I cleaned out my big blue purse this week. You know since it was taking me 9.2 minutes to find my keys in the sea of stuff. Plus, I thought I was imagining an odor coming from the bag. Besides all my junk, I pulled out a progress report, a Pictionary Card Game, a smashed granola bar, two hair bows, a battery, a plastic lizard, a small screwdriver and behold, two of my son’s dirty socks.
If my purse was ever stolen, there would be NO DOUBT I was either a mom or the Unabomber.
Some signs you might be a mom (from me and mostly the best Facebook Community ever):
You double-knot everything you tie.
You find yourself humming “What would the fox say?” (I dare you not to look it up on Youtube).
You really want Repunzel to GET A HAIRCUT.
You ask your husband if he needs to go potty while you’re on a date.
You can discipline your kids with JUST A LOOK.
You count to 5 constantly (keeping track of all the kiddos).
You point out diggers/construction trucks/animals out loud even when you are on your own.
You might be a mom of boys if…you find a snake head in a bowl of water on the kitchen counter!You dish your husbands dinner, making sure nothing touches, and cut his chicken into bite-sized pieces.You read closed captions out loud…even when alone.
You can stop any argument or fight with the kids by just shouting, “wow pow pow pow pow pa pow!!” And then they all break into dance.
You find miniature ninjas in the bottom of your coffee cup when you finally finish drinking it…
You are constantly humming kids songs and don’t even realize it.
All sorts of things come out of your washer/dryer that were hidden in your son’s pockets… coins, rocks, sticks!!!
When your husband has a little something on his face, you lick your finger and go to clean it without thinking twice about it.
You call random people you know by your kids name, especially when they are ticking you off.
You say “so help me” several times a day.
You have a Hello Kitty bandaid on your leg, and a Batman bandaid on your finger.
The only money in your wallet is plastic play money.
You go to the bathroom with little eyes staring at you.
You find yourself enjoying the toy aisle to see what’s new when you’re supposed to be grocery shopping.
You unscrew the top of the sippy cup and drink.
You can snap your fingers and their heads snap to see who’s in trouble.
You use your own shirt as a Kleenex, mop, napkin, and pouch for carrying toys to the correct toy box.
You look at one of your children that is just like you and get scared of the future.
You realize that your mom was right about you having one just like you and then you laugh because she gets to babysit.
You find reasons to discipline your child with an early bedtime just so YOU can go to bed early, too!
You accidentally called your husband “daddy” in public (probably more than once) when the kids weren’t with you.
You have baby wipes stashed in multiple places in your car and house…and you may have whipped them out to wipe tomato sauce off a colleague at lunch recently
You know you’re a mom when you drive hours, sit in freezing weather, and rearrange schedules just to watch your child play an hour of soccer.
Moms, have a great weekend! You deserve it.