On Exhaustion, Desperation and Finding God

I’m functioning on less sleep in Kenya than I thought humanly possible. I’m emotional and weary and still scared.


But I feel God’s presence so strongly with me. Maybe because I feel so inadequate and desperate for Him at the same time? Funny how that works.


I spent the day trying to stay awake during the 2.5 hour church service, getting reacquainted with the girls, warming up to our three new ones and trying to convince the babies I wasn’t a scary white woman.


The girls told me I’d really gotten fat since last seeing them (8 months ago). That’s a big compliment here (it means you’re healthy and have enough to eat), but never something a 40 year old woman longs to hear. So, I ate two plates of Kenyan food. Ha!


Every time I cross the ocean, it’s a different experience. But every time, I end up needing more of God. And finding Him. I’m pretty sure He’s never moved…

It was a good first day/night/whatever-time-it-is start this week. I’m cramming about two weeks work into the next five days, keeping praying, okay?


  1. says

    Praying for you! Pray for us? We are making a huge move from Texas to Indiana on Tuesday. God keeps doing these insanely miraculous things and I keep getting more and more concerned that He won’t call me back to the states once we leave. I had all these plans mapped out and being this emotionally overdrawn wasn’t one of them. You get that right now chica. Praying for you!!!!!!

    • says

      Hi Andi. In 1989 I moved from Indiana to Texas, so I’ve done the opposite of your journey. You will have a much cooler summer and I’m sure you will be blessed in your new midwestern home. I hail from Northern Indiana and went to University in Evansville. Northern folks can see a bit prickly after being a Texan. Be patient.

  2. says

    Wow…this sounds and looks amazing/unreal/crazy-good :) Praying BIG for you on the other side of the world. May God grant all you need moment by moment, task by task, and soul by soul. Praying His protection over you, too!

  3. Erika says

    What a time of growth! I love the baby wearing picture—WE have so much to learn from them! Thank you for being a vessel!

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