I don’t ever want to relive yesterday.
I woke very early in the morning to learn that Maureen’s dear mother, Jennifer, passed away. I stumbled around my dark house numb for an hour. Lost. I have so many questions and emotions and my heart is broken for Maureen and her young brothers, for this devastating loss of a beautiful mother.
A few minutes later, I learned the new Mercy House home we purchased in Kenya (but haven’t moved our residents into yet) was broken into by thieves who stole from us and beat our caretaker.
And we have two c-sections scheduled for two of our pregnant girls tomorrow.
My house was quiet, kids sleeping, husband away on a business trip and I lay prostrate on my closet floor and I sobbed. I simply couldn’t stand under the burden a second longer.
I gave up.
All week I’ve been told that we are in a spiritual battle as Jennifer fought for her life and there’s been an onslaught of trials here and there. People have reminded me how much the enemy hates the work of rescuing girls and saving babies. I believe it, but I have to say, some news makes you feel like you’re losing the battle.
I know God is in control, but things feel out of control. And I have no control. And I want to close my eyes to the sorrow in this world. Some days I long to go back to when I was an oblivious mom who’s biggest worry was home decor.
A dear friend sent this email:
“You are not going to lose the battle because it was already WON on the cross. I don’t believe in losing or getting the victories because Jesus already did.It is never going to be easy. It is only the beginning of the hardship. But if you choose to endure with Him, you choose to reign with Him. If you choose to suffer, you will be glorified.If you think there is no more energy in you, it is excellent because now you will experience a supernatural power of Christ working in you and through you. Before you could do on your own and sometimes switching to His power, but now only by Him, through Him, and with Him can you accomplish things for Him.”