One Hot Marriage, Please

We spent the first 5 years of our marriage surviving-hard jobs, finances, infertility and more. The next 5 years of our marriage we spent struggling-kids, career changes, finances, freedom and forgiveness. Then during the next 5, we discovered our sweet spot.

But the last 3 years? Whoa. Maybe it’s because we decided to live scared, but it took years to unlock the door to hot monogamy, And now that we’ve found the key, we are never going back.

Lean in, I’ll whisper the secret (since this is a family blog and all)…..

:: serve your spouse::

Not what you were thinking, huh?

I think we skip right over serving because it’s sounds so, well, servant-like. But I’m telling y’all, that’s where it’s at.

And by service I don’t only mean, picking up their clothes, running a dreaded errand for them, hushing instead of nagging, surprising them with their favorite drink, having sex when you really don’t feel like it, ETCETERA. I’m also talking about putting aside your own desires, interests and dreams occasionally and helping your spouse pursue theirs.

When my hubby turned 42 in September, the kids and I surprised him with NASCAR race tickets. My hubby has been an avid NASCAR fan since college (go 24!). About a hundred  years ago, when he was considering a career switch from full time ministry, we talked long into the night about direction and the future. When I asked him what he really wanted to do in life, he answered drive NASCAR. He was kidding. Sort of.

So, this past weekend we traveled to the Texas Motor Speedway to watch the race, my first. We got there early because my hubby knew I’d love to add in a visit to a huge flea market nearby. It’s not his favorite thing, but he enjoys that I enjoy it and serves me like that. Rabbit trail: Look at this fun red shelf he carried all the way to the car for me:

and this tin Texas on my wall:

The race was hot and there was a lot of walking. We were surrounded by rednecks galore and the blood alcohol count around us was epic. We blocked out the deafening speedway noise with intercom headsets and we had an awesome time. Do you know what I loved most about being there? Being with my hubby and and sharing something he loves with him. In that crazy, loud place, we fell in love all over again.

On our late night drive home, we held hands and talked about how much fun it was to spend the day with each other. It was fun for our kids to see us enjoying each other’s interests. It’s hard for them to know where he ends and I begin…

We’re one month away from 18 years and I just want a million more.

Unlock the door to the marriage of your dreams by serving your spouse, even when they don’t deserve or return it. God will honor it!


  1. 3


    I agree! I served my spouse by watching football with I’m the other day. I even found that I enjoyed it! Married over 14 years and I am ready for a million more!

  2. 6

    Heather says

    Yep, that really IS the secret. Get out of the kingdom of “me” and start serving your husband. As wives, we often think we are not guilty of NOT serving our husbands because so much of our day/life is spent “serving” them…but I don’t consider my husband going to work and making the $$$$ any more service toward me than my doing the laundry, making the meals, cleaning the house is service to him. It HAS to be personal. It has to be sacrificial. And you know, we can say it’s *too hard* – but we don’t even know the beginning of what’s hard, really. I say, JUST DO IT. :)

  3. 7

    Crystal says

    I totally hear you. My husband and I have been married for 8 (not 18), but I think we’re on a similar path as you guys. Yay! :-)

  4. 8


    First of all, I know the flea market you speak of and haven’t been in ages, but glad to know there are still amazing finds to be found.

    Second of all, thank you for this post! As a SAHM its very easy for me to forget to do the extra little things. I get so caught up and busy in the day to day and know that I let moments I could serve my husband slip right past. I needed this reminder :)

    Third of all, you really know how to bring it, so please keep ’em coming!! You always seem to post something I need to hear or God wants me to hear at the right moment. Thank you for that!

    • 10.1

      kate says

      I agree with FringeGirl. I’m getting married in january and was even nervous about marriage because how often i hear christian women complaining about their husbands in whiny voices and marriage in general. I LOVE hearing the sweet parts because they’re not talked about near often enough. This is a sweet part and it involves serving, FANTASTIC! Thank you for encouraging me by sharing this post. :)

  5. 12


    This was excellent, thank you!! It’s something I had to learn early on in my marriage, or leave. It was heartbreaking and I am so so glad that I chose to lay my life down, and chose to follow what God had for me with my husband. But then life just kinda goes by and it becomes easy, and it seems that once it becomes easy it becomes hard again. It’s a daily taking up the cross and laying MY life down at the feet of Jesus. It’s good to have the reminder thank you!

  6. 13

    Robyn says

    I just stumbled across your blog while searching how to redo kitchen cabinets (which i emailed a Q to u). Then saw this article on Serv Your Husband. I have to say, well said! I met my Jamaican husband in 97 when he was 25 & I was 27. We weathered the growing pains of a young couple & married 10 yrs later in 2007. I learned back then that when you love a person you want to engage in what they enjoy whether it’s of much interest to you or not. My husband used to go to clothing boutiques with me and he actually paid attention to all the pretty clothes that I would pray over. To my surprise he bought the outfit for me for Christmas! And then so it was that I would learn the game of soccor and watch the Jamaican & Brazilian teams play. He thought life couldnt be any better. We honor one another in those ways and life is good. I came from a single parent home but my faith in the Lord and determination to have a happy, solid marriage has gotten me where I am today. Thanks for writing about yours. It truely is a marriage Rx.

  7. 14


    Abso-posi-lutely. This is post is so right, it deserved a brand new word to describe it. And I’m right there with the commenter who started watching football with her hubby. I always hated it, but wanted to do something he enjoyed. And it’s grown on me. At last week’s LSU/Alabama game, I officially turned into a raving football freak. He couldn’t watch the game for laughing at/with me. A lot of people tune out marriage talk when serving each other is mentioned, but it’s not anything to fear. Kindness and love shouldn’t be virtues that we have to strictly regulate in marriage to protect ourselves. Blessings, and I really enjoyed this post. Gin

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