A Marriage Redeemed [Our Story]

Magical. It’s really the only word that described the week our family had just spent at Walt Disney World. It was one of those once-in-a-lifetime trips — the kind you dream, plan, and save for — and it had been a fairy tale.

We were on the long drive home to Texas, the kids asleep in the back of our van, still wearing their mouse ears. I was tired, too, but on a high that comes from making dreams come true. I didn’t know my “perfect world” was about to end.

My husband, Terrell, and I had been married for 10 years. We were good friends in Bible college, and our friendship was one of the best parts of our marriage. After many years of full-time ministry, we had recently settled into the new roles of salesman and homemaker. Life wasn’t perfect with two preschool-aged kids, but we were happy … happy and hiding a dark secret.

Terrell and I were talking on the drive home.  I don’t remember what led to his confession. It just happened. I remember thinking, This can’t be real. I must have misunderstood him. He’s telling me about a friend; this isn’t my best friend’s secret.

But it was: My hubby had just told me he was addicted to pornography. Just like that, the fairy tale ended.

I’ll never forget what I did next: I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed into the back of our van where my children were sleeping. I crouched between their two car seats, pulled my knees up to my chin, and cried. I stayed back there for a long time, until I could finally make eye contact with the stranger in the rearview mirror.

This was the beginning of a dark and painful journey that would change my entire life. Perhaps it was my naivety about men and how they are created, or my ignorance about the vast world of lust and pornography, but Terrell’s confession hit me hard. Although I never once contemplated divorce, I did suggest living as roommates at opposite ends of the house.

We embarked on a long, gut-wrenching healing process. My search was for forgiveness. Terrell’s was for freedom. We went to a marriage counselor who deals with this specific issue. He dealt more with me than with my husband, by the way; the counselor was so proud of my husband for resisting and fighting against the deviant, sinful world for so many years and offered him simple tools to resist temptation. But I was scared. I didn’t know how to trust Terrell again. I was emotionally fragile and spent a lot of time blaming myself.  I wondered what I could have done differently.

Terrell and I dove deeply into recovery. It became our full-time job. We existed to overcome. I threw away every magazine and catalog in the house and installed securities on our computers and phones. We read books and online articles. We prayed, cried, begged, yelled, and tried to find each other again.

There were setbacks along the way for both of us. I was paranoid Terrell would be tempted. Terrell was tempted and paranoid to tell me. But we waged war against the enemy that tried to destroy us. Ultimately, we knew with God on our side, we would win.

In the midst of such devastation, something unbelievable began to happen just days after Terrell’s confession: With the secret exposed to the Light and focused attention on our relationship, we began to experience an intimacy that was previously unknown in our marriage. God birthed something new through our pain and began turning our ashes into beauty.

My husband learned to kill lust by starving his eyes. He refused to even glance at an image that was tempting, and in doing so, I became his only target — just the way God intends. My family (mostly unaware of our struggle at the time) mentioned on more than one occasion that we’d better be careful or we might end up with a third child.

We did — about a year after our Disney vacation. Her name is Grace because that’s what God gave us. We renewed our marriage vows and exchanged rings with a secret inscription that still fills my eyes with tears.

Forgiveness is a choice and one I made. It was instant, and it was gradual. It was easy, and it was hard. It was something I had to choose more than once. I’ve learned that forgiveness is a way of life. Trusting again is the challenge. And since husbands tend to be human, I knew Terrell would let me down at some point. The greatest lesson I learned is to put my trust in God, who has never disappointed me.

Six years later, I don’t think I fully grasp what it cost my husband to risk it all on that drive home. But he was tired of fighting, he wanted total freedom, and he was willing to lose everything — the wife he loves desperately and the kids he cherishes — to have it.

His Story:

I was 10 or 11 years old when the deep, sharp hooks first stuck in my soul. My innocence was gone, and a 25-year fight began: the battle between desiring God and satisfying the flesh. Like most young men, I was unequipped for a war like this. No one ever talked about lust and pornography, except to condemn it as sin.

I lived a vicious cycle of repentance and sin in isolation. I thought marriage would be the cure. It helped, but then Kristin and I purchased our first computer.

On that drive home from our dream vacation, I couldn’t take any more of my private nightmare. A week earlier, I had finished the book Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker (WaterBrook Press) and I wanted freedom. With every word I spoke,  I knew that I might lose my marriage and my kids. I was scared, but I had more to lose living a lie. True repentance is a 180-degree turning from sin toward God.

I wasn’t prepared for the damage or the pain my secret would cause our marriage, but God was ready. He graciously stood by us. My beautiful, innocent wife became Jesus with skin on and offered forgiveness. I dove into God’s Word. With each day, counseling session, accountability meeting, and late-night talk, our marriage began to heal. Sin cannot live in the light.

Six years later, I can declare that God is faithful. If you struggle with pornography and lust, let me encourage you: Don’t believe Satan’s lies. Lust is not a “problem.” It’s sin. God’s Word declares, “If we say, ‘We have no sin,’ we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9). Freedom is available.

Reprinted from HomeLife, January 2012, 34. © 2012 LifeWay Christian Resources. Used by permission. Be sure to check out future articles from Kristen Welch in the February 2012, April 2012, and June 2012 issues.www.lifeway.com/homelife.

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Comments

  1. 1

    says

    Wow. This is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve read. Thank you for your honesty and for your beautiful story. We all have our demons, and how beautiful to overcome them together as a couple, whatever the cost. Bravo to both of you.

  2. 4

    Kate says

    I am praying I have a story like yours to tell in a few years…having a marriage that has been healed & redeemed. We are in a really rough place and have been for several years. I’ve been feeling rather discouraged lately because I feel like we have exhausted all of our resources, nothing seems to be helping & I’m loosing hope things will ever turn around. I feel all I can do at this point is pray God does some major work in our lives that will lead to the healing we need.
    Thanks for sharing your story.

    • 4.2

      Struggling Wife says

      Right. There. With. You.

      We were driving . . . across the country . . . to our son’s wedding . . . when I picked up my husband’s cell phone and discovered that he was having an affair. Heartbreak cannot begin to describe the pain. (and faking it as the “big happy family” for a week . . . utterly gut-wrenching)

      That was 2 years ago . . . and we are still struggling. He refuses to go to counseling. He thinks I should be “over it”.

      Praying that somehow the Lord can truly rebuild our marriage, and that we don’t spend the next 30 years faking it.

      heart broken

  3. 5

    Joshua says

    Dear Kristen & Terrell,

    Thank you for sharing this. I’m struggling as I’m writing this, trying to ask for help. This is a battle that I have been fighting for a long time, but I don’t know if I have the courage to do what you’ve done, Terrell. I’m truly scared. I’ve failed so many times in the past. I’ve failed my wife, my family, myself. On more than one occasion, I have considered a cowardly way out. But one that would leave my children without a father.

    There are times that I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I feel like such a hypocrite at church. As I’m sure you’re aware, the pain is real.

    I am a regular reader of your blog, and as a man, this may sound odd. But I want what you and your wife have. I want to have that intimacy with my wife that I read about here.

    • 5.1

      kristen says

      Joshua,
      We are praying for you today. It might sound trite, but don’t give up. Praying God will be very near you and your wife and asking believing for complete freedom today.

    • 5.2

      Kim says

      Joshua,
      Praying for you today. Praying you are able to find the strength to open up to someone. Even if it’s not your wife, yet. That you have someone that you can be fully open with. My husband did an online course called Setting Captives Free that really helped. There is also an online wife’s course. But nothing helped more than the two of us being able to be open and honest. No matter how it hurt.

    • 5.3

      Terrell says

      Joshua,

      Feeling that there is no way out is a lie. I bought into that lie for so many years…trapped, depressed, scared. The devil tells us if we come clean people will shun is; we will lose our marriage and kids. He tells you that you can get control of this on your own.

      The truth is you will lose your marriage and kids if you keep going down this path. Confess to someone today – a pastor, a friend, a counselor. Check out the resources on this site under “He said, She said,” as well as
      Focus on the Family.

      I am praying for you today.
      Terrell

    • 5.4

      Ann says

      Joshua,

      I’m sure where you are coming from is a scary place. And, as a wife that’s been there, you need to go into it knowing that she’ll feel as though you’ve cheated on her and that she’s been deceived. My husband never confessed to me, I found out on my own one day while I was cleaning the temporary memory on our computer. It was the most painful thing to deal with in our marriage that we’d ever faced. (Trust me, we’ve faced a lot! We’ve lost 2 children, nearly lost a third, and prior to dealt with 7 years of infertility.)

      It’s taken us 3 years to work through this problem. Mostly, it has been my working through trust issues. Either way, I’m glad that we finally dealt with it, and dealt with it the right way, together. You may be afraid of what will happen when you tell your wife, but if she finds out on her own, her reactions and feelings of deception will be so much worse. Be honest and willing to go to whatever counseling and therapies that are necessary to overcome it. With God’s grace, you will overcome the problem.

      Addiction to pornography is a much wider issue amoung Christians than we’re all willing to admit. I’ll be praying for you and you marriage that you’re able to share with your wife and face the problem together.

      God be with you.
      Ann

      • 5.4.1

        Kim says

        Ann, wish there was a ” like” button. It’s funny how each time I read what a wife felt and often times the trust issues, it’s like someone read my diary from those awful years.
        Kim

    • 5.5

      Heather says

      Joshua, you are not alone. Your post brought me to tears. There are so many struggling with this and thousands of other demons. It is not a reason to give up. Your children NEED you. And they need you as a flawed father, who seeks after the perfect Father, so that when they are flawed they see that there is hope. I am lifting you and your family up in prayer. Keep up the good fight…

  4. 6

    says

    This week marks 5 years since our marriage was hit with this same exact situation. These words sound like they’re from our story. It has been a tough 5 years but it’s also been an amazing 5 years. Amazing to see how God redeems the broken. We too were blessed with a (surprise!) 3rd baby boy in the midst of our heartache. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is special gift from the Lord. Thank you for sharing your story!

  5. 7

    Rosanne says

    Thank you for sharing. Your words will help many marriages struggling with the same issue. May God richly bless you!

  6. 8

    Kelly says

    Joshua and Kate, I will be praying for you! Be encouraged for He tells us, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 If He can overcome the world, He can help you overcome this, too!

  7. 9

    says

    For the sake of privacy to my family and my husband, I cant tell you why, but I can tell you that the raw honestly of this post is gripping my heart like wrench right now. I am so, so grateful for you and your husband. For your struggle, and for the fact that you have Glorified GOD in this!! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    • 9.1

      kristen says

      Amanda,
      I’m praying for you today. All our marriages face hard times-it may not look the same, but it’s a very real battle.
      xoxo

  8. 10

    says

    Thank you for being courageous enough to be so vulnerable with us here.

    My parents’ marriage was ripped apart by my dad’s addiction to pornography and then ensuing affairs. I wish he had cared more about us than himself.

    Thank you for showing many that there is hope and grace. :)

  9. 11

    Kaira says

    Joshua,
    I’m praying for you this morning, and I’ll continue praying for you. I pray for courage and strength and freedom and a restored marriage.

  10. 12

    Melissa O says

    I recently came to realize that my teenage son has been living with this dark secret for some time now. I want so badly for him to know God’s grace…but I also want to smash the computer over his head. It’s so hard.

  11. 13

    Meagan says

    I, too, hope that at some point, our story will sound like this.
    We’ve been waging this war for a year now, and so far the attacks are still coming fast and furious. While we started last year with great hope and (like you talked about) an unprecedented intimacy, it was short lived, and the disappointments have been many. I so often stand in the shower, feeling a bit of relief from the pain of the scalding water, weeping for a trust I feel I will never find.
    Thank you for sharing your story. This is a darkness that needs to be brought into the light so that men (and women) can address it without stigma or shame.

    • 13.1

      kristen says

      Meagan,
      Yes, Satan likes us to think we are absolutely alone. I understand your pain and as you can imagine, there are details to our story that won’t be shared, but I do believe total freedom is possible. Don’t give up! Praying for you today…

    • 13.2

      Kim says

      Megan,
      I will be praying for you. I pray thatnyour husband is in some sort of accountablity group. My husband finally camr to the realization he needed this to stay on track. But it was only through Gods grace that he was able to give it all up. He still struggles and there are slips (though few and far between). Remember you are not alone. During my darkest nights God was there holding me, even when I couldn’t feel him.
      Kim

  12. 14

    says

    PRAISE THE LORD!! Thank you for opening your hearts!

    My husband and I went down this same road after 7 years of marriage.
    It finally came boiling over and I ran. I filed for divorce.
    But my husband refused to give up on us.

    The LORD put us back together better than ever before.
    My husband was healed.
    I was healed.
    WE WERE HEALED!
    The Lord gave us a prize for our hard work…our house grew by TWO FEET!!
    We had our first son the next year.
    Last year we had our first daughter.
    We are now 6 years past the storm.

    THANK YOU for reminding me of how BLESSED we are!
    WE are THAT family!!

  13. 15

    Heather Jirka says

    As always a beautiful post. Those who know you and those who have followed you for years understand your message. Those who are willing and open, will execpt it for what it is. Look at the ney-sayers as a lesson, in the fragality of the human spirit. Look for a way to reach them instead of take their words to heart. We are all scared of being open and honest, sometimes it causes us to look to deeply into our own lives. You and Terrell are doing what you feel is for the betterment of others, open your heart to the negitivity and push back with light and love.
    You two are an ispiring team.
    Lots of love, Kristen.

  14. 16

    Kim says

    Thank you for sharing your story. A lot of it mirrors our past almost 4 years. We, by the grace of God, are rebuilding our marriage.
    I pray that you all being so open will help others open up about this sin.

  15. 17

    says

    Hallelujah! I am so happy for your marriage that stayed together! I am glad that God is triumphing in you and Satan has been defeated.

    I have a friend whose marriage wasn’t so blessed and has been destroyed by pornography.

    Praying for you as you share your story and reach out to others.

  16. 18

    AK says

    I’m glad your story is turning out so wonderful…so blessed.
    I’m with the others that are commenting here that their road is still very rocky. My husband knows it’s wrong and that it’s a tough war but he also tends to not understand the impact it’s had on me-a woman who has struggled with anorexia and self-image since her teens. I hurt every day…we’re both trying but WOW is this hard to overcome. I have three sons…you can bet I have explained to them ‘oh be careful little eyes what you see…”. Here’s to all of us giving it our all!

  17. 19

    Canadian Anne says

    Dear Kristen:
    Your story reminds me of another…mine.
    I was pregnant the summer of 2005, when I innocently came home from grocery shopping with my daughter. What I walked into would rock my world. My husband confessed to me that he’d had 2 one night-stands with a woman. I was sucker-punched and literally gasping for air. We have known each other since Grade 7 and were high school sweethearts. We had a good marriage, and I never dreamed that this would slip in unawares. I had NO WARNINGS…none, and that is not me being naive. This is almost 7 years later now, and I still sometimes look back and wonder if there were signs I wasn’t aware of…there were none. What I learned, as my husband and I talked, cried, shared, I screamed and yelled and raged at him, over the next days and even weeks, was that this all stemmed out of pornography…only this time, instead of it being “virtual” it was acted out on in “real life.” Before this had happened, I had always had the “if my husband ever does ____, I will boot his sorry tush to the curb, and not let the door hit him in the rear on the way out.” I didn’t…but it was only by God’s grace and mercy that he wasn’t homeless that night (smile!).
    As we listened to “Every Man’s Battle” on Audio CD, over the next weeks, I gained a deep understanding of just how insidious pornography is. My marriage and family had come under attack, under my nose, and it was a “God-incidence” that it came out when it did. I also gained a new sympathy for godly men who are trying to break free from the chains of pornography, and how hard it is to walk virtuously in this broken and depraved world in which we live. Instead of looking down on men, as I had before, for struggling with this, my heart was broken for them. It still does break.
    Our marriage now is not the same as it was B.A. (Before Affair). It is deeper, trust has been restored, our intimacy is deeper (and not just sexually), and we don’t take things for granted anymore. I had my eyes opened, and naivete thrown aside by this happening. This DOES happen to GOOD marriages and “good, proper Christian couples.” Men who struggle with this aren’t drooling, knuckle-dragging neanderthals, or “dirty old men.” They are the men who sit in the row ahead of you every Sunday, serve on the Deacons Board at your church, teach Sunday School or minister to Youth, lead worship and praise, take up the offering, attend mens’ retreats, preach from your pulpit, members in good standing, work hard to provide for their families, take their kids to school, and are men whom you’d love to have as neighbours.
    Kristen, thank you, THANK YOU, for writing and sharing this.
    Many blessings to you!

  18. 21

    says

    Hope.
    So much hope in this post.
    I love this one Kristen.
    2 years ago we walked through this heartache with some of our closest friends….
    Daily. Then weekly. Then monthly. (and to be honest, I didn’t fully believe restoration was a possibility)
    But by God’s grace, theirs also is a story of redemption….
    Of how He makes all things new.
    And they are so much closer now than ever before…
    To Him and to each other.
    But what a road of redemption it was.
    I didn’t know this was part of your story.
    Make me love ya all the more–
    This life-story of God’s grace and mercy healing a marriage into Beautiful.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Love,
    K

    Side note–we honeymooned in Disneyworld as well :)

  19. 22

    jd says

    Thank you for sharing. I am in that dark place in my marriage currently. Six weeks ago, I discovered evidence of my husband’s long-time affair. It was devastating, as I had specifically asked him about this girl several times. He continued to lie until I described in detail the content of the emails and pictures I had seen. And now, although he claims he’s saved, he has shown no remorse, sorrow, or evidence of repentance to me or (more importantly) to God. I struggle to love him and continually forgive him, even when he isn’t changing. I deeply desire what you have, and pray constantly that God would bless our marriage and convict my husband of his sin and bring him to repentance. It’s so hard when he’s not following through with what he said he’d be doing- books to read, devotionals to do, going to counseling, etc. I pray that I will continue to have the strength and patience to fight until God changes our marriage or I die (hopefully the former!). Thank you for sharing that there is hope.

  20. 23

    says

    Kristen and Terrell, thank you so much for sharing.. This will sound horrible but sometimes I WISH my husband would admit he’s addicted to porn.. THEN we could begin to deal with our problems.. I suspect he thinks he just “harmlessly” flirts with it.. I want what you have to.

    I am praying..

  21. 25

    says

    Thanks for posting this. Porn addiction is a silent epidemic among teens and men in our churches, and I’m so grateful to you for being honest here!

  22. 26

    Abby Pedersen says

    Thank you for sharing that. It couldn’t have been an easy thing to share but it’s awesome that you did so that others can learn from this. God is amazing the way he works in our lives, isn’t He?
    Blessings & Love!

  23. 27

    marky says

    Thank you and Terrell for being so transparent! What a beautiful example of God’s grace and forgiveness at work! Praise Him! And what a great example of humbling self and seeking God’s glory!

  24. 28

    says

    Thanks for being so transparent. My husband is a counselor/pastor and he sees the effects of pornagraphy alot. We’ve been married 20 years and when we first got married he asked me not to leave cothing catalogs laying around. I remember thinking “What kind of man have I married? How weak must he be?” Then an older, much wiser woman told me that it took a lot of strength for a man to say that and I needed to honor it. I’m so very glad I did.

    We have 4 boys and 2 girls – 3 of the boys are currently teenagers- and we are very diligent to help make sure they don’t fall into this trap of satan’s. I have to say, that I am also probably more aware of when girls and women are not dressed appropriately. Time after time I see my boys having to avert their eyes in places where they shouldn’t have to…places like church and homeschool activities. I’ve had women tell me that it’s the guy’s problem if they lust. But I think that in christian love we should be making it easier for our brothers in Christ not harder. ok, stepping off my soapbox.

  25. 29

    Blessed Mama says

    Wow! As I read your testimony I had to keep wondering if it was ours! Our story is so similar of course, ours didn’t include the awesome Disney trip!…lol…God works in such glorious ways! In our situation God used this horrific situation to soften our hearts and draw us to Him as well as draw us to one another! We also had our third child nearly a year after our explosive “coming out”! God is good all the time!

  26. 31

    Faith says

    Kristen and Terrell,
    Thank you sooo much for being courageous enough to be real and honest. My husband and I found out about a wonderful ministry that addresses these issues very well. It is WITMinistries.com. I encourage you and anyone else struggling with these issues to check it out. They even have a ministry to children. It has helped us immensely. We are not out of the woods yet but I am just looking to God moment by moment for wisdom and direction. God Bless you, your family, and your ministry here at WeAREThatFamily.
    Faith

  27. 32

    says

    We never “just happen” to things~ so finding your site today is def a God Thing!.. I love how God is using your life experiences to help heal the hurt of other people, many of whom are strangers to you. The enemy loves to make a bad situation worse, but only with God can that same situation be a blessing and used for His Glory! Praise God!

    As I am sure you are seeing now, though at the time you most certainly feel so alone, there are many similar stories. And ours isn’t much different. In only 8 short years we have been through enough to write a book. Three affairs (the first one while I was pregnant with our son.) drugs, countless lies and more heartache than I care to remember. Only with the last affair did I learn of his porn addiction. And I don’t know which one was worse. The affair or the addiction. But there are several things that I now know to be true~

    1. Hurt people hurt.

    2. If God will bring you to it, He will bring you through it!

    3. God never promises us it will be easy~ just that He will be with us through it.

    4. I can’t change people~ That has to be between them and God. ~ I tried for many years to change my husband. I begged, pleaded, demanded, cried, got mad, yelled, cried some more, threatened, worried, ignored and finally realized that it wasn’t my job. My job was to love and support him through it~ and to love myself through it~ which brings me to #5

    5. Allow yourself time to grieve and be healed. I am the kind of person who has to keep moving. I have to pick up and stay busy. I feel like I can sleep later when I am old and rest when I am with God in heaven. Especially as women we tend to not make time for ourselves~ but we need to. I say grieve because a part of your life, a part of your heart and a part of you died. It can be better if you allow yourself healing. I was so busy justifying my anger and trying to change him that I couldn’t let go and Let God. (if that makes sense.) which brings me to #6~

    6. Let Go and Let God. I remember while we were going through one of our darkest moments we were at church. During worship God gave me a vision~ I was in a room. I couldn’t see the ceiling or the floor. Everything was white as far as the eye could see. Suspended was only a rope, to which I clung with all my life. I heard God gently say, “Let Go and trust Me.” “But God, I can’t~ I will fall.” “Steph, I will catch you.” “But God…” “If you trust me you will let go.” This conversation went on for some time much the same way until I realized that He can see the end from the beginning~ so who am I to argue with God? (that natural womanly instinct?) The most amazing thing happened~ When I let go of the rope, I saw that the floor was right there below me the whole time. I simply put my feet down. I didn’t fall, I stepped down. I was so busy being focused on my problems that I wasn’t focused on God! So…

    #7. Keep your focus on God! (enough said)

    I could go on for the next hour~ but this is your blog and not mine.. (sorry) I wanted to say Thank you for being open and real. It takes very special people and a special love for God to share your story that it might lift Him up and also encourage many others who are going through the same thing that they can make it and make it better!

    I am currently reading John Bevere’s book Relentless~( http://messengerinternational.org/store/relentless-experience-curriculum) and though it isn’t about marriage or infidelities it is very powerful in our walk and life with God. In it there is a very powerful portion of the book that explains that as Christians we are to be rulers of this earth~ that we are to be the head and not the tail. To me this means war! We pray often times like we are sad~ don’t be sad! Be mad~ at the enemy. We need to begin taking back our marriages and our children and begin making declarations over our life instead of always asking God for things. God knows what we need before we ask it. He wants us to have faith that he will deliver it… We need to begin EXPECTING that healing and that marriage be turned around. He also says in this book that the word “grace” means more than just to be covered by God’s love and that we are forgiven of our sins. “Grace” means God’s empowerment in our lives~ Be empowered by God’s love and know that through Him ALL things are possible.

    I declare that you be blessed beyond measure and that through your story~ many marriages will be healed and restored better than they ever were! God is using you both in a very powerful way and because you said “Yes Lord” He will pour our His favor over you and your family! Thank you both for your boldness!

  28. 33

    Sarah says

    I have read and re-read this story 6 or 7 times in the last few days. EVERY time it brings tears to my eyes and the burning sick feeling that comes with the discovery that you are married to an addict. But it gives me hope, and that is a rare commodity in my home right now. THANK YOU.

  29. 34

    hannah says

    Please keep me and my husband in your prayers. Just found out this week that he has be deceiving me around our finances, and through shame and self expectations has been doing this since just before we married (although the issues are stemming from years before. We’ve met with people from our church and praying lots, put strategies in place – but my struggle like yours is trust. I feel shattered inside and afraid for what I’m going to find in the mail today. We have come before the lord a lot individually and together and I also feel God with me, his strength and peace, but the pain doesn’t go away that quickly.

  30. 35

    Jessica S says

    Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability that will be such an inspiration to so many. In your story, God gets the Glory and the enemy is defeated. Perfect! Thank you!

  31. 36

    says

    Crying tears as I read this. I am the beginning stages of dealing with this. My husband still does not see it as an issue but I have told him how I feel with much tears and anger. He says he will work on it, but refuses help and accountability. Please pray for us. I have support groups and counseling.

  32. 37

    says

    I stumbled across this post through Pinterest somehow. Funny how that works. I am so grateful for your transparency, vulnerability and raw honesty in sharing your story here. What a blessing to come across your story at just this time in my life. I’d love to share my story with you sometime if you’re willing to hear it. I believe in a God who still performs miracles, and I am witnessing those miracles in my own life. :) May God richly bless your marriage and your family! Thanks for posting this.

  33. 38

    Ana says

    I shed tears of joy AND sorrow as i read your post….

    Joy for your blessings and sorrow that my marriage could not be saved…

    Joy that both you and your husband were willing to be transperant and make the efforts to change your marriage

    Sorrow that my husband refused to accept there is any problem at all (even when he was secretly doing porn and was completely avoiding being with me)…

    Joy that you have your husband and your marriage back AND more importantly, you BOTH have Christ back in your life…

    Sorrow that i am fighting it out in the court and he is making my life miserable even as our marriage is breaking… and that I am surrendering to Christ and the husband doesnt know Christ at all…

    God bless you both and your family abundantly… :)

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