Remember: As Far as Everyone Else Knows, We are A Nice Normal Family

  • I got pulled over for speeding in a school zone the other day. It was the first time in a long time and my heart beat wildly. I frantically searched for my license and I handed it over and I said, “Throw the book at me,” only not really. He walked to the back of car and I snapped a shot of his lights in my rear view mirror. Risky, even for a blogger. He walked back to the window and said “I’m going to give you a verbal warning.” Then I got the lump in my throat and I may have told him I loved him. It’s all kind of blurry. Grace, thank you officer, I needed it that day.

photo

  • I hurried on (slower) this time to the dentist. I don’t even want to tell you how long it’s been since I’ve darkened the doors of the dentist. My teeth have low self esteem and let me put it this way, I’d rather visit the female doctor every day for a week than have my teeth cleaned. Now I get to have a root canal and crown. They asked me if I wanted to pay extra for sedation. I said, “Is it like having a margarita?” Sign me up.
  • I had this long, confusing dream the other day and when I work up the only thing I remember about it was that the older my husband got in the dream, the more he looked like Brad Pit. I told him this while we were brushing our teeth. “Really?” he said, eyebrows raised. “Do you look more like Angelina the older you get?”
  • Every night when my husband gets home he does this: photo copyMy kids call out “levels of pain” and wrestles them into a hold. If they can wiggle out, they get to go to the next level. It’s one of the favorite things to do. How can this be normal?
  • And I’m not saying who, but someone’s pants may have ripped in this Quasimoto move:

quosimoto

  • My 6 year old is the baby of the family. The other day I overheard my 10 year old son ask her why she whined and cried when she didn’t get her way. She started crying and he handed over his bag of pretzels. She looked at him and said, “I’m just really good at fake crying. It’s my gift.” She KNOWS.
  • Before I had children or belly fat, way back in my 20’s, I met an exhausted mom of 4 who bragged she “trained” her hair and could go 4 days between washings. I thought it was pathetic and a little disgusting. (dramatic pause) Now, I see her as the Jedi of mothers. 
  • We are starting our Spring Break this week with two out of three kids (so far) with fever, vomiting, and freaky gastro noises. So that’s fun.

 

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    I’m with you on the dentist thing… I swear someone should have told Jack Bauer this needed to be added to his torture repertoire!

    hope y’all have a FANTASTIC spring break (sounds like you’re off to a good start…)!!

  2. 3

    says

    Four days? That’s impressive. I wash mine every other day, but if I stretch it out past that things get way ugly.

    Had a root canal a couple of months ago. It was NO big deal, and that’s coming from a certifiable dental CHICKEN.

  3. 5

    says

    so, it’s 5:50 AM and i am working up the gumption to get off the couch and go in to work – which is 8 (nope. today it is 8.75 because i keep late-bus kids today) hours teaching 7th graders the negative effects of both european imperialism and their hurtful words….your post made me laugh. which is what i needed to get. up. thanks, as always:)

  4. 6

    Karen says

    At our house we are firmly convinced that wrestling was HUGE in raising wonderful sons. It allowed them lots of close physical contact with their dad and a way to blow off steam at the same time. Wrestling stops once they pin him….he comes back for one last “Dad-pin” and then retires! :-) Our youngest, now 18, is determined to pin his dad before graduation. BUT, he has a messed up shoulder and dad carries him in the weight department, so we are not sure it’s going to happen! :-)

    Sorry your kids are sick. Hoping no one else gets it!

  5. 9

    says

    As of the root canal I had done 3 weeks ago, I had not visited the dentist for a cleaning in ELEVEN YEARS.

    Beat that! :)

    The rest of it? Everyone’s “real”. My kids don’t get the pain level wrestling, but they get a very crazy, fear-for-your-windows form of sponge ball hockey. You’d have to see it to believe it.

  6. 10

    Carol Darden says

    First, the baby of the family ALWAYS knows their powers – it’s just takes us a while to figure that out.

    Second, wrestling was always big in our home, until the “baby” joined the wrestling team, shot up 9 inches in one year and became ranked in the State. Dad refused to let him “try out a new hold” on him.

    Third – wrestling does continue with the grand kids, but with their uncles – not Papa :)

    Praying for your kids and for You!

    Blessings.

  7. 12

    says

    I look back with great giggles & fondness of the days when my kids would say, “Hey Dad, wanna wrastle?”

    Good memories! Awesome dads!

  8. 13

    says

    I laughed so hard reading, I had to post it on facebook. Hubby got a good laugh as well.

    I wash my hair about once a week. Hubby loves to wrestle with little boy, though little boy is only 22 months, so its not quite that crazy. That is ingenious of your little one!

    Thanks for a great post!
    Rachael

  9. 15

    Leslee says

    Wrestling is big in our house, too. But my husband is having a harder time wrestling with our daughter now that she is 14. Hand placement is a ninja skill at this age! I love how you share your life and make us all feel better about our crazy lives…like it is totally normal! Hope everyone feels better soon!

  10. 17

    says

    You had me and my husband laughing out loud. “Levels of Pain…” I can’t stop laughing still! If it makes you feel better about getting pulled over, I realized yesterday that my license has been expired for over a month and I had no idea!

  11. 18

    says

    I hve three daughters and they LOVE wrestling and being tickled by dad. I will admit, it drives me a little crazy. Especially since their favorite time is right before bed. But I know that it is soooo good for them to have that “hands on” time with Dad, especially as girls. I am NOT that parent…although I do try to be at times ;)

  12. 19

    says

    Did you know that there are really good reasons why parents and kids should roughhouse? (It makes your kids smarter, physically fit, more emotionally intelligent…) A guy at my church (who is a doctor) co-wrote a book about it: “The Art of Roughhousing” by Drs. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Lawrence J. Cohen. It’s fun!

  13. 23

    says

    You sound an awful lot like our family. Even with daughters, the wrestling happens (at least it used to, until my daughters became almost as tall as my husband!). And the dream about your husband getting better looking as he gets older? It’s no dream! My husband is more handsome today than he’s ever been (and he was really cute when we got married!). 50 looks great on him. :)

    Sorry about your sick kids. That’s a bummer.

  14. 24

    Jen Russell says

    So refreshing to all our souls to hear honesty. Don’t we all want that? Don’t we all long for it? Many of us had days just like yours…and you know what I hear in your words? “I am blessed!” I am too…in the midst of life, I am so very blessed!! My husband died 8 months ago, life changed dramatically. Reading your post I am reminded that my four boys have wrestling to remember with of course “levels of pain”; I have tears that were dried when I got pulled over (I think I may have told the officer I loved him too); Christmas day years ago with 17 people scheduled to come for dinner and everyone starts with the stomach flu (yes, we had to cancel, only cause I got hit too). This is life, your post is life and all I can do is smile with a thankful heart and say “thank you Father for my wonderful life!”

  15. 25

    kelly says

    first off, you made me laugh on a day i REALLY really needed it so THANK YOU!!
    I like that you write about your real life and you know what its not any different from mine or Sally-do-gooder next door…so THANK YOU and i am so very thankful that i stumbled across your blog oh so long ago!

  16. 28

    says

    This made my day. My kids are in bed right now…both of them I am sure have mucho remnants of the day.
    I only shower after I workout, usually every day…but on a bad week I stop and go “Wait…it’s FRIDAY???”.

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