It was a surreal moment.
I sat in the office of a one of the largest churches in Texas trying to explain how Mercy House began. We were invited to present our ministry because the church had money to give away at the end of the year and they were considering making a big donation to our non-profit. It was a one-of-a-kind offer that isn’t exactly part of our normal.
For the briefest moment, I didn’t even know how to begin. I knew my job was to convince them that we were worthy of their money, but all I could think was I’m not supposed to be here.
As I sat there on that bright yellow chair, wringing my hands, I tried to find a place to start the story of the last decade that has turned my life right-side up. And so that’s why I began with the truth:
“I’m not supposed to here. I’m a mom, a writer, a person who is forever behind on laundry…”
I told them through tears how God used the poor to show me my own poverty. How –against all odds– we opened maternity homes in Kenya, have welcomed more than 40 pregnant teen survivors, started Fair Trade Friday to provide dignified jobs in Jesus’ name, opened retail stores and have sold more than a million dollars in fair trade product.
That’s the shiny, sexy part of the story.
Then I told them how I have panic attacks on nearly every overseas trip I take. How I endured burnout this past year and wound up on a counselor’s couch… how I carry the trauma of 40 girl’s horrific stories, how I have asked my family to give and give and give some more, how I have some amazing days but most I feel overwhelmed, tired and very alone. How my children have been raised with a Mercy House childhood and how I know it’s a good thing but they don’t know it yet. I told them how this yes to God has cost me some of the most precious relationships in my life.
I told them how often I want to quit.
I took a deep breath and ended my “presentation” with, “I have no idea why God asked me to do this.”
So, yeah, nailed it.
After I dumped my heart on the table between us, the room was deathly quiet. And then the Missions Pastor leaned across the table and said four words that I promise were holy and prophetic and exactly what I need to remind myself every single day:
Kristen, God likes bad odds.
It reminded me of what Louie Giglio said, ” God is not intimidated by the odds. He’s like, DUDE, I’ve made galaxies.”
I pulled out a pen and right there in that big church office, I wrote the words big and bold across my paper.
God likes bad odds.
He isn’t a gambler. He isn’t taking a risk on you; He is confidant in His strength in our weakness. God uses flawed people to reach a flawed world. We are in good company, friends.
“Abraham was old. Elijah was suicidal. Joseph was abused Job went bankrupt. Moses had a speech problem. Gideon was afraid. Samson was a womanizer. Rahab was a prostitute. The Samaritan Woman was divorced. Noah was a drunk. Jeremiah was young. Jacob was a cheater. David was a murderer. Jonah ran from God. Naomi was a widow. Peter denied Christ three times. Martha worried about everything. Zacchaeus was small and money hungry. The Disciples fell asleep while praying. Paul was a Pharisee who persecuted Christians before becoming one.” (source)
Believe me, God isn’t asking you to do something that you know how to do. He isn’t counting on your expertise or perfection. He is betting on your inadequacy and weakness. He knows the odds.
That church met a huge need we had last year.
And this year, we are asking God to do impossible again. The cards are stacked against us. We have no idea how we will accomplish empowering women globally. How we will maintain Fair Trade Friday when we lost 50 memberships last month. It’s enough to make me cry and beg and worry because I don’t know how to do this.
Heck, I don’t even know how to get all my laundry done.
But I think it’s okay because I’m not supposed to know the how. Just the Who.
Because God likes bad odds.
Oh Kristen I hurt for you but I know you know God is in control and he owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He has all the resources you need whether they are physical, mental, emotional or financial. He meets ALL our needs.
Keep up the good work.
This was a powerful reminder for me today…thank you. I am praying and asking, in the powerful name of Jesus, that God’s incredible provision will blow you away. And also, only 49 now. (And I’m praying that those spots will be filled today.) Thank you for letting me be a tiny part of all that God is doing through your obedience to Him and your heart for those in need. He will bless beyond what you can imagine…I truly believe that. Blessings. 🙂
Beautiful!
Thank you for sharing the beauty of the truth in ministry. My heart claps every time I read your articles. And I pray -,I pray hard for you, your marriage, your family.
I cannot even begin to tell you how potent and on point this is for precisely the same kind of situation for our lives. Four years ago God called my husband out of the Navy, revealing to us in many ways that He had a purpose and plan for us. He reiterated many times to follow Him and trust Him, through the wilderness into our Promised Land. The journey has been long and very difficult, but oh so much growth has tagged along. Now, we stand on the precipice of employment, after a full re-direction towards a new career, yet the knowledge that every employer wants a senior position filled with specific “experience.” We are trusting that God is bigger. We are trusting that He has His hands all over this. We are believing that He knows how we will get a paycheck this month, and care for our 7 kids for years to come. He has gotten us through bigger and harder, yet this feels so high and so hard. So, we are acutely aware of how the answer can ONLY come from above. We are praying for the walls of Jericho to come crumbling down, and that the doors for employment fling open wide! And holding onto the Words that He has spoken to us over these many years. He is still good, even now, and we continue to wait on His fulfillment of a promise.
All I know is you are on to something. I’ve been in your store and it’s a religious experience. I feel God in there. Church is not just a seat in a pew in a building. We all have a calling (a voice heard in the silence, an intuition, a nudge) and you have answered yours. You are a good daughter.
Kristen, I have been following your blog and work for a while now and I love everything you write. I think about and pray about Mercy House and your work frequently. I love this message that God likes bad odds. It’s powerful. I just signed up for Fair Trade Friday! It was about time! God bless you and the amazing work you are doing. Thanks for sharing such faith-fortifying experiences.
I needed this today. Thank you for your vulnerability. It is not without purpose.
What an amazing story. You are doing amazing work. May I make a suggestion? I can’t find the Fair Trade Friday boxes through the mercyhouse website (only the one-time gift boxes). I could only find them through the link in this blog post. Could the recurring boxes be more obvious on the main shopping website? I think people might be interested as they are browsing other items on the website. Again, thank you for sharing your story!
These words struck a powerful chord with me today (not that I’ve been crying at anything and everything recently – blame the low iron). Not only does God like bad odds, but he chooses them as well. In our weakness HE is strong! We cannot claim the glory and fame for ourselves when we know all too well our shortcomings. But we focus on Christ being enough, more than enough for our need.