I included the “small, big decisions” because my pastor taught about marriage and he was referring to decisions you are hung on… Don’t let those standstills cause serious conflict and even divorce. If it’s a small decision like paint color or home decor or preschool, etc, yield to her. If its big, like a new career, move, yield to him. This advice was more for the husbands..don’t engage over little things. And of course, most decisions you make in marriage are or should be decided together, but don’t have a war over a decision. Of course, this is my opinion. Feel free to disagree.

      And yes, I should have put don’t nag each other. I was writing from personal experience there and my hubby never nags me!

      • 8.2.1

        Jessica says

        Yes I saw this in a book once, reader wrote in to the author. He said I let my wife make all the little decisions, and I am in charge of the big decisions. He then went on “We have been married 25 years and haven’t had to make any big decisions yet” or something along those lines, I loved it. Its so true.

        • 8.2.1.1

          antje hawk says

          I think this quote is totally cute! He really loves his wife for sure!

        • 8.2.1.2

          kl says

          I think the whole let the husband make the big decisions is quite frankly absurd. I am the primary breadwinner in our marriage and therefore I should have an equal say in what goes on and how money is spent. My husband and I are both Christians but that does not mean I only get a say on paint colors and he gets to decide how we save for retirement. It’s a joint effort and working relationship. We are best friends and lovers not a parent or boss. He is the leader of our home and when he makes a decision I support him but my opinion is equal weight. Why does that Scripture from Ephesians always have to be equivocated to the 1950s? It means he loves me as Christ loves the church and I respect his decisions; not lay idly by and let my desires be dismissed because I’m a woman. If he thought that way I never would have married him.

          • 8.2.1.2.1

            Jenn says

            I understand where you are coming from. But I don’t think the directive of that statement was meant to set women back 65 years. I see it as our husbands instinctively are our protectors. They want to lead their family, and if it fails, 9 times out of 10 he’d rather it be him that made the wrong decision rather than you. With that said…. Both parties have to practice These two things…. Women want their husbands to love them. And men want their wives to respect them. By allowing them to make those big decisions with your input….. They feel respected, that you put your faith in him. Therefore, a deeper love and appreciation for you develops.

          • 8.2.1.2.2

            Jemma says

            Jenn,
            It sounds like you have read that love and respect book, which my Ive read (with much frustration) and my husband tried to read and said it had good concepts for how to treat people in general but they were too busy misguiding it to specific genders. I agreed. He said the book was misguided and bad theology. I don’t know about you, but the whole husbands need respect and wives need love is a practice in a missing the point. How can people not see that both men and women need to be loved and respected. A matter of fact, part of the definition to love someone means to respect them. This is such a practice in making love a smaller word than it is. What a devastating thing to do.
            My husband does not need to just protect me, but I my husband as well. If you don’t protect your husband, who will? (I know God protects us both, but God protect me and my husband jointly, evenly).

      • 8.2.2

        caitlin says

        i love that my husband makes the big decisions for us. it is less stressful for me and it makes him a completely dependable person. he allows me to put in my opinion and thoughts and takes them into consideration, but overall makes the healthy MAJOR decision. i feel like i am taken care of and that he is providing for me by doing this. if there is ever a time when we are faced with a challenge, i turn to him knowing that he will 100% take care of the situation, big decision and me. absolutely love this about my husband. :)

        GREAT post!

      • 8.2.3

        Kim says

        Why are career/move the decisions he gets to make? What if her career is the primary breadwinner?

        I love the list overall, but those two really irritate me!

        Overall, though, excellent list.

        • 8.2.3.1

          Rachel says

          Excellent point Kim. This irritated me for a while too. The way this was described to me was that a husband and wife are a team. In every team, you need a big picture person and someone who can make things happen. I think why most women have such a problem with this verse is because it has been grossly misrepresented and used as an excuse by males as to why “I should have all the power and throw my weight around- now get in the kitchen and make me a sammich” Not just that, it’s been used for why all females should deffer to all males. Not so. The only one a woman should deffer to is her husband- but even that doesn’t mean be a mouse. The “good wife” in Proverbs owned property, managed her affairs well, and made money for her family- she’s a wise and dignified person with “strong arms” – I mean, this woman is a power house, by no means a shrinking violet. Read the stories about Deborah and Jael. They were both praised for being excellent wives, women and mothers, and both were war heros and one was a general. The verse were they are getting number 20 is paired with “husbands, love your wife as you do yourself”- in other words, a wise husband, as head of the household, will be the main pillar of the family. He will make his decisions out of love, not out of having a power trip and fear of his wife’s abilites. He will make it a priority to know his wifes heart and then honestly do what is best for the family. If he’s making a decision to keep the wife down and unhappy just so he can feel better about himself, he’s not upholding his end of the bargain. When it really comes down to it, it’s about trust. The man trusts the his wife to support him and be his strength- that one person who would never betray his love and trust- and the woman trusts her husband to make wise and good decisions out of love for her. I really and truely did not understand that until I met my husband. He makes me feel secure and lifted up. I feel more empowered than ever even though he does make the big decisions: every one is like a testament of his love for me.

          • 8.2.3.1.1

            MisStine says

            I must agree 20 &21 irked me some. But maybe its because we’re young (early 20′s). We make pretty much every decision together. Picked day cares together apartments. And i love it. I don’t need to feel taken care of, he handles the bills and what not so i guess i get it there but he comes home to me and no one else. we aren’t married but have been together a long time which i think means a pinch more that we decide to come home to the other one at the end of each and every day.

          • 8.2.3.1.3

            Marilyn says

            Well said, Kim. Husbands actually have the harder job as dictated by God. If they are to truly love their wives as Christ loves the church, they will make decisions based on what’s right for her and the family. Who wouldn’t want that. This makes it so easy to submit to him. I’m not a door mat, but an equal partner who feels loved and cherished by the decisions he makes because he loves me in this way. I absolutely love this entire list!

        • 8.2.3.2

          Amanda says

          She’s not saying he has to make that decision right away she was giving examples and she was saying if its something you have been arguing about and cant come to a choice then go to him for it but every other thing decide together and me and my fiance when were in a standstill he decides a big one then i do we give eachother a chance to have that big choice made

      • 8.2.4

        Jaimee says

        I love that you included #20 & #21. I think it takes a strong and confident woman of God to believe in these two and adhere to their message. Women are not inferior. Men are not “in charge.” I get that. In fact, I’m VERY in tune with women’s rights and equality. But we have to listen to the Bible and what it teaches us. I believe that these two (however difficult they are in this day in age) are essential to a good strong marriage. Thank you for including them.

        • 8.2.4.2

          Kami says

          I agree, always does best by me and I know he loves that he takes care of his family. Win win situation

        • 8.2.4.3

          Stacy says

          I agree! It is such a relief to know that when we can’t agree on what to do together, I let him take the lead and I know he is going to do what he feels the Lord wants for us. It is a relief for him to know I respect and trust him!!!

      • 8.2.5

        Jamie says

        I am sorry, but to say that the husband should make the big decisions implies that I do not have the intelligence to do so myself. Marriage is an equal partnership. My husband and I make all big decisions together. It seems to me that a marriage in which the woman is not part of decision making is doomed to fail. The Bible was written thousands of years ago when social mores were very different than they are today. God did not give me a brain with the intention that I not use it!

        • 8.2.5.1

          Niki says

          Hi there,

          Allowing him to make big decisions does not mean that we as women do not have the intelligence to make them ourselves. It is rather a yielding to his leadership.
          When we make big decisions it is not as though I have no in put. My husband and I carefully discuss everything together. He always hears and respects my two-cents worth but when it comes time to actually make the decision, this is when I yield to him. It shows that I trust he has heard my thoughts and that he will make the decision that is in the best interest of our family. By yielding to him, I encourage his positive leadership qualities and he becomes a better leader and a more confidant man as a result.
          When I yield to his leadership, he respects me even more (if that is possible-because he already holds me with respect) and he strives to do his part to love me even better.
          Marriage is a give and take relationship that is strengthened when we take the time to yield to one another and to love one another.

          This is one way we can build up our husbands and show our love for them. It isn’t a way of cutting my thoughts and ideas down. My husband knows the areas where I probably have more expertise and I know the areas he does. These things are always taken into consideration when we make big decisions.

          Also in marriage, two units become one. This means that decisions he makes are decisions that I make. I made the decision to love him in this way on the day that we wed and I will continue to love him in this way as long as I shall live. It isn’t always easy…but we also knew that from the beginning.

          The Bibles words on marriage are meant to help us build a firm foundation in God and a dear love for one another. While society has changed, these things have not.

          • 8.2.5.1.2

            Alison says

            It really sounds like your saying, ” Let him THINK he’s making the big decisions, so he FEELS powerful, like a MAN should…” my husband would NEVER have married me if I’d been like that and I certainly wouldn’t want to be married to a man who needed manipulating to feel good about himself and our relationship.

          • 8.2.5.1.3

            Jeannie says

            Well said Niki! :) Alison, I don’t believe it comes across like that at all. It seems more like an equal partnership where two intelligent people love and respect one another, have their different opinions but decide to follow God’s way of doing things which are always the best way of doing things. :)

    • 8.3

      Nicole says

      My husband can’t make a decision let alone a big decision!! If I let him we’d get no where in life! We want to buy a house but he doesn’t want to do any of the work involved!! I’m looking into everything including finding the house! (which I have!) He can’t even pay the bills on time,I had to take that job over so things wouldn’t bounce. I guess some men just aren’t the decision making type!! And when he does “make” a decision,it was what I suggested in the first place!!

      • 8.3.1

        Jenny says

        Oftentimes married men don’t make decisions and let their wives call all the shots because they feel beaten down by their wives, who treat them as if they are stupid and inept and unable to make decisions. Usually when that is the case, if the wife begins to treat her husband with respect and build him up and show him that she trusts him to make the right decisions, then he will eventually take the role as leader of the family. The key word is “eventually,” because usually he has been beaten down and disrespected so much and for so long by his wife that it will take time for him to trust that she has really changed – and the struggle for her at that point is to not go back to her old ways. It sounds like you don’t respect your husband, and that’s most likely the problem.

        • 8.3.1.1

          Chris says

          My husband & I are newly weds and we discussed all the chores we’d be sharing before our wedding, and he allocated all the “big” decisions to me-finances, paying bills, etc. Just yesterday he asked me to pick out a home security service! I would think that is a big decision (at least for us at this point in our marriage). He had me pick out where we live, but I can imagine he will probably want a voice in our future homes. I don’t think your view of this applies to all situations & relationships. Some men just don’t want to be in charge of everything, or they realize that their wife may have a strength in decision making, where he does not. I think that if I stopped doing these things and encouraged him to make these decisions, he would wonder why I am upset with him! hah! Basically, just because I’m the one making all the big decisions in our marriage, does not automatically mean that I have “beaten him down”, so I doubt this would be an adequate blanket explanation. However, in the post, I do have to say that it is good advice overall–even though it does not apply to all couples.

        • 8.3.1.2

          Sasha says

          That’s really judgmental, Jenny. While that may be the case in some situations, there are others like my situation where we began our marriage with the traditional roles with my husband to making the “big decisions.” The trouble is he kept choosing selfishly, which led to debt, minimal employment, and no health insurance. I faced a life threatening infection without insurance and even that wasn’t enough to get him motivated. At that point (about 2 years of marriage) my choice was to step up to bat and fix things and/or get out of the marriage. So I became the breadwinner and I took over the finances, but stayed married. I have continued to help him and support him in his goals but things just keep not working out on his side. Now who would you say is “beaten down and disrespected” in this situation? I would whole-heartedly say THE WIFE. It is disrespectful for a man to put his lazy, selfish desires above the health and well-being of his wife. When a woman takes over it’s usually out of necessity and not because she’s a ball-buster. When a man doesn’t fulfill his responsbilities, which then forces a woman to take charge, he’s the one that is being disrespectful and sinning. The wife is just doing her best to survive.

    • 8.4

      carolyn says

      I basically make all of the major decisions in our marriage because of the two of us I am the extrovert, the planner, and the “big picture” person. My husband supports this arrangement, and we actively talk about our roles in our family. This may change over time, but to say that the man “should” be in charge because God wants him to be seems too simplistic. God gave us unique gifts and can act in each marriage in unique ways.

      If one’s husband has the desire to be “in charge” of the household, but they consider themselves the better decision maker, I would suggest referring to this quote rather than having a power struggle:

      (from “My big fat greek wedding”): “Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.”

      But, in the end, I feel you should use whatever arrangement works well for you and your spouse (when decided with the prayerful consideration of both partners).

    • 8.5

      Kelsey says

      I agree…you are a couple united as one…so I don’t feel the man or woman should have a final say on anything, it should be agreed upon by both. Especially on big decisions that will affect both the husband and wife!!

    • 8.6

      Amy says

      My husband and I make all our decisions together, but the fact of life is that there are tines when a couple will have diffferent opinions on an issue. So far my husband and I have encountered this only once. In the end I let him make the final decision. My attitude toward him was also vital — show love and support, no resentment. Not only was I able to show him that I respect him and trust him to take care of our family, but it also turned out to be the best decsion for us in the long run.

    • 8.7

      Kelly says

      Funny how we forget the bible says submit yourselves one to another, not just wives submit to your husband!
      We make big decisions together and come to a compromise to make each of us comfortable with the decision! It should never be one sided and the husband making all the big decisions! The list is good overall however something’s just are not reality! Like fight naked? That’s just stupid! And all that matters is that you spend time together not how when or where!

      • 8.8.1

        Emma says

        I’m all about letting my husband have the final say on his career choices, what car he drives, and things that affect him more than they do me. It’s his job, he should get to choose it, and I respect his decisions because I know he will have what is best for all of us in mind. However, some of the most important decisions we have in our marriage are where to live and having children, how many and when. Where we live is huge. If he has to move for work, it’s different, but if he has a choice, it will be a family decision. He can’t just tell me he’s decided we’re going to move, and expect me to go along with it. And children? That is THE big decision. While he does get some say, there is absolutely NO WAY I’m going to let him tell me when we’re going to start trying for another baby. It’s OUR family, but it’s MY body. “Let him make the big decisions” is a ridiculous notion when it comes to the most important things.

    • 8.9

      says

      When I try to let my husband make the big decisions it isn’t because I’m trying to submit. It’s because he’s not in the daily grind with me (a SAHM). His perspective & big picture thinking helps. It’s the same reason he leaves the small decisions in my hands. It would drive him (and his boss) insane if I had to consult him for all the little things. Plus, it reinforces his masculinity. I still have a say and voice my opinion, but I strive to let him have final say.

  3. 9

    Michelle Carnaghi says

    Awesome post!!! Couldn’t have a better list…glad to see I’m doing some but great ideas to do more….more marriages need this so they can last, feel like no one takes marriage seriously anymore…it won’t work if you don’t try….

  4. 14

    Nicole says

    Thanks so much for this list! I plan on bookmarking and printing this off to refer to it frequently.

  5. 16

    says

    I initally found myself irritated at #20 and #21. Then I realized…I would love to not always have to make all the big decisions around here. I’m a homemaker/stay at home mom and author, and get up at 6am, then go until we fall into bed at night. My husband gets up every Saturday morning and lets me sleep in without disturbing me. Love it!

    Great post!!!

  6. 18

    Dina says

    I came to this blog via pinterest really thinking you’d have some good advice but I just threw up in my mouth a little. “Let him make the big decisions” and “let her make the smalls ones”. I’m so disgusted at this out-dated way of thinking where a man rules the house and the woman does what he says. I’m glad you have fun living in 1955 but that is NOT the way a marriage should work in 2012. A man and a woman in a marriage are equal and should make big decisions TOGETHER. I feel sorry for you, Kristin.

    • 18.1

      Ann says

      Read Kristen’s explanation to an earlier poster…she MEANS if it’s a decision that you can’t agree on (i.e. a paint color for a room, let her decide. If it’s a career decision, let him.) Ultimately, she agrees that couples should make decisions together with God, but if making the decision is hanging up the marriage then you should allow the large decisions be made by him and the small by her.

    • 18.2

      Ashleigh says

      I agree with you that in a marriage a man and woman need to be equal, but I feel that the man still needs to be the head of the house–that’s how God intended it to be. I don’t think it’s out dated at all to let him make the decisions. I think you both have a say in them, but he needs to be the one with the final word. Honestly, men need that for their ego’re protecting us, taking care of us, and providing for us even in a world where women work outside the home too. And if you really are a team, than his decision would be the one you would have made anyways. He’s not going to sit there and make a decision on purpose that isn’t the best one for the family.

      I’m in college and have yet to be married, but I think Kristin made a good point. And most women want things to go their way (I don’t mean anything by that, but I mean really…we do) so yes, let her make the small decisions. Those are things that aren’t worth fighting over what should happen. And again, obviously those things can be decided together as well.

      • 18.2.1

        Salena says

        Ashleigh, you are spot on! My husband and I have an incredible marriage, married young and are going on 14 years. We DO live in 2012 and I couldn’t be happier with HIM making the big decisions. I have asked him, as has God to be the head of our household and to make those tough choices when I can’t. That doesn’t mean he just does what ever the heck he wants, we ARE a team and we DO discuss decisions…but he IS the head of the house and I love him more for that.
        I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post. Incredible! We do many of these things already, some made me giggle and the fighting naked…LOL We don’t fight. We sometimes disagree, but in 15 years of being together my husband has never raised his voice to me or said a curse word. I can’t imagine stripping down over a simple disagreement. Our kids would die of laughter!
        Thanks for sharing this, my husband loved it too!

    • 18.4

      Kim says

      Dina- seeing as how this is her personal blog, and her personal list, she can make it anything she wants! If you don’t enjoy reading it and dont agree, simply close the page. No one, NO ONE needs you to tell them that you feel sorry for them by the way they love their spouse. Again, close the page and move along!
      Thanks again for the fun list! I think we all need a reminder!

    • 18.5

      HM says

      You should certainly make decisions together, but if it comes down to you or him, you should let the man make it. Implying that a guy can’t make a big decision emasculates him. Even if just a little bit. Women don’t have that same problem. Guys need to feel masculine. Competent. Men like to feel manly. Even in 2012! Maybe it’s society. Maybe it’s biology. But this isn’t a guide for a perfect genderless world. It’s for a happy marriage.

    • 18.6

      Claire says

      There is no need for angry words, every marriage is different and everybody needs a different approach. In my marriage, if my husband wants to quit his job and find a new one, I think that has more to do with his happiness than mine so that is his decision. If I want to go back to school or get a new job, that is my decision.
      For me, all the serious decisions should be discussed, but when it comes down to it maybe the decision needs to be made by just one person and the other person needs to agree to support their decision. If the wife is the primary bread winner, then she should probably make career-related decisions. If the husband is the bread winner, then it isn’t backwards to think that he should make decisions for his own career, it’s normal.

    • 18.7

      Bree says

      Um…..not to burst your bubble or anything but the divorce rate in 1955 was around 30 percent. Looking at the divorce rate in 2010 its about 65 percent….
      According to those statistics, looks like 1955 marriages were doing something right. Something that we seem to be missing.
      What I don’t understand is why women feel the need to have such control when it comes to decision making. A husband has been called to love his wife the way Christ loves for us. That’s a love that is so powerful. Chances are that when it comes time for a decision to be made, the husband would make a decision that will only benefit him AND his wife. It’s his job to take care of us. Why not trust that he loves you enough to protect you, and make sure that he knows what you feel on the matter before the decision is made?
      I personally think it’s beautiful to have so much trust in your husband to allow him to make the big decisions. He is the man and leader of the house. It’s his responsibility to make sure that his family is taken care of.
      And at the end of the day, women can become too emotional and make decisions based on emotion. I know I do, and later end up wishing I hadn’t made a certain decision due to an emotion I felt. Men aren’t really like that. God knew what he was doing. We just need to obey and trust in Him.

      • 18.7.2

        Christine says

        In the 1950′s, most women did not have jobs and could not support themselves. Culture also dictated that women not leave a marriage, EVEN IF SHE WAS UNHAPPY. Luckily, times have changed.

      • 18.7.3

        Christina says

        I was excited to read this post, until I read some of the “rules.” First, #20 and #21 made me roll my eyes. It’s ridiculous to think that men should make all the “big” decisions in the relationship. If the man doesn’t value his wife enough to take her opinion into consideration and sometimes go with her thoughts on the matter than you have an unhealthy relationship (and it works both ways). “Porn proof your house.” If you can’t trust your husband enough to go routing through everything to “porn proof” your home, then once again you don’t have a healthy relationship. Some of these things are corny, but if they work for your relationship, then have at it. But simply saying I’m my husband’s wife, therefore I’m his property (which I believe #20 states).

        • 18.7.3.1

          Sarah says

          I see” porn proofing” as ME getting rid of anything that would be a temptation for me. SO many Christian women read books on a “Best Seller” list, or watch completely inappropriate shows/movies that create lust in our heart, but it is written off as harmless entertainment. However, I believe it to be as harmful to a marriage as pornography.

  7. 19

    Ronda says

    I have one to replace the lipstick, when you get out of the shower write on the mirror “I love you…. (his name)” and everytime he gets out of the shower it will be there for him to see…. He loved it!

  8. 20

    diana says

    i found you via pinterest…..and love this list! going to try my best to make some of these habits. also, my husbands grandmother, gave me the best advice ever….she said she always made it a point to be her husbands best friend. if he wanted to go away fishing, she packed his stuff and sent him on his way. all the other men were envious, because their wives only nagged about the situation. which made her husband, even more aware of what a great wife she was. thanks for this list, and im sure it will help alot of couples!

  9. 21

    Eliz says

    I absolutely never comment on things like this but I do have to weigh in on the “decision” discussion. I agree with “letting” him make the “big” decisions for this reason…if there are two people and they have differing opinions, someone has to make the final decision. Two people don’t make a democracy unfortunately. And my Bible tells me my husband is the head of the household. Plain and simple. So he gets the final vote. I might not like it but submission is a choice and I choose to be submissive as the Bible directs me. I also have to trust in myself that I made the right choice when I married him. My husband always listens to me and gives my opinions his complete attention and takes them into consideration when he makes a decision. If he makes one I don’t agree with, I have to trust that the Lord bless us anyway for my choice to submit. So the choice is ultimately mine…and I choose Biblical submission.

  10. 22

    Megan says

    I love love love this list! I understand your decision making part completely! My husband and I talk about decisions together and if its not a big deal I decide but he always has final say and that isn’t his attitude I chose to be submissive because he is the head of this house hold esp since he is the one who makes the money while I get to stay home (even if I worked to it would be this way) and that is what the Bible tells us so I compleely sure with you :) Doesn’t mean we love in 1955 just means we respect our and trust they will do what’s best for our family. We are both in our early twenties and have much more than people twice our age because of this…I’d spend money on pointless things if I didn’t have him to help me see the bigger picture lol but anyway love this post!

  11. 25

    Dillon says

    This list is pretty imbalanced – not only in who has more power or influence in the relationship, but also whose responsibility it is to keep the marriage special/alive/romantic. Why can’t you write each other letters or both where things the other loves? My marriage is strong AND equal – we love each other and we don’t belong to each other. But if being dominated in a Patriarchal institution where God chooses your husband and together God & your husband control your life provides you with security, I suppose it makes sense.

    • 25.1

      Julia says

      “We love each other and we don’t belong to each other…”
      what about “I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine?”

      Not sure how you can truly love your spouse if you don’t belong to each other. What keeps a marriage strong and together is your union to each other. The fact that you no longer live for yourself but lay your life down for another.
      I feel sorry for you.

      • 25.1.1

        Kim says

        Julia- seeing as how this is her personal blog, an her personal list, she can make it anything she wants! If you don’t enjoy reading it an dont agree, simply close the page. No one, NO ONE needs you to tell them that you feel sorry for them by the way they love their spouse. Again, close the page and move along!

        Kristen- thanks for this post! What a fun list! Way to keep some spunk and realness in your relationship!

    • 25.2

      Claire says

      Probably the list is “imbalance” because it is one half of a healthy marriage writing about ideas that work for her. I bet her husband could write his own list of different ideas that would be no less valuable and no more valuable. I am really sorry if you think that God controls peoples lives. That just isn’t how it works, in Christianity or otherwise.

  12. 26

    Sarah says

    Living out God’s design for marriage, with the husband as the leader and the wife as his helper, not only gives us a happier marriage because we are living in obedience to God but brings glory to God because our marriage is reflecting, as it should (Ephesians 5:22-32), the relationship between Christ and His church. Yeah, it can seem outdated, but this isn’t saying live a 1950′s marriage. The husband is to lead his wife like Christ leads the church. It’s a ton of responsibility first off, and secondly Christ leads the church by being a servant leader. So husbands are to be servant leaders, putting the needs of their wife above their own, not deferring to her, but putting her before himself. Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. So in the end both husband and wife are looking not to themselves and their desires and needs, but to each other and putting each others desires and needs above their own. This in no way makes a woman less than her husband, or unequal, they are just created to fill different roles in a marriage. In all things, both husband and wife should be submitting to God.

  13. 27

    Merideth says

    Found you via Pinterest (gotta LOVE social networking!). I LOVE LOVE LOVE this list. It goes right along with a series our Pastor is teaching this month called “The VOW Factor”. I would just like to make a tiny suggestion. Instead of lipstick on the mirror (which can sometimes be a pain to clean), use those soap crayons. Either on the shower door/wall (which is what I do) or on the mirror, they make a clear (and easy to clean) statement of your love. We have chalkboard paint on our kitchen cabinets & that’s where my husband likes to leave his love notes for me. Since he’s up & gone before the rest of us wake up, the notes are a nice surprise for all of us.

    • 27.1

      Sarah Latham says

      we love the soap crayons. the kids got some for christmas last year and didnt use them… so I did. I knew he was having a rough time at work so i left him a silly message one day. he said it made him smile and lets face it when its cold and dark and you are getting up at 5 am anything that makes you smile is good. I did it randomly till they ran out. I have also been known to leave a note next to his keys or wait until i know he is asleep and dip some strawberries in chocolate or some small treat that only takes 5 mins.

      He knows that I am thinking about how he can be happy and im happy because ive helped make a 5 am wake up call just a lil nicer.

  14. 29

    says

    Of coarse I will for ever be the realist. I liked the list and can agree with some. After 21 years of an amazing marriage, three kids, eight moves, and some pretty scary life events, I really don’t need to do anything “special”
    My husband and I are best friends and each others rock. We respect and appreciate each other. We are not “that romantic couple” but we are “that couple that completes each other.” Really nothing fancy with us, just two people who love each other more today than when they met 25 years ago.

  15. 30

    Megan says

    Awesome post! EVERY married couple needs to read. Although things get tough, always remember your vows and why you married this person!!

  16. 31

    says

    I really loved this list, and I loved the comments too. I picked up some great ideas for this! My husband and I have been married for four years and are expecting our first child in April. I really want us to make sure our marriage and each other keeps being a priority. I think these ideas will help contribute to that!

    • 31.1

      Karissa says

      Congrats on the Baby! My b/f and I just had our First in November (we’ve been together for 2 and 1/2 years now) and I was afraid it would pull us apart. Its really hard in the beginning and esp if your breast feeding. But once you get used to your little ones schedule things get easier. We actually had a fight where he said to me “I exist too you know!” and that was really hard for me to hear because I was working so hard to make sure our daughters middle of the night crying fits wouldn’t wake him up. I don’t know what I would do differently, and I am sure you know what will work best for you and your husband. One thing that has been a life saver though is creating a schedule for her. Good Luck! There is nothing better then the love of a child and the love you feel for them.

  17. 34

    Beth says

    A sweet post with some great ideas. But I don’t support allowing him to make all of the big decisions. Marriage is a partnership where both partners voices should be heard. If he makes all of the big decisions and he fails he will feel like a failure. If we choose together we both succeed or fail together and have each other for support. No blame no finger pointing and no fighting. If it works for your marriage thats great but please respect that women have a right to be heard on both the small and big decisions.

    • 34.1

      Jess says

      I completely agree with you! Well said. My fiancé and I compromise and make decisions together through listening to each other and deciding what is best for us :)

  18. 35

    Kris says

    I am shocked so many women want to be submissive. You should have just as much say in the big decisions. You are truly missing out on life and should be a servant to none.

    • 35.1

      JR says

      As believers (Christians, followers of Jesus, people of The Way…whatever you want to call it), we aren’t just called to be servants of our spouse, but of everyone. Jesus said to his disciples (when they were griping about who among them was the greatest), “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35, and others) Submissive doesn’t mean “doormat”, and in fact, all believers are called to be submissive to others (1 Peter 2:13).

      • 35.1.2

        Dani says

        Double Amen!! Lord knows I am very strong willed and very opinionated but my husband runs the house!! And I don’t mind at all!! We still share in decisions and it sure doesn’t mean that we are doormats!! People tend to get that twisted!!

  19. 36

    Lyndsay Wingle says

    WOW… I am sooo glad I found your blog! I am in tears reading this! My husband and I were getting a divorce after infadelity until he came to me and asked for a second chance. We are still rocky, but hopefully with time we can be a family again! just by cruising around your blog I can tell there were a lot of things missing in our marriage. I don’t normally follow blogs but I saw this pin on Pinterest and had to read it. Your blog with now be bookmarked! Thanks!

  20. 37

    Dayna says

    I thoroughly enjoyed this post! I too found it via pinterest, I’m getting married in May, to a man that I deeply love and respect. I have “submitted” to him for years. He loves being my Superman and I love having him rescue me. I’m easily capable of doing a lot for myself, but I know how much he loves doing for me. And any decision we make, yes he has the final say (except decorating…I do that) but he makes that decision with me in mind. There is power in submission, and it does make for a stronger relationship. Thank your for your post. I will print this and put it to good use now!

  21. 39

    Karissa says

    I really enjoyed this list! Of course people would go about telling you what they don’t like about it, like you wrote the list as Law… Like the Decision making… Guys like to be involved and these days women are so independent that we have a way of doing everything and then our loves feel like they’re just there… I make small decisions and if it seems like its something that he would be upset about not being a part of I ask him what he would want to do. There are things on this list that my b/f and I do already, but its great to have it so we don’t forget :) Thank you!

  22. 40

    Rachel says

    My husband and I do have a “Biblical” marriage, where I view him as the head of the household. However, that being said, because he loves me deeply, he would never just “make a major decision” on his own. We make decisions together, because the Bible says we are one. Major decisions such as buying a home, career move, etc. are made together. We discuss the decision that needs to be made, pray about it together and individually and wait to hear from God. Keeping God in the center of your marriage is crucial because when you seek Him, you can guarantee that He will lead you both to the same decision so that it can be made in agreement. If you don’t seek God about your decisions and just rely on one person to make them you end up with hurt feelings, anger and resentment.
    My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for almost 8. It hasn’t always been easy. But, when we made the decision to center our marriage around God and His will for our lives, it has been absolutely wonderful.

    • 40.1

      Rachel says

      PS Super Cute List… I just noticed that the decision thing seemed to be making people forget the rest of the wonderful tips. :)

  23. 41

    Tracy says

    WONDERFUL list!! All 100 :o) Wow, some people are so hung up on the decision thing! All I have to say to that is I live a Christian marriage. I put my full faith in God and so does my husband. I trust Him and that my husband will always make decisions that please God. Why would I marry someone who’s decisions I wouldn’t trust? I guess if you can’t trust your husband to make the right decisions, you shouldn’t have married him in the first place!

  24. 42

    says

    Found this via Pinterest and let me just say I love this. I know a lot of women are fighting the whole “let him make the big decisions and her the small” but I think they are missing the point. The reality is 99% of our lives are “small decisions” and this is the one area I’ve had to ask my hubby to step up in. I’ve never asked him to “dominate” me by doing items without my input, etc, but when I’m really stuck – I need to know he’ll be able to get us on to that next step. That’s part of being married, trusting your spouse to make those “big decisions.”

    Now off to convince my husband he should read this. (SMALL DECISION!)

  25. 43

    Cara says

    Ya this list sucks… Wear his shirts? Porn-proof the house? Let him make the big decisions? Read the bible together? … Come on…

    To each their own

    • 43.1

      Mindy M. says

      Cara,
      You might should try to live by your own words. To each their own doesn’t mean you should tell someone else that their way of doing things sucks. If you had considered for a moment the person on the other end of your comment, you might not have pushed that ‘post comment’ button.

      Kristen,
      Thanks for some great ideas. Like a lot of other people, I cringed a little at the “Let him make the big decisions” but after reading your explanation (about that meaning on the decisions that you can’t agree on), I think that is a good one to follow. My husband & I have been at a standstill lately about a big decision. It took quite a bit of prayer, but I finally let my husband know that he knew my desires and reasoning, and I would stand by whatever decision he felt was best for our family. I value our marriage more than getting what I wanted. Funny thing is, once it wasn’t about my way or his way, it became more about what was best for everyone.

  26. 44

    Nicci says

    Thank you for taking the time to share your list with us. A very special lady posted a link to it on a special forum.
    This list is awesome. And I will be using to keep the focus where it should be in our marriage.

    Thanks for sharing

  27. 45

    Tom Silver says

    This is totally depressing. Such a reminder of the way things are not, and probably never will be.

  28. 46

    says

    Just a little note about the “big decision, small decision.” When I first read that I did do a double take, but in reality it does make a lot of sense to me. I agree that husband and wife are partners but I believe that each partner has a certain gifting. For the majority of women, they are forcused on details. They love details! I remember when my husband showed interest in helping me choose my bridesmaid colors and wanted to choose blue, my first thoughts were, “back off a little- this is MY decision!” I didn’t know what to do with a man that actually wanted to be a part of the small decisions.

    Since then, in our 5 years of marriage, I’ve learned that even though he really does care about how I place our home decor (and doesn’t always have the same taste) he is okay with letting me handle that because he knows how important it is to me. In a way, it is an act of submission on his part to me. Now, when he has a big decision he wants to make I try my best to pray with about it and let him follow his heart, unless I truly believe it against what God’s will/direct disobedience to the Word of God.

    You pick your battles. And really there shouldn’t be many. In marriage you have to remember you are on the same team, striving for the same goals and always together. We didn’t get married to fight each other, but to fight for each other… and to fight to see each other’s dreams come true. It all comes down to mutual trust, respect and love. And trusting that even when you can’t see the big picture and you have no idea how everything is going to work out… you trust God. And God is bigger than your marriage and your spouse. These are hard lessons to learn but I learn more and more everyday. I love marriage. It’s not always easy, a lot of times it’s down right hard but I’m so grateful for the man God gave me. :o)

    • 46.1

      April says

      That was a very good observation. It’s true that, overall, men are more “headlines” while women are more the article. We need details, they don’t typically like details. So it’s really a good point for men to make the good decisions and women the small–it’s how we are wired (not conditioned).

  29. 47

    says

    I was impressed to find a lot of things on this list that we already do. It made me smile.

    In my life situation, I completely understand the big decisions vs. the small ones! We’re in the process of house shopping and it is a very big decision with so many different options. I stay home with the children and he works to support our family. When it comes down to it I feel that it will be his call on the final decision. However, we talk about all the pros and cons to each decision in our lives anyway. Having someone standing next to you pointing out the things you may not have noticed is really important in life and we are fortunate to have each other to confide in. Thank you for the blog! (Found it through Pinterest).

    • 47.1

      killinger says

      So you’re saying, even though he ‘works’ to pay for the house (btw: raising children is a 24/7 job. no holidays, no pay, no time off, no weekends, no medical benefits… the list is endless) And you’re going to be in this house ALL DAY with HIS children, you should let him have the final say???

      WHAT IS UP WITH YOU WOMEN???

      HUSBAND+WIFE = EQUALS. 100% Equal. If my husband DARED treated me like I was anything less than him., or that he made better decisions than I did, so I should just let him do all the decision making, our marriage wouldn’t last. Why? Because I wouldn’t respect him. I would actually be repulsed by that.

  30. 48

    Amy says

    I LOVE that you love your husband and are so proud of it!!! Thank you for sharing this list!

  31. 49

    says

    You inspired me to share your blog with EVERYONE I know, and to write love letters (amongst many of your other great ideas) to & with my husband. Linked up to your blog on mine @ http://www.smithpeas.com
    Thank you soooo much for this list <3

  32. 51

    D. says

    Thank you for this list. I found you on pinterest, and this has been a needed inspiration. After several deployments, children, and years, our marriage has slipped in importance. We’ve recently discussed how we can’t allow this to happen, and we’re going through your list for some of your fantastic ideas! Thank you.

  33. 53

    MrsHappyHen says

    On 20 and 21. Someone has to make the final decision when there is no agreement. We have a 51-49 split and I’m a loud 49. ;). Thanks for the excellent reminder!

  34. 54

    Joyce says

    Love the list.
    As for 20/21- I am a SAHM. In our house, I make all the decisions. And as we like to say, my husband has VETO power for any decision. It doesn’t happen often so when it does, he can have his way.

  35. 55

    Akc says

    Love this! I was raised with a strong Christian background but am more agnostic now. I still remember the many lessons on relationships and try to put them into practice in my marriage. I feel sorry for the women who don’t defer to their husbands or give them final veto power. I am a very strong independent woman but I chose my husband for his ability to be a strong smart male. I’m in no way a weak minded woman, I just understand that there are certain characteristics hard wired into males and females and the best way to survive a marriage is to respect and honor those differences. Many people complain that this no longer the 1950′s but didn’t more marriages stay together in the 1950′s?

  36. 56

    Deborah says

    What about same sex marriages? Who gets to make the ‘small’ and ‘big’ decisions there? You have two husbands or two wives….well it looks like equality in marriage just may be the better answer. I am a woman married to a man for three years and there will never come a day when I will feel in any way submissive to him or anyone else. If my husband ever felt he deserved to make the ‘big’ decisions I would certainly let him know that we make decisions big and small equally, or we no longer have a healthy marriage.

  37. 57

    Allie says

    I think the big decisions and small desicions argument was really drug out way more than it should have been! Just move one. I think we should add a #101 to the list and that is don’t dwell on opinions that don’t really matter! This was her list…she created it, it works for her so LEAVE IT ALONE! Take what you can from it, revise it to fit your lifestyle/ marriage and MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So annoying. I was so excited to read some of the positive things that people had to say about this GREAT LIST and the further I read down the more I was disgusted by people’s mouths. TO THE LIST MAKER : “I am so sorry that people were rude to you, I hope you have a wonderful life with your family and you do all of these things on your list. I know I will. :) ” Don’t get discouraged by what others say!

  38. 58

    Val says

    Found this through someone posting it on Pinterest.

    As someone who has been separated for the last 10 months, all 100 of these hit home. We did not do many of these…the ones that struck me most are the ones about “guarding” it all.

    Anyone who reads it can apply it in some way to their marriage I believe…it’s not necessary to take every word literally. I am not a Christian per se, but I can see truth in every one of these items.

    Thankfully, he and I are talking right now about reconciling. I’m hopeful and we both are ready to re-do the hard work. We aren’t spring chickens….I’m 47 and he’s 53.

    Thank you for posting this. I will be referring to it often.
    Val

  39. 59

    Whit says

    I’m getting married this summer and I really enjoyed reading this. I plan on making these things regular activities in our day to day lives. Thank you for this amazing list. :):)

  40. 60

    says

    Our church is doing a Real Marriage series right now and these are great fun tips right in line with growing in marriage! Great list!

  41. 61

    Tiffany says

    It isn’t like she is saying to let your husbands go buy houses and cars and boats all willy nilly, while you sit in a corner and knit. Remove your overly sensitive feminist panties from your rears, and do something other than bash a woman who is clearly happily married, and in love with her husband and her God. Submission does not equal inferiority.

    • 61.1

      April says

      Amen!!! Well said Tiffany! I am a very strong headed Christian woman. I pretty much think I can do anything any man can do. After 16 yrs of marriage though my hubby & I still have a strong, loving marriage. We talk most every thing through with each other, play ‘devils advocate’ for each other, but at the end of the day I respect my husband, who is suppose to be head of our household, and trust him to do what’s right for us & our family. Sometimes he takes my advice, sometimes he doesn’t. I ALWAYS stand behind his decisions though because they are ultimately OUR decisions. People need to read this list for what it is…a list! You don’t have to like it or live by it. If don’t agree with it, leave the page. That’s one of the problems with people today; we all think everyone else should think like us. No people!! That’s what makes this world so special is that we are all unique! Get over yourselves and move on…thanks for your list-I love it!

  42. 62

    Adria says

    As far as #20 and #21 go, I’ve read in the comments many women are surprised by this and made uncomfortable by it. I understand, but I agree with Kristen and understand why she put them on here. (I did not come to the following understanding on my own, but my pastor also did a series on marriage that helped me understand the husband/wife relationship. I posted a link to this series at the bottom.) Biblically speaking, the husband is the head of the house, and the wife should submit to him. This is not the idea that women belong in the kitchen, shouldn’t work, and must stay home to take care of the children like we are still in the 1950s. This means that as the head of the household, the husband is accountable for the entire family before God. Therefore he is responsible for your and your children’s actions. This is hard to accept if your husband is an ungodly man, because he is living for himself. But when you both live for God, it becomes easier to trust that God is working through your husband to provide for you both. What this means for a woman, who is the main breadwinner for the house where traditional roles are reversed, is that you should consult your husband before making a big change, and trust that he will guide you in a Godly direction. I hope that what I have said has clarified why I think Kristen included these on this list. Anyone interested in learning about where I got my information from can go here: http://clearcreek.org/listen and listen to the Redeeming Marriage messages.

  43. 63

    Jen says

    Was this made in the 50′s? Greet him at the door? Let him make the big decisions & she the small ones? Gimme a break.

    • 63.1

      Lili says

      Jen,
      You’d be surprised how far a quick kiss at the door after a long hard day goes! It’s not every day that I meet him at the door because I may be busy in the garage, backyard, bedroom… but when I do I see the way he lights up. It’s just a way to to show him you are glad he is home and you love him.

  44. 64

    Bob says

    From a man’s point of view half this list is crap. Like ‘Call him right now and tell him you appreciate him’, no, leave me the hell alone so I can get my work done, so I can come home to you. That way instead of hearing your voice, I can actually spent time with you. And #51, ‘Wash, vacuum her car. Keep it full of gas.’. Really? You can tell a woman wrote this. I don’t drive her car, why should I have to clean it up? Not that I’m say it’s all bad, somethings this on this list are good things, like 2, 7, 22, 31, 39, 60, 74, 81, and 85 are all very great things for any relationship. Just a guys two cents.

    • 64.1

      Jess says

      Finally! A mans point of view. If women would take two seconds to actually pay attention to their significant other and their real needs, they would realize that this list is more self serving than giving. Men are simple, don’t complicate it.

  45. 65

    Alexi says

    Shaking my head at those that say “times have changed” or “marriages have evolved, we’re not living in Biblical times anymore”…… God has NOT changed, and neither has His plan for marriage! Once I got right with God on what He asks of me as a wife, our marriage got so much better. I love wearing the skirt, so to speak, and I’m an heir with my husband! What inheritance are you missing out on by ignoring this beautiful, original, design of marriage?

    • 65.1

      Heather says

      Alexi, I LOVE how you wrote God has NOT changed and neither has His word!! Yes !! He never will and nor will His word. And these things He wrote are not to hold a fist over our head and yell at us to obey. They are these because He loves us and knows what blessings come with obeying His word:)

      Kristen: thank you so much for writing this blog post!! I found it on Pinterest and sat reading it convicted as ever. Praise God for that!! My marriage has been crappy for a long while now and I have gotten in the habit of telling myself(and God) that if my husband did some of these things for me I would maybe be “able” to do the same for him:( yea, ouch!! I know better!! So for now God is speaking to my heart to start allowing Him to make the changes necessary in my life so that my marriage can start to be a blessing again. It is not my job to change my husband or wait around for God to do it before I start making a choice to obey God in my role as a wife:) it is my choice to start being a blessing to my husband no matter what the circumstances. Don’t get me wrong my husband is wonderful and treats me very well despite the way I have treated him the past few years. Its just so easy sometimes to look at all the things they don’t do and make that the excuse as to why you don’t do what God calls you to do as a wife:) And as far as being submissive, yes the bible clearly states that we are to submit to our husbands and that doesn’t not mean we are doormats or mice. It simply means we trust God first and the man He chose to put into our lives second to lead us towards Him and make sometimes decisions that we may not always agree with but trust that he has listened to the Lord’s voice and will be obedient to what God is telling him to do:) I know there has been many time I am glad my husband listened to the Lord and not me!!:) Because ultimately God knows what is best:) God chose these rolls for my husband and myself and I am perfectly happy in being in the roll He placed me in because I know He loves me so much and wants what is best for me.

  46. 66

    Mikole says

    Times have changed, maybe that’s why the divorce rate is so high now. For instance why would you ever want your wife to leave you the hell alone” or how can you not TRUST your husbands to make the big decisions? If it makes me “old-school” to be excited to see my husband everyday & greet him at the door, so be it, I suppose. If you complained about this list, it probably means you don’t know your role as a wife or a husband. No disrespect intended, but honestly read the guidelines for marriage (the Bible) or ask the author to reveal to you how to make your marriage rock (God).

    I thought this list was great.

  47. 67

    Amber says

    I am surprised to see a debate over #20 and #21, but I guess I shouldn’t be. My husband and I have a great relationship, married for six years, about to start a family. My experience is that when you’re in tune with each other and with God you respect and submit to each other more naturally. Why would I want to make a big decision without the support and approval of my partner and best friend?

    I am a confident woman with a strong interest in my career, but I decided long ago that my marriage was going to take precedence over my career. Among other benefits, that decision has given me more objectivity about my career and more maturity in my decision-making. The Bible instructs husbands to have self-sacrificial love for their wives, and wives to have respect for their husbands. Cultivating those qualities is an incredible boon to a marriage, and helps cement it for life!

  48. 68

    Heather says

    I’m all for strengthening relationships and welcoming a higher power into our lives, yet keep in mind the Bible says a lot of outdated things – how slavery is okay, wearing mixed fibers is not, etc., etc. Successful marriages are a balance and a partnership and they evolve over time. I prefer to take my relationship advice from those who are in successful marriages. NOT from celibate old men who have not actually lived with another person, picked up his wet towels off of the floor a million times, decided how to care for his aging parents, dealt with ’round the clock newborn feedings, etc. When your marriage has gone through these important life events, then we can talk.

  49. 69

    Angie says

    My husband and I are working on getting back together after an almost year-long separation. I found your list very inspiring and simple. I love the idea of each partner working on separate, yet similar “tasks” to come together. I can see why #20 & #21 would be controversial, yet I agree with Kristen. I’m grateful to have the chance to support my husband in his role as provider and protector of our family. I want to show him that I know he is capable and entrusted with our care by trusting him to make the big decisions in our lives. Not too long ago, I would have made a fuss about those two tactics, claiming they were sexist and outdated. But I’ve learned that it’s far more important that my husband feel I trust him and encourage him to lead our family than my getting my way. Yes, the big decisions are important to make together, but if I want my husband to lead our family in righteousness, I hope that I can show him that I trust him to do so by allowing him to make those decisions to get us there. Well done, Kristen!

  50. 71

    says

    Thank you for this list! I love that you included 20 and 21. I might not be married yet, but I feel like this is something my church is always trying to teach us. Men like to feel honored, the best thing a wife can give is honor and respect. I don’t want to attack anyone, but I feel like in order for a husband to feel like they are truly happy they need that leadership role in a marriage. Maybe instead of being quick to criticize him and jump to make the decision wives should try to just discuss and let him come to the right conclusion. It might be your husband doesn’t make decisions because so far no one has given him the chance. We are all still growing and learning no matter how old we are. Give your husband a chance, plus its relieving to let him handle those choices while you handle all of the small things. Small things add up to a big load.

    • 71.1

      Megan says

      I’m not married yet too, but I totally feel the same way! I feel like it’s a misconception that women ‘don’t shouldn’t any say in big decisions’ when in reality, we do get to consult and discuss, but in the end, give the choice to them. I would also like to marry someone who I trust enough to make decisions that would be the most beneficial for the BOTH of us. If I have to worry about them making decisions that would put me worse off…why would I marry them. Just a thought. But I totally agree with you Aimee :)

  51. 72

    Taylor says

    You cannot have an equal partnership the man is “the leader” we are a team and we make desiscions as a team. I would never put the stress of having to make huge choices on his shoulders. this is not the 1950′s I am a working& contributing member of this Marrige I feel like I should be consulted on large decisions. Luckly I have a husband who doesnt buy into that “I’m a man honor me” stuff.

    But other than that and sitting on the same side of
    The booth ( I love him but give us space to eat ) this blog had some very valid points

  52. 74

    Wall530 says

    During the first year of my marriage, my husband and I had a major disagreement about my cat. He said we needed to get rid of her and I said no. We discussed the reasons for days. I looked and prayed for a compromise and couldn’t find one. Eventually, I realized as much as I loved my cat I loved my husband more. I was not going to let this ruin my marriage. This was a “big decision” in our marriage that I let him make. There hasn’t been a decision that’s been made that we both didn’t discuss first, but if there is a big decsion, which I define as a decision that could divide us… after talking about both sides, I let him make the decsion, because I love him more than any decision. I know that I can let him make the final say, because he’s going to listen to my input and he’s not going to make a decision that is bad for our family.

  53. 75

    Kate A says

    I really like the idea of this list and I really like most of the stuff on here, there are a few things on here that just do not work for my situation but I think that is based purely on ideological differences and personality differences between the two couples in question (yours and mine). I hope this tempers what I am about to say.

    On the decisions argument, we work it opposite. He makes the little ones I make the big ones. My husband is a creative, free spirit type of individual who doesn’t make decisions all that well. I am a conscientious, slightly ocd organization planner. He responds to big decisions with anxiety and often avoidance even after we have discussed the issue. I am much better at seeing what needs to be done and doing it or planning out a way to achieve it. This is why I handle all of our finances. Decisions regarding buying a fixer uper versus renting I ultimately get to make. Things like career are discussed at length but are ultimately left up to the person whose career it is effecting. I know that as a woman I would never make a decision that would hurt my family just as I know he wouldn’t, but sometimes people don’t see the damage they are doing and people who do not think of the big picture/long term are more prone to this. My husband readily admits this and works to become better at it, but sometimes old habits die hard.

    The only other one that I think requires comment I am going to qualify again by saying this is merely an ideological difference. Porn is not necessarily a vice that destroys a marriage. If used properly you can actually learn something and personally seeing women who are all shapes, sizes and ages enjoying sex helps me feel more comfortable in my own skin and less concerned about how I look while having sex. Porn actually helped me develop my sexuality and ultimately made me feel like I was allowed to enjoy sex regardless of what I looked like. As a caveat to that however secret porn watching amounts to deception which is extremely unhealthy. Once again because I cannot stress this enough this is more of an ideological/moral difference as opposed to an actual criticism of your list.

  54. 76

    Lyn says

    Thank you for this post. I’ll be pinning it and sharing on my FB Wall. I especially love #26 ;) very cute!!

  55. 77

    Miranda says

    I think some of you don’t truly understand what she meant by let him make the big decisions. It isn’t saying you shouldn’t discuss the issue or because he is “head of household” you as the wife doesn’t have a say. We as wives have a lot to say! I take it as: make the issue at hand known, talk about it, give opinions and trust your husband and GOD. My husband and I do this. Any time we have a big decision to make we talk about, pray about it, give concerns and opinions about it to each other. However, at the end of the day, as his wife I leave the decision up to him. He is my husband, father of my children and when it comes down to the decisions for our household I know he has all of our best interest at heart. I choose to trust that he is prayed up on it, understands where I stand , is doing what he feels the lord is leading him to do and still know i support him even if i’m not 100% agreed . Ultimately as the father/husband, he will be held accountable by the lord for his decisions for our family. That’s how it was designed and regardless if “times have changed” it is what it is. If we would go back to following what the bible says and not feeling like we, as wives, need to be as “equals” but like it was in the 1950′s and summit to our husbands in a respectful and loving manner i bet the divorce rate would drop. Submitting to your husband isn’t letting him boss you around its about showing him respect and love and coming together to make choices but letting him know if you aren’t completely on board you will still trust him to follow his heart in where the lord is leading him. You would be surprised how differently some things could turn out for the better!

    • 77.1

      Jemma says

      no we get it, its just WRONG. If you dont like to make the final decision because you don’t like the pressure, don’t want to be blames or just don’t want to that’s fine, thats your decision. But please don’t say its because of your theology. Don’t blame it on theology. It’s bad theology.

  56. 78

    Debbie says

    Your list is great We’ve been married 38 years, and he is my best friend! No one loves me and no he doesn’t understand me, how can he when I don’t understand myself at times! lol I’ve been to womens conference and listen to the submissive talk sereval times, yes God has a sense of humor. At one conferecne, I ended up in the submissive talk twice, I guess I didn’t hear what God had to say in the first place. What I have found from experience is, I am to be submissive to God, than my husband. When we are both praying and seeking God’s will things fall into place. we talk things thru, and no sometimes I am not ok with his discision ‘s, but thats marriage, you give and you take. I’m not a doormat for anyone, I express my opions, and he listens, then we make the decisions. I don’t think any man wants to be asked about every little thing, God did give women a brain too. One thing that has kept us together, is to laugh together, don’t take yourself or life so serious! But don’t laugh at him, build each other up, there are enough people out there ready to tear you down. Good luck and God bless each of your marriages, take it from me, its so worth it!

  57. 79

    Natalie says

    If more married couples adhered to #21 and #22, the way God intended, we absolutely would have less divorce in this world.

  58. 80

    liz says

    To all those that have a problem with #21 and 22 you should watch this:
    http://marshill.com/media/the-peasant-princess

    I felt the same way you all did until I listed to this series and really understood what the bible had to say about it. I feel I am still a strong woman, but I understand better now that God designed marriage in a certain way and it’s explained very specifically in the bible. If you cannot put your trust in your husband that he will be guided by God to make the correct decisions than you should not be marrying him.
    God Bless :)

  59. 83

    Dawn says

    Wow. Some of these comments horrify me. Defer to your husband? Really!?! It is 2012 – he is your equal. Not your daddy. You are adults with brains in your heads…….learn to use them. collaborate, compromise and decide together are signs of a healthy Relationship. Obey, defer, and submit are most certainly not.

  60. 84

    Jamie says

    #71. 71.When your together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)
    “your” should be you’re (as in, you are).

  61. 85

    Nica says

    I have been with my husband for 12 years. We make “big” decisions together. If we are at a standstill, usually one of us will say “let’s go with what you think and ride it out”. I asked my husband if this decision-making process has ever made him feel less of a man, or leader, and it has not. We talk and compromise and respect each others opinions and make decisions together. Just like I shouldn’t say it’s wrong for a woman to let her husband make the big decisions (if that works for them), nobody should say what we do in our marriage is wrong, or that I am more likely to end up divorced (if I don’t “trust” him to make the right decision for us) if what we are doing works for us. In addition, the divorce rate is not 65%; see http://www.divorcestatistics.org. In addition, it is true that the divorce rate was lower in the 1950′s and although strong moral, and possibly religious, values could be a factor, I think it cannot go without being said that many people stayed in unhappy, unhealthy, and/or abusive marriages because of the stigma of “divorce”. I enjoyed reading the list and will take many great ideas from it.

    • 85.1

      Lyla says

      Thank you so much for pointing out the “stigma”…..God never expects us to stay in a situation that harms our physical or emotional health. I was told by church counselors (professional & lay) I was not trusting God if I left abusive marriage. Of course, the word abuse was avoided – and I was simply existing at that point, so had no opinion. God never gave His believers the right to ignore common sense. Reading these messages – all the back & forth banter-is exactly why I have run from religion. Better to go out & be His hands & feet.

  62. 86

    Robyn says

    Getting married next year; this article is wonderful, I hope to be encouraged and to get ideas from here many times!

  63. 87

    Diana says

    My husband I like watching porn together. I see nothing wrong with it. It’s fun you all should try it.

  64. 88

    Susan says

    I only looked at this because one of my friends pinned it. Wow, welcome to the 1950s. Yeah my marriage rocks without “submitting” to my husband, thank you very much. It’s so sad to see women who think this way after so many suffered to make things change. Does he tell you how to vote too?

    • 88.1

      Amanda says

      I gladly submit to my husband (at least I try to remember to in all circumstances) and my husband has never told me what to do or bossed me around. Not sure if you are a Christian or not but the Bible is very clear when it says “Wives submit to your husbands” (Ephesians 5) HOWEVER, right after it says that there is also a command for the husbands, “Husband love your wives as Christ loved the church to the point that He gave His life for her”. So I have to submit to my husband and respect him as the head of our house but he is commanded to give his very life for me…in my honest opinion, that’s a deal I can happily live with, not that I would not give up my life for my husband, but I would much rather be commanded to be submissive. There is a difference between being submissive and being a slave. Any man who truly loves his wife would never boss her around or treat her unfairly because that is not how Christ loved the church. When both sides of the marriage are following their respective commandments it is amazing how things can work.

      Also, I wish our whole society would go back to the 1950′s. Our schools were not full of ungrateful and selfish children, we rarely had shootings like the ones we have been having the last few months, marriages lasted longer and were filled with happiness, people knew how to treat other people, and Biblical morals were taught and enforced…I see nothing wrong with that.

  65. 89

    Kasey says

    Thank you for this post! It’s nice to have some fresh ideas on ways to say “I love you”.

    I am saddened to see all of the arguing about #20 and #21. Being a Christian myself, I understood what you meant by it. As wives, we are called to be submissive to our husbands. Unfortunately, sometimes meaning gets lost in translation. The Bible also tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Which means, he loves her unconditionally, he would do anything for her, etc. Those two things go hand in hand.
    And while there is a huge “equality” movement going on these days, that does not negate the fact that there is an order of authority in this world. While yes, women are equal to men in the sense that they are not slaves to men, they are man’s helper, men are still in an authority position over women. Most of us don’t like to hear that, because we have a fleshly desire to buck the system. Just as women do not like the thought of their husband having the final say, the human race as a whole does not like the thought of God having the final say.

    Hopefully everyone’s heart will be open to understanding what these verses truly mean.

  66. 91

    kelsey says

    it was pretty stupid how many people felt the need to disagree with this post. if you don’t think these would work for your marriage, which many of them wouldn’t because so many people are idiots and get stuck in resentful marriages, then don’t do them. maybe these little things would help some people feel happier with their partner, even if they are not sincere actions. i mean isn’t that the world we live in? a world full of lies and deceit? so don’t do them if you don’t want to or do them if you want, just don’t put someone on blast who is just writing their silly little blog and trying to make people feel good. jerks.

  67. 93

    Katy says

    Thank you for posting this! I needed it really bad! I am sorry people are so rude. God will reward you for your faithfulness!

  68. 94

    Bear says

    On the subject of submitting to your husband…I agree with the author. I don’t think she meant to act as a slave, and I won’t allow my fear of being oppressed by “the man” to be projected onto her.

    Now, that being said, I have an illustration you might appreciate.

    I love, love, love, love, LOVE my husband. So much so, that when he decided (yes, HE decided, and I supported,) to get out of the military, I began immediately helping plan to move to his hometown, so he could be with his parents. Well, the end is drawing near and there’s been a serious change in the wind. See, God started speaking to us about making a very different decision, but with my spiritual experience, I got the message first. Uhoh. Lol Now, hubby respects me and my opinion, but he makes no decision based solely on my opinions, so he was about two weeks behind me. He heard me, but wasn’t sure until that two week mark. I told him that it was his final decision, so he prayed about it, and God confirmed in his heart what He’d been telling me. Now my husband has decided that instead of moving in with his parents, we are packing up and moving across the country to where we believed God has called us.

    Now, I have just as much trouble as the next wife accepting family decisions I think are the wrong ones, but the Bible says “respect your husbands”, which includes when he is wrong. Was it hard to accept when God started dealing with me about it? Yes. But you know what I did? I prayed. I prayed for humility and peace, and that God would deal with M. in God’s way and God’s timing, rather than my own. He knows my husband a lot better than I do, and He can unscramble any egg my husband whips up, so I’m going to accept my humanity and God’s divinity and wisdom, and I’m going to get on my knees and pray.

    Yes, we’ve evolved as a society since the 1950′s, but so had the divorce rate. Never confuse oppression with healthy ranking…it leads to unhealthy and split families.

    Sorry, folks. That’s where I stand, and I do believe it’s best for my husband.

  69. 95

    Brittany says

    You guys must have lots of money & good babysitters for all of those dates and once a year getaways. Some of the things on this list made me laugh out loud, “porn proof your home.” Is that necessary? I’m just saying. If you have to go through the trouble of porn proofing your home it must not be a very healthy relationship. “wear shirts that say you love your spouse, doodle his name, text him from across the room” to each their own, but yikes. I think this would scare me. Sounds more like things a crazy ex or a stalker would do as opposed to a spouse in a trusting, loving, relationship. This is all coming from someone, a woman, that has a very successful marriage & home life.

  70. 96

    Taylor says

    The bottom line is, all of these are people’s thoughts and opinions. Whether anyone likes it or not, everyone has their own perception of the Bible. If God didn’t want this to be so he wouldn’t give everyone their own mindset to begin with. That is not to say we shouldn’t follow Him to the best of our ability, but it is to say that He is the only one who can determine that, none of us can. It is MY opinion to take what works for your own marriage, (which is different for every marriage as well, obviously not all points work with everyone) discontinue the bashing of others or the blogger herself, as these are her own opinions, and go continue to strengthen your marriage. I see these endless comments of the same “argument” on so many blogs, I thought I’d throw in what I think for once. If the blog or discussion towards it isn’t helping you or your husband grow, don’t write five pages of what all you don’t like; just go on, to each his own.
    That being said, I liked a few of your points stated. Good for you to want to help others with their marriages if yours is going well for you and your husband. Good post.

  71. 97

    Samantha says

    I found this list on Pinterest and I loved it. What a fun list. It blew my mind to scroll down and see the comments, what a war that has been created!! I would just like to say that my husband and I have always discussed and made decisions together as a team. But I was in no way offended by this list, any part of it, even numbers 20 and 21. Different things work for different relationships. My parents were married after knowing each other only 3 months. They have been married now for over 25 years, my dad has always made the big decisions and that’s how my mom likes it. It works for them. My dad is the most loving respectful man, he would never ever make a decision selfishly, he always puts her first. I don’t think that he is old fashioned or on some power trip, he is just a good husband. However in my relationship, I would hate not being able to make big decisions! And my husband knows it, that’s why we make them together and it works for us. Every relationship is different! This list was not a “you must do everything on this list to make your marriage work,” it was simply some fun things to try, pick and choose for your relationship. If some of them don’t apply to you, that’s okay! Don’t attack the author though.

  72. 98

    Rapunzel Smith says

    I read this out loud to my husband we both laughed and cringed. We both read the bible growing up and took very different things from it. We are partners and we work together including making the decisions. I asked him if he would like it if he came home to find his name on the bathroom mirror in lipstick and he said he wouldn’t because of the clean up. Some of these suggestions are very childish. Others are OK but we will not be wearing the shirts very tacky….

  73. 99

    Julie says

    I really like your post overall. It’s not very sensitive to those with non-Abrahamic religious views or the more secular folks, but I get that because it’s written from a Christian perspective. I’m pretty recently married, and I love to get marriage advice from more experienced husbands and wives, so thanks! A lot of these these tips seem useful in that they would bring playfulness, fun, and camaraderie to the marriage as well as protect the husband from feeling emasculated, but I don’t think that every tip could be generalized to work for every marriage. The one thing that kind of bothered me when I read this was that there’s no suggestion about the husband respecting the wife. My husband’s love means the world to me, but it’s also incredibly important to our relationship that he respects me and views me as an equal. Intimacy would be extremely difficult for me without it. Call it what you will (egotism, self-importance, etc.), but I think that a lot of women would have a tough time feeling close to a man who didn’t respect them. Anyway, overall, I love the post and think we might make some of these “little things” we haven’t been doing a part of our lives. Thanks again!

  74. 100

    Rachel says

    Thank you so much for this. I’m a 29 year old Single Mom. I’ve been divorced for 3 years and seems so much longer. I printed this out and will forever keep this, for when I find my one. Your website means a lot to me and I shared it with my family as well. Thank you so much.

  75. 101

    Andrea says

    Amazed at how immature people are in disagreeing with 2 of the 100 items on the list. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, why must that include belittling someone else’s opinion?
    Thank you for this list! The reminders to do the little things to bless our spouse is always needed.

  76. 102

    Lynette says

    As a woman who was married for 20 years to the WRONG GUY …….this list makes perfect sense !! I am now in a relationship with the right man that makes me want to submit !! I’m a hard headed , self proclaimed independent woman but I think both parties have to give in now & then !! It’s all about compromise & mutual respect !! I always told my ex-husband that he needed to choose his battles with our children !! The punishment for spilling a drink & crossing the street unattended cannot be the same !! I don’t see it as “bowing down” …I see it as a necessary compromise . Lighten up ladies !! Great post & ideas to keep the flame lit !!

  77. 103

    says

    #96…you can reduce the cost and HIEGHTEN the IMPACT if you go get fresh flowers and deliver them in person at her office. My co-workers are insanely jealous of me becasue my husband does that every year for valentines, birthdays and wedding anniversary.

  78. 104

    says

    Love this list! We have one of these kinds of marriages — many of the things you listed we do — and friends are always saying how jealous they are. It doesn’t accidentally happen, folks! It is intentional, and it is wonderful!

  79. 105

    Monica says

    After reading the comments, I’m incredibly thankful that I don’t have to live my life following the bible. Most of the bullet points are great though. We go on dates at least 3x a week. I want to try out the lipstick thing, she might like that!

  80. 106

    Ali says

    Thank you!!! Thank you for this post. I agreed with everything on this list. I also wanted to say we talk about all of our decisions but when it comes down to it I stand by whatever decision my husband makes EVEN if I don’t agree with it. I will go to bat for any decision he has made. Thank you again for a wonderful post.

  81. 107

    Kourtney says

    This is my first time on your blog. I found this post through Pinterest. I wanted to say thank you for this list!! I agree with everything 100% So many women are too scared to talk/post things that pertain to the bible! And too few people want to take the time to read and understand it with an open mind and figure out what it ACTUALLY means! Thanks again! Keep on!!

  82. 108

    Lola says

    No MisStine, you don’t feel the way you do about 20 & 21 because you’re young, but because you are an intelligent woman who understands that women are equal to men. I am almost 50, and my husband of 20+ yrs and I make ALL of the big decisions together because we are equals. God made us equals. Small decisions may be made by me, or him, or both of us, but big decisions ALWAYS by both of us together. Other than those two really backwards-thinking idea, there are some really good ideas here.

    • 108.1

      Tanya says

      I don’t think it’s fair to say that women who feel the man is the head of the household/decision maker are not intelligent women (for the record I am also young). Rather I feel that they are God fearing and listen to the way that God has intended it to be. As many other women have explained on here, letting him have the final say does not in anyway mean that he has the ONLY say. It means that as a family unit you discuss the options and prayerfully consider the choices. If you do not agree still then you should trust that your husbands decision is in the best interest of your family. I personally believe that God has a plan for my life and that whatever decision is made is part of his plan.

      As to being equal, I’m not sure if you’re a Christian or believe in the Bible but I certainly do and when God created woman it was with the intent of being a helper to man. “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18)–God’s words, not mine.

      If you don’t believe the Bible I can see how it is easy to get caught up in today’s selfish culture. It’s always me, me, me, why can’t I have a say? We need to be focusing more on what God wants for us and less on our own selfish ambition.

      Another point that seems to be made in these comments often is about how if the woman is the breadwinner she should have the decision making power. Roles in a godly marriage should not be defined on materialistic/worldly measures such as money, it should be based on what God has clearly defined in his scripture.

      I will be getting married in September and will definitely be taking some of the advice on this list–some of it is not our personalities but the essence of this list (or at least what I got from it) is to treat your partner as a precious gift and remember they are a blessing. It also tells you to remember to have fun with your spouse, and most importantly, it tells you to remember that God is in charge and we are to follow His word and will, as found through the Scripture.

  83. 109

    Rachel says

    There are definitely things on this list that won’t apply to every relationship and deciding who makes what decisions is something that is different for every couple, but overall I love this list. It has some great suggestions on how to keep your relationship healthy and keeping the romance around. It’s so easy for your significant other to feel more like a roommate to you than a spouse so it’s nice to have some more ideas to keep your relationship healthy.

  84. 111

    Christopher says

    Sweet Lord in Heaven! If anyone reads after this, please understand what she is saying: Two people are in a marriage, yes? If two people are in a marriage, then SOMEONE has to make the final decision if there is gridlock…it just HAS to be that way logically. If we were married in threes, then this would not an issue, as the majority would make the decision. Who gets to make said decision? Biblically, it is the man who is Head of his household. May women, in the flesh, do not like this–as promised by GOD in Genesis 3: Your desire shall be for him (to be his head), but he will rule over you.

    Now, of course, the ideal is that a man PERFECTLY love Jesus, however, no man (or woman) perfectly loves Jesus. He may be a complete idiot, so you pick up the big guns and…pray for him, while submitting. Control what you can control, which does not include your husband.

    Educationally speaking (degrees), I have more than my wife. However, she is eons smarter and more practical than I am, so, no, she is not stupid…which is not what the Bible is saying ANYWAY. In all of this talk by women on here insulting the author about being stuck in the 1955s, please understand that she is being biblical…and biblical will always be out of style with the World.

  85. 112

    Rosalee says

    Good post, as an educated and intelligent young woman about to get married this year, I had no issues with this post.

    If this is how you act in regards to a post by a stranger, I wonder what you reactions might be day to day.

    I personally will enjoy incorporating these things in our marriage.

    God bless.

  86. 113

    says

    thumbs up for this list!
    now if i could only get my husband to read this too…………………………….*dreaming on* :-/

  87. 114

    Kime says

    LOVE your suggestions! I have a few more- Put on lipstick and leave a big kiss on the mirror for him! Also, I like to cut out little quotes about love, togetherness, etc. and tape them to the inside of the medicine cabinet so he can see them every morning when he gets ready for work. Another thing that he liked- I hung a little monkey that makes kissing noises on the turn signal lever in his truck. He still has it hanging there! BTW-Next yr will be our 30th anniversary!

  88. 115

    Bow says

    Hi Kristen! You are a beautiful, bold, and fruitful woman! I bet your family praises you (Proverbs 31) for being a God fearing woman!

    I grew up without a mother, and I have to say, I am thirsty for a godly example as to what a submissive, God fearing wife looks like. Though I am single with no prospects, I thank you for your silly, encouraging, Christ centered list…I hope and pray that God will give me the desires of my heart and bring to me a God fearing man who desires God’s will and leads after Jesus’ own heart! I trust His timing!

    I know some of the previous comments are full of opinion and critisism, but remember-if it witnesses to even one soul, all of heaven rejoices…and by the looks of it, you’ve touched more than one womans heart for the better!

    Keep strong (Hebrews) in the race, you will surely be rewarded my sweet and wise sister. Thank you for being gracious, and for getting us back to the root of a God centered marriage. And please pray for me! As I don’t want to make marriage an idol…but it’s starting to consume my thoughts! :)

    God bless you and your sweet family,
    Rachel “bow” (my dad calls me bow, short for Rainbow, he says Im his gift from God, his little promise in the sky) :)

  89. 116

    Monroe says

    Are you people freaking serious? If god wanted your husbands to make the ‘big decisions’ for you he wouldn’t have blessed you with the capacity to make them yourselves. A man shouldn’t be the head of the house, men are not smarter or better qualified, they are our intellectual and spiritual equals.

    You want to know how to have a great marriage? Both be nice to each other, that’s it. Just be nice.

    • 117.1

      Vidonia says

      That’s a great one, it has rained for three days and nights here in Mississippi!

  90. 119

    lilian says

    My name is miss Lilian am giving a testimony on how a spell caster has bring back my ex boy friend. I meant a friend who directed me to Prophet Jakula at the internet who help people to solve their problem, then i explain my problem to Prophet Jakula he said i should not worry about that, that i should give he 2days for him to caster a spell after that 2days my ex boy friend called me on my officer line then he started begging. That is how my ex boy friend came back to me please contact prophetjakula@gmail.com……Lilian.

  91. 120

    jennifer says

    My name is Jennifer martins, from USA I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in February this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR.madurai he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 6years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to usa, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is maduraitemple@yahoo.com

  92. 122

    Valerie says

    Really sweet post. The comments are pretty interesting too. Taking God’s word into consideration in marriage stabilizes and strengthens it-it’s the common ground that is found no matter what you come up against. A lot of marriages fail because of this lack.
    Even though the Bible was written long ago, God is timeless, and so are his words. And just as he provided prophets throughout the Bible to give further advice for current times, he does now as well (Thomas S. Monson).
    Out of personal experience, when my spouse and I are trying to follow God’s path, we are so much happier and our lives go better. It doesn’t take away from my self-worth or individuality…. It adds to it.

  93. 123

    Ashlie says

    Oh my gosh! My boyfriend showed me this and even reading it, I’ve realized we do a lot of this already…. maybe he got to this list weeks before he showed it to me… :P

  94. 124

    Jemma says

    This blog greatly disheartened me. Some of it was fun and yet others left me with agitation.

    Why do so many read the bible as though it was written to americans in the 2000s? TOO many sit there and reads the English version of the bible that has been translated by patriarchal cultures and gets stuck in the brain washing view that has been a cancer in our culture and to following God.

    When you learn about the culture, how to look at all of what the bible says and not just bits in pieces, you learn that our God a good God built us as one body, with Christ as the head, Christ is the one who we all submit to.
    Ephesians 5 says to : “Submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence for Christ”. That’s how all of those instructions begin. That’s the main point! When you write a paragraph you write the main point and then go into detail.
    Do you realize how RADICAL this statement was to the culture it was written to. This was telling husbands how to treat their wives with respect (in a culture that treated them as property, and the men got away with it because they believed the men were in charge). This is a prescription for the Ephesians that would have been difficult to here. Submit to one another. Yes, wives still submit to your husbands, but HUSBAND SUBMIT. In otherwords you don’t always get the last say husbands.
    Have you gone back and looked at the Greek? Have you read how these words were translated into english, but just don’t quite have the same concepts in our culture that they had then? Please don’t just study the english version of the bible, what a tragedy to live this way. Did you know the greek word translated for submit in our version is actually a lot like “respect”.
    If youre a women and you are indecisive or hate making decisions than this works out great for you. Go ahead and let your husband make the decisions, but not because the bible tells you to, because it tells you to both submit. Do it because God made you as someone who happens to not be good at making desicions in those matters. This does not mean that your neighbors wife should let all of her husbands make the final decisions.
    If you study the bible, you will learn that God created us to be one body, all with different gifts and those gifts are to be suited to be used in community. Let’s face it, some wives are way better with numbers than their husband, some husbands are way better with numbers than their wives. When we use our gifts that God gave us (which biblically shouldnt we use?) you will find that our strength and weaknesses compliment one another. Sometimes a husband is best suited to make a decision and sometimes women are, the Holy Spirit doesn’t JUST dwell and work in the husband or the wife for guidance.
    Their are plenty of egalitarian marriages, that know the truth that men and women are equal before God… remember “there is no longer Jew nor Gentile, slave or free, nor is their male or female” Gal 3:28.
    No longer male nor female! Do you know how awesome crazy radical that was and IS. Do you know what those implications to even utter those words would have meant for them. It would have knocked the wind out of them a hundred timed over. It sounds like some of us need the wind knocked out of us. Instead of looking for the holy spirit to just give your husband wisdom, the holy spirit offers all of us great Godly wisdom. I’ve witnessed God’s truth when God grants wisdom to women who co-lead with their husband. You can not deny the power of the holy spirit to work in women. The bible says their is no longer male nor female, we are all created in HIS image (one of us is not created more in His image than the other). We need to use each others wisdom to make the best decisions and submit to one another out of reverence and the great Spirit of God directs your path.
    I know so many of you believe that complimentarian marriages are the way to go, but I encourage you all, do not limit the power of God. When you decide that He can not use you to make final decisions you prevent Him from working in your marriage. You may overlook a huge calling on your life because “you don’t make the decisions”.

    For all of you who have been frustrated with the message that men are to make the final decisions and that women are simply suppose to submit because they do not have the final say, I feel your pain. And also, I’m sorry to women who feel like they could never be a Christian because people have made you believe this, and deep down you know that you werent created to be that way (because if you didn’t make some final financial decisions you and your husband would have blown all your money on stocks and you’d be living in your car). I get it. Other people get it too. There are egalitarian marriages and they are Godly and holy and beautiful.