Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That

In less than a month, I’ll be on a plane to Kenya. I’ve traveled with my family the past few summers, but we have house details and home visits and an important video to shoot with a local church that has chosen Mercy House for their 2013 Advent Conspiracy, so I’m going earlier with a photographer friend of mine.

Ever since I nearly accidentally died (remember that?) of kidney failure the day before our family was supposed to fly to Africa (and had to postpone our family trip in 2011), I like to get checked out before I travel. Mainly, because I WANT TO LIVE. While the kidney issue was a freak medical mystery, I did suffer a bit of permanent kidney damage, so I have blood work done four times a year.

Plus, I’m dealing with some dental issues that I don’t want to become an issue while I’m on the other side of the globe…also on my list:  a mole check and a mammogram. THIS IS 40.

At my doctor’s visit a few weeks ago, lab results showed I was in great health. Except. My B12 was very low, which can lead to anemia and other things that are scary. Google always gives me cancer, so I try to avoid it. My doctor nonchalantly said, “You can give yourself an injection, right?”

Clearly, she knows me not. And also, I’m a liar because I said, “sure.”

Y’all.

When the pharmacist handed over needles 2 inches long, this should have been my first clue. He said the injection had to be intramuscular which is code for THIS WILL CAUSE PAIN. The prescription said I was to give myself a shot three days in a row and then once a week for six months.

I brought the medicine home and handed it over to my husband who was confidant he could give me injections. I felt good about l until I caught him watching a HOW TO GIVE AN INJECTION VIDEO ON THE YOUTUBE. He backed me into a corner and when he saw fear in my eyes, he said, “It’s not like you’ve never had a shot.”

To which I replied, “And it’s not like you’ve ever given me one!”

He stuck me in the arm and then said, “I think your thigh would be better.” I’m not kidding. I should have run at that point. He slowly inserted it into my leg and OH, THE BURN. I squinted my eye open and saw half the medicine running down my leg.

Well, that wasn’t in the video.

He mumbled something about a faulty syringe and I limped away. Later I visited with a pharmacist for pointers. Her diagnosis: USER ERROR.

You think?

I texted my hubby a picture of the enormous bruise on my thigh and he said he was never trying that again, even with pharmacist’s tips.  So, I asked a dear nursing friend to come over and give me shots. You know in my spare time.

AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THIS.

Last week I sat in a dental chair for 3 hours with my mouth pried open. Nightmare. I left with two crowns because apparently one crown isn’t enough for this queen. Oh, and The Laughing Gas. Totally worth the upgrade. Apparently, I’m hilarious high because I asked if I could take a tank of the gas home with me. Who knew?

Later this week, I’m heading back to deal with ancient leaking fillings and a root canal. Because I like paying for my dentist’s summer vacation.

While my hubby was with the kids, he texted me this special sentence: “the cat just knocked over the fish tank. The fish has a broken back. We are watching it, but it will probably die in a few hours.”

My response: Go ahead and flush it.

AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.

Somes days you’ve just got to laugh!

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    Whew! I can relate to THIS post, and I totally agree- Ain’t nobody got time for THAT!
    Have a safe and enjoyable trip!
    Blessings,
    Donna

  2. 4

    says

    love that video. love your stories. you always always send me off to school on a monday a little happier than i was when the alarm went off at 4:33. you know, when it’s so early they’re still playing BBC world news….

  3. 5

    Michelle says

    That video is awesome. I am pretty sure that I will be hearing those words in my head whenever something inconvenient pops up. Which is about every 5 minutes.

    Good luck with the rest of the medical stuff and have a great trip!

  4. 6

    says

    Oh my goodness! I love that video!

    I couldn’t give myself a shot, nor could I give anyone else a shot. Oddly, though, I can watch someone give me a shot (or take blood, or put in an IV), and it does not bother me at all. Makes no sense.

    Laughing gas is the bomb. I haven’t had it since my late teens (and that last time was a bad trip – lol), but it is a wonder I didn’t become a full blown drug addict because of it. Yes, I liked it that much! :)

  5. 8

    Debra Stanley says

    TOO FUNNY!!! This video is crazy funny. We love it at our house!! Hope all goes well for you with your health and all goes well in Kenya!

  6. 9

    Lacey Morgan says

    I am laughing so hard. SO HARD. Yes, at your expense. :) Glad you found a nurse friend who could give you the shots…..and I hope the dental work goes smoothly. :)

  7. 10

    AmberK says

    I almost couldn’t breathe while you were talking about your man giving you a shot!!! I have anxiety, KRISTEN, that wasn’t nice!!! ha ha ha ha!!!!! Oh, whew, I could not do that. So thankful for your nurse friend…and your poor hubby. Bless his heart, he tried, LOL! Wow. Ouchie!
    I’ve always wondered where the “Aint nobody got time for THAT” came from…that was cute! Good for a laugh any time!

    Good luck on your trip…blessings when you get there!!!!

  8. 11

    Aunt Mel says

    Kristen: I can SOOO totally relate to your post. BTW…thanks for showing Oklahoma’s finest, Sweet Brown. Holy Cow!

  9. 12

    says

    AH! Do B12 shots in the rear! Sounds horrible, but is so much better since there’s more muscle to work with. I used to give those every day when I was working in a medical clinic (No. I am not a nurse. Yes. The Dr. I worked for was terrible.). I hope it works out to have your nurse friend shoot ya up! :) You will feel amazing after a while! I had so.much.energy. It scared my husband.

    • 12.1

      Jenn says

      I agree with getting the shots in the rear…AND…if you take a cold pack and put it against your skin where the injection is going to go will numb the area for the shot? It’s totally worth the extra 5 minutes.

  10. 13

    says

    Poor girl. I have given shots to four people in my family…including myself. I gave myself B12 shots for a while. I didn’t want to do it either, but I could barely feel it. Would love to give you some tips to make it easier. And I found it easier to give them to myself in the long run…just drop trou and pop it! Yes, I did my thigh and when I learned the right way, it wasn’t a biggie. And it usually never even left a tiny mark much less a giant bruise! Best wishes on the shots. And everything else. : )

  11. 15

    Jennifer says

    Can I just add dont make my mistake when I got my two crowns and had gas. I was so nervous I took an ativan that I have for flying, usually take a half to fly but crowns have to worse so I took a whole one. Don’t do that!!!!!!

    Combined with the gas I was spinning so much it was worse than the tilt-a-whirl. At one point I started laughing because I imagined my eyes spinning like a slot machine. Like you my life DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT!!!!!

    Good luck with the dental work and dont mix anything with the gas they give you. After my fun ride was over I was pretty sick to my stomach, it was awful.

    Have a great trip!!!!!

  12. 16

    Stacy says

    I hope your trip is wonderful!!

    For the shots, get the ‘allergy’ shot needles at the pharmacy (they’re smaller) and put it in the ‘juiciest’ place…like an inner thigh! Also, go slow and it won’t burn. I have to give myself b-12 shot as well, and I bruise easily, so I’ve had to adjust the jab/stab method they use at the doctor’s office!

  13. 17

    Heather S. says

    Oh dear. I about died laughing and then totally freaked because I can not handle needles. My hubby is a PA, so he’d totally do it for me and he’d be great at it…..but girl, I don’t have the nerve for that!
    Very funny post – adore it!

  14. 18

    Heather M says

    I’m so sorry for all your dental work…but your husband’s diagnosis of the fish with a broken back made me nearly spit my Diet Coke on the screen. How does one diagnose the back problems of fish? And here I was thinking that the lack of water from the broken tank would kill it first….

  15. 19

    Dorothy W says

    This entire post just made my day! I’m feeling slightly guilty at finding all your mishaps so hysterical, but seriously you can’t even make that up! I love that you have a sense of humor through all this. Knowing other people have days like this makes me feel oh so much better when I sit there in self-pity and say “Seriously, God? You have GOT to be kidding me!!” Thank you for sharing, and have a wonderful trip!

  16. 21

    says

    This made me laugh so hard! I had to email this post to my husband. (We have to give our son injections in his thigh every night while he sleeps. Seriously.) I love your blog!!

  17. 22

    Emily Johnson says

    Oh my gosh, you crack me up! In the past few minutes I’ve been catching up on your blog and I have been encouraged and challenged, along with laughing hystrically! You’re a one stop shop! Thanks for sharing your heart and your life and for living it how you do. We love you and your family!

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