Within minutes of hearing of the seriousness of my sister-in-law’s condition, I had regret.
While I packed bags and arranged flights, I prayed and cried and wished for just one more chance to speak to her.
It had been just over a week since we’d talked last. Why couldn’t I remember my last words to her? Did I tell her I loved her? Why did we choose a family vacation at Christmas over a family visit? She knew we loved her, but I could have done more…been a better friend, sister.
Maybe it’s the road of grief that asks these questions, this place is foreign to me, yet is fills our home and my husband’s eyes.
It’s been said that grief doesn’t change you, it reveals you.
It has uncovered much in me.
And while I can’t change the past, undo or redo moments I didn’t know I would regret, I can let this sea of mourning change my future. In the past few days, I have learned the intimate power of grieving with a spouse, answering hard questions of confused children, holding onto the hope of God.
Grief is changing the way I live:
I will say what’s on my heart more and not let it be assumed.
I will follow thru with the urge to call or write.
I will make tough decisions (update my will, create a living will, etc)
I will hug and touch more.
I will be quick to forgive.
I will not put off tomorrow what God is prompting me to do today.
I will not regret.
I will choose love.
I will let this grief be an anchor in my life.
“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” -Sarah Dessen
Life is precious. In this moment.
Live it to the fullest.