What I Struggle With Most

“We all love you, Kristen Welch … we’re all your Jonathans and we’re standing with you and you aren’t ever alone. In COURAGE!” love, Ann  (and your incourage sisters)

This little email came last week, at a time when I needed it most.

Some days I feel so alone.

This might surprise you: I have had my ups and downs in this life–in my marriage, in mothering, in being wrecked, in the God-sized dream I struggle to live out. In all of those seasons, there has been a constant struggle-a common thread, a foe I know well.

It’s loneliness.

Not loneliness as in I don’t have anyone, but feeling alone in my struggle and journey. It’s why I started this blog more than five years ago. I was reaching out to encourage other mothers and to feel less alone.

I still struggle with it today. It looks different in every phase of life; it’s taken a completely different face in leading a nonprofit, but it’s there.

And yet, I know, I KNOW, I’m not alone.

But it remains the ugly weapon the enemy uses against me almost daily. And since it’s been a theme of my life, I wonder if you might feel it too?

Here’s what God is teaching me in my struggle:

  • It’s a lie- I am not alone. I have an amazing family, a fantastic church, a wonderful support system, a host of people I have never met who said yes with me. I am not alone. Everyone might not understand or support me  in my specific journey, but I am not alone.
  • I need to believe- It’s one thing to say we’re not alone, it’s another to believe it. Even when I feel utterly isolated and misunderstood and unappreciated, I have God. He is always with me. And when the expectations I put on others fail, I have to believe it isn’t intentional. It’s just life.
  • I can’t live isolated- It’s my tendency to do things alone. I’m an introvert and I’m happiest in a quiet house all by myself. It’s not even sad or depressing, I am energized this way. But I can’t accomplish life alone. I need community. I have to step out, ask for help and accept it.

I’m not giving up and I refuse to give in. I know I’m not alone.

And wherever you are on life’s journey, you’re not alone either.

Thank you for being here. xoxo


Comments

  1. 4

    says

    I think we are a lot alike (no mission to run here, but nonetheless …). Introverts have special abilities, a calm and an 11th hour ability that extroverts don’t always have because they are trying to keep all the plates spinning in front of others. We spin our plates solo, without applause, and while we want to have some notice for our efforts, deep down in our selfish hearts, we don’t need it.

    When we finally get up the nerve to reach into community, it’s foreign, and hard, and a lot of effort. But, we learn, and we grow in that new arena, and use what we learn well.

    Keep on learning and growing, and keep sharing, because so many people believe, truly believe, that they are alone in their circumstances, and that is probably the hardest thing to think. And, it’s the easiest lie to believe!

  2. 7

    Rhonda says

    Um, you sound so much like me! Thank you for the time you spend on this blog. It has helped me not feel so completely alone and I have taken comfort in that others struggle wth the same things I do! You have blessed me, sister!

  3. 8

    Crystal says

    I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now and I love it! I feel lonely as a military wife sometimes. It’s probably the worst part, and sometimes I wish I could trade places with “normal” women.

  4. 9

    says

    Thank you! I needed this today! I know it’s a lie but I still feel alone in my struggles. I am also in introvert. Need I say more? Thank you for this post! I loved it and you! :)

  5. 10

    says

    I hear this and I feel this. It may be totally surprising to some people to know how alone in my journey I sometimes feel. Lately it’s been alone in my adoption journey. It’s completely a lie, but there are days when I’m doing all the stuff that needs to be done and I feel like no one’s helping and I’m on my own. Crazy talk.

  6. 11

    says

    Kristen, this is totally me. I feel like you’ve read my heart because I too have struggled with loneliness my whole life – and still do. It’s a horrible feeling, and I know Satan preys on that. I have such a hard time making and keeping friends, even in my adult life, but I’m encouraged to remember God’s promises and keep on. Thanks for being honest and real with your struggles in life. But, always remember – you aren’t alone either. :)

    Take care.

  7. 12

    JenniferE says

    Introverts have special abilities that Extroverts like me will rarely have. Mainly the ability to be still, calm and quiet. That is usually when we hear God’s voice the loudest. I wonder why my children get in trouble for talking at school? Well, not really. Their dad earns a fine living talking a lot, and I have managed to talk my way into some great friendships from standing in line at the grocery store. Point being, we all struggle. Satan is the father of lies. He is very good at it. I usually feel like I have said too much, and then Satan attacks with, “Why did you say that? That was stupid.” Like Kristin, we need to recognize the faulty thinking and fight Satan at his game. My prayer for everyone, God grant us the wisdom to recognize Satan’s attacks, in whatever form they come.

  8. 14

    says

    Satan loves to make us feel alone, doesn’t he? He’s good at doing that with me too. But what a gift God gave you in that email at the exact time you needed it. I weep when He does that for me. :)

  9. 15

    Beth in the City says

    I needed to hear that it’s a lie, because I’ve been fighting this for a while now. It’s hard. Thanks for sharing.

  10. 16

    says

    Well written…and I completely understand how you feel! No matter how many people (loved ones, friends, etc) that surround me, I still have those same feelings that loom deep down, ready to attack at any moment.

  11. 17

    says

    I can relate. I live a very isolated lifestyle – especially since all the kids have flown the coup. I work at home so it takes a lot for me to get out and do things with others. I really appreciate you honesty. Bless You!

  12. 18

    Sarah says

    You are not alone. Do you know Kelly Stamps? She writes “Kellys Korner” blog. Today her post is explaining Pure Charity to the blog readers/community. She is rallying together readers to sign up for Pure Charity site and to then have portion of their sales going toward three charities. She said that together we can all do so much more. One of the three charities she selected and has on her site to support is Mercy House!!! Likely you already know about this, but in case you didn’t…..I wanted to share what great things are happening in blogging community. Blessings to you.

  13. 19

    Ellen says

    Thanks. I needed this today. Been feeling alone and struggling to find community as a newbie homeschooler with friends who are taking a different path.

  14. 20

    Katie says

    Homeschooling in the country leaves me feeling very lonely. I cling to my God and have not been forgotten, but feel very forgotten by friends.

  15. 21

    says

    I stumbled upon your blog by way of a facebook share and I am glad I did! I also just recently started blogging to encourage other women and moms because of these loneliness and inadequacy lies we listen to! Thank you for writing out your encouragement and living your life in a vulnerable way for all to see! When we know we’re not alone, it makes those alone times seem easier!

  16. 22

    says

    I definitely have my times of feeling the same way. It is a tool of the enemy’s. I feel like I’m the only mom who lets my kids get on my nerves, I’m so much worse at stuff than other people and on and on it goes. Why can Satan do that to us so easily?

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