Murphy’s Law of Parenting

When everything that could go wrong, does.

It’s Murphy’s Law. And when you apply that to parenting, well, it’s epic. And usually quite true in our house. So, I mentioned a few laws for parenting on my blog Facebook page the other day.

If you wear white, your child will play in mud.
If you declare the family virus over, the dog will puke.
If you mop the floor, a juice box will explode.
If it’s clean sheet day, the bed wetter will strike again.
If you desperately need a nap, they won’t.
If you catch up on laundry, wait, that will never happen.

And as usual, my friends over there had responses that made my day.

So, on this Monday, I thought I’d share some of my favorites. I hope it makes your day, too.

If you change a diaper, your baby will poop. – Sarah Rodrigues 

If the kids are away for the night, you can’t sleep. -Heather Duggins

If you cook their favorite meal, they won’t eat it. -Sara Sorenson

If you vacuum the car, a bag of cereal will magically appear out of no where and EXPLODE in your back seat. -Kayla Kingsley

If you need to go somewhere, the gas tank will be empty. -Jennifer Vermeire

If they’re playing quietly and the phone rings, they’ll need you right NOW.

If you donate a forgotten toy, they’ll remember it and beg to have it back  -Elizabeth Smillie

If your kids decided to play together instead of fight, one or both with get hurt and the crying starts anyway. -Heather Ingrum

If you only pack one diaper, they will poop twice. -Kimberly Daley

If no one’s been in sight for 15 minutes and you decide to go to the bathroom, you will immediately be swarmed with company. -Hellen Potts

If you look good, NO one sees you. If you stay in your pjs-no make up- haven’t showered-smell like baby puke, EVERYONE stops by to see you! -Sarah Rock

If you finally have a child sleep through the night, you will inevitably find that you, in fact, are sleep trained so that you wake up at the times when your toddler typically does. -Sarah Klawikowski

If you clean the bathroom one or more of your boys when then pee all over the seat and the floor. -Brook Wright

If you are about to get intimate with your spouse, they will start screaming bloody murder in their sleep. -Michelle Anderson

If buy a favorite snack in bulk… Suddenly no one likes it anymore. -Joni Thompson

If you get out of the car , with your arms , elbows , fingers and pinkies loaded with stuff, a child will drop something and refuse to pick it up the 5 feet from the car to the house . ( And stand their and cry over their one thing they dropped). -Alex Jackson

Finally get the carpets cleaned. (not the cheap cleaning either – the GOOD one) Someone will throw up immediately after. Red punch. -Julie Crockett

If you plan to get up before the kids, they will get up earlier. -Amy Corley

You’re welcome.

Do you have one to add in the comments? C’mon it’s fun. It will make you feel better.

Comments

  1. 1

    Amanda Zarate says

    Your children whine and complain that they want to go somewhere. So you get yourself and everyone fed and ready to go, but by the time you are about to leave the house they’ve decided they don’t want to go.

  2. 2

    Angie says

    On the 108th Snow Day of the Year, you will get every one dressed to go play in the snow: layers of warm clothes, snow pants, jackets, snow boots, hat, scarves, mittens…….and THEN someone has to pee—NOW!! (even though you asked 406 times AND had them sit on the potty, “Just to try.”. OY!!!!

    Finally, you go outside to freeze your behind off (I mean play with your lovely children), and someone falls in the snow/gets hit with a rogue snowball after 5 minutes and that child cries bloody murder and all the kids decide that it’s time to go back inside.

    • 2.1

      says

      this is why i rarely take mine out in the snow! I hate being cold and it just seems so unnecessary and I don’t feel guilty about it at all even though people try to make me feel guilty about it

  3. 3

    says

    These are so stinkin’ funny & true!

    I have a couple for when your kids are “bigger”.

    When your young adult (college) kids are all out of the house for the evening and you decide to get “crazy” with your hubby in the hottub (meaning, no swimsuits). One of your kids & a friend will magically appear on your back porch (because they were stopping by to pick something up!). Oh yea! Good times!

    When you text your hubby a saucy little line and push send….only to get a message back from one of your grown kids that says, “OH MY GOSH! MOOOOOOOOM!” Yea, you’d think I could see who’s name was right there now that I’m wearing readers! Dangit!

    Murphy’s Law. It goes on forever!

  4. 5

    says

    Geez, where do I start? All of these are so sad, and so true! I just need to know how that popcorn got in the back of my mini van…all the way in the back. Any ideas?

  5. 6

    says

    Only minutes after you shine all the fixtures in the bathroom and wipe up all the toothpaste splatters, someone spritzes all of it with more toothpaste foam, from what appears to have been 6 feet in the air from an air compressor.

  6. 9

    says

    If you find a wonderful kids craft (or other) activity on the internet, spend ages getting everything ready, and your preschooler spends 5 minutes, leaving a mess that will take ages to clean up

  7. 11

    says

    These are great and I agree with Jeri, Where to begin…If you tell someone your kids will not eat something, they will eat it for them and love it.

  8. 12

    says

    If you finally get your 10 month old sleep ninja to bed….lo and behold it is the one night the diaper wipes get left on the floor and, you guessed it…CRUNCH CRINKLE! She’s awake.
    You manage to get the house clean and the next day, the beauty of it inspires you to cook a wonderful meal for your family: suddenly the floor is covered in flour, pasta sauce and cheese remnants. The kids have opened every toy, and your mother n’law stops by.

  9. 13

    Heather M says

    If you ask your 6 yr old to be careful with her grape juice, she will spill it dramatically down the front of her shirt…and you will spill your own drink trying to stop the juice spill (tonight’s dinner).

    If you wait impatiently all day for the kid’s Easter presents to be delivered, the postal worker will NOT deliver it, but mark it delivered on the tracking. (same day)

    If you teach them how to bathe independently, they will also shower every surface of the bathroom in the process (or while fighting with their sibling).

    If they learn to brush their teeth independently, they will suddenly, out of nowhere, inexplicably understand how to lie about whether they’ve brushed.

    If your firstborn was willing to wear pants, your next child will only wear dresses. Then when you’ve finally convinced her that in the winter it’s wise on occasion to cover your legs to stay warm and SHE AGREES TO WEAR PANTS, you buy 3 pairs of jeans but she won’t wear them because they aren’t soft. So you buy yoga pants, but they are too loose, so you finally buy leggings and she wants to wear them everyday. Two days later she’s back to only dresses. (She’s only 6. We’ve been doing this fun dance since she was 3. I’m sending her to live with her grandparents for the teenage years).

    When you run to the mailbox without a bra on, your neighbor wants to chat…forever!

  10. 14

    Jendra says

    If you & your husband get the kitchen cleaned, lunch bags packed, car loaded for the next day & all the kids to bed on time, your sweet two year old daughter will knock on her door twenty minutes later declaring, “I am sticky”. What she really means is you left that vaseline that you rubbed on her “itchy spots” on her nightstand and she has cover her ENTIRE body (including hair) with all of it. And her dollies. And her bedding. And anything thing else she deemed itchy.

    When you sit in the middle of the living room floor on a chaotic day and begin to weep because there are so many of them & only one of you. The only one who notices is the baby… and only long enough to toddle over and stick HER binky in YOUR mouth.

    If you finally get all the kids rounded up onto the back porch, stripped down out of their completely soaked and mud covered clothes and ask them to STAY ON THE SCREENED IN PORCH- you just need to run into the house & get the bath water started and appx. 15 seconds later return to a childless porch. And find every one of them splashing/sitting /painting the back of the house in/with mud BUTT NAKED in your backyard.

  11. 15

    Jessica Reck says

    If you never mop the floors and you decide to one day, that will be the day that your child barfs on them for no reason, and your husband comes home with mud on his boots and tracks it through the house.

    If you decide to change the kids sheets for no reason other than “it’s been awhile”, they will without fail wet the bed that night or barf in their sleep.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>