She dropped a penny in the fountain and squeezed her eyes tight.
I smiled at her face, full of wishing.
“What did you wish for?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you,” she whispered. And then she added, her voice thick with hope “But I’m wishing for tomorrow.”
My five year old ran off to catch up with her sister and left her words for me to ponder.
How much time in the present do I spend wishing for tomorrow? I’m in this place of unknowns again. I have more questions than answers. I am constantly trying to figure out the next step.
How do we maintain Mercy House? What if people stop giving? How will we ever afford to buy land? How will we know what to do? Will our house sell? Where will we move? Will we adjust? Can we keep doing what we’re doing without burning out? How will all this happen?
It’s exhausting. This wishing, worrying, wondering.
We will be spending a lot of our time in Kenya in two weeks focusing on the future of the organization. I have been researching, brainstorming, preparing for meetings. Can I be honest with you? I don’t know what I’m doing. I was saying just that to Maureen, knowing she felt it too, this pressure and burden and inadequacy.
As soon as I said the words out loud, I heard the still small voice:
Look where you are today, Kristen. Now look behind you. How did you get here?
I touched the picture on my desk, the one that holds the smiles of eight girls and eight babies. In that moment, I was reminded He holds tomorrow just like He holds today. I didn’t know how to get here. I didn’t have it figured out, there wasn’t a formula or instructions. He performed miracle after miracle and unfolded the days and weeks and months that led me to today.
I started recounting the past with Maureen. Remembering the mountains that stood before us, here we are standing on the other side of them. Sure, there are more mountains, some of the biggest yet. But He is the same.
And He is telling me today-and perhaps you–look behind you. You were there. And now you are here. I am the constant. I will carry you.
Tomorrow is still full of wishes, but today, I’m looking behind me.