For Husbands On the Day After Valentine’s Day

A Guest Post by Terrell Welch

The card aisle is bare today. Red and pink flower bouquets are half off. There’s been a run on chocolate. It’s the day after Valentine’s Day and most of the gifts are gone.

A few years ago after God did a miracle in my marriage, I ran across a little book that changed holidays around my house. I realized my days on the earth are numbered and I decided I wanted to leave my family my heart for when mine stopped beating.

A couple of weeks ago as I was thinking about Valentines Day, I sat down with a good friend over coffee.  My friend Steve is a rare find.  He’s the kind of friend that a man needs.  He’s real and honest and within a couple of minutes we were talking about our relationship with God and our relationship with our wife.  Steve shared about his prayer time with his wife.  It was thoughtful and meaningful.  On the drive home that night, I decided my letter for Valentines Day would be a prayer for my wife.  If I could ask God for anything on behalf of my wife, what would I want to say?  And honestly, could I write a prayer for my wife without the bias of asking God for things that would benefit me?

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Husbands, today, I’m hijacking Kristen’s blog and sharing my prayer for her…to encourage you.

Jesus, I thank you for my beautiful wife. She is truly amazing. I thank you that over twenty years ago you made our paths to cross in college. I am honored to call her my dearest friend and confidant.

Lord, I ask you to help me cherish Kristen and treat her with gentleness and kindness. I often fail to cherish her like I should. I cannot thank you enough for what she means to me.

I pray you would give her the hours she needs to get the work done that needs to be finished.

I ask you to inspire the words she writes and use them to bless others and glorify your name.

I pray you would give Kristen confidence in her ability to parent and guide our children, that mother would be a cherished title.

May she connect with and reach thousands of women around the world.

Give her wisdom as she advocates for Mercy House and the oppressed.

May her genuine heart and love come through in all she does.

I pray that you would give her patience with our children.

I ask you to help her love our family well.

I pray you would bless her going in and coming out.

I pray you would protect her as she travels around the world and to Chick-fil-a.

I ask you to continually expand her faith and vision for what women in America can do for impoverished women in the world.

Lord, give Kristen the desires of her heart.

I ask that you give her children that follow hard after you.

I pray that you give her physical health and rest.

Help her to overcome fear and trust you.

Help her to be obedient to your words.

I ask you to wrap her in your love-that she may experience your favor on a daily basis and that will know she is loved.

I pray that you would let her experience abundant joy and pleasure in serving you.

I pray that her bath would always be hot and her tea would always be sweet.

Thank you Jesus for giving this girl to be my wife.

Amen.

Men- I want to challenge you to pray over your wife regularly. Loving our wives well is a gift we can give them and our children every day.

 

6 Reasons Dads Should Date Their Daughters Before Anyone Else Does

She twirled around the house in her pink sparkly dress.

“Daddy is going to love it,” she said as she got another peek of herself in the mirror. “I look amazing.”

I walked away smiling and told my husband his date was ready.

He straightened his tie, bowed and held out his hand. “May I have this dance?”

She giggled and said, “Yes, we need to practice.”

And they danced in the kitchen.

It was their first Daddy Daughter Dance together and I think this picture an hour later says what I cannot.

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She will never forget this night with her dad. Neither will he.

6 Reasons Dads Should Date Their Daughters Before Anyone Else Does:

1. Dads have a profound impact on their daughter’s lives

A father’s role in his daughter’s life is one of the most important she will ever know. “Research clearly says that daddies make all the difference in the world,” says Kevin Leman, national speaker and author of What a Difference a Daddy Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Dad Leaves on His Daughter’s Life“I have tremendously more impact on my daughter than my wife does.”

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2. Dad sets the dating standard

“What you are doing as a man is prioritizing your time,” Leman explains. “Most kids grow up knowing Dad is a pretty busy guy. Your daughter needs to know the sacrifice you’ve made in your priority list; making sure she comes up No. 1. The fact that you affirm your daughter’s femininity and treat her special says to her, ‘Honey, seek somebody special in life. Seek someone who is going to treat you right.'”

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3. A dad makes his daughter feel special on a date

Many girls seek approval and attention at some point in their life. If dad is giving it regularly, it satisfies that craving. If he doesn’t, she might look for it elsewhere.

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4. Daughters might just open up with the one-on-one time

Our oldest daughter painted nails and applied eyeshadow and lip gloss to the girls who didn’t have moms present in the glamour room before the dance. Later, her dad took her out for a Starbucks and he just listened. She talked and then she really talked. Watching my 15 year old and my husband return to the house holding hands is something I won’t soon forget.

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5. It’s the perfect opportunity to just have fun

Dads are busy with work and the pressure of providing. A date is a great time to let loose and just laugh and have fun. At one point during the dance, my 8 year old said, “Daddy was dancing so hard, he had to get a napkin off the table to wipe his sweaty head!” She thought it was awesome because she knew he was having a great time with her.

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6. Regular dates with dad keep him involved in her life

One day, our daughters will date someone other than their dad. And as far off (and even difficult) as that might sound, it’s part of life. And when dad makes his daughter a priority and spends one-on-one time with her, even in the difficult stages and phases of parenting, it becomes a natural shift for when another young man enters her life. I love this from Desiring God: “Have her boyfriend in your home. And I don’t mean just once for dinner. I mean welcome him into your family with some regularity. Let him see you love your wife and children. Model manhood for him — the manhood you want to see in his relationship with your daughter. And remember that your home is probably the safest place for them to get to know each other, rather than out and about on their own without loving boundaries and accountability.”

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Dance, anyone?

If Dad can’t be present or chooses not to be, try to find a Godly man to fill his shoes-a grandfather, uncle, etc. And we don’t have to teach kids their fathers are flawed, they see that eventually. But we can all teach our kids that God is the perfect Father of all.

Photos by Lindsay Portugal & Taylor Robbins 

Some Days My Marriage Isn’t Awesome

Congrats to random t-shirt winners: #301 Amy and #151 Jill!

There it is again in my Facebook feed. This time it’s a selfie with her husband and her status reads, “The best date ever! My marriage is awesome. #always”

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Sure, it’s sweet. And I love a good marriage shoutout. But every time I see the “perfectly happy marriage” update, I want to say, please tell me you argue over who is letting the dog out at 2am or confess that sometimes just the way he breathes is hashtag annoying.

We probably all have friends who seem to have the most awesome marriage all the time. Every day is flowers and romance with him remembering every little thing and her sweetly ignoring every little thing he forgets. There is never arguing or irritating. It’s hashtag awesome.

First of all, I’m not so sure this kind of marriages exist.

I have been married 20 years. I have a great marriage. I have the t-shirt to prove it.

But some days my marriage is not awesome.

We don’t always communicate well, live selflessly enough, or remember to just be nice to each other .

We don’t always agree over financial issues, have sex enough, see eye-to-eye on parenting stuff.

Just the other day, there was a kitchen standoff because he heard the trash can lid close and asked me if I put the empty container in the can while he was getting a liner. I had the empty container in my hand and I held it up like a boss. Proof. Ha! He walked over to the trashcan and opened it. He leaned over and retrieved the empty bottle of Ranch Dressing I had just dropped in there. He was disgusted. And strangely enough, I had no recollection of putting it in there. This is a Thing in our house.

We’ve argued over less important things, if you can believe it.

Yeah. So maybe my marriage isn’t awesome everyday.

But that’s okay.

Because perhaps our greatest strength is that we know this and we still try anyway.

Marriage isn’t awesome because it’s perfect. It’s awesome because we keep at it.

It works because we don’t give up. We push through the long, hard days. We forgive selfishness and try to be less selfish. We ignore little annoyances and try to be less annoying.

All marriages have bad days. But every morning is a new chance for an awesome day. And when we have them we should share the happy moments instead of dwelling on the not-so-good ones.

So, the next time we are scrolling down our feeds and we see that friend’s happy marriage status, let’s go ahead and like it. Because maybe that’s what she’s doing.

—FUN MARRIAGE GIVEAWAY—

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What do you love about your spouse today (even if you have to think hard)? Tell me in the comments on this post and two commenters will be randomly chosen to win a $25 gift certificate towards marriage shirts at Union28. Or get 15% any of my favorite “My Husband/Wife Rocks” shirts with code:U28WATF15. Plus, they have a big sale going on right now (shirts under $9!)

4 Things We Need To Do After a Long Day of Motherhood

I woke up at 6:30 to kiss my high schooler goodbye and I went back to bed- a rare luxury that only happens when you schedule a dental appt at 8:45 a.m. for two of your other kids.

I congratulated myself on my brilliance since I’d woken up with a headache. I set my alarm for an hour later.

I got my kids up and put frozen waffles in the toaster since we chose sleep over healthy food. I did put black beans in the crockpot for dinner, so there’s that.

They brushed their teeth for the third time because there’s nothing like preparing for a dental visit the morning of one.

Every Monday morning, we have 4-5 ladies (many young moms) come and serve at the Mercy House building in our backyard.  It’s a great way to start a new week and get a baby fix. They were coming to work on Fair Trade Friday stuff so I didn’t have time to wash my hair or shower. Choices.  Terrell agreed to run the kids to the dentist a couple of blocks from the house, so I could get the volunteers started.

Our new dog, Jane, which we rescued a week ago from the animal shelter has been acting sick for the past few days, so I reminded myself of the vet appointment at 6 p.m.. Lesson learned: Nobody just goes to “look” at dogs at an animal shelter.

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Terrell was back home by 9:45 with three cavities between two kids. But at least they didn’t find head lice (it’s a long hilarious story, but you know it if you’ve read  my first book.)

While volunteers stamped and licked 550 end-of-the-year statements and got February product tagged, I ran back into the house and took ibuprofen. We have more than 600 monthly members and every box gets 3-4 items. So that 1800-2400 items to tag every month.

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I took our youngest to school while he got to work on donor management software for Mercy House.

Somewhere in there my throat started feeling scratchy and I started coughing. Yay!

Our son had an archery tournament two days before on Saturday for the Texas Championship and as we were leaving home for the 3 hour trip, we noticed water pouring out of an overflow. My husband said this was bad news and he was right. Our water heater malfunctioned and water damage was already apparent in the garage. He called a plumber and I stayed home while they replaced it.

I watched them drive off and cried. Not just because of the $1000 check I was about to write.  I had to miss my son shoot. (He ended up getting second place for his age group.) He has had a hard time lately in the friend department (junior high can be brutal), so when he asked to stay home after his dental appointment, I said yes.

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I swept the house (it’s a daily compulsive habit for me), answered some email, wrote a blog post, unpacked new Fair Trade Friday product and at lunch time, my son asked me if he could spend his Old Navy gift card from Christmas. We ran to the store and he found some shirts and I picked up 5 shirts in the next size up for my youngest because they were $2.49 each. At this point, I was sure I was coming down with something. (Sorry, Old Navy).

I got back home by 2pm and got another hour of work done before my high schooler and youngest got off the bus. There was homework, laundry, a disagreement over something important like socks and dinner before 5:30 because it was also youth group night for my oldest. We wrote out Psalm 23 with only a few tears and only about 2/3 of us liked the new way I cooked the weekly pot of beans.

Terrell and the kids  helped clean up the kitchen (which is a polite way of saying there was some grumbling and complaining because my kids still gawk at the chore chart that’s been on the wall for 2 years) while I signed some school papers.

My husband took the kids to youth and my youngest and I took the dog to the vet. I was tempted to ask them to look at my throat. She had a cold, maybe kennel cough, and needed two prescriptions. We got back home and I spend 15 minutes trying to get Jane The Dog to swallow 2 pills. I was half tempted to take them myself.

My little girl had been asking for an hour if I would watch her new jump rope trick and I collapsed on the couch to do just that. After 3 jumps, she tripped and hit the hard floor with a smack. Twenty minutes and a bucket of tears later, she had her leg propped up with ice and Tylenol and was limping. Awesome.

That uncompleted foster care application on my nightstand mocked me.

When my husband got home, all three of us were piled in the bed debating who felt worse.  I asked my husband to look at my throat in the bathroom while my older kids took my spot on the bed, and he winced at the white pockets and streaks down my throat.

It felt totally redeeming.

My kids were impressed and scooted over to let me lie down in my own bed.

The crazy thing is–it was just a normal day of motherhood. Nothing big or bad happened. But it was long and hectic and I felt drained at the end of it.

A friend on Facebook posted a tired selfie and asked if there was a filter for motherhood, one that hides the dark circles and the exhaustion that comes with having little kids. I smiled at her wishful thinking. I think that filter might be called Pinterest.

I have to remind myself that it’s okay for not everything to be okay. That there is joy in crazy-busy-hard-but-overall-good days. We might have to look a little harder for it.  It’s good to confess our weariness and show off our tired eyes. It’s okay to ask for help when we need it and take time for ourselves.

Busted pipes and busted knees, sore throats and sores we can’t see, these are the days of motherhood. Older moms tell me I will miss them, today I want to survive them.

As I crawled into bed, I wrote down the 4 things I needed most on a piece of scratch paper.

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I’m determined to give them to myself. Maybe you should to:

  1. Rest-I took two naps the next day. And two hot baths. Yes, I was feeling crummy, but mostly I was tired. Moms don’t get sick days. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take them. I asked my husband to take my share of carpool and a couple of things off my plate. He knows if I’m laying in bed in the middle of the day, I probably need to.
  2. Renewal-I scheduled a girls night out. Sometimes the best way to renew yourself is to surround yourself with other people who get it. I also ordered myself a book I’ve been wanting read–not for work, just one for me. I also thought about getting a pedicure, something that I usually reserve for a special occasion.
  3. Release-I had a good old fashioned cry. Yeah. Sometimes I can feel this building of emotions and worry and I know I need to let it go. Tears aren’t always the answer. Sometimes it’s exercise or a nice loud scream (those are harder to come by because you scare people have to death).
  4. Reflection-Sometimes the best way to face another day after a hard one is to look behind you. It’s easier to see how far we’ve come when we reflect on where we are. We don’t alway see growth when we are growing. Just a little perspective change can turn our grumpiness into gratitude.

Your Family Won’t Regret Doing This For The Next 30ish Days

I get it.

I know just how hard it is to get dinner on the table and five people around it who are all going five different directions at five o’clock.

On Monday night, my oldest two have church youth group and on Tuesdays my youngest has tumbling. Wednesdays are for meeting with other families for Bible Study and Thursdays, we have dental and eye appointments or –well, you get my point. Some days the window for all of us to be together is so small, it would be easier to just eat on the go or at least separately.

And other days when we have long moments to linger –that’s when the big kids irritate each other until an argument erupts and the youngest is picky and cries in her dinner and we have a big fat mess spilled all over our good intentions.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not.

But that doesn’t mean we stop trying.

Because dinner isn’t really about food. It’s about connecting. (When our kids were younger, dinner wasn’t always an option for connection. We found the best time to intentionally have a devotion together was one-on-one, right before bed. Don’t give up. Find something that works for your family in the season you’re in).

It’s about pursuing intentional, meaningful conversation that your children will never forget. It’s about building relationships and communicating purpose and goals. It’s about going deeper. It’s about breaking Real Bread together.

We’ve been working on memorizing Psalm 23 and last night, we took turns quoting it in different accents-German, Irish, Redneck. Unconventional yes, but still a seed planted in our heart.

It’s about the best 10 minutes of your day.

This time last year, I wrote an e-Book that has 30 lessons to complete in however long it takes you. There’s no pressure in this easy-to-use guide that encourages family togetherness, conversation, connection and fun around the table. I wrote it for you and it’s only $1.99.

Saying Yes to God As a Family has a suggested icebreaker to get your family talking, a highlighted passage of Scripture to read, questions to ask, a suggested memory verse and a prayer to lead your family in.

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It’s designed to be read on a mobile device or printed into cute colorful cue cards. There are printables at the end to brighten your home and to go along with the daily activities.

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Practical Ideas to Make it Happen:

  • Plan a weekly crockpot meal so you aren’t overwhelmed once you get everyone at the table.
  • Keep a large family calendar in the kitchen and make sure at least 3 nights a week are free (even if it’s different every week.)
  • Keep a basket of Bibles near the table. Read them together.
  • Make the window of time interactive: This ebook Saying Yes to God As a Family: 30 Lessons for the Table from Rhinestone Jesus was created just for this precious 10 minute window during your busy day. Each short lesson has a suggested Bible passage and 3 questions to promote interaction and deeper-thinking.
  • Have fun. Painting our kitchen table with chalkboard paint was one of our best decisions to keep our kids around the table longer. Printing out paper placemats for drawing will also keep little hands busy (there are ones included in my ebook). Celebrate great nights together with ice cream!
  • Keep it short. Because kids.
  • Don’t get discouraged. Some nights I want to go straight to bed after dinner because it’s THAT BAD. But we do it all over again the next day. It’s worth it. Don’t give up!

When we persevere through the mess, we discover beautiful moments together, sometimes sandwiched between really bad ones. (That’s life, huh?) If we choose to be intentional, we have the opportunity to connect on a deeper level. We uncover glorious tidbits that carry us through the hard days. We giggle and laugh. We hear about one another’s day and learn more about each other.

We often find the best 10 minutes of our day when we look for them.

 

edited repost