Listen, girls. I get it.
You live in a culture where anything goes. And sometimes it’s confusing to know how to handle all the messages media throws at you when the world you live in supports your right to do whatever you want.
Truth changes more often than the weather and it’s getting harder and harder to stand on anything absolute.
I know your Instagram feed has more duck faces than a pond. And your Twitter stream is hash tagging it up and Facebook has so many selfies that the last thing we think about is others.
Maybe you didn’t see that my son was with his family at the community pool the other day, playing catch with his dad. Maybe you didn’t understand that he didn’t want to hang out with you when you kept bumping into him and following him around. Maybe you didn’t notice he was averting his eyes every time you walked by in your bikini.
Maybe that’s why you walked up to him and said loud enough for his splashing sister to hear, “You are hot. My friend thinks so, too.”
Maybe you didn’t see my son’s cheeks flame and watch him look to his father for help or hear him mumble “like I care” or see him get out of the pool to move away from you. Maybe not.
Maybe no one has told you these things, so I thought I would:
Honey, it’s not okay to act this way. It’s not becoming. It’s not grown up and it doesn’t make my son want you. No, it makes him want to run.
See, I can look past your budding body and come hither eyes when you yell out my son’s name and see someone who is longing to be accepted. I can ignore that you asked him too personal questions and look past it and see someone who is craving male attention. I can see that you’re just a girl trying to find out where she fits into this grown up world.
But it’s not okay to be aggressive towards boys. It won’t make you feel better about yourself. And it will only get you the kind of attention you really don’t want.
You’re right to notice my son. He is different. He is good looking. But he isn’t playing coy or hard to get. He is hard to get.
Because he understands he is too young to play with fire and he is fiercely fighting to live a Godly life.
And you aren’t making it easy for him.
We are working really hard to teach our son to live a pure life. We are encouraging him to bounce his eyes away from bikini-clad bodies. We are raising him to be noble. We are praying for him to have integrity. We are advising him to look into a girls eyes and not cleavage. We are warning him about sexting. We are encouraging him by having these conversations with us about aggressive girls.
We are cautioning him to avoid girls who tell him he’s hot at the pool. We aren’t teaching him to ignore you.
No, we are teaching him to respect you.
And you need to do the same.
Respect yourself. You are beautiful and valuable without even trying. You don’t need a boy’s attention to prove that. I pray you get the kind of attention all girls needs from positive influences at home. I want the best for you, too.
Go ahead, love yourself enough to be just another kid at the pool.
Love, the mom of the “hot” boy
I’ve closed comments on my post today due to a few personal attacks that I’m contributing to the “rape culture” and accusing me of being shameful and disgusting (you get the point).
I’m obviously not an authority, I’m a mom to both a boy and girls and we are trying to navigate this parenting journey. We’ve witnessed both sides of this issue. I was hoping parents would feel inspired to teach their kids (of both sexes) how to act/respond in these situations and maybe lead to some meaningful conversations. I’m sorry if this post caused you to misunderstand my heart towards our children.