3 Intentional Ways to Celebrate Dad

He cleans up poop and puke without gagging.

He has and would work multiple jobs to provide for our family.

He is intentional with our kids.

He tells the world I rock (bonus points):

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He leads our family by example.

He is a hard worker.

He is a God-sized dreamer.

He wears a cowboy hat to mow the lawn.

He’s sexy (see above).

Yep, I hit the jackpot.

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Not only do I have a great dad, I am married to one.

He loves his kids passionately and gives them great footsteps to follow.

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Here are 3 intentional ways we can celebrate Dad (not just one day, but all year long):

  1. Say thank you personally -it may seem obvious and even overdone, but dads are sentimental, too. And those thank you letters and handmade crafts and pictures mean a lot. Ideas:   write it | make it memorable 
  2. Say thank you again without words- It’s one thing to say thank you with words, it’s entirely different to let our actions speak for our words. Maybe it’s quietly serving him or that one thing he really wants. When in doubt start with bacon
  3. Say thank you publicly- Let the world know how much your family loves Dad. Hang a banner, make a cake, celebrate him in front of friends and families. Your kids can tell the world in these cute shirts.

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Why I Share About My Broken Marriage In My Book

She pulled me close and said the words in a hush, “ Your book for me is like the book Radical was for you.”

The words stun.

Because I know what that means. I’m looking in the eyes of a woman who is about to turn her life upside down in her yes to Jesus.

“We are about to start the book as a family,” she motions to her three teens sitting at the picnic table.

“Except for that one chapter. We may skip over that one for now.”

And I knew which chapter she was referring to without even naming it.

It’s not the chapter about being a rich mom or the one about how lonely this road has been or the messy one about family life.

It’s the one about my marriage.

The one that talks about the secret sin of pornography and how it ripped my marriage apart and how God helped me choose forgiveness. It’s the intimate and hard-to-read pages of how my husband wanted freedom more than he wanted anything else. It’s the soul-splitting journal of the long, hard road to healing and the story behind the very special words on our wedding bands we gave each other the day we decided to marry all over again.

God can do anything

Most people think Rhinestone Jesus is about Mercy House. And it is. This unlikely home in the heart of Africa, funded by a bunch of moms–that is our family’s yes, our God-sized dream. It’s as wild and crazy as it sounds.

But Mercy House is today. That’s not the whole story. I know how easy it is to see where someone is today and think, “Huh. Well, my yes is small. I could never do something significant for God.”

And that’s why I start and end the book with brokenness. That’s why I invite you in -because you need to know where we started, the ups and downs, the heartbreak and healing journey to our yes.

Because it’s raw. It’s real. It’s as standing on the edge of destruction as you can get.

Not only does it make where we ended up more powerful: It’s a reminder of what God can do. He can do it for your marriage, too.

I used to hate that pornography was a part of my story. You may hate part of your story, too. I used to think I was alone in my marriage troubles. You may feel that, also. I used to think I was too broken to say yes. I was wrong. You may be, too.

Now? Today, I’m thankful for the brokenness in my marriage. I would have never known its strength if I wasn’t aware of its weakness. I would never have tasted intimacy if I hadn’t experienced void. I would never love my husband like I do today, if I didn’t nearly lose him.

I don’t know the secrets your marriage holds.

But I know who holds your marriage.

I can promise you–whatever brokenness that your story contain–don’t let it define you. Don’t let it imprison you. And please, don’t let it make you feel alone. Something miraculous happens when we release the brokenness: it sets us free.

 

The Two Words That Can Absolutely Change Your Marriage

Sometimes I don’t even know I need to hear the words.

Until he says them.

And then I’m like a sponge and I soak them up like my life depended on hearing them.

The whole family spent the entire Saturday knocking down dead trees, pulling up weeds and pulling down thorny vines tangled in our trees. We turned up the earth and planted tiny okra, pepper and tomato plants, already dreaming of summer. If it sounds exhausting, that’s because it was, but it’s my favorite kind of day. We were all working together and accomplishing something we all wanted: a garden.

We were dead tired and covered head-to-toe in filth, dirt in our hair and under our nails. I walked in the kitchen and that’s when I remembered my forgotten trip to the grocery store. I sighed because I had to go to the store and I couldn’t wait another hour.

I scrubbed my hands and put a clean shirt over my-not-so-clean body and my oldest and I headed out. I left my husband and other kids chopping wood to carry off.

I still had groceries to get and unpack, dinner to start, laundry to turn and a half dozen other tasks that keep our family of five running all week long.

The kids helped me unload food into the pantry and I hurried dinner along. It was nearly dark as we sat down to eat, and I stifled a yawn. And that’s when my husband leaned over and looked at me long and hard and whispered the words: thank you.

the two words that can change your marriage

And I patted his arm, his face ringed with the weariness of hard physical work and I said them back. Thank you.

Because sometimes? We just need to hear the words. Deep down we know our family is grateful–our kids appreciate the little things, especially when we don’t do them and our husbands and wives see more than we think they do.

But to hear the audible words–some days it’s the jet fuel we need to keep going.

And the words aren’t really dependent upon what we do–because sometimes dinner is a flop and the laundry spills over and the kids meltdown and husbands run late and life has a way of being perfectly imperfect.

But when you overhear him tell your daughter she looks beautiful on Sunday morning or watch him put his briefcase down, loosen his tie and read Junie B. Jones for the millionth time — stop — and thank him.

When you realize she turned off the alarm so you could sleep a few more minutes or remembered your dry cleaning for that important business meeting and changed the cat litter because she knows it’s the chore you hate the most–stop—and thank her.

Sometimes the very thing you need to hear the most is what you need to say to someone else.

When she’s impatient. When he’s angry. When she’s tired. When he’s busy. When she’s down. When he’s not…

When she’s up all night with the baby and you have to step over baskets of unfolded laundry, when you can see the stress of his job weighing him down–these are the messy moments when we feel invisible, unappreciated, overlooked.

These are the moments in our marriages that need a thank you the most.

Because they aren’t just words. Thank you sends a lifeline. It says:

I see what you do all day long.

It matters.

It’s important.

You matter.

You’re important.

I don’t see the mess.

I see your yes in it.

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Click to read more of our marriage story….

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Take a 3 Day Marriage Challenge

I don’t know about y’all, but some days by the time I actually talk to my husband, I’ve got nothing left.

You know how the day can go:  crack of dawn breakfast and lunch-making motions, working hard and long all day, waiting in carlines, carting kids to music lessons, fixing dinner, starting laundry, falling into bed and then hitting repeat all week long.

And then when Terrell and I finally sit down together, it’s to pay bills.

Not exactly hot romance up in here.

We’ve been in such a crazy-busy season of life and ministry lately. I’ve noticed the wear and tear on our marriage. If we aren’t intentional, life will lead us instead of the other way around. And then we realize one day, we’ve gone weeks without connecting with our spouse.

Take a 3 Day Marraige Challenge

So, here’s the challenge I’m taking this weekend. I’m going to try and do these things for the next 3 days and I dare you to join me:

  1. Laugh Really Hard Together: I mean like at least one gut-busting moment. I already can’t wait.
  2. Kiss For 10 Seconds: Because that’s a really long time. Ya know?
  3. Flirt: Give him The Look. Pat her backside. Try it, you’ll remember.
  4. Stay up late and talk: Sometimes those moments of whispering in the dark are just the best!
  5. Show Your Love Out loud: Compliment your mate in front of someone else. Or even better, wear your affection all day.

 Who’s in?

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WFMW: 3 Things You Can Do Today to Make Your Marriage Better

I know what strain on a marriage feels like.

And it’s easy to see how the big stuff can damage a union.

But the true danger for many of us lies in the small things.

The day-to-day strain that comes with busy schedules, sick kids, work stress, unexpected bills, broken appliances and parenting growing children in new phases (hormones in the house, yo).

So, you know normal stuff.

In these seasons (and we all have them), there’s a tendency to let life lead you instead of the other way around. There’s the temptation to get everything else done and forget about each other. And when you do that, you feel the pulling in your marriage.

This year, I will celebrate being married for two decades. Crazy, since I’m still obviously so young.

There’s a lot of water under the old bridge. I have shared the best days of my life with this guy and also the very worst. And I’ve learned this one thing is true: every day is a new chance to make my marriage better.

Here are 3 things you can do today:

1. Connect :: It might sound basic, but with busy lives, parenting, jobs and life filling every hour of the day, it’s too easy to go an entire day or even week without connecting with your spouse.

  • Talk.
  • Don’t go to bed without asking your husband or wife about their day.
  • Wait for them to answer. Last week I heard on the radio that you should wait 30 seconds after you ask your husband a question without saying a word. It’s harder than I thought it would be.
  • Turn off the late night TV shows and communicate. You might be surprised what your spouse will say if you ask them.

2. Compromise :: Oh, yes. This. Even after so many years together, this is still what keeps peace. We are two totally different people and we don’t see eye-to-eye on everything (or anything some days).

  • You don’t have to agree on everything. We don’t. Just last week we were on opposite sides and we agreed to disagree.
  • Love despite your differences.
  • Don’t pick or nag or insist on your way.
  • Compromising on the small stuff has a huge impact on your marriage. You don’t have to win every argument or be right about everything. Getting along for the long haul is about meeting in the middle.

3. Care :: If a friend needs a favor, I try to be there. It’s often easier to care for a sick neighbor or show love to a girlfriend than it is to show kindness to our spouse. Being kind, going the extra mile for our partners speaks volumes of love.

  • Be nice.
  • Be quiet. I’m bossy and sometimes it’s better to just hush.
  • Do the little things. I noticed recently my husband filled up my car with gasoline and plugged in my phone to charge when I forgot. These little things show just how much he loves me and it makes me want to care for him in the same way. If we make it our goal to show kindness to our husbands as we do others, they will notice.

The relationships in my life are good. But I long to make them better. Sometimes the most profound way to do this isn’t as complicated as we might think. Sure, sometimes we just need a good old fashioned counseling session. I’m certainly not against getting help when we need it, but often we can turn the tide in our marriage by simply treating our spouse like we want to be treated.

It turns strain into something stronger.

It works for me!