Parenting — We are THAT Family

I’m Sorry

7:00 am Bykristen

My little boy is sensitive. He is sandwiched between two sisters. His heart is big, generous and he’s an encourager by nature.

But I’ve noticed he says two things all the time.

First (and totally not his fault), he says “Omygosh” every time he’s excited, shocked, surprised, happy, mad….

In other words, he says it a lot. So does his Momma. And I’m working on that, really, I am. Especially since my two year old picked it up the other day. It sounds horrible coming from her puckered lips.

Slap my hand when you hear me say it, m’kay?

But the other phrase he uses often is “I’m sorry.”

In his sweet way, whenever he’s corrected or asked something, he tucks his head, looks down and says, “I’m sorry” first.

I decided I really needed to help him understand that “I am sorry” is an apology. It’s not what you say when you think you might be in trouble, or when you’re slow to make your bed or when you ask if you can stay up a few minutes to read.

I talked with him and explained that he didn’t have to be sorry for everything. I encouraged him to use those words only when he needed to apologize.

A few nights later, we worked in the yard after dinner. We came in hot and tired. I was ready for a bath after my kids had theirs. I was also ready for them to get to bed.

My son entered the kitchen and said, “Can I have a snack?”

“I guess,” I exhaled.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I stopped him. “Why? Why are you sorry for asking for a snack? You’ve worked hard and you’re hungry?”

“I said I’m sorry because of the look on your face. You looked very sad when I asked you,” he confessed.

And that’s when it dawned on me. My little boy apologizes for me, not to me. My actions, the look on my face, my tone, made him feel like he had wronged me in some way.

Gulp.

I hugged his gangly body to mine and told him I was sorry. “I’m sorry for making you feel like you were doing something wrong. I’m tired, honey, and I’m ready to go to bed. It’s not you. It’s me.”

It’s in those little moments that I feel God’s finger pinpointing a place in my heart. An ugly spot that I need to work on.

My exasperation and moods affect my kids. My tone and impatient foot-tapping make them feel pressured and uncomfortable.

It was me all along.

And I’m sorry.

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T-Mobile Mom to Mom Quiz

4:00 pm Bykristen

My greatest job is being a Mom.

It’s also the one in which I’ve had no professional training. Unless you count child birth breathing lessons.

I don’t, because seriously, my kids ignore my panting through clenched teeth when I find them decorating their bodies with 107 band-aids from the first aid kit.

Or like last weekend when I convinced myself to don a swimsuit in public and take the family for our first swim of the season. It was a blast. Until it was time leave.

I can still hear the shrill screams of my toddler who wasn’t ready to leave. I’m not ashamed to admit I walked very slowly behind my hubby pretending I didn’t know who they were, as he whisked her away to our car.

I saw other people actually pointing at my daughter’s wailing form. It really took the attention off my body stuffed into last year’s swimsuit.

Once we were in the privacy of our car, I looked at my hubby and said, “We need a parenting class.”

He waited for the punch line, but there wasn’t one.

Parenting is hard. It’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

But I’m always looking for ways to become a better Mom.

And that’s why I took the T-Mobile Mom to Mom quiz, that helps moms identify their parenting style.

Take the fun, quick quiz!

I’m not really surprised that ended up with a STRICT label. I like order, obedience and I’m a rule follower, usually. But I’m also learning that when I ease up and relax, my best parenting moments happen.

What kind of parent are you?

Take the quick test and come back and tell me! The questions are fun and easy to answer.

*T-Mobile empowered me to take the quiz and they asked me to share it with you!

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Mind in the Gutter

7:00 am Bykristen

I’m pretty active in the lives of my kids.

(Interpretation: I like to be in the know. On everything.)

I want to know who their friends are, what they talk about, what they play and where they are at all times. The leash? It is short.

It’s my job.

And I’m very good at it.

But as they get older, I’m learning that this is impossible! So, instead of being overbearing, my hubby and I are trying to build character that will help them make good decisions, when we aren’t around.

And that’s why I let my son put his mind in the gutter.

Let me explain: My first grade son has struggled with reading. Sure, he has the basics down, but he doesn’t like to read. (Which nearly disqualifies him from being my son, but I decided to give him some time).

I know he’s young, but I was sincerely concerned because reading is so important in our family and in life.

On one of my thrift store trips, as I flipped thru the used books, I discovered a chapter book for boys. The word poop was in the title. It looked like a ridiculous book, the kind I said in a pious voice, “my kids would never read.”

I bought it.

I handed it to my son and his face lit up. Just by the silly cover, he could sense the absurdity of the book and he was enticed.

Can I just say that he read the entire book in one Saturday? Over 100 pages. I could hear his laughter throughout the house.

I could hear his love of reading ignite.

Now, I’m not proud that I bought him two more poopy chapter books from the same author (one was in his Easter basket. I know. We are terrible).

He devoured them.

He’s now moved on to Magic Tree House books and The Hardy Boys!

But his love for reading was sparked with a book about underpants and diaper heads.

(Just for the record, we did sit down and talk with him about appropriateness. He giggled the entire time. But at least he didn’t toot).

Here’s what I learned:

Let your child read something that interests them (within reason)
Be flexible. What interests them may be joke books, or worse, books that talk about a superhero with a diaper on his head.
Monitor what your child reads. Just because it’s in the kid’s section, doesn’t mean you’ll approve of it.
Offer a variety of books. Once my son giggled over those poopy books, he moved on to some great books!
Create a fun reading spot in your house and make it a priority in your home.
Read to your kids. They are never to young or too old!

While I’m glad my son is now enthralled with his Children’s Bible, I don’t regret letting him read something I’d usually be opposed to.

He sums it up best, “Mom, do you know why I love reading now? It takes me places I’ve never been!”

And I love that!

Even if one of those places was the gutter.

This post is dedicated to my son’s first grade teacher, who loves reading as much as I do. Thank you, Mrs. Bruno. And to Dave Pilkey, author of those books. Thanks for writing about poop.

How do you encourage reading in your house? Got any great ideas for the summer? What do your kids love to read?

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Setting the Tone of Your Home

7:00 am Bykristen

Our home is a busy place.

It’s noisy and bustling, sometimes dirty, always lived-in.

It’s not cold, chaotic or controlled.

It’s warm and welcoming and imperfect.

My hubby and I work very hard to set the tone of our home. We have made conscious choices to create a healthy atmosphere for our family.

The other night before bed, we were reading Moments With You: Daily Connections for Couples together. In it, Donna Otto, founder of Homemakers by Choice, writes, “parents are not called to be the thermometers in the home, but the thermostats…Thermostats don’t just read the temperature, they guide. They determine how warm or cool the home environment will be.”

It’s so true! We’ve found when there is tension in our marriage or when we are grumpy and discontent, so are our children. They are taking their cues from us.

We want our home to have purpose and direction. It has been six months since we took back control of the time we spent in our home. I was stressed about our hectic after-school schedule and TV and video games ruled our home.

I cannot tell you how much the tone has changed! The temperature is just right (disclaimer: we do have a 2 year old, so please take that into account).

How we changed the tone of our home:

Minimized TV and video games-We cut off the Cable (in the Family Room. Hubby and I still have basic cable in our bedroom) and we limit ALL screen time (TV, Wii, DS, etc.) to 30 minutes a day during the week. This was tough for my kids at first. But they acclimatized to the temperature after awhile and we have seen a complete turn around in their attitudes and even desire to watch TV.
Significantly reduced extracurricular activities-My kids are involved in Boy/Girl Scouts monthly and that’s it! We don’t do any sports or lessons, at all! I’m not opposed to these, but for us, it was just too much. Not only was it very expensive, we were constantly rushing from one activity to another after school. We reserve sports for the summer, where my kids can ‘try out’ a sport for six weeks through the YMCA. Around here, we are definitely in the minority since my kids haven’t found their sport (with private lessons), but they are 9 and nearly 7. The have plenty of time to pursue sports they really love in junior high and high school.
Family meals-We eat approximately six nights a week around our table, together. We cook and clean and talk, together. I love this time. A couple of nights a week, we use some conversation starters to make sure we’re communicating with our kids about issues they may be having (Here’s a great Character Building book) .
Utilize our time-Without the distractions of TV and activities, we have a lot of time on our hands. We spend much of it in our backyard, in our new garden, riding bikes, and taking walks. Baking and crafting have become family affairs. We love family movie night with popcorn and blankets. Without the expense of extracurricular activities, we set money aside to have special family nights at my kid’s favorite spots, monthly.
Using a Family calendar-We have a family calendar displayed in a central location. We keep track of our schedule as a whole and we pencil in family nights. This has really helped to alleviate confusion and prevented cramming too much into our schedules. When I see the calendar begin to fill up, I know when we need to say yes or no. A crazy schedule leads to chaos for our family!
Encouraging reading-My kids love to read. I love seeing them read. I secretly love catching them reading after hours under their covers with a flashlight. During this time of limited TV, I have seen an amazing love of books come alive in my kids. I’m going to be sharing more about this one in the next few weeks.
Enforcing a bedtime routine-One or both of us pray with our kids at bedtime. We snuggle and talk and whisper. We are also consistent with bedtime on weeknights.
Flexibility- All of these guidelines just become rules if we don’t have flexibility. We don’t want our home to be controlled and we don’t want to stifle our children’s energy. Everything we do is coupled with a spirit of flexibility. My kids have brightened at unplanned spontaneity and blossomed when we gave them a chance to voice their opinions.

We are not perfect and sometimes even our best laid plans go array. In those moments of chaos, I take a deep breath, think through how we got to that place and try to adjust the temperature in our home.

Because sometimes it’s too hot, other times it’s too cold. And every once in awhile, it’s just right.

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The Room Fairy

7:00 am Bykristen

As I crammed my adult body into my son’s tiny first grade school desk and chair, I put my listening ears on for Parent Night.

My son’s teacher thoroughly discussed curriculum, the classroom rules, lunchroom procedures and we met the class hamster, Chululah.

But she got my attention, when she mentioned the desk fairy. The little invisible creature makes surprise visits to sprinkle fairy dust on clean desks and to leave a tiny treat. If the desks aren’t tidy, she leaves a little note, It reads “oops.”

Now, I don’t know about y’all, but my kids struggle a bit in the tidy room department. And according to Dr. Kimmel of Grace-Based parenting, it’s not all their fault. He encourages parent’s to pick their battles and lay off the room wars.

At family camp, he told us that we expect our kids to keep their plethora of toys organized in small bedrooms. In his opinion, it’s overwhelming and we should help them! They have more toys and smaller rooms than we did when we were kids.

Sitting at my son’s desk, I must have inhaled the fairy dust because when I got home, I emailed the room fairy, distant cousin to the desk fairy.

And guess what I discovered? She makes house calls.

I told my kids that she would visit the last day of every month and she might even throw in a surprise visit every now and then.

I have never seen my kids so excited to keep tidy rooms. My hubby and I help them, of course, but we are hearing less complaints. And if a pile begins to grow, I hear my kids encouraging each other, “she might be coming…”

And she did. She came and sprinkled her special glitter and delighted my kids. It was easy and fun! And such a positive way to reinforce taking care of our things.

(My almost 9 year old may be smarter than we think, but since glitter and treats are her love language, she cleans her room like the best of them).

(Sidenote bonus: If you don’t believe in fairies, Santa, bunny, small leprechauns, you can just lie. Oh, I’m kidding, just call it a surprise room inspection with a prize!)

Oh, the end of the month is almost here.

Now, where did I put those wings?

For more great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday!

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Why I Let My Children Dress Up for Halloween

7:01 am Bykristen

I’ve always been afraid of scary things.

I can still remember the raw fear I felt watching “Nightmare on Elm Street” at a sleepover birthday party in the 5th grade.

I called my parents to come and get me.

Because that’s what chickens do. And because, Kujo was next on the movie list.

For weeks, lo months, the terrifying images from those movies haunted me.

My kids, especially my oldest have always been sensitive to frightening stories and images, so we don’t allow them.

And so, it might come as a surprise that I let my my children dress up for Halloween.

At least it was to an acquaintance of mine who berated me the other day for my unholy choice. Her words, “We avoid the day entirely. We shut off our lights and pretend not to be home because nothing about the day glorifies God.”

I must admit I felt some indignation rise up. And so I said, “Instead of hiding, why not use the opportunity to shed The Light on a dark day. It would be powerful to teach your kids that we don’t have to be like the world to live in the world.”

That pretty much ended our conversation.

But I couldn’t get away from it. Especially since I wasn’t exactly doing my brilliant idea.

I know there are a lot of Christians who share my acquaintance’s view. And I know there are a lot of Christians who let their kids dress up in fun costumes and participate in some way.

My kids love candy. They love dressing up. And even though we usually just participate in church or neighborhood activities, I wondered what they thought about Halloween.

And so, I asked them.

Some of their answers surprised me. And so we sat down and explained some of the darkness behind Halloween. My kids looked fearful. Not so much about the evil choices some people make on Satan’s holiday, more about the idea of us removing costumes and candy from their future. Like the TV.

So, here’s what our family is planning: My kids are going to don their homemade costumes (that I’ll be sharing at this week’s DIYP). We are going to stuff as much candy into our bags as we can at our Church Fall Festival the day before Halloween. And the next day we’re going to our community activities, to replace all the candy we will eat the night before. And on Halloween night, we will sit in our driveway and pass out the best candy we can afford.

Along with these little booklets that have a great Christian message: The Hidden Treat

We’re going to do our part to spread a little light.

I found this really great article about Christians and Halloween. The author talks about our options, most of which are extremes. Here’s the part I like:

“There’s another option open to Christians: limited, non-compromising participation in Halloween. There’s nothing inherently evil about candy, costumes, or trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. In fact, all of that can provide a unique gospel opportunity with neighbors. Even handing out candy to neighborhood children–provided you’re not stingy–can improve your reputation among the kids. As long as the costumes are innocent and the behavior does not dishonor Christ, trick-or-treating can be used to further gospel interests.

Ultimately, Christian participation in Halloween is a matter of conscience before God. Whatever level of Halloween participation you choose, you must honor God by keeping yourself separate from the world and by showing mercy to those who are perishing. Halloween provides the Christian with the opportunity to accomplish both of those things in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s a message that is holy, set apart from the world; it’s a message that is the very mercy of a forgiving God.

What better time of the year is there to share such a message than Halloween?”

So, what do you do?

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Grace-Based Parenting Q & A Giveaway

7:02 am Bykristen

*UPDATED* Congratulations to 3 Cookie Day! You just won an awesome book. Thanks for leaving questions/answers. I wish I had answers to all your questions. I am learning to accept my kid’s natures more and to err on the side of grace.

I’ve had some pretty tough jobs in my life.

I was a Children’s Pastor for 8 years and it was challenging, especially since I wasn’t a Mom and I knew it all. I sold sandwiches out of the back of my car for a catering company to make extra money. It wasn’t fun. I didn’t even get free food. Just plenty of humiliation.

But by far, parenting has been my most difficult job.

And the most rewarding.

But there are days (like this one) where I just need answers.

I love Dr. Tim Kimmel’s Grace-Based Parenting books because besides sound Biblical teaching, there are practical answers to some really tough questions. Family Matters has a question and answer page and I find it fascinating. Here are some questions, click on them for the answer.

This is what Grace-Based Parenting looks like:

Q:	My kids get up 3 to 4 times after I’ve put them to bed. It’s driving me nuts. It takes me an hour and a half to get them to sleep. What should I do?
Q:	My child’s friends at school are all seeing a movie that I’m not sure I want my child to see. They are always talking about it at school and my child is feeling left out and disconnected from his friends. What can I do?
Q:	I want to know how to let my 10 year old son know that he needs to help his dad around the house and not play with his friends. This is real important to his dad. I also want to not worry about him when he is with friends. Please help.
Q:	My 7yr old little boy, was offered to pray for salvation by me (his mom) the other day, and he said, “I’m not sure if I believe or not yet mom”… I have really been disturbed! Should I be?
Q:	How old should my child be when I give him the sex talk?
Q:	What do you think about Harry Potter books?
Q:	My teenaged son has a job. He works just about every moment he’s not going to school or doing homework. I’m not sure where the balancing line is in this whole area of kids working. What do you think?
Q:	It seems like every weekend, one or more of our kids wants to spend the night at a friends house (or have them stay at ours). They have great friends from great families, but it just seems to be every weekend, without exception, our family is either smaller or bigger. Do you know what I’m referring to?
Q:	In light of the violent attacks by students against fellow students on our high school campuses, what do you think are the vital components to raising kids who don’t snap and self-destruct?
Q:	My son wants to pierce his ears and bleach his hair. I’d rather he would not. But I don’t know whether this is a battle worth fighting. What do you think?
Q:	Now that the holiday season is here, how do we keep our kids from getting the greedies and keep the focus on Christ?

Today, leave a question you’d like answered in the comment section or an answer to someone else’s question and maybe we can help each other out! You’ll be entered to win the book, Raising Kids who Turn Out Right by Dr. Kimmel (please leave comments by Wednesday 10 pm (CST) and I will announce the winner on Thursday.

Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right
If you want to raise a kid who can stand strong in a hostile world, you have to build them from the inside out.

For more great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday!

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Grace-Based Parenting Tip #4 & Giveaway!

7:00 am Bykristen

*UPDATED* Congratulations to Madsen’s Memories on winning the Parenting Cd!

What’s Your Beef? (stay for a giveaway)

For the last several weeks, I’ve shared some of the great parenting information (here and here) that I learned at Family Camp and thru Family Matters Resources by Dr. Tim Kimmel.

I picked up some great ideas from the conference. And one of them is called What’s Your Beef Night.

Here are the guidelines (from the book Raising Truly Great Kids):

Treat them to their favorite item on your family menu.
Allow them to candidly but respectfully share anything that you have done to embarrass, frustrate or anger them.
Do not try to defend, explain or justify your actions
Simply ask forgiveness
This opens the way for them to have a private “What’s Your Beef?” moment with you anytime they need to.

I love this idea.

We just had our first one.

My older kids are 8 and 6 and they chose cheese pizza. What a surprise. We also let them choose where we’d eat it. (I was thinking patio, formal dining room). I never saw the floor coming. But it was their night.

Once we sat down, we asked them to openly share with us. My oldest child jumped to her feet, eagerly. “It’s so hard for me to make my bed every morning before school. And Mom, you get really irritated when I don’t. And sometimes I just need help or a break.”

Point taken. It was hard for me not to defend myself. Later after our meeting, I announced that one day a week, kid’s choice, they could leave their beds unmade for the day.

I’ll just not go upstairs that day.

My son thought really hard. He is my sensitive one and his lip quivered as he said, “Mom and Dad, sometimes when you are angry at me, you yell. The yelling really hurts my feelings and I know I sometimes disobey, but maybe you could tell me without getting angry.”

Oh my. It was my lip’s turn to quiver. My hubby and I asked, “Will you forgive us?”

He jumped up and hugged us and said, “Of course!”

The rest of the meeting went really well and we talked about our upcoming One Day to Give plan and some other changes we’re making in our family. (Oh yes, I’ll be sharing later).

We have a family dry erase board in a high traffic area of our home (thanks to my real life friend Karen for the idea!) We keep a family calendar there and jot down important reminders. I told the kids we’d schedule a “What’s Your Beef Night?” every once in a while.

I want to create an atmosphere of grace in my home. I want my kids to be able to candidly, but respectfully tell me what’s on their hearts and what they are struggling with. I really had to resist the urge to defend myself in our meeting. I’m very good at laying down the rules and barking out orders.

I was reminded that I need to stop and listen.

Because my kids might be trying to tell me something.

Family Matters sent me an audio CD to giveaway to a reader today. It’s called The Three Inner Needs of Confident Children. And it is excellent. If you’d like to win it, please leave a comment by 10 pm (CST) Wednesday night.

This great family resource has also recently entered the blog world. Y’all know how important it is to send newbies some love, so go visit Family Matter’s new blog!

For more great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday.

Food for the Soul:

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15

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This Sums Up My Monday:

7:00 am Bykristen

How was yours?

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Grace-Based Parenting Tip #3 & Giveaway!

7:00 am Bykristen

*UPDATED* Congratulations to Ami! She won the book. Come back next week for another Grace-Based Giveaway!

I want the best for my kids.

I want them to have a great childhood, a good education, Godly character traits and a bright future.

I want them to ~~pluck the black hairs from my chin when I’m decrepit~~ be successful in life.

Through the Grace-Based parenting resources, I’ve learned that aiming my children at a future focused on success isn’t the same at aiming them at true greatness.

Doesn’t the phrase true greatness just make something deep within you stand up and say, “YES! That’s it! That’s what I want for my kids!”

The world defines success by these measurements: wealth, beauty, power and fame.

Okay. Suddenly, I’m not feeling so successful.

In Dr. Kimmel’s book, Raising Kids for True Greatness, he defines true greatness as “a passionate love for Jesus Christ that shows itself in an unquenchable love and concern for others.” Directing them towards true greatness helps to focus them upward and outward, rather than inward.

Aiming children at success complicates their lives and contributes to self-absorption.

How many self absorbed grown up children (a.k.a adults) do we know?

Dr. Kimmel teaches that true greatness is easier to achieve by building four qualities in a child’s heart:

A Humble Heart-a reverence for God and respect for others.

This is the last thing our culture is teaching our children. We can’t leave this up to the school system or even the church. It’s our responsibility as parents to teach our kids how to respect others and revere God.

What does a humble heart look like? We are working on developing this in our home: a mutual respect for each other’s ideas and thoughts (as in the oldest child dismissing everything the younger siblings say). I think our kids take cues from us..they are always watching.

A Grateful Heart-An appreciation for what they have been given and Who has given it.

I think complaining and grumbling is the direct result of an ungrateful heart. We all know how it feels for our children to act unthankful!

A friend of mine shared this idea with me: create a ‘blessing box’ and jot down a small note EVERY time a blessing comes your way, from little things like finding a $1 on the sidewalk to big stuff like Dad finding a new job. I think this will teach my kids just how many blessings we have. During Thanksgiving, open the box and read the blessings. I’ll show you our box after we finish making it!

A Generous Heart-A great delight in sharing with others what God has entrusted in you.

Perhaps this is the one quality that we have really hammered home. We have had so many opportunities to give lately (Russian friends from The Persecuted Church) that I have planned a special day on my blog to encourage others to give: One Day to Gi ve. God has given us so much and we are learning that not only is it fun to give to others, it feels awesome!

We wanted to take it a step further and teach our children on their level. We took 3 plastic boxes and had them decorate them with stickers: Spending, Giving, Saving. Every dollar that comes their way, they take a percentage and place it in each box. It has really taught them the value of money and they are having fun watching their pennies grow!

A Servant Heart-A willingness to take action in order to help someone else.

On Labor Day, I was very proud of my kids and hubby. They took this principal to heart and spent several hours collecting trash at the pond near our house. No one noticed or said thank you, but I knew they really ‘got it’ because they weren’t looking for praise.

But I also think this is the weakest area in our home. We are all selfish by nature and it’s easy to slip into the habit of taking care of ourselves first. I think it’s easier for them to serve a stranger than their siblings. So, we’re working on it!

When my last child leaves home, I want to be able to hold my hubby’s hand and look into the mirror and know that we’ve raised truly great kids.

And then it won’t matter if the world calls them a success.

Because they will be.

If you would like this amazing book, Raising Kids for True Greatness, leave me a comment by Thursday noon (CST). Family Matters has been kind enough to donate one!

For more great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday!

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FYI

12:01 am Bykristen

You know those little packets that come in your shoe boxes?

The ones that say “Silica. Throw Away. Do Not Eat.”

Well. Not that I know from experience or anything, but if you find an empty, damp one in several pieces on your kitchen floor, you will feel the panic rising.

But according to Poison Control, the little hard pellets are more of a choking hazard than actual poison, per se.

Not that I know or anything.

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Grace-Based Parenting Tip & Giveaway!

7:00 am Bykristen

*Update* Congrats to Tara. I will email you!

A key element for raising great kids is establishing an atmosphere of grace in your home.

What is the atmosphere in your home? Is it cold, harsh, rule-oriented? Or is it wild, rule-free and chaotic? Grace-based parenting is the balance between grace and truth.

I’ll just give you a little hint about last night’s atmosphere in our home: it starts with ‘un- and ends with- ruly’.

A grace-based home creates an atmosphere that allows kids the freedom to be different, vulnerable, candid and to make mistakes (Dr. Tim Kimmel elaborates on each of these points in his book, Grace Based Parenting).

I heard Dr. Kimmel share the following story at Family Camp in describing vulnerability. It really moved me:

“KIMMEL, TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, leave on your socks, climb up on the trampoline, and follow my instructions,” the coach instructed the 9th grade boy.

He quickly untied his shoes and climbed onto the trampoline for the demonstration. As he did, he noticed holes in both of his socks. It wasn’t a big deal until a classmate yelled, “Check out the holes in Kimmel’s socks! Hey, you want to borrow a pair of mine? I’ve got plenty. Or maybe we should take up a collection after class!”

“Knock it off!” the coach commanded, but the damage had already been done. The guys had a good laugh, and they continued to have a good laugh even after the coach told them to be quiet.

Tim Kimmel couldn’t concentrate the rest of the class. All he could think about was mending every sock he had as soon as he got home. The teasing had drawn attention to his family’s economic status. ”We were a family on the lowest rung of the middle class…”

When class was over, the PE teacher dismissed the kids and Tim put his shoes back on. On his way out, the PE teacher called his name. ”Tim, I wanted to tell you why I called on you to do that demonstration in class today. It’s because I think you’re the most agile student in my class.” Then he untied one of his shoes and pulled it off, to reveal two of his toes poking thru a large hole. ”Us agile guys are tough on socks!”

As Tim walked away, he found a dictionary and looked up the word agile: ”moves with speed, ease, elegance and liveliness; mentally alert and quick-witted.”

This changed his life. (He wondered if the coach had acutally cut those holes in his socks to show him it was okay to be vulnerable).

Grace-Based parenting says we need to give our children the freedom to be different. They need the freedom to be vulnerable and we need to extend grace to them when they are vulnerable. Our children need the freedom to be candid and the liberty to make mistakes.

I love this quote from the book:

You have been singled out to do a favor for God. He is asking you to be His representative to a small but vital part of the next generation. He needs someone to be His voice, His arms, and His heart.

He chose you.

We are learning what this looks like in our home. Allowing our kids to be more candid in sharing their hearts (without being disrespectful) was the first step we made. I’m also trying not to fix all my kids problems by letting them learn from their mistakes. (T
his is much harder for me then for them).

Letting my daughter be herself by not controlling her appearance is not easy for me. (I’m thinking her teachers were wondering about her hair choices this morning). But I’m learning that she has unique style and just because it’s different than what I would choose, doesn’t make it wrong.

And when we see them struggling with school issues or things at home (like the nearly daily after-school meltdowns we’ve been experiencing), we try to remember their need for vulnerability and even attempt to make ourselves vulnerable by sharing our own struggles.

Most of all, we are still learning what a grace-based home looks like!

Today, I’m giving away the audio CD entitled, “Grace Based Parenting.” If you’d like to have it, please leave a comment. I will choose a winner by 10 pm (CST) Wednesday night.

For other great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday.

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Grace-Based Parenting Tip & Giveaway

7:01 am Bykristen

*UPDATE* Congratulations to Sarah! She won the book, but make sure you check back for the next couple of weeks where I’ll be sharing more parenting tips and giving away more great resources! And go visit Family Matters, you won’t regret it!

Our summer vacation was unusual for us this year. Family Camp is a new concept for THAT family.

So is sitting in a classroom setting for an hour a day, while on vacation.

But I’ve never been happier to be a student.

We had an amazing guest speaker/author: Dr. Tim Kimmel, President of Family Matters.

His specialty: Parenting. Specifically, Grace-based parenting.

The basic premise for this teaching is loving your kids the way God loves you.

It was profound. My hubby and I learned so much.

Dr. Kimmel started the series off by asking, “Do you have a parenting plan? Can you write it down?”

Gulp.

Not exactly. Sure, we have a five year financial plan. We’ve talked about our goals as a family and accomplishing our own personal dreams. But a plan to parent our kids? The job that we hold most dear? Nope.

Unless flying by the seat of your pants is considered a technique.

Here’s the big picture that is presented in the award-winning book, Grace-Based Parenting:

Start from the bottom up, building on a foundation:
Aim them at true greatness, rather than success
Build character in their heart
Focus on meeting their inner needs
Maintain a daily atmosphere of grace
Establish a foundation of faith in Christ.

(His books expound on each of these parts of the grace-based parenting plan).

This book is a must read for Christian parents! I’m giving away a copy today ($14 value), just leave a comment if you’re interested and I’ll be randomly choosing a winner tonight (Wednesday at 10 p.m CST). You can order one here.

Each week for the next month or so, I will be offering a Grace-Based Parenting Tip from one of Dr. Kimmel’s many books or something I’ve learned. (I’ll also be giving away one of the resources that Family Matter’s donated for me to giveaway).

Towards the end of the week of Family Camp, we sat down to eat lunch. Dr. Kimmel, his wife and two grand daughters (that they brought along to give their daughter some time alone with her hubby!) sat down at our table for lunch.

I nearly had a panic attack.

Lunch with THAT family is always an adventure. Drinks are spilled (my hubby tries, but he’s a bit clumsy); food is splattered; and the toddler? She doesn’t exactly excel at staying in her high chair.

We made light conversation and I ate so quickly, I had bread stuck in the back of my throat.
I’m pretty sure God was watching that day, because do you know what my kids did?

Nothing. They were perfect. And that’s no small feat.

But even if it had been a disaster, there’s something special about grace that says, “Hey, it’s okay. God loves messy people.”

Food for the Soul:

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

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Patented

12:01 am Bykristen

My ingenious way of cooling hot chicken strips for the toddler in the car.

You are welcome.

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My Parenting Has Reached New Levels

7:00 am Bykristen

In a couple of weeks I’m going to be sharing some great parenting tips I learned at Family Camp. We returned with an armful of books and a plan to parent our kids.

We’ve already seen some amazing changes in our home.

But this is a freebie. And I give myself full credit for this stroke of brilliance!

The other day on our way home from the store, my oldest daughter started screaming, “He wiped a booger on me! A booger!”

She held up the defiled arm so I could confirm it in the rearview mirror.

I looked at my son’s smiling face. Do you know what I saw? Pride. This wasn’t the first time he had disrespected his older sister.

Passing back a tissue, I said sternly to my son, “You need to respect her. That is very gross and when we get home, you are going to get in trouble.”

We finished the car ride in silence, my daughter rejoicing in her brother’s pending doom and my son reflecting on his immediate future.

And that’s when I had my stroke of brilliance.

“Son, you can choose one person in this house….to wipe a booger on your arm.”

He just stared at me.

And then he burst into tears. ”But that is so gross, why, Mom?”

I used the opportunity to share with him how his sister felt.

He took a minute and said, much to my relief, “Okay, I choose her,” pointing to his big sister.

And she said, “Oh, man. I wish I had known that because I just had a great one.”

I didn’t ask where it went.

Yes, we are that classy around here.

Once, the deed was done, my son hugged me and said, “Thanks, Mom. I will NEVER do that again.”

And I felt like I had reached an entirely new level of parenting.

I also felt sick to my stomach.

P.S. If you know my family in real life, please resist the temptation to mention this post to my hubby. He’s not exactly a fan of this parenting technique and as for posting about it, in his words, “Honey, you have to draw the line somewhere.” To which I responded, “Oh, I d0. I do.”

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Who’s Harder to Raise: Boys or Girls?

7:00 am Bykristen

I have been blessed with three children.

Girl, boy, girl.

In a crowd, you would know they belong together because they look alike. It’s the nose, I think. Or maybe the big eyes, or maybe it’s the matching dirt under their nails.

But they are as unique as snowflakes.

God has stamped each of my kids differently. I think it’s called individuality.

I love doing girl stuff with my daughters! I remember being so thrilled that I was having another girl because they would each have a sister.

My son is my middle, peace-loving child. He’s a buffer and has me wound pretty tightly. He loves to hang out with his Dad and fish. And he’s very easy-going.

I have the best of both worlds. But is one gender harder to raise than another?

Two dear friends and I, met weekly during the school year to pray for our children. One has two boys and the other, four children, all boys.

One day, they were comparing boy stories. They were talking about the noises, the competitions, the smells. And the rough-housing.

I sat back and listened. I kept thinking about my son, dressed in princess clothes and asking for a pink Singer sewing machine for Christmas.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of finger-pulling and belching in THAT family. We just don’t have tournaments.

But it dawned on me that the dynamic in my home with two girls and a boy was different than theirs. It wasn’t a great epiphany, but it did strike a chord in me.

Later that day, I even encouraged my hubby to go ‘toot and burp’ with his son. And maybe wrestle.

Yeah, he looked at me the same way.

For the longest time, I blamed birth order and gender on my first born’s strong nature and my middle child’s laid back spirit.

I know raising all girls must have it’s own dynamic too.

CNN featured a parenting article that made these points:

Boys may not listen as well as girls because their hearing isn’t as good from birth
Girls are rigged to be people-oriented, while boys are more action-oriented
Girls tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys
Boys are harder to raise early on, but girls become more difficult as preteens

So, talk to me. What’s the dynamic in your home? Who’s harder to raise?

What plays the biggest role? Gender, birth order or personality?

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We’re Not Meant to Multi-Task Everything

12:01 am Bykristen

If multi-tasking were an Olympic event, my neck would need a daily massage from the weight of all that gold.

Because don’t think for a minute, I wouldn’t wear those medals. Around my neck. Daily.

It’s not an event, yet. But I still pride myself in being able to accomplish many tasks, simultaneously.

It’s a gift.

Most days I just do it and don’t even think about it. I can talk on the phone, cook dinner, wipe a snotty nose and open the oven with my big toe.

Oh, I kid about the oven and my toe.

Or not.

As my toddler plays in the backyard, I can sweep off the patio, swat mosquitoes, pull an errant weed and dig half a caterpillar from her mouth.

It is a high calling.

The other day, I was scratching things off my ‘to do list’ like a madwoman. Cleaned fridge: check; swept floor: check; dinner: on the stove; Girl Scout vest ordered: yep ; Reading a blog: in the process.

Besides all the mothering and blogging I do, I also work about 15 hours a week from home. So, busy, I am (said in my best Yoda voice).

My daughter walked up in the middle of all that multi-tasking earlier this week. She needed to tell me something really, really important.

I don’t exactly know what, because with all that efficiency I didn’t listen. I was close to capacity.

I nodded and uh hum’d her. She walked off and I stayed engrossed at my computer.

Later, the rest of the family wanted me to join them for a family night video.

My mind raced with all the things I needed to do, could be, doing. Do you know it took a vast amount of self-control to only sit? For the first 10 minutes, I kept thinking “maybe I could at least fold a basket of clothes while I watched or straighten toys while I listened.“

I resisted the urge and it was the first time in a while, I focused on one thing.

And I’m so glad I did. We laughed our heads off at the funny home movie of my son getting his first haircut. When the video concluded, my daughter hugged me. ”Thanks, Mom.”

She noticed the difference.

“Tell me again what you were saying in the kitchen,” I asked.

Because I missed it.

And I was reminded again that there are just some things we’re not meant to multi-task.

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Who Will I Be?

12:01 pm Bykristen

My eight year old is changing.

She has always been strong and independent. As a toddler, she pushed away my hand and refused extra help.

Once she started school, she hugged me in the car, but not in front of her friends.

But lately, I’ve noticed a difference.

She hasn’t been able to get enough of me.

At first, I didn’t note the little things. She was a bit more affectionate, emotional and needy.

It was a little more obvious when she started clinging to me and asking me not to leave at night for my random coffee with friends.

Last week, she asked to sleep in one of my old t-shirts. I thought it was funny, but harmless, so I let her have her pick.

Four days ago she asked if we could dress alike for church and begged for me to wear her glittery lip gloss. (I did and was surprised by the yummy flavor!)

Yesterday, she curled up in bed with me, wrapping her arms tightly around my chest and asked if we could snuggle. She mumbled something about loving my “mommy smell” and buried her face in my neck.

Okay. She had my full attention. All the little things had formed one big thing.

We talked and giggled and I discovered that my little girl was transforming into a big girl. We’ve seen a touch of moodiness and some tears. But even more, a deep questioning of who she will be.

And she’s looking at one person.

Gulp.

She is watching me so closely. I can feel the sideway glances and can sense her desire to mirror me. Her hand is reaching for mine like a tiny child.

I feel like I’m a good mom, far from perfect, but the Mom I’m supposed to be. But when I think about her wanting to emulate me, I falter, a little.

I’m a little impatient. And I’m too quick to speak, and slow to listen. I am vain about some things that don’t matter and I complain about some of my responsibilities. I yell too much and don’t pray often enough.

When I see my daughter wanting to be like me, I have to ask myself one question:

Am I what I want my daughter to be?

And I feel challenged to be the best, not only for my children, but for me. I want to live everyday to the fullest and accomplish my dreams, that are separate from my role as Mom.

My life is not over; it has just begun.

My daughter wonders who she will be.

And so do I.

Food for the Soul:

I Timothy 4:12, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

Don’t forget to check out the awesome giveaway going on RIGHT NOW! Wouldn’t you like to win this? Or a custom one? Go, now, it ends soon!

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An Important Parenting Tip

7:00 am Bykristen

I’d like to offer you a parenting tip today.

I took this photo a couple of months ago. Just because I want to remember the rolls.

There’s just nothing cuter than a baby girl in a dress.

The chubby legs. The cute tush. The femininity.

She inherited her thighs from me. One day, she will not thank me.

One of the best parts of all those little girly dresses is the diaper covers.

You know, because they coordinate.

We all know how important that is.

The other day I was in a hurry to pick up my older kids from VBS. I had about 57 seconds to change a diaper and shove her pudgy feet into her shoes.

I quickly changed my squirmy girl and forgot to put her diaper cover back on.

Maybe because it would take too long or because cute doesn’t matter when you’re in a hurry.

We will never know.

I grabbed a shoe and realized I dropped the other one somewhere in the house.

After a quick shoe hunt, I grabbed her up and decided she could ride with one shoe on and I would put the other one on at the church.

But. Something. Happened. During. That. 57. Seconds.

Because when I got to VBS and reached to unbuckle my child from her car seat, not only was her diaper cover missing, so was her diaper.

Oh, yeah.

She was nekid. At VBS.

Under that cute dress.

So, here’s my tip: diaper covers are not for cute only. They are actually functional in keeping the toddler from removing her diaper while Mommy is not looking.

While I realize this isn’t exactly an earth-shattering tip and even considered obvious by some (ahem, hubby), this is my third kid and honestly the first time we’ve gone to church with an exposed, um, bottom.

So, I just thought I’d share.

You are welcome.

I’m here to serve you.

For more helpful tips, visit Works For Me Wednesday

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When Time Stood Still

7:00 am Bykristen

As I sat in the Emergency Room with my 6 year old son, I pulled his feverish body close to mine and rubbed my hands in his hair.

Not exactly the way I planned to spend Father’s Day.

My son had been feeling badly most of the weekend. In our home, the squeaky wheel gets the most oil and, well, he’s not squeaky. E-ver. He’s so unassuming and easy-going that by the time I realized he was really sick, his temperature was 103.8 and his throat was so swollen he could hardly swallow. He needed antibiotics and, of course, the only thing open was the ER.

And so, I left my hubby home with a napping toddler and an 8 year old to answer his ringing bell.

As we waited, I held my son’s small hand in mine. I traced his jaw line with my finger and noticed a couple of new freckles. I watched his dark lashes grace his cheek and the rhythm of his breathing.

Can I just say that I enjoyed every single minute of it? Not that he was sick or that we were sitting and waiting, but just the quiet of the moment, to take him in.

And notice.

How did he get to be so big? My chubby toddler with curls was long gone.

Three elderly people walked in and sat across from us. The husband escorted his frail wife in front of us to address the gash on her forehead.

They left a sweet 73 year old lady in the waiting room, named Emma.

She watched me stroke my son’s head. We started chatting. She was visiting her sister and brother-in-law from Ohio. Her sister was very ill with Alzheimer’s and she wanted to see her while she still remembered. She shared that it was hard watching her sister lose her independence and struggle with daily activities. Just a few minutes before she had fallen and cut her head on the dishwasher.

Emma told me she lost her own husband just six months ago, after 43 years of marriage. ”I don’t like living alone. It’s hard.” She shared that she had eleven children- ten sons and one daughter. Her daughter died when she was 36 years old with a brain tumor. She told me about her new job and how she was trying to live a full life. She told me her deceased husband’s favorite joke and smiled kindly at my son.

There was nothing to pity about Emma. She had a sparkle in her eye and a beautiful smile.

We were still talking when my son’s name was called. She stopped me and said softly, “That was my husband’s name, too.”

And something in that moment, made me want time to stand still. And I think it did. Just for a minute. Long enough for me to realize that it doesn’t stop.

But I should.

Because every day my kids are getting older. My parents are aging and one day I will be old. I might be alone, like Emma. And I want my eyes to sparkle because I have lived well.

I think my intuitive son sensed something about that moment. He squeezed my hand and once we were settled in another room, climbed into my lap.

“Mom, I don’t have to get married and move out one day. I can live with you forever, okay?”

“Forever?” I asked.

“Well, maybe me and my wife can move in with you.”

I hugged him and whispered to myself, “Stay six all day, okay?”

Time stood still and I noticed.

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What is Modest?

7:00 am Bykristen

My daughter is dramatic.

Very dramatic.

There’s lots of drama in our home.

So, I decided to enroll her in a week-long Drama Camp this summer.

Her excitement is palpable. That girl could win an Oscar.

The camp is hosted by this really great Christian drama program. I took my older kids to see their latest musical, Beauty in the Beast, three weeks ago. I was very impressed.

The summer camp will be held in a local church, in the Sanctuary.

I got an email confirming my daughter’s registration. The email also outlined the camp dress code.

Here is the drama camp dress code:

Absolutely NO stomachs showing.
You must be able to lift your arms up and stretch without showing skin.
No spaghetti straps or tank tops.
No girl gym shorts or other short shorts.
Longer shorts are okay.
No skirts above the knee
No underwear showing, even when you bend over.
No bra straps showing, or see through shirts.
Tank tops or camisoles are suggested for wearing under anything thin or see through.
No extremely low, tight, or gaping shirts
Swimwear must be modest (no two piece swimsuits, please) for the last day, which is Water Day.

Literally as I read this list, my bra strap slipped from under my tank top. Boy, did I suddenly feel trashy.

First of all, before any of you wonder where I stand on this, I was impressed that this Christian organization was so proactive and demanded high standards.

We live in Texas. And the dictionary defines Texas as HOT, like Africa. Oh, yeah, just check.

And so, dress code can be sketchy. Even for Christians.

My daughter is 8. Most of her shorts are short. She wears tanks. And, brace yourself, she’s sporting a bikini this summer.

But we don’t do half or strapless shirts. I don’t like for her belly to show and she’s very self-conscious about even the band of her underwear showing, so really short things are out.

If you were to ask me, I’d say modesty is important to me.

But after I read this, I knew I hadn’t really thought it through thoroughly or shopped accordingly.

I mean, will she want to wear a bikini 4 or 5 years from now because I let her now?

I know there will be differing opinions from both ends of the spectrum on this and I can’t wait to read what you’ve got to say.

Bottom line for me (and I don’t expect everyone to agree): I want to raise modest daughters who love their bodies and don’t feel the need to show it off.

And, I’m pretty sure I can do better (although I won’t be banning tank tops anytime soon)!

Oh, and I’ve got a little shopping to do.

Food for the Soul:

I Timothy 2:9, “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety …”

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The First

11:00 am Bykristen

Being the first born kid has some major advantages: more attention, more stuff, more opportunities for parents to learn, more mistakes.

I parent my second child different than my first. And my third? Well, let’s just say she gets away with a lot.

I just ordered a whole slew of Christian parenting books I’ve been wanting to read. Because there are days, my friends, that I need a guide! While searching, I ran across this new research that proves that the oldest child does have it tougher. Great! More guilt.

Do you parent your firstborn differently? Do you expect more? Demand more results?

Talk to me, people!

Food for the Soul:

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

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DO NOT TRY THIS

7:00 am Bykristen

(To all those wordless viewers, please forgive the um, words. I tried. I did.)

As I’m sure you’ve surmised if you’ve read my blog at all, it is chocked full of parenting tips.

This is not easy, people.

It takes a considerable amount of research to bring you such helpful hints. I mean wouldn’t you rather me accidentally glue my baby’s lips with Super Glue, so I can tell you how to unglue them? Or perform The Heimlich Maneuver on 2/3 of my children in the same month as a life saving example?

I’m here to serve you.

So, here’s my latest ‘WHAT NOT TO DO’ PARENTING TIP:

My toddler is in what I call the Patio stage. If a public place does not have a patio, we do not go. She’s a bundle of energy and truly prefers disobedience over obedience in most instances.

Yeah. I’d appreciate the prayer.

The other day she kept pulling rocks from the fireplace. I guess they were tasty, because she enjoyed munching on them-

I kept telling her no, redirecting, tapping her little hand. So, she got the hint and moved to this:

I changed her filthy clothes, before 9 a.m. mind you, and she started doing this:

So, I did what all good parents would do. I mean, she’s my third child. I’m experienced.

I gave her this, as a distraction.

It worked. She played with my cell phone for an eternity in toddler time- 4 minutes.

And then she went back to pulling rocks out of the fireplace, eating dirt and hanging precariously from the chair.

I’m all about being consistent: consistently screaming NO! Stop! Get down, NOW! And then I started an audible countdown to nap time.

Here’s the tip: DO NOT GIVE YOUR CHILD A CELL PHONE AS A DISTRACTION. E-ver.

Yeah, cause in the middle of all that great parenting, she called the Pastor of our church. On his day off. Seriously. His family got to hear me in my finest moment.

I’m thinking there won’t be any offers to teach a parenting class at church any time soon.

Just a hunch.

For more great tips that actually don’t work, check out WFMW and for some great photos that don’t have words, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

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Wrong on So Many Levels

7:00 am Bykristen

I have mentioned my children’s fondness for tackling their loose teeth and for the The Tooth Fairy here and again, here.

My son, a fairly new member of the tooth-loser club had a wiggly front tooth.

This is seen as some sort of sporting event for my husband or at least a hobby.

Way past his bedtime, my son ran down the stairs screaming, “We have blood, people!” He held up the spotted tissue as proof.

My husband’s eyes glistened and dilated.

Let me just say that what happened next was wrong on so many levels. (Of course, my teeth have a low self esteem, so I may not be a qualified judge).

At first glance, dental floss may seem a harmless over-the-counter dental tool.

Not in the hands of my hubby, tooth-puller extraordinaire.

This is what I heard:

Puller: “I’m going to wrap this tiny string around your tooth.”

Pullee: “Okay. Why?”

Puller: “It’s going to help me, help you.” Give me a break.

Pullee: “Will it hurt?”

Puller: “That’s difficult to answer. I’m going to pull on the count of 3.”

And then I heard this:

“One-” yank

“Noooooooo,” from my terrified son.

“You did it!” from my elated son. (Perhaps we have a bipolar thing going on here.)

This is what I saw:

Note how the tooth is still hanging from the said floss.

Like there were any other options for that tooth.

I’m sure this tooth pulling move will be outlawed soon. It borders closely to child abuse or child endangerment, to say the least.

This is wrong. I am ashamed to be a part of it.

I think teeth should fall out au’ natural. You know in your food because they are hanging by a tiny thread of flesh. This is the beautiful way. It’s a peaceful ending to the tooth’s life.

No. Not here. We pull and push and twist. Apples are eaten by the handfuls. We have tools, now. The horror of it all.

And I think this grieves The Tooth Fairy. I really do.

For more great tackles, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

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The Talk

7:00 am Bykristen

My second grader slammed the front door and rushed into the kitchen from school. “Mom, guess what?” she called. I looked up and noticed her flushed cheeks.

She has news.

This could go either way, I thought.

I braced myself for the revelation. Just last week ‘her life was ruined’ because a mean boy beat her out of the Science Fair. (All boys are mean, now, and gross). She had just stopped weeping about not winning the American Girl doll in the school raffle. I just love those raffles. Well, mainly because they are so fair and encouraging for children.

“Mom, the coolest thing happened!” she said excitedly.

Whew, I thought.

“My friend became an Aunt last night. Isn’t that awesome?”

“Yes, honey, that’s wonder–, an ant?” I asked trying to clarify.

“No, Mom. Her sister had a little baby and now she gets to play with a baby at home and—“

I stopped her. Abruptly. “How old is her sister? The girl who had the baby.”

“She’s fourteen,” clearly my daughter didn’t really have a grasp on age or age appropriate activities.

I noted her excitement, even envy. I took a deep breath and decided I would speak softly and try to explain why this was not to be desired.

“WWhhaatt?” I said a little too loudly. “That is not good, NOT GOOD AT ALL,” I bellowed.

Her eyes filled with tears and she ran to her room.

Well.

I handled that smashingly. Don’t you think?

Gathering my thoughts, I sat down on the edge of the sofa. How do I explain poor choices when she doesn’t even know those choices exist? She’s eight. Eight years old.

I went to her room and hugged her close. “I’m sorry I yelled.”

“Why are you mad? It’s just a baby.”

Oh man. “I’m not mad about the baby. That baby is precious and is from God. But do you think girls should be mommies when they are fourteen?”

She shrugged.

I couldn’t blame her non-responsive answer, you know, considering my outburst.

“What do you think?” I prompted. (My parenting tip to all: ask this question when you are at a loss for words).

Again. A shrug. I’d scared her into silence. Way to go, mom of the year.

“Well, when you want, we can sit down and talk about this. I’m glad you are excited for your friend. And, um, never mind.”

Again. What an excellent response.

I went to my closet and dug out this book I’d bought a couple of months earlier.

A few of my friends talked about it and I’d read it was a great place to start with questions and answers about the body and stuff. (Stuff would be the general term I use to refer to parts, especially my eight year old’s.) It’s a book series presented from a Christian view. It also has a giant gold seal on the front because it’s an award winner.

Well.

I discovered gold sealed-award-winning books can still shock you.

I also learned a lot from that book. Really. If I’d had it, it would have cleared up many things on my honeymoon. It was so informative and detailed.

I hid it away in my closet. For later. Much later. This was the first book in a series of four and was written for children even younger than my daughter. And, for very brave parents.

Now, as I held it, I decided it was time for the talk. Not THE talk, just A talk. More like a subtle introduction to THE talk. For children. Young children, I want to stay young. Clear as mud, ain’t it?

I talked it over with my husband and we re-read the book. I’ve mothered three children. You’d think all my questions would be answered, and yet, my mouth still hung slightly ajar with every reading.

Help me, Lord.

So this is how it went:

“Honey, you
know the friend you told me about, who’s an aunt?”

She wiped her chocolate shake mustache off and froze. “Yeah,” she said in an unsure tone.

“Well, I just wanted to talk with you about um . . . why that’s not the best choice for you. When young girls have babies it makes it harder for them to finish school and go to college. Many do it, but it’s very hard. Plus, your Daddy and I believe God’s given us a plan, an order for how things work best.”

So, I pulled out the book. And I opened it v-e-r-y s-lo-w-l-y.

I read it to her. I didn’t laugh or cry once. There was an excessive amount of gulping, though, and blushing-lots of blushing.

My daughter was mature and only giggled twice.

And as I closed the book she listened intently when I said this:

“One day God will send you someone special to your share life with. He will be the daddy to your children. God put certain steps in order, so we can avoid mistakes. If those steps are out of order, you won’t have as many choices. Mommy and Daddy love you and we will always love you no matter what choices you make, okay?”

And that’s exactly how I plan for The Talk to go.

When I get up the nerve, to tackle it, that is.

One day I’ll order the rest of the books. When I’m more grown up.

More amazing tackles at 5 Minutes for Mom.

Food for the Soul:

Mark 10:6-9 ”But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”