Get to Know Your Spouse: Questions to Ask

He rushed in from work, worn from a long 12 hour day. Kids met him at the door, one asking for help with math homework, the other for basketball pointers. Our youngest held onto his leg with a death grip. We quickly kissed and I worked to get dinner on the table, knowing we’d have to shorten our family devotion, so we could make it to community group on time.

Our eyes locked with a long glance over the math book , one that said, “I want to connect with you.”

We both knew we had Mercy House reports to finish once the kids were in bed.

It’s a typical day at our house.

There’s a lot of talking in our house, just not so much with each other or privately.

I think that’s why we both push everything aside to make date nights possible. But let’s face it, connecting once a month isn’t enough. We make a habit of taking time (sometimes it’s over the phone or under the covers in the middle of the night) to ask each other questions.

I’ve been married to this guy for 17 years. We renewed our wedding vows six years ago during this difficult season and exchanged these rings. His has a special inscription on it. I’ve always known it was important to him. The other day he took off his ring while working out and called me frantically because he couldn’t find it.

I asked him, “What would you do if you couldn’t find it?” He said that’s not an option. And then he said, “it’s the most important physical possession I own. It represents so much to me.”

I had no idea.

But discovering this small bit of information made me feel closer to him. I tucked it in my heart and I’ve thought about it more than once.

Marriage takes work and communication. If you don’t ask, they won’t tell you what’s happening in their heart.

P. S. I searched the house while he was at work and found the ring in his pocket. Sheer joy returning it to him.

I’m wrapping up this little marriage series–for now. Thanks for sharing your hearts and being committed to love your spouse better. 


15 days of marriage in review:

I Respect Him, He Loves Me

{Dear Mr. Welch}: On Writing Love Letters

100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock (pinned over 20,000 times on Pinterest and brought a dose of controversy)

Old Married People

Fun Ways to Say I Love You

{Dear Mrs. Welch} What I Love About You

The Key to a Good Marriage {Free Printable} 

A Marriage Redeemed [Our Story]

Getting Along: Marriage

200+ Date Nights


  1. 1

    Danielle says

    Thank you Kristen for continually inspiring me! My husband has struggled with a number of issues (alcohol mainly) that really began to affect our entire lives and was slowly destroying us. We tried counselling and what has worked for me personally more than anything, is listening to you…taking what you’ve taught me and putting it into practice.

    We’ve been married for nearly 6 years and have two beautiful children. Our marriage has definitely had some rocky times but life has been so much better in the last few years. Like you, divorce is not an option and we want this to be for the rest of our lives. I hate that so many people give up so quickly and your family is such an inspiration in all that you do!!!

  2. 2

    VL says

    Thank you so much for sharing these amazing posts with us. I too have gained so much from the short time that I’ve been following your blog (I stumbled upon it on Day 1 of your Marriage series). Thank you for being brave enough to share so much with us. I’ve found that your words explain how I felt in the middle of our own devastating season when I didn’t know how to properly verbalize those feelings. Thank you for giving me insight, direction, and inspritation…you’re truly a heaven sent blessing to this wife and her family.

  3. 3

    Angela says

    I was a little late to read this series, but I really appreciate the 10 questions a wife should ask her husband anually. I asked some of them today, and we had some of the best conversation we’ve ever had. I sent the link to myself so we can revisit them and cover the questions I missed. Thanks for all the great links, suggestions and for sharing your personal story.

  4. 4


    This was such a great series Kristen, thank you! We were just discussing in our woman’s group at how marriages are so under attack. Out of all of my husbands group of friends, there are only two of them that are still married. That is really sad. It is great to see that there are still couples fighting and putting in the hard work to ensure they succeed. Thanks again!

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