I turn away angry.
We both ache with a door–and a gulf of pain–between us.
And we try to navigate our way back to each other.
She is in-between, changing attitudes like she does clothes. She craves freedom, independence. I hold on too tight. I engage and push.
I tap on her door, crawl in bed beside her. I pull her close and hang on. The quiet of just being there heals us both.
Parenting is God’s mirror: it shows us a reflection of ourselves.
I see myself in her, the way God sees me: I am stubborn. I want freedom and choices. I want things my way.
He is there, constant.
He never stops loving me.
He is patient.
I can see it now. The reflection. The gentle way He parents me. His discipline comes from abiding love. Yes, I understand.
She is becoming.
So am I.
What Parenting is Teaching Me:
- Parenting is a journey, not a destination. We don’t ever truly arrive. As our children grow, their needs change. Problems come and go, but they will always be our kids. I still call my mom when I need her. I don’t want to wish away today thinking tomorrow will be easier with my children. I want to live today the best I can and learn from it.
- Parenting is more about me growing up then my children. I used to think becoming a parent meant I knew something, but the longer I’m a mom, the more I don’t know. God uses my kids to teach me about myself everyday. Ultimately, he shows me that I can’t be the mom I long to be on my own. I need His help every.day.
- People who love each other, sometimes hurt each other. But people who love always choose forgiveness. Parenting was so physical when my kids were babies and toddlers. Exhaustion was a constant. Parenting is less physical and more emotional for me now. Feelings get hurt, words are said, but we are a family. Forgiveness is always the best choice.
- Parenting is the hardest job. It’s also the best. I’ve never done anything harder. It’s the most demanding, challenging area in my life. At the same time, growing these little people is the most fulfilling, meaningful thing I’ve ever done. It’s full of ups and downs. But I’m determined to love them well.
What I see in the reflection of Him, Me, Her:
Never let go– Never stop loving–Never give up–Always constant–Always present–Always forgiving
And just like that, we are as close as any mom and daughter can be. Loving, needing, trying to figure out this dance.
I thought I was teaching her, it turns out He was teaching me.
What are you learning on this journey?