How to Really Get Back on Your Feet

I returned from a whirlwind trip to South Carolina this weekend where I attended the Allume Conference. I went to represent Mercy House for the (in)mercy project. We are on Phase #5 now –the big one–because God surprised us by funding phases 3 & 4 in just days. He’s amazing like that.

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But I arrived with a burden, a big question mark in my heart about some stuff relating to my husband’s job and I lugged that heavy baggage with me. It didn’t get in the way when we asked the Allume crowd to help us kick off the last (in)mercy phase by giving $1500, and we got more than $4000 in 10 minutes. I spent the rest of the weekend high-fiving people and trying not to think about the load on my heart.

Because here’s the deal: I hold 1000 miracles, one-thousand, ONE-THOUSAND MIRACLES in one hand. Miracles I have seen and experienced as I’ve watched God unfold this story. He has multiplied the fish and the loaves and done the impossible again and again. He has created something from nothing. God has made the inadequate, enough.

This is what chasing God looks like. He is always a step ahead and He is never late.

But me? I’m not so stable as I run. I’m wobbly and some days, limping.

Because in the other hand, I am still waiting for a miracle–one more–doubting, worrying, asking because I can’t figure out the next step. It’s as if my two hands-one that cannot contain all God has done and the other questioning what He will do–aren’t connected.

The world is like that–it knocks us down and we’re left scrambling to get our feet under us again.

Doubt is a heavy burden. It leaves me feeling precarious, faltering. Once I was back home, I couldn’t stand under the weight of it any longer. I opened my Bible and read these words:

“Get on your knees before the Master, it is the only way you’ll get back on your feet.” James 4:10

There is something sacred and holy in bending low. I dropped to my knees and laid my burden down. I confessed my doubt, my unbelief and I spread open my hands so one could see the other. I cried and I submitted my pride, my will and my doubt to Him, again. It’s in bending low to wipe up the messes, clean away the grime, lend a hand to someone who’s fallen, crouch in the dirt to whisper hope, this is where we find Jesus.

And so, I will keep bending. I will keep chasing God. I will wait and I will believe for what seems impossible.

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I will live mercy.

Because kneeling before Jesus, it’s the only sure way to get back on our feet.

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Check out the latest update and new (in)mercy product.


Comments

  1. says

    First – Micah 6:8 is one of my favorite verses ever.

    Second – I’ve also been pondering how God answers so many prayers almost before we pray them, and so lavishly! But for other prayers, we must wait. I’m much older than you, but I’m afraid my faith still wavers at times, with the waiting.

    But I’ve seen things change in a heartbeat, and sometimes I wonder…does He, maybe, sometimes make us wait, just to see our delighted response when we finally get what we prayed for? Could it be His version of yelling “Surprise” at a birthday party?

    I’m praying you and your husband get the answer you desire, and soon. Whatever God’s answer for you may be, I know He has wonderful plans in store for you.

  2. anonymous says

    Hello, I am sorry for the burden you have been carrying. Kristen I am wondering if God is not calling you and your family to total dependence on Him. I know you and your hubby were in full time ministry before. I know that they were hard based on somethings you have said. What I am trying to say is maybe God is calling you guys to let go of the security of your hubby’s job and go into ministry full time. I know mercy house is a full time ministry time wise, Oh boy I am not making much sense. I mean drop the tent making and go full tilt into missions. You doing it anyway it is just one more step to take. You know like a pastor or a career missionary. I hope this makes some sort of sense.

    • kristen says

      You’ve pretty much hit the nail on the head. But I’m finding I’m still not brave. Just asking God for direction.

      • anonymous says

        It is hard I know. We were once exploring the option of going to japan for missions work as english teachers. I did not want to go. A friend of mine told me that I just needed to be willing to be willing to do what ever God calls me to do and trust that if God wanted us in Japan then He would change my heart. That He would give me the courage and peace needed to go. No we did not end up in Japan, but we did end up in full time ministry several years later. I hope you find the words of my friend as encouraging as I did.

  3. says

    Oh my… talked to you for awhile and didn’t even know that. You talked about all about your church and the heaviness that was there…. but I could tell something else was weighing you down…. there was no spark that seemed to make you jump and shine like the rest of the women there. I loved this post and will now become a regular follower here. Melanie sent me over here from her post….. hugs to you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve with you at Allume.

    • kristen says

      Thanks, Jessica. I’m a total introvert and things like Allume give me hives :) But yes, my heart was also heavy. It was nice to meet you and thank you for serving alongside me. Blessings.

  4. Karen says

    A prayer I have often prayed….even after all these years of following Jesus….is “I believe, help me not to doubt!”
    (Mark 9:24)

    Praying for you and your family right now….praising for the miracles of MH and asking for HIS peace!

  5. says

    I love this. We can all relate, and you wrote it so eloquently. I am continuing to pray for you, and your family, as you walk this road of hope, gratefulness, doubt, humility, and dreams.

  6. says

    Beautifully said. When I think of Mercy House, I know your story is one of being totally surrendered, face-down in prayer to Him. I also know. though, from my family’s experiences with job stress that trusting God to provide when we can’t connect the dots is VERY scary. But then I look back… and realize that during the time of waiting/unknown is when His presence was most apparent in my life.

    Trusting with you that He will connect the dots, provide for your family, and that we will one day see how it all worked together for good and to His glory. Thank you for your example and for being sincerely, transparently human and genuine… face-down before Him.

    love,
    Melanie

  7. says

    I realize this has almost nothing to do with this post (though a bit to do with the one about the Walmart haircolor post) but did you color your hair blonde or is that a model with your awesome Mercy House sign?

  8. says

    Kristen, I appreciate your heart and your honesty here so much. I am learning this too – it’s a daily turning, posturing my heart back to Jesus, again and again – sometimes minute by minute. Thank you for this.

  9. Chrystal says

    I happened upon your blog not too long ago and I am in love! We often use your blog topics as our nightly family discussion points. Thank you so much for your honestly and poignant blog. I do have to ask where can I but those awesome chalkboard print in this post. I must have them for my home and I’d love to purchase some as gifts.

  10. Kim Porter says

    This post REALLY touched me today…hit home in more ways than I’d like. Just wanted to thank you for sharing.

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