I don’t know if every mother who bears a son feels the way I do about mine: But when I look at him, I’m physically drawn to touch his face, ruffle his hair, pull him close. I also have a strong urge  to clean his glasses, wipe the chocolate smudge, check for deodorant, smother this lanky son.

Maybe it’s because he’s affectionate like his father or because some days he’s the only who asks how my day was and really wants to know.  Maybe it’s because he’s a lover, not a fighter. I just know my heart is connected to his in a special way. He grows taller with every sunset and I feel my grip loosening. He seeks independence. I give him bits and pieces. He comes back to reassure me. Oh, this boy.

He is smart and sensitive. He is compassionate and is shaped by mercy. He is quick-witted and a tad sarcastic. I have no idea where he gets that from.

The world is a boiling pot with mounting pressure.  I long to shield him from it. But he feels the heat anyway. This is the life we are called to. But I’m the first to admit that– living in the world, but not being a part of it– is tricky, hard business.

Son, ten years ago today, I was stuffing my face full of chicken chop chop -a dinner break- on the way to the hospital. You entered this world easily, quietly and I didn’t even mess up my makeup. Your gentle nature has been nothing but a blessing to this momma’s heart. Little did I know that ten years would pass in a blur and that every time you hear the word balls, you’d have a hilarious-albeit irreverent-comment. (We need to work on that).

On your 10th birthday, I want you to know:

You are enough: The world will demand more from you, constantly trying to convince you to change and give more, be more. But you are good enough just the way you are. You are created in His image and there is only One you must please in this life. It’s just beginning, this pressure to fit in to a certain mold. Resist it. You don’t have to be like everyone else, be like Him and everything else will lose it’s significance.

You can do it: You can be and do whatever you want in this life. Never give up or listen to the voice of doubt that says you can’t. Work hard and always try. We live in a world that offers more doubt than encouragement: don’t listen to those voices. Our greatest successes are built on the steps of our failures. If your dreams aren’t bigger than you, then they aren’t God-sized dreams.

You are not alone: As you get older, you want more freedom from your Dad and I. This is natural and the way God created us–one day you will lead your own family. We will journey along side you, but in our imperfection, we will disappoint you along the way. But God will never let you down and he will never leave you alone. If you’ve got Him, you have all you need in this life.

You are loved: I hope you feel the love seep deep in your bones, this crushing love we have for you. But it pales in comparison to the One who gave His life just for you. No matter what comes your way, the ups and downs, the joy and sorrows this life might bring, believe this one thing: you are deeply loved.

Happy birthday, Son.

I sat in the back row of the church where my husband and I worked.  It wasn’t our normal spot. But this wasn’t a normal day. It was one I dreaded:  I was grieving. I kept my head down and silent tears splashed.  The choir sang, everyone dressed in their best. There was light-hearted joy in the room. I could sense it, but I couldn’t feel it. I tried to be invisible in my dark place, willing people to look away.

I couldn’t stand the pity. And yet I longed not to be forgotten.

It was Mother’s Day. And after three long years of infertility, I still wasn’t a mother.

That was 12 years ago and while my dream of becoming a mommy came true, I don’t ever want to forget that this day filled with flowers and homemade cards is painful for so many women.

I know many others who skip the day all-together–some because the relationship with their mothers is a raw wound others because their mom is gone and she left a space too large to fill.

Last year after my kids served me breakfast in bed, I received a phone call from our dear Maureen in Kenya. Just three weeks after losing her 7 year old nephew, her only sister died. Sucker punch. When I remember that day, and the overwhelming helplessness and grief, I am reminded again of the bittersweet.

If I’ve learned anything in the past two years working in a third world country, I’ve learned that woman are strong.

And that we are all the same.

We use spit to wipe a smudge, our hands to protect, our hearts to lead. We question, wonder, doubt and regret.  But above all, we dream. We long for a world without war, heartache, poverty, loneliness.

We may be from a different culture, speak a different language, but no matter our circumstances, hope is always enough.

To all the women and mothers everywhere, Happy Mother’s Day.

I could feel her staring across the church, walking towards me. She inched closer and grabbed my hand. She squeezed tight. I held on and looked into her eyes. She never said a word, but the tears in her eyes said it all.

Whatever place you find yourself, think of the woman on the other side.

What to say When Words Aren’t Enough:

• Give a warm, meaningful hug
• Send a card, reminding her you remember
• Ask her how she’s really doing. Wait for her to answer.
• Use your past pain to help her thru her present
• Don’t pretend she’s not hurting
• Don’t tell her everything will be ok
• Pray for the women in our world

————————————–

If you’re free on Saturday, I’ll be on The Drew Marshall Radio Show for the Mother’s Day Special. You can listen live at 2:50 pm EST here.

I hear the stray notes everyday. She plays scales so high my ears ring. She feels the music deep. Her flute a constant.

He hunts the keys on the piano. He has music in his bones, searching for the harmony.

She bangs out her own chords and lives in crescendo.

We search for melody.

I didn’t know I would raise musicians. I didn’t know their making of music would make me.

It’s hard not to cringe at the off notes in life. The long days when you feel so out of tune as a mother. Nothing is harmonious: the kids nitpick, the biscuits burn, the dog carries mud, the marriage limps along on a difficult day.

But somehow, someway He turns the noise into music.

Her ear-splitting scales create the breathtaking notes that becomes Sonata, a masterpiece.

His hunt and peck of the keys are practice being made perfect, a recital in-the-making.

These off notes are choreographed into the symphony of our lives. When singled out, they don’t sound right or make sense. The up days when everything flows, mix with the down days when nothing goes right. It mirrors the staff on a sheet of music. Up and down. Down and up.

But when all our days are woven together, they are music.

And I know this to be true: God is God in the high spots–just as He is God in the low places. He never changes. He is the constant.

It’s all music to Him.

Life is a concert.

Play for the audience of One.

It’s a love story that captivated the blogging world.

A young father wanted to bless his wife, mother to his sons, with a gift that money couldn’t buy.

He initiated a movement called The Mother Letter Project. He asked mothers from around the globe to send his sweet wife a letter of encouragement.

Words poured in-countless letters offering humor, humility and hope. I remember typing out my letter, heart pounding in my ears. Searching for words to encourage someone in my own shoes.

I love love letters. And this story? It wrecks me. What a gift! These letters have been curated into an epic Ebook that will leave you breathless and thankful to be called mother.

This Ebook is for you. I’m proud to share it with you. And I’m honored that a portion from every sale supports our young moms at Mercy House!

Share it with a mom today. On sale $6.99. Click the book to purchase:

I look back on my first years of mothering, and I wish I knew then what I know now, “everything is going to be okay, the house will survive, you will survive, just love them well.”

In celebration of mom, yourself, your sisters, your own mom, share the glory and the mess of every day life.

*Affiliate link in this post

I just returned from a weekend in small town Indiana.

I loved the rolling fields of yellow flowers, sprawling farms, kind people and the simple living.

But I’m a Texan. And I always laugh at all the stereotypes we put on people from different places.

I never say yee-haw, I don’t wear a cowboy hat and the only manure I smell is the mulch in my front yard.

I don’t own a pickup truck, my porch has never collapsed on my hunting dogs and the only redneck part of me is a small patch of ezcema.

I never chew on hay, I haven’t killed a snake with my boot  and I don’t talk with a southern accent even though I was born and raised here. (Disclaimer: my hubby has done all three of these, but he’s from West Texas. Totally different).

I don’t have a picture of George Bush in my house.

I do say y’all. In every sentence.

I do love that Texans are friendly. People wave at stop signs (unless they are transplants) and help their neighbors out. I do love home cooking and we do pack a gun. And now, my hubby and I each have a tattoo.

I love my state. I lived (missions work) in several others states–Arkansas, New Mexico and Florida– and while I loved things about each place, Texas is home.

Plus, everything is bigger here.

So. Here’s my question?

Where do you live? What’s a stereotype of your state?

I’d love to see if I have a reader in all 50 states plus a few other countries!

————————————-

Cute necklace made by The Vintage Pearl She has other states…

It takes skill to get the family all lined up and then

run thru the bushes and not trip over the tripod

to make it in time for a family photo. Third time’s the charm!

Our day was memorable and we ended it so thankful for the cross.

Happy Easter!

Coming tomorrow: It’s Here! That Works For Me! Ebook

I love worship music.

It’s pretty much the only thing I listen too. And not because I’m all worshipful. I just really love the way it makes me STOP and worship instead of whine or complain. Ya know? It’s hard to be all into yourself when you’re worshiping God. Funny how that works.

I was so excited when I heard Christy Nockles was making a new album! She was one of my first music giveaways years ago on this blog. After a lot of success, she has been focusing on being a mom and leading worship at Passion City Church. This is her first new album in several years.

And it was worth the wait.

“I love the promises of God’s Word, and when we get to sing those promises it causes every fear to flee and any lie that comes against us to be crushed beneath the Truth. I love the honor of leading worship at Passion City Church week after week. One of the sweetest things that has struck me lately in watching God move in people’s lives is that, He shows us again and again who we are … and where we belong. He takes a heart that’s in the depths of despair and lifts it to where He is. Ephesians 2:6 says, “We are seated in Christ in the heavenly realms” and Psalm 18:33 says, “He enables me to stand on the heights.” That’s a truth to be sung at the top of our lungs and that’s what brought on this happy song!” - Christy Nockels

My personal favorite upbeat on her new CD is “Ever Lifting” Love. It’s fun! The songs that move me: For Your Splendor and How I Love You. Her remake of Love Can Build a Bridge is awesome!

Watch her inspiration behind the song, you’ll love that she’s a real mom:

Christy Nockels – Into the Glorious from sixstepsrecords on Vimeo.

Stay tuned for an awesome awesome giveaway later this week!

Listen on iTunes.

You can also purchase Christy’s new album, Into the Glorious, here.

Disclaimer: This post is sponsored by music label EMI, but all opinions are mine.

Nothing says April Fool’s like a little April Food.

I can’t wait to see their faces!

Hope your day is full of smiles.

[Eggs made with white chocolate bark, yellow M&M's]

[Bacon is caramel and chocolate]

This idea came from one of my favorite magazines.

I really scored this piece of awesome for $20 bucks at a garage sale this weekend. It’s from Pottery Barn Kids. Only I bought it from a lady moving to Canada. I love it when people move to Canada.

Pottery Barn doesn’t sell it any longer. Good thing, none of us could have afforded it.

The manager of a local movie theater really lost the key to the um, door to the theater and sent the line of 20 people away who were waiting to see the first showing of Hunger Games on Saturday morning.

Sometimes I’m really able to convince my children that work is fun.

I really did go back to the same theatre the next day and get free popcorn and coke for my troubles. It was a well done movie, but I also think it’s disturbing. But it should be, right? My two cents.

This wooden box is really hanging inside the door of a country Baptist church where my kids had their piano recital this weekend:

The little sign reads: ”In case of the disappearance of True Christians, there are instructions located in the above box to help those who are left behind.

And it really brought up interesting conversation with my kiddos!

And just like that, the weekend is really over.

This piece of paper sat in the driver’s seat of my van the other day. My hubby was kind enough to leave it there when he saw the car parked in the street at then end of our drive way.

It was such a nice thought.

And I heeded it for 2.7 seconds. But then there was an arguement in the backseat over an old balloon between two my kids and I noticed I forgot lipgloss in the rearview mirror and oh, look at the time! We were going to be late for my daughter’s doctor appointment. Why did I make an early morning appointment in the middle of Spring Break…

CRUNCH.

I didn’t even cry. This is the third time. THIRD time (one for my hubby and two for me) that we’ve bumped a car on the street backing out of our driveway. I woke up my neighbor and she just smiled and said “I really should use my driveway.”  You think? I responded in my head in a very unChristlike way. It was my fault, but thankfully she got an estimate and didn’t file it on our insurance.

I decided not to let it ruin the day. You know the whole when life gives you lemons…you make sweet tea and you eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg.

Amen.

[Lane shift]

So, we open Mercy Home Parties today! Woohoo! We’ve had about 25 people request info to have a party at their house (think Pampered Chef, only for a great cause). You can too. I’m excited to move some product out of our garage to make room for more. My hubby asked me if he was ever getting the garage back. I shook my head no. He didn’t even complain. That guy. Wanna party with us?  Proceeds provide a future for our girls and their babies. It’s a win-win-win.

We are going back to Kenya, in June, with our kids. We are beyond excited. The proceeds from the new ebook That Works For Me! (coming in April) that I co-compiled will help pay for our kid’s plane tickets. So, I hope you’ll buy a copy or four. I’d hate to have to choose which kid can go. I’m just kidding. I’ve already decided. Seriously, joking. We have saved all year for this trip, so everyone gets to go! We will be teaching a few new skills, encouraging our staff, visiting a couple of organizations to help plan post-graduate job/school placement for the girls who graduate in 2013 and mainly, just loving on our Kenyan family.

We are still pursing faith and asking God for direction for our family. We are in uncharted waters with running a non-profit, working to support our family, trying to keep it all afloat.  Someone emailed me the other day and asked if I’d thought about writing a book on starting a non-profit. I laughed. And then I said no because I never wanted to do this and still don’t know what I’m doing or what the future holds. But we have today and that’s enough, so God says.

Life is unexpected, no?

It’s a beautiful crazy journey.

Speaking of journey and perspective (fender benders are nothing)…would you click over to our real life friend’s blog and read their heartbreaking, but hopeful journey of their first born child, one week old Thatcher. He needs a miracle. Now. Would you join us in asking God for one?

We love Spring around here! Today is the first day of Spring Break and we have VERY little planned. Woot! We plan to sleep late and knock off a few things on this massive list:

1. Make kool-aid play dough 
2. Put fresh flowers in your kitchen
3. Decorate an old pair of shoes with Sharpies
4. Eat jellybeans
5. Pick wildflowers
6. Have a picnic at a favorite park
7. Make strawberry shortcake popcicles
8. Plant a fairy garden
9. Art: Spring Branch
10. Make a handprint calendar
11. Create a Spring Scavenger Hunt
12. Decorate hot rocks (fun!)
13. Make your own sunshine
14. Stay in your pajamas all day
15. Play Easter Memory Game (Free Printable)
16. Plant flowers in your yard
17. Make a kite
18. Go fly it
19. Make a Garden Journal (free printable)
20. Grow your own Easter basket grass (so creative)
21. Get a new Spring Purse!
22. Indoor Garden ideas
23. Pick berries
24. Hang a bird feeder
25. Easter thumbprint art
26. Paint your driveway with homemade paint
27. Do something fun with cardboard
28. Paper towel butterflies
29. Send someone some sunshine
30. Spring clean to fun music
31. Read outside on a blanket
32. Look for rainbows after the rain
33. Go to the library
34. Plant Pals
35. Play in the rain
36. Go on a Spring Photo Hunt (50 picture ideas)
37. Make Rainbow Rice
38. Make a fun paper toy
39. Play with your food
40. Blow bubbles
41. Take pictures in wild flowers
42. Eat dirt
43. Go barefoot
44. Paint a room a bright color
45. DIY Spring Flower Centerpieces
46. Create a Ribbon Wand
47. DIY Veggie Garden Sensory Box
48. Paint your nails in one of these colors
49. Celebrate Sundays with ice cream sundaes
50. Plan a staycation (26 ideas)
51. Lay in a hammock
52. Go on a bike ride
53. Throw open the windows
54. Visit new babies at your local zoo
55. Tidy a room
56. Make sun tea
57. Hang your sheets to dry on a clothes line
58. Jump in the puddles
59. Make a rainbow xylephone
60. Make yarn eggs (so fun!)
61. Put a spring wreath on your door (my mom made this one for my door!)
62. Raise a Butterfly Garden
63. Make a flower crown
64. Bake bread in a flowerpot
65. Resurrection Eggs (or make your own)
66. Read The Parable of the Lily(one of my favorites)
67. Eat one of these 
68. Make flower-shaped sugar cookies
69. Hang a Spring Flag
70. Create Plant Pals
71. Put pinwheels in the yard
72. Go camping!
73. Have a Spring-themed party
74. Make cheery Peep S’mores
75. Force tulip bulbs
76. Go on a family walk
77. Discover Geocaching
78. Raise Ladybugs
79. Have a tea party outside on a blanket
80. Hopscotch with sidewalk chalk
81. Go to a baseball game
82. Hand wash the car
83. Dig up worms in the yard
84. Go fishing
85. Have a garage sale
86. Swing together
87. Make a bug hunting kit
88. 60 fabulous ideas for Easter dinner
89. Go feed ducks at a park
90. Plant an herb garden
91. Make homemade marshmallows 
92. DIY spring vase centerpiece
93. Gussy up your spring mantel 
94. Decorate with pastel candy
95. Add a bright colored pillow to your sofa
96. Make crepe paper flowers
97. Hang a festive spring pennant 
98. Take a day off to do nothing!
99. Do something new to celebrate new life
100. Don’t forget a Spring Safety Check 

*this post contains a few Amazon affiliate links

Updated: thank y’all so much…she’s not out of the woods, but she is more stable…keep praying!

One of my dearest friends (who also happens to be my sister-in-law) is in critical condition in ICU tonight. She needs a miracle. Please pray with me? My heart is so heavy– for her, my husband, his family, especially her teen boys. Thank you for being the kind of friends who will pray with me. xoxo

God wrote the verse on my heart two years ago this week.

The etching was painful.

The living it out, excrutiating.

Even though I wouldn’t have chosen this path, I wouldn’t trade it now for anything.

My outside now matches what’s inside.

I am branded:

I am turning off comments on this post because I don’t wish to stir up controversy with my very personal choice to mark this anniversary in this way.

The words hurt, cut like a knife.

My heart beat outside of my chest as I let her cloud of disappointment cover me.

Hurting people hurt people. She felt like I let her down and so she let me down. The accusations still ring.

This online space is a tricky place. I’ve spent four years confessing my struggles, trying to find joy in the moment, hoping to inspire the people who spend their time here. It’s not something I take lightly, you reading my words.

I’m reminded daily that God created something adequate out of this space and out of inadequate me. I need you to keep dreaming with me.

But I’ve always tried to be transparent. And in the last month, I’ve received a couple of emails and comments from a few people on different subjects, but all feeling like I’d let them down in some way. Oh, I get people and their opinions and it’s certainly not the first time I’ve had people disagree with me.

Somewhere along the way, some people got into their minds that I’m someone to look up to. You can only look up to people you place on a pedestal. The rest of us are eye to eye, trying to carve out what God wants to accomplish in and through us.

I don’t belong on a pedestal. Most days I find myself under it.

I’m not always a great wife or an awesome mom. I have really hard days just like you. I don’t always share the horrible moments because I’m flesh trying to live this out, messing up more than I can say.

But I am convinced that if you look up to me you will be disappointed.

You might not like that I lose it with my kiddos, nag my hubby, don’t use recycled bags or cook organic. You might be disappointed that when it gets really hard, I think about quitting (everything). You might be shocked at my discipline methods, thinking they are too strict or too lenient.

The bottom line: you will be disappointed in me.

And that’s why I do my best to point you to Him. Because He will never disappoint you.

Little Debbie died. Hostess is still hanging on.  What? You don’t name your fish after snack cakes?

My oldest came down the stairs with her limp fish, visibly upset about her beloved pet. We hugged her and said our “I’m sorry’s” and quickly changed the remaining fish’s water just to omit any further owner-error. My daughter bounced back quickly. Because in her words, “It’s a fish.”

But later that same night we heard a shriek and this same daughter discovered her hamster had gone to Heaven. Tears. This was obviously a bigger deal and I sent my bewildered husband into the garage to seek out a hamster-sized casket. A definite first for this family.

We said a few words and buried the business card box in the yard.

I tried to soothe my oldest and said “What would make you feel better?” <——–thinking a snack cake and praying to God she didn’t say another hamster. She said, “there’s only one thing I can think of that would take away my pain…………Can I have a cell phone?”

I patted her on the back and said No. (After I laughed hysterically). Yep, that girl will be fine.

The next morning before school my son came downstairs, lip trembling.

Yep, same story, last hamster.

My son was relieved because in his words, “Rodents are a lot of work. Now my room will smell good again.” Which is debatable considering his athletic shoes.

I’m not sure what caused all the pet deaths, but I might have caught my dog and cat googling the Pet Apocalypse.

This sort of narrows down the list of people wanting us to pet sit for them.

We’re choosing to laugh around here.

1. After nearly 8 years in our house, we have decided to stay here forever. So, we organized our kitchen cabinets and drawers. What can I say, I needed motivation. Look how fancy we are now (disclaimer: these pictures might also prove my inner nerd):

oh, yeah

2. This monkey discovered bars. Dear God, please protect her bones, Amen.

3. Flutist in the house! She performed beautifully at her first District Honor Band Concert. How on earth did I give birth to a musician?

4. This guy scored TEN points in his basketball game. 

5. Watching him get so excited he forgets to dribble is also on my list (sorry, son)

6. My hubby who worked hours and hours (after his day job) to help me get out 536 end-of-the-year statements for Mercy House. Did you know we regularly pray over each name and thank God for those who partner with us to make a maternity home in Kenya a reality? Y’all rock.

7. A whole afternoon at the playground with my favorite people in perfect weather on a perfect Sunday. I think my hubby caught me taking a catnap:(We were invaded by these teen boys doing parkour. Have you heard of this? It’s like extreme playground diving and rolling and it’s terrifying to watch. I guess it’s harmless fun until they um, die.

8. My church community. I cannot express how deeply thankful I am for it.

9. Taking a break from my computer from Friday night until Sunday night.

10. New product from Africa made by our girls. I cry every time I open a suitcase or box. It smells like my second home. 

Got a favorite moment? Do share.

Coming Soon!