You might be a mom . . .

1.     If having your wisdom teeth removed is like a vacation! -Tara

2.     
If streaking children no longer phase you. -Andi

3.     If you’ve ever wiped a snotty nose with your shirt! – Hope Yates

4.     If you don’t cringe at the thought of drinking after a toddler. Bleh.  -Mariah

5.     If you look for the parking spot closest to the cart return rather than closest to the front door. – Sandi

6.     If you realize you just watch a episode of Curious George all by yourself.
 -Holly

7.     If you wake up in your child’s bed and honestly don’t remember how you got there
– nebuchudnessar

8.     If you find yourself talking back to a kids cartoon… when the kids have been in bed for an hour already.

-Beth Lewis

9.     If you contemplate taking a shower or doing your hair, knowing you don’t have time for both!

- Linsay

10.   If you make silly faces into your van’s window while pumping gas.
-Melissa S.

11.   If you’ve ever felt guilty for doing something just for yourself!
 -Sarah

12.   If you shamelessly carry a potty seat around in a plastic bag, sometimes shoved in your purse too. -Bee

13.   If you’ve ever had to remove sippy cups, a diaper, a pull-up, treats from your purse before a night out with the girls.
-Amber

14.   If you look forward to them getting a cold (they’ll actually let you mother them (again!)
- Kim/Doodles

15.   If you’ve ever had a stream of pee hit your hair as you’re changing your baby boys’ diaper.
- Michelle Gullikson

16.   If you’ve ever yelled, “Stop hitting your sister with the monkey!”
- Lyndsey Resnick

17.   If you’ve ever said “Take the toilet seat off your head!” – I’ve said it…to two different children and two different times!
- Andrea

18.   If you have a cheerio stuck to your bottom from the kitchen chair at breakfast, stickers on your shirt and peanut butter and  jelly in your hair from lunch time you didn’t realize you wiped in your hair instead of on a paper towel.  - Melissa Porter

19.   If you speak of yourself in the third person, making reference to “mommy” throughout the day. -Sarah

20.  If you have fed all your kids supper, including 2 refills of drinks for one kid and 3 refills of noodles for another one, wiped up six spills off the floor and changed one dirty diaper, all before having a single bite to eat yourself! -Jennyroo

21.   If you’ve said, “What are you eating off the floor?” Then realized it wasn’t a choking hazard and said “Oh, okay.” -Jesica

22.   If you ride with your knees hitting the dashboard because the infant carrier takes up space in the car! – Melody Benschoter

23.   If you now realize CARS should be made with CARSEATS in mind (obviously not the other way around).”  -Jen

24.   If you are happy when you are able to get in a shower before your husband gets home from work. -Amanda Thompson

25.   If you have ever fallen into the toilet because you have 2 boys that never put the lid down! -Shana Anderson

26.   If the words, “Stop eating cat food!” fly out of your mouth more than once a day. –Kristen M.

27.   IF YOU HAVE NEVER FINISHED A MEAL!
 -Shellie

28.   If you’ve yelled, “No swordfighting by the stove while I’m cooking dinner!” (inflatable swords, not real ones!)

- Teish

29.   If you can make a song out of anything to keep a cranky kid from losing it while waiting.
 -Marie

30.   If you hide in the pantry to eat a doughnut!

-Marie Anderson

31.   If you honestly can’t remember the last day you showered– or changed your outfit. (NEW mom!)–Jen G.

32.   If your van smells like animal crackers.
 -Kelly G.

33.   If you can’t remember a full night’s sleep.
-Jennifer

34.    If your purse carries more toys and crayons than makeup and pens.
-Ivy

35.    If you’ve willingly used your sleeve as your kiddo’s tissue.  -Jen

36.    If you feel like everyone is staring at you-then realize you left the house with a burp cloth still on your shoulder! -Amy

37.    If you plan to camp out in the parking lot on your child’s first day of kindergarten–all day. -Lizzy

38.    If you only have 4 fingernails painted and the other 6 are bare because someone woke up from their nap too soon. 
-Christine

39.    If you make the same kid-pleasing meals over and over when you’d rather experiment with new gourmet recipes. -Lynn

40.    If you hand your child an iPhone without thinking twice.
 -Angie

41.    If your kids cover their ears when you wake them up with silly songs. -Kiki

42.    If you’ve cried yourself to sleep after comforting your crying child, knowing you couldn’t take their pain away, all you could do was pray for their peace.

 -Jamie

43.    If you have put a fallen pacifier in your own mouth to clean it before giving it back to a screaming baby. –Sarah Rogers

44.    If you realize half way through the grocery store that you forgot to snap your nursing tank. Oops.
- SarahJ

45.    If you can recite the entire movie Cars by heart.
 -Tonja

46.    If you purposely carry crayons in your purse… -Betty

47.    If your car has smashed goldfish and cheerios all over it. –Jennifer D

48.    If you grab the garbage can for yourself as you rush into your puking child’s room because you’re THAT sympathetic! -Jessi

49.    If when you change the sheets on your bed you end up playing the parachute game.
 -Kate

50.    If you love the smell of babies breath. -Laura

51.    If you have ever picked a nose that was not your own. -Jen

52.    If you choose to throw away an outfit because your precious had diarrhea while away from home rather than take it home and TRY to clean it.
- Jerry Tippett

53.    If you cut up the meat into tiny bite size pieces on the plate of your dinner companion (not a child). -Anita

54.    If you never seem to have “adult” bandaids and walk around with some character wrapped around your finger. -Kelly

55.    If you’ve ever tasted something to find out what it was doing somewhere where it shouldn’t be! -Amber D.

56.    If you’re so tired that you can’t remember if you took a shower yesterday… and when you take one today, you forget to wash the shampoo out of your hair before getting out and getting dressed. Rose Atwater

57.    If your kids can yell and you can tune them out.
 -Julie R

58.    If you find almost as many pocket-sized treasures (Legos, rocks, cars) as you do clothes in your dryer! –Christina O

59.    If you regularly choose sleep over eating throughout the day.” (new mom of a newborn!)
 -Jen U.

60.    If you let your sons “tinkle” outside when trying to potty train.
 -Rachel

61.    If you send your kids to school, counting the minutes until they return!
-Mary

62.    If you spend a few extra minutes in the bathroom just because you need a break. -Kristin

63.    If you washed a diaper in the washing machine (MORE THAN ONE TIME) and found what a joy it is to clean that gel ball mess up. -Jennifer K

64.    If you realize you’re singing along to children’s songs when you’re in the car alone!
 -Carey

65.    If you are still pulling hot wheels out of the couch cracks. – Sharilyn

66.    If you find toys under the covers in your bed! –Lisa

67.    If you put his candy wrapper in your purse without a second thought – and he’s 40 years old! -Linda Brendle

68.    If you can’t help but picture the cartoon characters voiced when you see and hear them in another movie or show. -Jammie

69.    If you have given up showers in place of baseball hats, yoga pants just to squeeze more minutes into your busy day! -Tara

70.    If you’ve claimed you bought the Oreos/Hostess cupcakes/swiss cake rolls “for the children. -Sarah at 32Flavors

71.    If a baby peeing through onto your clothes doesn’t bother you at all. -Deanna

72.    If you’ve ever caught yourself saying “No, there is nothing in the bathroom you can lick.” – Stephanie S

73.    If when your husband surprises you with a romantic night away and all you think is ‘I can sleep ALL night and sleep IN in the morning’….which is NOT what he had in mind.  – Michelle H

74.    If you’ve pulled out a train from your purse instead of lipgloss. 
 -Molly Nelson

75.    If when going to the bathroom is an event… mom, kiddos and dog! Don’t want to leave anyone out! -Natalie

76.    If you start talking ‘baby’ talk to your friends.
 – Abby Pedersen

77.    If you ever prayed for poop…..and then did a happy dance and praised God when it came. – Anna Waldmann

78.    If you’ve ever taken a baby into the bathroom with you! – Sundae

79.    If you have ever let you kids think you were “sick” so you could take a nap! – Lorie D

80.   If you have stopped caring that you went 24 hours without a shower while wearing a puke-stained t-shirt. -Kristen

81.    If  any child at the park calls “mom” and you look. – Carly Gonzales

82.    If you read “we are THAT family” and can usually relate. -Jessica

83.    If you have taken a shower while singing silly songs to a kid in a bouncy seat in the bathroom. Whatever it takes!  -Amy Jo

84.    If you consider it a privilege to bathe or go to the bathroom alone. -Miranda

85.    If you’ve read Good Night Moon a zillion times and can quote it. -Becky

86.    If you have a secret stash of “mommy only” chocolate! -Amy

87.    If you’ve ever said don’t do THAT, you could rupture your eye!  - Elva Jeanne Syvertson

88.    If you’ve frantically cleaned pee out of the booth at carino’s … more than once. –Tara

89.    If you carry baby wipes and boogie wipes in your purse.
-Melissa

90.    If you have stayed in one position in spite of leg cramps, just so you won’t wake the child sleeping on you. – Brenda Torres

91.     If your purse doubles as a diaper bag. -Jessie

92.     If you dread daylight saving time and the week that follows! -Emily

93.     If the sweetest words ever spoken after your child says mommy for the millionth time, you yell “WHAT” and she replies ” I love you” -Sharlie

94.     If you would never think of ringing a doorbell or calling between the hours of one and three in the afternoon. -Emily C

95.     If you walk out the door with everyone’s hair done but your hair in the rearview mirror is still a matted mess. – Racquel

96.     If you try to read this list out loud and you’re laughing so hard that you are crying and nearly fall out of your chair. -Andrea

97.     If you’ve gone from happy to sad to angry to frustrated to elated to disgusted to enraged all within a span of 30 seconds or so and all while in the middle of the grocery isle. I’m so glad I’m not a mom; I couldn’t do it… Kudos to all of you.
-Stephen

Happy (almost) Mother’s Day, y’all.

Thanks to all the moms who left these comments on a giveaway post a few weeks back. They are worth their weight in gold!

Door slams.

I turn away angry.

We both ache with a door–and a gulf of pain–between us.

And we try to navigate our way back to each other.

She is in-between, changing attitudes like she does clothes. She craves freedom, independence. I hold on too tight. I engage and push.

I tap on her door, crawl in bed beside her. I pull her close and hang on. The quiet of just being there heals us both.

Parenting is God’s mirror: it shows us a reflection of ourselves.

I see myself in her, the way God sees me: I am stubborn. I want freedom and choices. I want things my way.

He is there, constant.

He never stops loving me.

He is patient.

He waits.

I can see it now. The reflection. The gentle way He parents me. His discipline comes from abiding love. Yes, I understand.

She is becoming.

So am I.

What Parenting is Teaching Me:

• Parenting is a journey, not a destination. We don’t ever truly arrive. As our children grow, their needs change. Problems come and go, but they will always be our kids. I still call my mom when I need her. I don’t want to wish away today thinking tomorrow will be easier with my children. I want to live today the best I can and learn from it.
• Parenting is more about me growing up then my children. I used to think becoming a parent meant I knew something, but the longer I’m a mom, the more I don’t know. God uses my kids to teach me about myself everyday. Ultimately, he shows me that I can’t be the mom I long to be on my own. I need His help every.day.
• People who love each other, sometimes hurt each other. But people who love always choose forgiveness. Parenting was so physical when my kids were babies and toddlers. Exhaustion was a constant. Parenting is less physical and more emotional for me now. Feelings get hurt, words are said, but we are a family. Forgiveness is always the best choice.
• Parenting is the hardest job. It’s also the best. I’ve never done anything harder. It’s the most demanding, challenging area in my life. At the same time, growing these little people is the most fulfilling, meaningful thing I’ve ever done. It’s full of ups and downs. But I’m determined to love them well.

What I see in the reflection of Him, Me, Her:

Never let go– Never stop loving–Never give up–Always constant–Always present–Always forgiving

And just like that, we are as close as any mom and daughter can be. Loving, needing, trying to figure out this dance.

I thought I was teaching her, it turns out He was teaching me.

What are you learning on this journey?

She wanted her way.

I said no.

Sound familiar? It’s a regular occurrence in our house.

“You are the meanest mom!”

What? Your image of our family is shattered? Yeah, mine too.

I used to cringe when my kids said this.

Now, I just nod my head and remind myself that I must be doing something right. And most of you are too. But the world won’t always see it that way.

It’s in our children’s nature (as it is in ours) to be selfish. We want what we want and why didn’t we get it five minutes ago? I’m not picking on my kids. They are human, completely normal. So much like me.

But our culture is all about self-gratification. It’s made comfort and ease and excess the goal.

I try to say yes when I can, but let’s be honest, some answers need to be no.

This probably won’t shock you, but this isn’t popular in our world. We live in a culture that thinks they put kids first by telling them yes. It’s common, normal, applauded to be yes parents. And we are creating a generation of children who always get what they want. They have their own ipads at 3, cell phones at 7, are over-scheduled at 8, wear $150 shoes at 9 and have more freedom than they can handle at 11 and are “dating” at 12.

Parents in our society have bought into the myth that if they give their kids everything they want, they will be happy. Plus, it’s just a lot easier than saying no. No takes courage. It takes strength (especially if God’s blessed you with strong-willed children). Ahem.

The world will never see me as good parent. 

My husband and I are trying to raise our kids counter-cultural.

I say trying because we don’t have this figured out and we are learning how not to do things. But we walk against the flow, on purpose. We refuse to do what our culture demands and we say no a lot to cultural norms.We try hard to be consistent, offering grace and understanding along the way.

And we screw up every day.

Before you feel sorry for my kids, we also provide them with love and affection, meet every physical need and many, many of their wants. We splurge occasionally (which I think is absolutely necessary) and we invite our kids to talk to us about anything, as long as they can do it respectfully.

I know there are many families that do the same thing and I hope we can encourage each other. But society as a whole, will not understand your choices.

Choosing to live counter-cultural isn’t easy.  The world will never see you as a good parent. You will be misunderstood, even pitied. And your children might (probably will) resist in some areas. Living a counter-cultural life means you won’t fit in. It means your kids won’t be like everyone else. Most days my kids are okay with this, but honestly, some days it’s hard for all of us. We continually ask our kids to trust us as we try to follow God, but we know there are some things they will never understand or like.

Which gets me back to being the meanest mom ever.

And honestly, I’m okay with that.

I know I’m not alone in this, so be encouraged all you mean moms!

one :: limit screen time (set a time limit each day, or only allow it on the weekends, have a “no technology day” –whatever works for you).

two :: resist overspending- your kids are watching, don’t pass down bad spending habits and contribute to what the bulk of our society is doing. And if you do overspend, attack your debt.

three :: don’t be afraid to say no- even if society and every other parent on the block is doing it, don’t jump on the bandwagon unless it’s right for your family. Be intentional with your choices.

four :: give your kids jobs- create a sense of hard work, pride and ownership by encouraging them to work for what they want. Don’t just buy them everything.

five :: determine what your kids really need-there’s a lot of pressure as parents to give our kids the best of everything. Give your kids what God says they need. Love them unconditionally, offer grace like it’s offered to you. Laugh every day and be grateful.

six :: live by example-the Bible clearly states that we are to look different from the world we live in. If we are buying into the American Dream (bigger is better), are we setting an example for our kids? Kids often replicate parents. Give them something good to follow.

seven :: encourage alternatives- don’t just say no. Challenge your kids to creatively express themselves. Example:  I loved seeing this recently: instead of spending $100 on a homecoming football mum, a group of kids gave the money to charity and wore a t-shirt that said so.

eight :: expect more from your kids than culture demands- society says kids need stuff and all teens are lazy.  Let’s prove them wrong and challenge our children to be hard workers.

nine :: let them own mistakes- don’t fix everything. Teach your children responsibility by letting them fail sometimes. Be consistent.

ten :: splurge- surprise your kids every once in awhile by breaking one of the above rules.

1. Tuck Love Notes in their lunchbox, dresser drawers and unexpected places.
2. Tell them why you love them
3. Worship together
4. Be affectionate
5. Plan a purity weekend with your tween/teen
6. Ask them questions
7. Ask then to grade you as a parent
8. Break your own rules (eating in bed, playing in the mud, etc).
9. Give them a Bible you’ve read and written notes in (next to meaningful Scripture) especially for them
10. Go on special dates with your child(ren)
11. Go on a family missions trip together
12. Memorize scripture together
13. Be intentional with holidays-bring Christ in
14. Engage every day: connect with them on a deeper level
15. Help them live counter-cultural
16. Serve with your children
17. Listen: stop what you’re doing and really listen
18. Don’t always rush to fix their problems
19. Be consistent (A doesn’t happen until B-parenting book)
20. Have regular family nights
21. Make activities matter (Don’t just fill time. Ask: why are we doing this? How does it benefit?)
22. Spend time doing something they love -music, running, games, drawing, etc
23. Write a Family Missions Statement together
24. Create Family Rules for your home
25. Look for teachable moments
26. Read to them (100 books to read to them)
27. Limit media (TV/video games) to a certain amount of time a day/week
28. Love your spouse in front of them
29. Pick your battles
30. Teach them to be strong
31. Create family traditions (10 new ones to start today)
32. Teach them to pray
33. Show them what true success looks like
34. Ask your kids for forgiveness when you fail
35. Stand up for them
36. Don’t over-schedule your kids
37. Give them down time
38. Pray for your kids- Let them overhear you doing so
39. Keep the TV out of their bedroom
40. Say yes as often as you can
41. Give them the opportunity to change a life
42. Use Conversation Starters at dinner
43. Create with them
44. Give them chores (age appropriate list)
45. Challenge them to read their Bible and reward them for doing so
46. Catch them being good
47. Reward kindness
48. Have fun with them!
49. Write in a family gratitude journal
50. Conduct regular family meetings
51. If you don’t accomplish any of these in a day, don’t be discouraged! Above all they need you to be there.

I wanted to title this post How to Go From Good Parenting to Great Parenting. But it’s hard to write about great parenting, when you’ve had one of those weeks.

Of course, my next title might have been: Objects in Picture Aren’t As Happy as They Appear. (Because driving to family pictures creates the perfect storm, dontchaknow?)

Ahem.

So, I thought it might be better to just be real and share some tips that are working for us . It’s something I do best, share my junk, the good and the bad.

[My kids are at that age where I want to protect their privacy, so I'm going to keep their struggles private for now, but still share what I'm learning]

On Sibling Rivalry:

I told my hubby the other night of my two oldest, I never argued like them. He said, Remember you told me fighting drove your parents crazy? Me: Oh yeah, my twin and I would fight in the closet–very quietly. Do you know how hard it is to quietly beat each other up?

Your Kids Will Not Get Along 100% of the Time- Do you? My hubby and I don’t yell and scream at each other, but we do argue sometimes. It’s actually pretty  healthy for us to get something settled, or find out how we both feel about it. Occasionally, we agree-to-disagree on stuff. It’s called living together and we can’t expect less from our kids. When my kids are really arguing, I let them, as long as they are being respectful, keeping their hands to themselves without bullying or intimidating. I want them to learn to give in and to stand firm. It’s a dance for all of us, but in the end, we want to be better because we’ve worked something out that needed to be dealt with.

When Your Child Crosses the Line-It will happen, especially with older, stronger siblings. Finding a way to positively correct is challenging. We don’t always get this right. We are still learning as and as our children get older, it changes. But we won’t allow bullying in our home.  A few weeks ago, I sat down with one of my children and explained that they were intimidating their sibling. I asked for them to write an apology letter. This could have gone either way, but I was moved by the letter from one of my kids to the other. I’ve seen a heartfelt change in both since.

On Discipline:

Some things that have worked for us:

• Writing sentences, writing Scripture —these are not appropriate punishments for kids who LOVE to write. (Yes, learned this the hard way)
• Reward charts- stickers for positive attitudes, helpful behavior, great school conduct, chores, etc
• B doesn’t happen before A- We got this from the book Have a New Kid by Friday. It’s awesome. If A is “clean your room” and B is “go play with a friend” B does not happen until A happens. It gives your child the responsibility of doing what you asked them to do. This is not easy because they might whine, cry and throw a fit about B. Just FYI
• Chore jar is our newest one (thanks, Karen!)- if there’s a bad attitude or an ugly remark, my kids go get a chore and have to complete it immediately. It’s great because this helps me not to engage  and turn a sassy remark into a battle.

On Responsibility:

I think every child over 1 should have age-appropriate responsibilities, whether it’s picking up toys that were played with or doing your own laundry.

• Don’t make their room a battleground. I’m type A, this is one of the areas I’m most challenged in. My hubby helps me (not have heart palpitations) by checking for me and pointing out areas that need work to my kids. We’ve recently started a weekly check (instead of whenever we walk upstairs). We just felt like our kids needed more freedom in this area and if they want to spend one whole day cleaning up their room to get it back in shape, that’s up to them.
• Don’t do everything for them-My kids share the heavy load of laundry (get it?) Each weekend, they help wash, fold, dry, hang up the laundry they wore during the week. They also make their own lunches for school each day.
• Don’t constantly bail them out-When my oldest lost her retainer (again), we asked her to explain it to the Orthodontist. And although we knew she wasn’t in a position to pay, we asked her to make our bed for eternity or until it’s payed for.

Dinner: It’s my favorite time of the day, even when it’s not. We try to protect this time, even when we have to force the quiet, the togetherness, the pause. It’s dinner time at our house. I’ve written about it before: the craziness and the routine, but I wanted to share some ways to gets your kids talking.

[Now, just to disclose, my kids never have a problem with talking, the always have to plenty to say. But sometimes I have a hard time getting them to open up about the right things.]

So, we ask questions. It’s simple really. My youngest has coined the term: Remembories (which is just a fancy preschool way of saying remembering memories).

Kids love to remember memories about themselves and it turns out it’s a great way to get them talking!

Ask, listen & connect.

Here’s some to get your started:

You:

• What’s your favorite memory of you?
• When did you start walking?
• How much did you weigh at birth?
• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
• What do you like best about yourself?

Your room:

• What’s your favorite memory in your room?
• What do you love most about your room? the least?
• What would you change about your room?

The yard:

• The best thing we’ve ever played in our yard?
• What do you love most about it? the least?
• If you could add one big thing to our yard, what would it be?

School:

• What’s your favorite memory of school?
• What do you love most now? dislike the most now?
• What is the best grade you’ve had?
• What grade do you look the most forward to?

Family:

• What’s your favorite memory of something we’ve done together?
• What do you want to do as a family someday?
• Do you ever wish we had more/less kids?
• What would you keep the same/change about our family?

Friends:

• What’s the best memory you have with a friend?
• Name some of your favorite friends. Why?
• Do you wish you had more/less/better friends?
• Do you make friends easy or hard. Why?

God:

• What’s your best memory of church?
• Do you think God talks to you? How?
• What would you tell God if He were sitting at dinner with us?
• Do you think all people should know about Jesus?

The World:

• Where do you dream of going someday? Why?
• What kind of language would you like to learn?
• How do you think people live in other countries? Like us or different
• If you could give people in another country one thing, what would it be?

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[This is a post for moms about their daughters]

Have y’all noticed how early girls are hitting puberty?

I’m not just talking about how quickly our society is pushing them to grow up with inappropriate fashion and romance story lines on the Disney Channel, (that’s all true, but for another post) I’m talking about their baby bodies changing too quickly.

I thought nine and ten was young, but apparently, according to this health article I read yesterday, it’s happening to seven and eight year olds! According to the study, 18% of Caucasian girls and 43% of African-American girls are going into early puberty by age 8!

“For the 11-year old that looks like she’s 15 or 16, adults are going to interact with her like she’s 15 or 16, but so are her peers,” Biro said. Girls who develop early “look physically older,” he said. “It doesn’t mean that they’re psychologically or socially more mature.”

Obesity and diet are  likely the culprits, but not necessarily. What do you think it causing it?

My hubby and I recently watched a couple of documentaries on America’s food industry. Oh my! Not only did it turn our stomachs, it was very eye-opening. Now, I am NOT a health nut (insert sweet tea here). I love sugar and Southern food and no one has ever mistaken me for a Nutritionist.

I’m not about to jump on some bandwagon, but I do care about my kid’s health and I certainly want to hold off puberty until my children are mentally ready for it. For the last month, we’ve made a concentrated effort and have substituted fresh veggies/fruit for canned,  grass-fed beef for corn-fed and hormone-free chicken.

I think it’s sad that it’s more expensive to eat healthier. And I don’t know if this is the answer to stopping early puberty, but it’s worth a try.

What do you think is causing this and what can we do about it?

Today all three of my kids were mad at me. I told one no on something I didn’t feel good about. I made one complete what they started before they started something else. I stopped one from hiding in the freezer.

There were tears, huffing, heavy sighing and yelling. And the kids even showed some emotion.

No one was happy.

It was a clear sign to me that I was doing a very good job.