He starts his day nearly an hour before mine.

I wake up to the smell of scrambled eggs and find him in the kitchen making the kid’s lunches. He’s already dropped off our oldest at basketball practice and stopped by Chick Fil A for a sweet tea treat.

It’s sitting on the night stand when I reach for my glasses and wonder about my silent alarm.

It’s not even 7 A.M and he started the day making love to me–in the kitchen, doing my chores.

All day long, I think of this gift. His kind words, gentle expressions, his unselfishness–and I can’t wait to give back to him.

Sheet music starts long before you hit the sheets.

It starts with another S-word. One that doesn’t get nearly as much attention. Making sweet music in your marriage starts with service.

It begins with putting your spouse before yourself. Since we’re selfish people by nature, this little S-word doesn’t always come easy. But when we serve our mate, it sets up the perfect atmosphere for a symphony.

Sex doesn’t make a marriage, but the lack of sex and intimacy can certainly break it.

Q:

Hi Kristen,

I’m 25, about to get married in June next year and so there is a real curiosity on how to be a good husband. I’ve read a few books already. For Men Only and Christian Husband. I think my fiancee is the most amazing woman in the world and I want to reciprocate that. I guess I’m looking for  from the wife’s perspective.

I hope I’m not being too intrusive. I don’t think guys are supposed to ask girls for advice on how to be a husband.

Thanks for your time,

Billy

A:

Dear Billy,

I love that you asked me this question. I usually tell myself that men don’t read my blog.  But I’m sure you’re not the only one, so I thought I’d write this out loud for the men out there. I’ve never been a husband, but I’m married to a good one. If my husband wrote this list, it would look different, so I’m glad you’re asking from a wife’s perspective. I’m going to tell you what makes my man such a good husband. I think a lot of young men can learn from him.

1. He listens to me. Looks me in the eye, stops multi-tasking and just quietly listens. I love that about him.
2. He doesn’t try and fix whatever I tell him. He resists the urge to make it all right and just lets me talk.
3. He encourages me like no one else. He is my best friend and acts like it.
4. He believes in my crazy dreams and pushes me to chase them.
5. He values what I do, even if I don’t get paid for it (being a mom, volunteering, etc)
6. He recognized years ago that an occasional house cleaner would let me focus on the things only I can do.
7. He tells me when he’s struggling and let’s me help if I can.
8. He works hard. I’ve never once doubted he would do whatever he has to in order to provide for our family.
9. He likes being with me, even if it’s just taking a drive or grocery shopping.
10. He wants me and pursues me. Enough said.
11. He dreams big with me. We’ve done some crazy stuff in our marriage. We are a team.
12. He brings me sweet tea regularly.
13. He turns off my alarm so I can sleep a little longer.
14. He serves me on a daily basis.
15. He doesn’t let me manipulate him. This is big. Because the bad part of me would.
16. He leads our family.
17. He picks up his dirty clothes (most of the time).
18. He trusts me and we are partners in this life.
19. He prays for me and with me.
20. He loves God more than he loves me.

I’m just scratching the surface, Billy, but I hope this gives you some direction. Oh and one more thing, I think part of the answer you’re looking for can be found in your question. Don’t ever stop asking it.

Kristen

Do you have any advice for Billy? Please add it in the comments…

My in-laws celebrate 50 years of marriage next week. We are throwing a big party in small-town Oklahoma with BBQ and gold latex balloons.

We are all about The Fancy.

I’m in charge of the table centerpieces and a few other things. I’m going with mason jar decor since my in-laws are farmers and they make their own food, seed to table.

[black pictures of them dating and their wedding party 50 years ago, tucked into mason jars, with a little gold bow and cupcake picks I got off Etsy]

My parents just hit their 46th year.

I believe we have what you call A LEGACY on our hands. It’s a heavy mantle.

This December we will celebrate 18 years of marriage. I love that guy. I share my life with him. We are in this thing for the long haul. We’ve been to hell and back and we are committed for life.

But do you know how I think you get to 50 years?

You’ve got to do more than love your spouse, you’ve got to like them too (at least most days). Let’s be honest, that line between crazy passion and white fury can be fine. One of the things I love most about my in-laws and my parents is they generally like each other. They enjoy eating together, talking and just being together.

I know it may sound simple-minded, but I know a lot of couples who airquote love each other, but treat one another pretty badly. It’s sort of like the way people feel about extended family sometimes– you probably wouldn’t have chosen them, but here they are.

But we did choose are spouses and that choice is for the good, bad and ugly times. Making a conscious choice to hush when we really want to say something negative or thank them when it cost us something or putting our plans and dreams aside temporarily to make theirs come true–that’s what makes this whole thing work.

I texted my husband this picture while he was sitting in a two day meeting on the other side of town last week.

I love him.

Even more, I like him.

And most of all, I choose to do both even when I don’t feel like it.

Get the Shirt. Tell the world you like them.

Funny side note: I wore this shirt to the airport the other day. I got flagged for a security check because the guard wanted to get the website. Plus, I kept getting “thumbs up” from random men. At first, I was confused (thinking I must look really good) and then I remembered the t-shirt

Disclaimer: My friends over at Union28 sent me this shirt and this post is part of a joint initiative we have to make our marriages rock!