Parenting — We are THAT Family

When You Just Want to Fit In

10:16 pm Bykristen

In the fifth grade, Guess Jeans were the hottest item. Every popular kid had them. The dark denim with the triangle patch on the back pocket marked with the Guess ? screamed, “I FIT IN!”

Or at least my 11 year old mind thought so.

But I grew up in a practical, one-income home. I guess we were middle-class, but after a rough period when my dad didn’t have a job, we opted for a frugal life. Guess Jeans weren’t frugal.

I had cute clothes, a name brand scattered in when I could find it on clearance, but mostly, I wanted what I didn’t have.

My mom must have sensed my pain because she bought me a knock-off pair of Guess Jeans. In passing they almost looked the same with the mock triangle pocket patch. But they said something like Gasp without the ?

I wasn’t impressed. For some reason, the faux pair only increased my desire to wear a ridiculously overpriced pair of jeans I was sure to grow out of immediately.

So, I did something I’ll never forget: I took a red sharpie marker and wrote Guess ? over the word Gasp.

Of course, I didn’t achieve anything except an awful-looking pair of jeans.

And so I wore a long shirt over them until I grew out of them. Because I didn’t want my hard-working parents to know how badly I wanted to fit in.

I’m raising a twelve year old now. I think twelve is the new teen, only without all the privileges. I have no idea what I’m doing.

I can’t imagine how it would have felt to have us as parents growing up…we’ve always tried to raise our kids counter-cultural, but I’m afraid the status quo has shifted by running a non-profit from our garage, going to Africa every summer and occasionally being featured on Channel 11 News. And while we don’t apologize for it, I know somedays it has to be a little awesome and a lot hard when you’re in the sixth grade.

Because if I remember correctly, everything is hard in sixth grade.

I see it there, her desire to fit in. I recognize it and I understand it. I watch her fight against it, bend to it, balance it.

And more than anything, I get it. I don’t always fit in either. Most days it’s a little awesome and a lot hard. But I’m nearly 40 now and I understand that fitting in is fleeting. It’s always changing and I don’t want to keep up.

I’m okay with me. I’m thankful for my life, the journey we are on.

Last night, I told my daughter about my fake Guess jeans and we laughed.

She pulled off her knock-off Ugg boots and we talked into the night.

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The Letter Box

10:11 pm Bykristen

He gave me a beautiful mahogany box several years ago. It sits on our dresser and contains precious words.

This man I married who isn’t a writer, writing stunning letters to his wife, a writer.

He gave our oldest daughter a box and fills it with letters for her eyes only each year on her birthday and milestones.

Our son received his box next, it holds the treasure of father and son.

A few weeks ago, our youngest opened her coveted box on her birthday.

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He read her first letter to her:

On your 5^th birthday I want to give you your first Daddy letter.

Daddy letters are special words that I write every year just for you. They are words from my heart!

I remember the day you were born. You were called a “premie” because you didn’t get to stay in mommy’s tummy long enough.

You were so little and you were hooked up to lots of tubes and wires. I was so scared, because I didn’t know if you would live.

I loved you so much, but I couldn’t help you. So we prayed to Jesus and he healed you.

You are a special girl and you came along at a very happy time for mommy and daddy. God gave you to us as a special gift to let us know that he cared about us and loved us!

Today, you are five years old and you are more special to me now than ever before. I want to tell you a few things that make you special to me.

You are so smart and know all of your ABC’s and numbers. Soon you will be reading all by yourself.

You have a great imagination! I love to play house with you and hear all the great stories you make up about your dolls.

Your blond hair is bright and wild, just like you.

I love to snuggle with you.

One of my favorite things to do is to kiss you and make you laugh.

You are a great bike rider!

You can do a lot of things by yourself without any help.

You still like me to carry you to bed at night.

You draw the happiest, most beautiful pictures and you save them for me.

You like to lay down in bed and play “would you rather.”

You are always the first to pray about any needs that we have at dinner time.

You love Jesus.

You help me drive my car into the driveway.

You make me laugh!

You’re a big helper when it comes to helping clean up and do chores.

You love your brother and sister.

You always talk me in to giving piggy back rides.

You are a good swimmer

You like to dress up like the princess that you are.

You know lots of good Bible stories.

I love to take you on date nights.

You always jump in the car with me and go to the store.

I am so thankful that you are my little girl!

If I had to pick from all the girls in the world…I would always pick you! …and Madi…and Mommy…and Sasha…and Shina…

I love you!

Happy Birthday,

Love Daddy

She’s carried that box back down the stairs and I’ve lost count how many times I’ve heard her say, “Read it again to me, Daddy.”

Everyone needs a letter box.

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Fifty Parenting Ideas You Won’t Regret:

10:33 pm Bykristen

Tuck Love Notes in their lunchbox, dresser drawers and unexpected places.

Tell them why you love them

Worship together

Be affectionate

Plan a purity weekend with your tween/teen

Ask them questions

Ask then to grade you as a parent

Break your own rules (eating in bed, playing in the mud, etc).

Give them a Bible you’ve read and written notes in (next to meaningful Scripture) especially for them

Go on special dates with your child(ren)

Go on a family missions trip together

Memorize scripture together

Be intentional with holidays-bring Christ in

Engage every day: connect with them on a deeper level

Help them live counter-cultural

Serve with your children

Listen: stop what you’re doing and really listen

Don’t always rush to fix their problems

Be consistent (A doesn’t happen until B-parenting book)

Have regular family nights

Make activities matter (Don’t just fill time. Ask: why are we doing this? How does it benefit?)

Spend time doing something they love -music, running, games, drawing, etc

Write a Family Missions Statement together

Create Family Rules for your home

Look for teachable moments

Read to them (100 books to read to them)

Limit media (TV/video games) to a certain amount of time a day/week

Love your spouse in front of them

Pick your battles

Teach them to be strong

Create family traditions (10 new ones to start today)

Teach them to pray

Show them what true success looks like

Ask your kids for forgiveness when you fail

Stand up for them

Don’t over-schedule your kids

Give them down time

Pray for your kids- Let them overhear you doing so

Keep the TV out of their bedroom

Say yes as often as you can

Give them the opportunity to change a life

Use Conversation Starters at dinner

Create with them

Give them chores (age appropriate list)

Challenge them to read their Bible and reward them for doing so

Catch them being good

Reward kindness

Have fun with them!

Write in a family gratitude journal

Conduct regular family meetings

If you don’t accomplish any of these in a day, don’t be discouraged! Above all they need you to be there.

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Ten Things I Love About You {Freebie}

8:50 pm Bykristen

I’m realizing now- more than ever- how important it is for my kids to know that I love them. I mean really know.

Sure, I tell them.

Yes, I show them.

But the world seems to erode their confidence in so many ways–from peers who don’t share their values to the social pressures that insist they aren’t enough.

I want our home to be safe, a place of unconditional love. I want them to know why they are loved.

When I saw these big 20×13 posters (they have a sticky back for a door or wall!) at Paper Coterie (and I could get a couple of them for FREE-stay with me), I knew that this would speak to my kids. I can’t wait to give them for Christmas!

[I took a picture of mine...they turned out great. I'm going to put them in an expensive poster frame].

1. your laugh 2. the way you lead 3. your strength and determination 4. the tiny curls at the base of your neck 5. the way you close your eyes when you play your flute 6. when you seek me out to talk 7. your hunger for knowledge 8. your style 9. you don’t take no for an answer 10. your growing world perspective

1. you are kind 2. you are good 3. you are important 4. the way you snuggle 5. your long, dark lashes 6. you put others first 7. you’re compassionate 8. watching you play flag football 9. you are calm 10. your growing love for the world

1. your smile 2. the way you love life 3. you make me laugh 4. you are mommy’s girl 5. the way you love others 6. you are beautiful 7. you love being outdoors 8. you are brave 9. you are strong 10. you love your family

And if you hurry, you can get a $30 free credit too, to make a couple of your own posters (they are $14 each) or anything else at Paper Coterie. This code expires on Sunday, Nov. 13: H2SHOLIDAY (you do have to pay for shipping, but it’s super fast!)

[This isn't an affiliate link and I'm not receiving anything. I just love these posters and wanted to share them with you.]

Do your kids know why you love them?

Tell them.

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Raising Strong Kids

9:32 pm Bykristen

I watched a single tear escape his long lashes.

He quickly swiped it away.

Inside twisted, that wrecked feeling mothers get when children hurt.

But this wasn’t the kind of pain a band-aid could fix or a kiss on the brow. This wound was inside, out of my reach.

“I’m the weird one, Mom.” His words felt like a blow.

I grabbed his hand, the one with marker stains and chewed-nails and refuted his words. “There’s nothing weird about you!”

He told me how different he felt from most of the other boys at school. The other 4th grade boys who cussed and bullied and wore tough.

And then my little boy said, “It’s hard being a Christian. It makes me odd.”

And then I felt my own tears, press hot against my lids. I closed my eyes and remembered the feeling. The one I lived with growing up.

I couldn’t discount his words or his pain, I knew they were true. He’s just so young to experience it.

“Were you ever the weird one, Mom?”

And so I told him my own stories. I whispered words I prayed would heal his heart, knowing they wouldn’t fix the problem.

We are called to the problem, to be the strangers of this world, to follow a different road, to live counter-cultural.

I told my son that we didn’t expect him to be perfect. We knew there was pressure to give in and I told him we’d love him no matter what and then I told him of times I’d tried to fit in. He looked at me with steel-eyes, “I know I can fit it, I don’t want to fit in.”

I marveled at his strength.

I walked down the stairs, heavy. I made a playdate the next day with one of the Christian boys who stood at the pole with us. I called a friend from my community group with a son the same age, grade, struggles. We devised a plan so our boys could find comfort and strength with each other.

And then I cried.

Because sometimes I feel like the weird one too.

It took a little boy to remind me that it’s exactly how I’m supposed to feel.

Do you ever feel that way?

———————-

If grace-based parenting has taught me anything, it’s to try and raise my kids the way God raises me–with infinite grace, unfathomable love and room to still be me. Today, I’m flying to the Relevant Conference and I’m proud to have Family Matters as my sponsor. Make sure you stop by the Mercy House table!

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Real Life Parenting Tips

10:12 pm Bykristen

I wanted to title this post How to Go From Good Parenting to Great Parenting. But it’s hard to write about great parenting, when you’ve had one of those weeks.

Of course, my next title might have been: Objects in Picture Aren’t As Happy as They Appear. (Because driving to family pictures creates the perfect storm, dontchaknow?)

Ahem.

So, I thought it might be better to just be real and share some tips that are working for us . It’s something I do best, share my junk, the good and the bad.

[My kids are at that age where I want to protect their privacy, so I'm going to keep their struggles private for now, but still share what I'm learning]

On Sibling Rivalry:

I told my hubby the other night of my two oldest, I never argued like them. He said, Remember you told me fighting drove your parents crazy? Me: Oh yeah, my twin and I would fight in the closet–very quietly. Do you know how hard it is to quietly beat each other up?

Your Kids Will Not Get Along 100% of the Time- Do you? My hubby and I don’t yell and scream at each other, but we do argue sometimes. It’s actually pretty healthy for us to get something settled, or find out how we both feel about it. Occasionally, we agree-to-disagree on stuff. It’s called living together and we can’t expect less from our kids. When my kids are really arguing, I let them, as long as they are being respectful, keeping their hands to themselves without bullying or intimidating. I want them to learn to give in and to stand firm. It’s a dance for all of us, but in the end, we want to be better because we’ve worked something out that needed to be dealt with.

When Your Child Crosses the Line-It will happen, especially with older, stronger siblings. Finding a way to positively correct is challenging. We don’t always get this right. We are still learning as and as our children get older, it changes. But we won’t allow bullying in our home. A few weeks ago, I sat down with one of my children and explained that they were intimidating their sibling. I asked for them to write an apology letter. This could have gone either way, but I was moved by the letter from one of my kids to the other. I’ve seen a heartfelt change in both since.

On Discipline:

Some things that have worked for us:

Writing sentences, writing Scripture —these are not appropriate punishments for kids who LOVE to write. (Yes, learned this the hard way)
Reward charts- stickers for positive attitudes, helpful behavior, great school conduct, chores, etc
B doesn’t happen before A- We got this from the book Have a New Kid by Friday. It’s awesome. If A is “clean your room” and B is “go play with a friend” B does not happen until A happens. It gives your child the responsibility of doing what you asked them to do. This is not easy because they might whine, cry and throw a fit about B. Just FYI
Chore jar is our newest one (thanks, Karen!)- if there’s a bad attitude or an ugly remark, my kids go get a chore and have to complete it immediately. It’s great because this helps me not to engage and turn a sassy remark into a battle.

On Responsibility:

I think every child over 1 should have age-appropriate responsibilities, whether it’s picking up toys that were played with or doing your own laundry.

Don’t make their room a battleground. I’m type A, this is one of the areas I’m most challenged in. My hubby helps me (not have heart palpitations) by checking for me and pointing out areas that need work to my kids. We’ve recently started a weekly check (instead of whenever we walk upstairs). We just felt like our kids needed more freedom in this area and if they want to spend one whole day cleaning up their room to get it back in shape, that’s up to them.
Don’t do everything for them-My kids share the heavy load of laundry (get it?) Each weekend, they help wash, fold, dry, hang up the laundry they wore during the week. They also make their own lunches for school each day.
Don’t constantly bail them out-When my oldest lost her retainer (again), we asked her to explain it to the Orthodontist. And although we knew she wasn’t in a position to pay, we asked her to make our bed for eternity or until it’s payed for.

Bottom line, there are no perfect families because they are made up of imperfect people. Don’t beat yourself over the head. Learn from your mistakes and be the best parent you can be. Plus, prayer goes a a long way!

Tell me your real-life parenting tips. I could use some!

* family photos by Suzanne Box Photography

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Be A Courageous Parent

9:48 pm Bykristen

I took my oldest daughter to see Courageous, the new {Christian} movie about Biblical fatherhood.

I cried the ugly in the middle of the sold-out theater.

My daughter and I shared popcorn, a coke, and much more. We held hands.

She declared it the best movie she’d ever seen.

The next day, my husband took our 9 year old son on the same date, except they communed over Grape Fanta.

I don’t have verification of real-life man tears, but I saw the lump in his throat, hours after the movie ended.

On the drive home, my hubby asked his only son to give him a parenting grade. (Something I don’t think I’m courageous enough to do).

He stepped out to pump gas and when he opened the car door, my son said, “Well, Dad. I have good news. You passed.”

And then my hubby started worrying.

“I’m going to give you a B-”

And then they talked. Really talked. I think it’s too beautiful to share, too private to disclose, but when they returned, we sat down as a family and talked about the one thing my son pointed out– the one thing we could really work on. It was something he felt like all five us struggle with. He was absolutely right.

I was proud of his courage to tell us. Even more proud of my husband to ask.

We sat around the sofa and joined hands and we each asked God out loud to help make us more like Him.

It was one of those moments I will never forget.

Whether or not you watch the movie, I dare you to ask your kids for a grade. It might just begin a beautiful conversation…

If you’re feeling courageous.

——————————–

did you see the movie? you must. that part where the dad dances in the field by himself….. I think I even hiccuped-cried.

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Remembories: How to Get Your Kids Talking

9:48 pm Bykristen

Dinner: It’s my favorite time of the day, even when it’s not. We try to protect this time, even when we have to force the quiet, the togetherness, the pause. It’s dinner time at our house. I’ve written about it before: the craziness and the routine, but I wanted to share some ways to gets your kids talking.

[Now, just to disclose, my kids never have a problem with talking, the always have to plenty to say. But sometimes I have a hard time getting them to open up about the right things.]

So, we ask questions. It’s simple really. My youngest has coined the term: Remembories (which is just a fancy preschool way of saying remembering memories).

Kids love to remember memories about themselves and it turns out it’s a great way to get them talking!

Ask, listen & connect.

Here’s some to get your started:

You:

What’s your favorite memory of you?
When did you start walking?
How much did you weigh at birth?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
What do you like best about yourself?

Your room:

What’s your favorite memory in your room?
What do you love most about your room? the least?
What would you change about your room?

The yard:

The best thing we’ve ever played in our yard?
What do you love most about it? the least?
If you could add one big thing to our yard, what would it be?

School:

What’s your favorite memory of school?
What do you love most now? dislike the most now?
What is the best grade you’ve had?
What grade do you look the most forward to?

Family:

What’s your favorite memory of something we’ve done together?
What do you want to do as a family someday?
Do you ever wish we had more/less kids?
What would you keep the same/change about our family?

Friends:

What’s the best memory you have with a friend?
Name some of your favorite friends. Why?
Do you wish you had more/less/better friends?
Do you make friends easy or hard. Why?

God:

What’s your best memory of church?
Do you think God talks to you? How?
What would you tell God if He were sitting at dinner with us?
Do you think all people should know about Jesus?

The World:

Where do you dream of going someday? Why?
What kind of language would you like to learn?
How do you think people live in other countries? Like us or different
If you could give people in another country one thing, what would it be?

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Download printable for free!

rememboriesprintable

*source

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Teaching Your Kids to Pray Without Them Knowing It

10:09 pm Bykristen

Night after night, gathered round the table, it was the same: NO!

We begged, pleaded and implored our 3 year old to take her turn to pray for one of the countries in the book, Window On The World , a nightly ritual we value. After defiance and non-participation, we just worked our way around her. Ignoring the protests and the attitude. When couldn’t make her pray, after all, and trying to talk her into it was just distracting our older kids and frustrating to us.

So, we did nothing. Except continue to take turns praying aloud, around her.

Then something amazing happened around our dinner table.

One night, after my hubby had stated the country statistics and needs, he asked who wanted to pray the quick prayer for the country of the night. Our toddler stood up, “Me! Me!”

She mumbled something that didn’t make much sense and ended it with a loud, “Amen!”

We all smiled under our napkins at the significance of the moment.

Her desire wasn’t born from force. She simply watched and decided on her own that she wanted to be like her example, her family.

Our 3 year begs to lead our family in prayer nearly every night. And, of course, she often throws in attitude and strong-will just for effect.

I didn’t realize we were teaching her to pray.

But it makes me think about all the other character traits we are teaching our children, even when we don’t know it.

*Updated: last week my parents dropped off their dogs for us to watch for a few days, so they could go out of town and my little girl grabbed their hands to form a circle and said a quick prayer that they would have a safe trip! It was so sweet.

(darling headbands for sale in The Mercy Shop)

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Growing Up Too Fast

9:36 pm Bykristen

[This is a post for moms about their daughters]

Have y’all noticed how early girls are hitting puberty?

I’m not just talking about how quickly our society is pushing them to grow up with inappropriate fashion and romance story lines on the Disney Channel, (that’s all true, but for another post) I’m talking about their baby bodies changing too quickly.

I thought nine and ten was young, but apparently, according to this health article I read yesterday, it’s happening to seven and eight year olds! According to the study, 18% of Caucasian girls and 43% of African-American girls are going into early puberty by age 8!

“For the 11-year old that looks like she’s 15 or 16, adults are going to interact with her like she’s 15 or 16, but so are her peers,” Biro said. Girls who develop early “look physically older,” he said. “It doesn’t mean that they’re psychologically or socially more mature.”

Obesity and diet are likely the culprits, but not necessarily. What do you think it causing it?

My hubby and I recently watched a couple of documentaries on America’s food industry. Oh my! Not only did it turn our stomachs, it was very eye-opening. Now, I am NOT a health nut (insert sweet tea here). I love sugar and Southern food and no one has ever mistaken me for a Nutritionist.

I’m not about to jump on some bandwagon, but I do care about my kid’s health and I certainly want to hold off puberty until my children are mentally ready for it. For the last month, we’ve made a concentrated effort and have substituted fresh veggies/fruit for canned, grass-fed beef for corn-fed and hormone-free chicken.

I think it’s sad that it’s more expensive to eat healthier. And I don’t know if this is the answer to stopping early puberty, but it’s worth a try.

What do you think is causing this and what can we do about it?

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How I Know I’m Doing a Good Job Parenting

10:09 pm Bykristen

Today all three of my kids were mad at me. I told one no on something I didn’t feel good about. I made one complete what they started before they started something else. I stopped one from hiding in the freezer.

There were tears, huffing, heavy sighing and yelling. And the kids even showed some emotion.

No one was happy.

It was a clear sign to me that I was doing a very good job.

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Mothering Sons

7:00 am Bykristen

Mothering sons in our society is not easy, neither is mothering daughters.

With our destructive media, pressure from peers and a boy’s natural inclination to lust after the opposite sex, a mother’s work is never done.

My son is turning 8 years old this month and while he is still naive and lives a sheltered life, I can’t sit back and wait to talk to him about tough issues, like purity and girls. Because someone else will. The TV programs (Disney Channel) and movies (like Diary of a Wimpy Kid) are not afraid to address the boy/girl issue. I can’t be scared either.

When we take the initiative to introduce a Godly standard, everything else he hears or sees will be compared to the high standard God has put into place to protect and provide for His kids.

In my opinion, I think boys 8 and under should be taught:

to respect girls (even their pesky sisters)
to never, ever hit a girl
to open the door for Mom, help her with groceries
to give Mom and sisters privacy when they dress or shower
to honor other people’s personal space
to protect their own body from invasion
to only go to Internet sites approved by parents
to know their own anatomy (great talk for Dad’s)
to say no to ANYONE (kids and adults) who wants to touch them inappropriately, play sexual games, etc

Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World by Vicki Courtney is an excellent resource for this age.

I think boys 9 thru 11 should be taught:

about sex (the basics-which have changed since you were a kid)
about their changing body
about girls (how they flirt, think, change into young women)
about the evilness on the Internet (pornography)
about standing up for what’s right (in conversation w/ other boys), even if it means standing alone
about pressure to be cool and like everyone else (they don’t have to have a cell phone or iTouch to be cool-I don’t recommend either!)

Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle: Honest Conversations About Sexual Integrity is an excellent resource for this age!

For boys 12 and up:

Don’t hold back. The world isn’t. There is an agenda to make sex before marriage the norm. Talk to them about choosing purity. I highly recommend taking your sons on a weekend at 12 or 13 years for a ="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre-wrap; ">Passport to Purity retreat. At this age, there needs to be CONSTANT communication and supervision regarding sex, purity, pornography, girls, lust, movies, music etc.

What would you add to my age-appropriate lists?

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Raising My Children to be Christians

7:00 am Bykristen

We had house guests recently, the kind that stay a few days, overnight even.

This always makes me nervous.

I worry about my cooking, if the bathrooms were clean enough…if there’s extra room around the table, you know how it is. It can be stressful for people like me (straightening the fringe of the rug at odd hours of the night-not really-but nearly).

This time (maybe because I was trying to impress?) I caught myself over-correcting my kids. Closely watching for bad attitudes, micro-managing their every move and expecting them to be perfect little Christian children.

By the end of the weekend, I was exhausted, not from the company or the extra work that goes with it, but from me. I was tired of me.

I was trying too hard to make my kids into what I thought they should be. They couldn’t let their hair down and just act as they normally do.

I want my kids to have Christ-like character traits. I want them to be Christians. But sometimes, I am conforming them to Christianity, rather than letting Christianity transform them.

I’ve seen kids raised in Christian homes, sent to Christian camps, schools, surrounded by “Christian” things, only to go wild and delve into sinful activity when those restraints are lifted.

I’m not against any of these settings. I think they all have their place. But in every child’s life, at some point, there will be testing. And if they’ve only conformed to Christian practices and standards without being transformed by Christ, they will fail.

My greatest desire is for Jesus to be real to my kids. I want them to turn to Him, even before they come to me. I want them to know Him, to fellowship with Him, to touch the scars in His hands and tremble at His holiness.

And this won’t happen because I demand behavior that I deem “Christian.” I honestly think that making them conform to Christianity at every turn is harmful.

It’s my job to lead them to Him. But then I have to step back and let Him move in their hearts.

I’m raising my kids to be Christians.

He will turn them into disciples.

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Have a thought? Join this discussion I started in my community.

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Embracing the Strong-Will of My Child

7:00 am Bykristen

She is the loud one at the table. Easy to find. Her face is smudged with chocolate because she snuck a cookie before lunch was eaten. Her hair is wild, matching bow long gone. Her feet are bare, socks under the table, feet tucked beneath. She screams, “Noooo!” in a naughty voice.

Eyes stare and heads turn to look at the noisy, unruly toddler. Her mother hushes and wipes, bends to pick up a stray sock, for the third time. She forces a smile. On the outside.

On the inside she struggles with wanting her child to conform. To sit nicely, behave well, eat sandwich before cookie. To be like the other quiet children in the restaurant.

She is me: Embarrassed by my child; Ashamed that I am embarrassed.

Why do I want my child to be like everyone else? Why am I so uncomfortable with imperfection? And comfortable with conformity?

At the same time, I want her to be herself. As she grows, to stand firm in truth, to withstand the strong current of worldliness that will fight to whisk her away.

One day, I will marvel at her strength and will when she makes a good decision and leads rather than follows.

How can I want both?

God, forgive me for wanting to squeeze her into a box. She doesn’t fit. Help me to embrace her strong will as a strength, not a weakness.

You created her in your image.

And she is mine.

Are you blessed with a strong-willed child(ren) too? Tell me what you love about them…

Want to know what I’ve learned about raising strong-willed children courtesy of some great resouces? Make sure you check out my January 1st newsletter.

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Nail It Down

7:00 am Bykristen

Over the summer, I asked about sibling rivalry on my forum.

Our family has a fair share of normal spats. I’ll admit that the squabbling gets on my nerves and I now understand why it drove my parents crazy too.

In the book, Making Children Mind without Losing Yoursthe author Kevin Leman, suggests letting your kids fight because they are actually learning to cooperate with each other. He suggests sending them outside if you can’t stand the racket and instructing them to fight. Usually they just stand there without much to say. He also explains, it can become a screaming match and maybe even physical but kids will learn quickly that fighting doesn’t pay off, there will be consequences and that it hurts to fight.

Okay, so I’m not totally there. But I have been sending them outside and trying to back off some. (My hubby and I do peek out the window and we’ve thought about making small wagers on who will hit first).

I noticed that even when they weren’t fighting, there was some belittling going on. I watched one of my children take more a bullying role and the other suffered.

Someone shared an idea in my forum from the book, Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel: When your child hurts the other with their words, rather than punish them, send them outside and ask them to hammer a nail into a piece of wood. Don’t offer any other explanation or punishment. Be consistent and do this for a couple of weeks. When you feel the time is right (or the board is full), ask the child to removed the nails with a the claw of the hammer.

Explain that when we apologize, it’s just like removing the nails.

And then ask: What is left on the board?

Answer: holes.

We can apologize for our mean words, but they leave marks.

This proved to be a very powerful illustration in our home and not just for our kids. If I had to name one of my top weaknesses (there are many choices), this would be it: controlling my tongue. So it was a good lesson for me too.

My kids love each other deeply and I know that this showed them the power of their words.

Both good and bad.

Psalm 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Do your kids fight? How do you handle it? Because. THERE ARE DAYS…..

P.S. I was notified that my blog was named as one of the Top 50 Diversion blogs. I’m pretty sure it was a mistake, but it made me smile. Thanks for reading what I write. It would be lonely without you!

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The Truth of Motherhood

7:00 am Bykristen

Just when I think we’ve got the hang of this parenting thing, my hubby and I have a weekend where we are reminded that. we. don’t.

Whew.

Okay. So y’all know all those stereotypical things you hear about boys and girls?

Things like:

“Girls are so dramatic.”

“Boys hate baths.”

I was bombarded with opinions the moment I produced gender-telling ultrasounds.

I did what all new mothers (who know it all) do: I rolled my eyes and said, “My children will never do that, they will be different.”

Can I just say….

My daughters have a Masters Degree in Emotional Outbursts and the beads of dirt around my son’s neck quake when I say the “B” word.

Is it just me or WAS EVERYONE RIGHT???

What other truths have you discovered? And is it just me or is parenting really hard?

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A Guide to My Girl

7:00 am Bykristen

I’m the first to admit that I have no idea what I’m doing raising a ‘tween.

She is beautiful and complicated and changing so quickly it makes me want to freeze time.

Or puff quickly into a paper bag to prevent hyperventilating.

I’ve put away my love of fiction reading during this season and my bedside table is littered with these amazing books. I highly recommend them instead of a paper bag.

Resources I’m reading by myself:

Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney

(I love this book! It’s timely and it has instructions on what to say to your daughter at different ages in her life. It is a must-read book!)

Your Girl: Raising a Godly Daughter in an Ungodly World by Vicki Courtney

(This book is so encouraging and offers valuable, practical teaching on what to do to raise modest, Godly daughters.)

If you aren’t already reading Vicki Courtney’s blog, Virtue Alert, you should be!

Resources I’m reading with my daughter:

The Body Book: It’s A God Thing! (Young Women of Faith Series)
Beauty Lab (Part of the Young Women of Faith Series)

We have been reading a chapter every couple of nights and just finished the first. There is a section for girls to journal their thoughts and feelings in the books. My daughter has really enjoyed this special alone time with me. So have I.

Resources I’m reading to my daughter:

God’s Design for Sex-4 Part Series

Book 1- The Story of Me (God’s Design for Sex) (ages 3-5)

Book 2-Before I Was Born (God’s Design for Sex) (ages 5-8)

Book 3-What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares About Sex (8-12)

Book 4-Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You (12+)

My daughter is in the fourth grade and I want her to hear information concerning sex from me before she hears it from peers, who gathered their facts from older siblings or movies. I’ll be the first to admit, we are just now starting this series dipping our toes into this large, uncomfortable subject, slowly. These books read like a story and are very well written, but they are very informative. But I really like the Godly perspective it offers, even if it makes me want to find that paper sack.

I’m gathering books to read to/for my son. I’ll share those at some point.

What about you? What is the right age to talk about this stuff? Did your parents or friends give you your information?

Add any helpful parenting resources you’ve read to the comments!

*If you buy the book from the link on my site I earn a few pennies from Amazon.

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I Know How You Feel

7:00 am Bykristen

I said no.

And I watched her storm up the stairs and heard the slamming door.

Sigh.

Some days, nine is hard.

Some days, thirty-six is hard.

My daughter and I were both frustrated. With each other. With ourselves.

Before bed, she slipped a note, half scrawled in cursive, half in print, under my door.

Half a little girl. Half a preteen.

“Dear Mom, I’m sorry I said ugly things. Every time I do that it’s because I get mad really easily and get all steamed up and angry and say stuff I don’t mean to say. I don’t know why I get worked up like that, but I’ll try harder. Every time I get worked up like that, please remind me to try harder to not say ugly things. Please pray for me and forgive me. Also I want to stop getting worked up like that, but it’s hard for me not to. I don’t know why I do it. But I need your help not to get mad or worked up. I love you and I know you love me.”

I read her letter a dozen times. It reminded me so much of another letter.

A familiar one about a raging inner battle to control a quick temper, a bad mood, an imperfection, a battle against me.

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. When I want to do good, evil is right there with me….Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7

I hugged my girl tight and told her she wasn’t alone.

“I know just how you feel.”

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I Hope This is Developmental

8:30 am Bykristen

When my hubby called to ask how my day was going, I responded, “The two-and-a-half year old is in rare form.”

“That’s the third time you’ve said that this week,” he responded.

I think rare form may be the new normal.

And I am scared.

My son said the other day, “Mom, you’ve had two 2 year olds before, you know what to do. Right?”

Good question.

But my 7 and 9 year old traveled thru the 2′s unscathed. They were typical, but they didn’t get into things like their little sister.

And by things I mean, just last week, I’ve caught her painting her own toes, busting an ink pen in her mouth, stuffing gobs of toilet paper down the potty, spreading sunscreen on the floor and playing in paint.

Believe it or not, I do watch her. But the girl is quick and quiet, which turns out to be a messy combination.

She’s also chosen “NOOO!! My do it!” screamed at the top of her lungs, as her new favorite phrase.

That wouldn’t be my first choice.

There also might be some hitting and kicking going on.

So. basically, what I’m trying to tell you is the 2′s are kicking my butt.

I’m doing my best teaching her character, trying to be consistent with discipline and showing her who’s the boss.

But, honestly, I hope this is developmental.

(Any advice would be appreciated!)

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Watching Grass Grow

2:28 pm Bykristen

Her shoulders are sun-kissed from the blazing sun.

Her nose bares tiny new freckles.

The sparkle in her eyes speaks of stories I’ll never hear.

The new confidence in her stride declares a change.

I spent 84.5 hours away from my oldest child. The longest separation for both of us.

I wasn’t there to help her fix her hair. I wasn’t there to monitor her decisions. I wasn’t there.

But she didn’t need me to control every choice. She didn’t need me to parent every moment.

She grew in my absence.

And this is just the beginning.

Parenting is a lot like gardening. We prepare the soil purposefully. We tend the plants carefully. We watch prudently. We protect from weeds actively.

But we don’t see the daily growth.

Until we step away.

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Yes

7:00 am Bykristen

I say no more than I say yes.

I didn’t realize it until I became conscious of it. My real life friend Jennifer issued a personal challenge for herself: to say yes as often as she could this summer.

She encouraged me to do the same.

I learned something the first day I tried it: I say no all the time.

Naturally, I choose no more than yes.

I don’t like this about me.

Oh, I can offer dozens of excuses for why I say no. Safety is obviously a priority. Cleanliness is way up there too. But I like structure, organization. I like control. And I can maintain control if I say no.

Often times, saying yes requires more work for me. I say no because I’m selfish.

Yuck.

So, I’m baby-stepping, I’m trying to say yes more.

Yes, you can do sidewalk chalk in your pajamas. Yes, you can pull all the cushions off the couch for family movie night.

(Try not to look at what was under the couch cushions)

It’s not easy for me to say yes.

And I’m not good at it.

Lisa (the genius blogger behind the retired Domestic Accident) sent me this link.

I encourage you to watch the video or listen to the tract. It’s from a Mom, who is dying. She writes about how Death is Not Dying. She talks about saying yes and about capturing each moment and about finding true happiness at the Cross.

I was moved deeply by it.

Moved to say yes.

Yes, you can have a silly string fight on the trampoline.

Yes, you can build a fort on the landing and leave it up for two days. Yes, you can eat lunch in it. Yes, you can introduce your sister to Sleeping Beauty on my laptop in the fort….

Yes, yes, yes.

It’s getting easier.

Is it hard for you to say yes or are you a natural?

Food for the Soul:

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

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I’m Sorry

7:00 am Bykristen

My little boy is sensitive. He is sandwiched between two sisters. His heart is big, generous and he’s an encourager by nature.

But I’ve noticed he says two things all the time.

First (and totally not his fault), he says “Omygosh” every time he’s excited, shocked, surprised, happy, mad….

In other words, he says it a lot. So does his Momma. And I’m working on that, really, I am. Especially since my two year old picked it up the other day. It sounds horrible coming from her puckered lips.

Slap my hand when you hear me say it, m’kay?

But the other phrase he uses often is “I’m sorry.”

In his sweet way, whenever he’s corrected or asked something, he tucks his head, looks down and says, “I’m sorry” first.

I decided I really needed to help him understand that “I am sorry” is an apology. It’s not what you say when you think you might be in trouble, or when you’re slow to make your bed or when you ask if you can stay up a few minutes to read.

I talked with him and explained that he didn’t have to be sorry for everything. I encouraged him to use those words only when he needed to apologize.

A few nights later, we worked in the yard after dinner. We came in hot and tired. I was ready for a bath after my kids had theirs. I was also ready for them to get to bed.

My son entered the kitchen and said, “Can I have a snack?”

“I guess,” I exhaled.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I stopped him. “Why? Why are you sorry for asking for a snack? You’ve worked hard and you’re hungry?”

“I said I’m sorry because of the look on your face. You looked very sad when I asked you,” he confessed.

And that’s when it dawned on me. My little boy apologizes for me, not to me. My actions, the look on my face, my tone, made him feel like he had wronged me in some way.

Gulp.

I hugged his gangly body to mine and told him I was sorry. “I’m sorry for making you feel like you were doing something wrong. I’m tired, honey, and I’m ready to go to bed. It’s not you. It’s me.”

It’s in those little moments that I feel God’s finger pinpointing a place in my heart. An ugly spot that I need to work on.

My exasperation and moods affect my kids. My tone and impatient foot-tapping make them feel pressured and uncomfortable.

It was me all along.

And I’m sorry.

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T-Mobile Mom to Mom Quiz

4:00 pm Bykristen

My greatest job is being a Mom.

It’s also the one in which I’ve had no professional training. Unless you count child birth breathing lessons.

I don’t, because seriously, my kids ignore my panting through clenched teeth when I find them decorating their bodies with 107 band-aids from the first aid kit.

Or like last weekend when I convinced myself to don a swimsuit in public and take the family for our first swim of the season. It was a blast. Until it was time leave.

I can still hear the shrill screams of my toddler who wasn’t ready to leave. I’m not ashamed to admit I walked very slowly behind my hubby pretending I didn’t know who they were, as he whisked her away to our car.

I saw other people actually pointing at my daughter’s wailing form. It really took the attention off my body stuffed into last year’s swimsuit.

Once we were in the privacy of our car, I looked at my hubby and said, “We need a parenting class.”

He waited for the punch line, but there wasn’t one.

Parenting is hard. It’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

But I’m always looking for ways to become a better Mom.

And that’s why I took the T-Mobile Mom to Mom quiz, that helps moms identify their parenting style.

Take the fun, quick quiz!

I’m not really surprised that ended up with a STRICT label. I like order, obedience and I’m a rule follower, usually. But I’m also learning that when I ease up and relax, my best parenting moments happen.

What kind of parent are you?

Take the quick test and come back and tell me! The questions are fun and easy to answer.

*T-Mobile empowered me to take the quiz and they asked me to share it with you!

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Mind in the Gutter

7:00 am Bykristen

I’m pretty active in the lives of my kids.

(Interpretation: I like to be in the know. On everything.)

I want to know who their friends are, what they talk about, what they play and where they are at all times. The leash? It is short.

It’s my job.

And I’m very good at it.

But as they get older, I’m learning that this is impossible! So, instead of being overbearing, my hubby and I are trying to build character that will help them make good decisions, when we aren’t around.

And that’s why I let my son put his mind in the gutter.

Let me explain: My first grade son has struggled with reading. Sure, he has the basics down, but he doesn’t like to read. (Which nearly disqualifies him from being my son, but I decided to give him some time).

I know he’s young, but I was sincerely concerned because reading is so important in our family and in life.

On one of my thrift store trips, as I flipped thru the used books, I discovered a chapter book for boys. The word poop was in the title. It looked like a ridiculous book, the kind I said in a pious voice, “my kids would never read.”

I bought it.

I handed it to my son and his face lit up. Just by the silly cover, he could sense the absurdity of the book and he was enticed.

Can I just say that he read the entire book in one Saturday? Over 100 pages. I could hear his laughter throughout the house.

I could hear his love of reading ignite.

Now, I’m not proud that I bought him two more poopy chapter books from the same author (one was in his Easter basket. I know. We are terrible).

He devoured them.

He’s now moved on to Magic Tree House books and The Hardy Boys!

But his love for reading was sparked with a book about underpants and diaper heads.

(Just for the record, we did sit down and talk with him about appropriateness. He giggled the entire time. But at least he didn’t toot).

Here’s what I learned:

Let your child read something that interests them (within reason)
Be flexible. What interests them may be joke books, or worse, books that talk about a superhero with a diaper on his head.
Monitor what your child reads. Just because it’s in the kid’s section, doesn’t mean you’ll approve of it.
Offer a variety of books. Once my son giggled over those poopy books, he moved on to some great books!
Create a fun reading spot in your house and make it a priority in your home.
Read to your kids. They are never to young or too old!

While I’m glad my son is now enthralled with his Children’s Bible, I don’t regret letting him read something I’d usually be opposed to.

He sums it up best, “Mom, do you know why I love reading now? It takes me places I’ve never been!”

And I love that!

Even if one of those places was the gutter.

This post is dedicated to my son’s first grade teacher, who loves reading as much as I do. Thank you, Mrs. Bruno. And to Dave Pilkey, author of those books. Thanks for writing about poop.

How do you encourage reading in your house? Got any great ideas for the summer? What do your kids love to read?

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Setting the Tone of Your Home

7:00 am Bykristen

Our home is a busy place.

It’s noisy and bustling, sometimes dirty, always lived-in.

It’s not cold, chaotic or controlled.

It’s warm and welcoming and imperfect.

My hubby and I work very hard to set the tone of our home. We have made conscious choices to create a healthy atmosphere for our family.

The other night before bed, we were reading Moments With You: Daily Connections for Couples together. In it, Donna Otto, founder of Homemakers by Choice, writes, “parents are not called to be the thermometers in the home, but the thermostats…Thermostats don’t just read the temperature, they guide. They determine how warm or cool the home environment will be.”

It’s so true! We’ve found when there is tension in our marriage or when we are grumpy and discontent, so are our children. They are taking their cues from us.

We want our home to have purpose and direction. It has been six months since we took back control of the time we spent in our home. I was stressed about our hectic after-school schedule and TV and video games ruled our home.

I cannot tell you how much the tone has changed! The temperature is just right (disclaimer: we do have a 2 year old, so please take that into account).

How we changed the tone of our home:

Minimized TV and video games-We cut off the Cable (in the Family Room. Hubby and I still have basic cable in our bedroom) and we limit ALL screen time (TV, Wii, DS, etc.) to 30 minutes a day during the week. This was tough for my kids at first. But they acclimatized to the temperature after awhile and we have seen a complete turn around in their attitudes and even desire to watch TV.
Significantly reduced extracurricular activities-My kids are involved in Boy/Girl Scouts monthly and that’s it! We don’t do any sports or lessons, at all! I’m not opposed to these, but for us, it was just too much. Not only was it very expensive, we were constantly rushing from one activity to another after school. We reserve sports for the summer, where my kids can ‘try out’ a sport for six weeks through the YMCA. Around here, we are definitely in the minority since my kids haven’t found their sport (with private lessons), but they are 9 and nearly 7. The have plenty of time to pursue sports they really love in junior high and high school.
Family meals-We eat approximately six nights a week around our table, together. We cook and clean and talk, together. I love this time. A couple of nights a week, we use some conversation starters to make sure we’re communicating with our kids about issues they may be having (Here’s a great Character Building book) .
Utilize our time-Without the distractions of TV and activities, we have a lot of time on our hands. We spend much of it in our backyard, in our new garden, riding bikes, and taking walks. Baking and crafting have become family affairs. We love family movie night with popcorn and blankets. Without the expense of extracurricular activities, we set money aside to have special family nights at my kid’s favorite spots, monthly.
Using a Family calendar-We have a family calendar displayed in a central location. We keep track of our schedule as a whole and we pencil in family nights. This has really helped to alleviate confusion and prevented cramming too much into our schedules. When I see the calendar begin to fill up, I know when we need to say yes or no. A crazy schedule leads to chaos for our family!
Encouraging reading-My kids love to read. I love seeing them read. I secretly love catching them reading after hours under their covers with a flashlight. During this time of limited TV, I have seen an amazing love of books come alive in my kids. I’m going to be sharing more about this one in the next few weeks.
Enforcing a bedtime routine-One or both of us pray with our kids at bedtime. We snuggle and talk and whisper. We are also consistent with bedtime on weeknights.
Flexibility- All of these guidelines just become rules if we don’t have flexibility. We don’t want our home to be controlled and we don’t want to stifle our children’s energy. Everything we do is coupled with a spirit of flexibility. My kids have brightened at unplanned spontaneity and blossomed when we gave them a chance to voice their opinions.

We are not perfect and sometimes even our best laid plans go array. In those moments of chaos, I take a deep breath, think through how we got to that place and try to adjust the temperature in our home.

Because sometimes it’s too hot, other times it’s too cold. And every once in awhile, it’s just right.

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The Room Fairy

7:00 am Bykristen

As I crammed my adult body into my son’s tiny first grade school desk and chair, I put my listening ears on for Parent Night.

My son’s teacher thoroughly discussed curriculum, the classroom rules, lunchroom procedures and we met the class hamster, Chululah.

But she got my attention, when she mentioned the desk fairy. The little invisible creature makes surprise visits to sprinkle fairy dust on clean desks and to leave a tiny treat. If the desks aren’t tidy, she leaves a little note, It reads “oops.”

Now, I don’t know about y’all, but my kids struggle a bit in the tidy room department. And according to Dr. Kimmel of Grace-Based parenting, it’s not all their fault. He encourages parent’s to pick their battles and lay off the room wars.

At family camp, he told us that we expect our kids to keep their plethora of toys organized in small bedrooms. In his opinion, it’s overwhelming and we should help them! They have more toys and smaller rooms than we did when we were kids.

Sitting at my son’s desk, I must have inhaled the fairy dust because when I got home, I emailed the room fairy, distant cousin to the desk fairy.

And guess what I discovered? She makes house calls.

I told my kids that she would visit the last day of every month and she might even throw in a surprise visit every now and then.

I have never seen my kids so excited to keep tidy rooms. My hubby and I help them, of course, but we are hearing less complaints. And if a pile begins to grow, I hear my kids encouraging each other, “she might be coming…”

And she did. She came and sprinkled her special glitter and delighted my kids. It was easy and fun! And such a positive way to reinforce taking care of our things.

(My almost 9 year old may be smarter than we think, but since glitter and treats are her love language, she cleans her room like the best of them).

(Sidenote bonus: If you don’t believe in fairies, Santa, bunny, small leprechauns, you can just lie. Oh, I’m kidding, just call it a surprise room inspection with a prize!)

Oh, the end of the month is almost here.

Now, where did I put those wings?

For more great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday!

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Why I Let My Children Dress Up for Halloween

7:01 am Bykristen

I’ve always been afraid of scary things.

I can still remember the raw fear I felt watching “Nightmare on Elm Street” at a sleepover birthday party in the 5th grade.

I called my parents to come and get me.

Because that’s what chickens do. And because, Kujo was next on the movie list.

For weeks, lo months, the terrifying images from those movies haunted me.

My kids, especially my oldest have always been sensitive to frightening stories and images, so we don’t allow them.

And so, it might come as a surprise that I let my my children dress up for Halloween.

At least it was to an acquaintance of mine who berated me the other day for my unholy choice. Her words, “We avoid the day entirely. We shut off our lights and pretend not to be home because nothing about the day glorifies God.”

I must admit I felt some indignation rise up. And so I said, “Instead of hiding, why not use the opportunity to shed The Light on a dark day. It would be powerful to teach your kids that we don’t have to be like the world to live in the world.”

That pretty much ended our conversation.

But I couldn’t get away from it. Especially since I wasn’t exactly doing my brilliant idea.

I know there are a lot of Christians who share my acquaintance’s view. And I know there are a lot of Christians who let their kids dress up in fun costumes and participate in some way.

My kids love candy. They love dressing up. And even though we usually just participate in church or neighborhood activities, I wondered what they thought about Halloween.

And so, I asked them.

Some of their answers surprised me. And so we sat down and explained some of the darkness behind Halloween. My kids looked fearful. Not so much about the evil choices some people make on Satan’s holiday, more about the idea of us removing costumes and candy from their future. Like the TV.

So, here’s what our family is planning: My kids are going to don their homemade costumes (that I’ll be sharing at this week’s DIYP). We are going to stuff as much candy into our bags as we can at our Church Fall Festival the day before Halloween. And the next day we’re going to our community activities, to replace all the candy we will eat the night before. And on Halloween night, we will sit in our driveway and pass out the best candy we can afford.

Along with these little booklets that have a great Christian message: The Hidden Treat

We’re going to do our part to spread a little light.

I found this really great article about Christians and Halloween. The author talks about our options, most of which are extremes. Here’s the part I like:

“There’s another option open to Christians: limited, non-compromising participation in Halloween. There’s nothing inherently evil about candy, costumes, or trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. In fact, all of that can provide a unique gospel opportunity with neighbors. Even handing out candy to neighborhood children–provided you’re not stingy–can improve your reputation among the kids. As long as the costumes are innocent and the behavior does not dishonor Christ, trick-or-treating can be used to further gospel interests.

Ultimately, Christian participation in Halloween is a matter of conscience before God. Whatever level of Halloween participation you choose, you must honor God by keeping yourself separate from the world and by showing mercy to those who are perishing. Halloween provides the Christian with the opportunity to accomplish both of those things in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s a message that is holy, set apart from the world; it’s a message that is the very mercy of a forgiving God.

What better time of the year is there to share such a message than Halloween?”

So, what do you do?

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Grace-Based Parenting Q & A Giveaway

7:02 am Bykristen

*UPDATED* Congratulations to 3 Cookie Day! You just won an awesome book. Thanks for leaving questions/answers. I wish I had answers to all your questions. I am learning to accept my kid’s natures more and to err on the side of grace.

I’ve had some pretty tough jobs in my life.

I was a Children’s Pastor for 8 years and it was challenging, especially since I wasn’t a Mom and I knew it all. I sold sandwiches out of the back of my car for a catering company to make extra money. It wasn’t fun. I didn’t even get free food. Just plenty of humiliation.

But by far, parenting has been my most difficult job.

And the most rewarding.

But there are days (like this one) where I just need answers.

I love Dr. Tim Kimmel’s Grace-Based Parenting books because besides sound Biblical teaching, there are practical answers to some really tough questions. Family Matters has a question and answer page and I find it fascinating. Here are some questions, click on them for the answer.

This is what Grace-Based Parenting looks like:

Q:	My kids get up 3 to 4 times after I’ve put them to bed. It’s driving me nuts. It takes me an hour and a half to get them to sleep. What should I do?
Q:	My child’s friends at school are all seeing a movie that I’m not sure I want my child to see. They are always talking about it at school and my child is feeling left out and disconnected from his friends. What can I do?
Q:	I want to know how to let my 10 year old son know that he needs to help his dad around the house and not play with his friends. This is real important to his dad. I also want to not worry about him when he is with friends. Please help.
Q:	My 7yr old little boy, was offered to pray for salvation by me (his mom) the other day, and he said, “I’m not sure if I believe or not yet mom”… I have really been disturbed! Should I be?
Q:	How old should my child be when I give him the sex talk?
Q:	What do you think about Harry Potter books?
Q:	My teenaged son has a job. He works just about every moment he’s not going to school or doing homework. I’m not sure where the balancing line is in this whole area of kids working. What do you think?
Q:	It seems like every weekend, one or more of our kids wants to spend the night at a friends house (or have them stay at ours). They have great friends from great families, but it just seems to be every weekend, without exception, our family is either smaller or bigger. Do you know what I’m referring to?
Q:	In light of the violent attacks by students against fellow students on our high school campuses, what do you think are the vital components to raising kids who don’t snap and self-destruct?
Q:	My son wants to pierce his ears and bleach his hair. I’d rather he would not. But I don’t know whether this is a battle worth fighting. What do you think?
Q:	Now that the holiday season is here, how do we keep our kids from getting the greedies and keep the focus on Christ?

Today, leave a question you’d like answered in the comment section or an answer to someone else’s question and maybe we can help each other out! You’ll be entered to win the book, Raising Kids who Turn Out Right by Dr. Kimmel (please leave comments by Wednesday 10 pm (CST) and I will announce the winner on Thursday.