His beard is sprinkled with gray. His hands are rough and calloused. His boots are caked with mud. Sweat dripped from his brow as he mowed his parents’ farm in his worn Wranglers. The muscles across his back rippled as he worked hard in the hot sun.
I called out his name and he turned around.
I snapped a picture so I could remember how good he looked. He laughed and shook his head when I told him so.
But I didn’t laugh.
Because a wife can look into a moment and see more of her husband if she wants to. But she has to be looking.
When I pause and think about my life with this man, I know that it doesn’t matter what kind of day we’ve had. . . loving each other is a way a life. And I may be a lot of things, but unloved it not one of them. Even when I am unlovable.
He loves me like this:
It’s his protective hand on the small of my back as we walk into an unfamiliar place.
It’s the extra stop on the way home to bring me my favorite drink.
It’s the meaningful eye contact over a crowd of people.
It’s reading the tension in my shoulders and walking across the room to rub it away.
It’s one hand in mine, the other uplifted to God on a Sunday.
It’s watching him empty the change from his pockets into the jar for an anniversary trip we are hoping to take some day.
It’s catching him refolding all the towels and sheets in the linen closet because he saw it needed to be done.
It’s forgiving my grumpy attitude before I have a chance to ask.
It’s making two eggs instead of one.
It’s not leaving.
It’s staying.
No matter what.
It’s so easy in this life to name all the things our husbands don’t do. And most days we could pick them apart if we wanted to. We can always find something when we look closely.
But when I begin to count all the things he does, day-in-and-day out, the list grows long. It’s the best thing to do when you don’t want to.
There is nothing quite as sexy as a man who loves his wife.
Flowers are nice. Jewelry is grand. But I prefer how he tells me a thousand ways without buying a thing or saying a word.
Wives, listen. Maybe you can hear it too.
This is beautiful. I needed it today. I tend to nitpick at my partner. Poor guy. He does SO much for me. Brought me a sweet tea today home from work today.
This was great. I was going to forward this to my husband, but I think it was meant for me. I am a wife who has been betrayed multiple times, with yesterday being 1 year since the last one. I know I am bitter and unloving many times, and I just realized that I feel I deserve to be that way. But what if I choose to lay down the bitterness and be loving in our relationship? If the betrayal happens again, at least I chose happiness in the meantime. Otherwise I should just decide that it’s not worth staying. Thank you for bringing me some clarity today.
I know it’s a while since you commented on this. I am with you — I understand. And thank you, for what you wrote! It’s very encouraging! I hope things are going well for you! Praying for you! OOO
This is very admirable. It is always good to motivate and remind other couples out there that there is more to a marriage than just being stuck on the same parenting responsibilites, our parents work so hard keeping their family on foot that they tend to forget about sparing some love to give and show to one another.
Once again, You nailed! Thank you!
I absolutely love this!! Tears flood my eyes because I agree with it all, and am reminded to appreciate it more.
My husband goes above & beyond to show his love for me, and it amazes me because I know its a Christ-like love.
(There are many days that I am unlovable!)
Irony is reading this lovely article on your 16th wedding anniversary that your husband has forgotten! Not a great day for me, but a great read.x
Lucy,
There are no words for how much that sucks! It hurts when special days are forgotten by others. A lot.
One thing I learned about my husband after many years of hurt and disappointment is this: he just doesn’t remember. Dates and numbers, even names, simply don’t stick. He’s not trying to be an insensitive jerk, and he doesn’t intend to hurt me. So I began sending him calendar reminders of important events. We both work in Outlook, so it’s easy for me to set up “our anniversary” with a reminder that goes off 24 hours earlier, and send that event to his calendar.
Granted, if I want to do something special, 9 times out of 10 I’m still the one who needs to make the plans, book it, find a sitter, etc. I’m just learning to be okay with that. I’m a planner; he’s spontaneous. So if anyone’s going to make reservations a month in advance, it sure won’t be him!
I pray that your 16th anniversary works out to be a great day in spite of the crappy start. More importantly, though, I pray that your 17th year of marriage is filled with deep love and commitment, and many moments of joy and fun.
Love to you,
Tyler
A forgotten anniversary within an otherwise loving and generous marriage doesn’t usually get a gripe out of a happy, healthy wife. Unfortunately, if she mentioned it here, it is likely because it was forgotten on top of many other things that make her feel unimportant to and neglected by him.
Kristen, this was SO beautiful and I could not agree more! This post from you was PERFECT and fitting very fitting for today – my husband and I are celebrating 15 years in marriage today! As I read through this, I cried. Cried because everything you said I love about the man God has blessed me with and I am so thankful for the gift of his love. I can definitely agree with your statement, “There is nothing quite as sexy as a man who loves his wife.” I am a blessed woman!!
I stumbled across your blog kind of by accident (although I know everything happens for a reason) back in April, when my son turned 11. Someone sent me a post of your blog, “What Every Son Needs To Hear” and again, it was PERFECT for the day we were celebrating. I wept as I read it and shared it with my son. It is something I will treasure!!
I am blown away and tremendously blessed so many times as I read through your blog posts – mainly because we share the same Love, Jesus but also because we share so many of the same values and beliefs. Thank you again for your heart and sharing it so openly!!
I love this so much, Kristen! Thank you for your example. It’s so easy to fall into frustration over the little things my husband does (or doesn’t do) that annoy me. But it’s so life-giving for me and our marriage to notice the little things he does to love me!
Oh girl. Just yes. In fact, so much yes, I wrote a whole blog post about how this post {and one from Emily Freeman} have challenged me to love my husband better … because oh some days it is hard. And I need to be reminded how to be grateful and how to be humble and how to look beyond myself and how it really isn’t about me at all.
Thank you, Kristen, for writing truth with such grace and tenderness.
Thank you. 🙂 I try to remember to look, to find it. After 22 years, I see the love and the little things more every day.
your love language is acts of service
Beautiful! I love your blog. I am so grateful for the heart God has blessed you with and your willingness to share it with us. God Bless you and your family.
How absolutely beautiful. It’s as if you looked into my heart and spoke the words you found there, this beautiful post could be about me and my man too! Thank you!!
Absolutely. Every. Word.
This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing your words and your heart with us…I needed to read this today, to remind me to look for the positive things in our marriage, instead of the few negatives. God bless!
I really enjoyed your column today. Stumbled a crossed it somehow and glad I did. I am not blowing my own horn but I sound a lot like your husband. I did the jewelry, flowers and candy but it just got old to her. I told her when we were first married that we constantly have to work at our marriage but she disagreed. She said if you love someone that should be enough. I am happy to say she sees it differently now. Marriage is always constant work. Coming up on our 35th anniversary in October and I think we are as happy as ever. Unfortunately our three sons have not blessed us with grandkids but we have so many great nieces and great nephews that we are always busy. I am happy to say that I really feel the love that my wife has for me. You just have to know where to look for it sometimes. In her supper, in her winks or in her hugs.
This was such a good reminder. My husband is so like that, but i don’t thank Him enough. He is the most amazing man i have ever known. God is so good to me.
In my mid 40s and newly divorced after 20 years of being with a different kind of man. Yes, he worked. Yes, I felt the same way you did when I saw the sweat of his brow. I totally believe in this kind of love and, but sometimes…….well, …….. I believed in him, had 4 children with him, supported him…. Unfortunately, sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much you tell your husband how great he is. Sometimes, he just doesn’t see himself that way and he’s self-destructive. I am jealous, and I thank you for your post.
Sending you a hug. I feel with you. I’ve always believed in and hoped for that kind of love too. Still holding on to that hope and asking God to help me love my husband the way that He loves him. I’m so sorry for the broken dreams/broken heart that you must have. May God be your comfort and hope <3
This Sunday coming up, I’ll be celebrating my 18th wedding anniversary with my best friend. You just summed up all of my feelings about him in your post. I love, love, love your blog. Thank you.
I know exactly what you mean. I have those moments of revelation where I really see him and recognize all he does in a thousand little things everyday. I smile, he says, “what,” and I can’t explain. I just say, “I love you.”
Agreed. Ya know what else is sexy – when he tells the kids stories. Not just read to them. He tells them stories by candlelight with background music. Sometimes I sneak in to listen. It’s a treat.
thank u..I needed to hear this THIS week for sure!!!!
I absolutely loved this post and was just what I needed to hear today. I am surrounded by women/friends that can’t feel in their hearts what your message read and I am just so truly thankful that I have a husband I can love and respect and I know he feels the same. No marriage is perfect, but I at least know that we have a love that makes up for the imperfections, just like the one you and your husband share. I, too teared up at reading it because it touched so very close to home. I sent this to my husband to read and told him how much it made me think of him. It was exactly what he needed to hear after a week of feeling like he was less than par :). Thanks, Kristen for such special words!!
This was beautifully put and yes as a working woman whether it be in the home or outside the home we have a tendency to forget how much that our husbands do. I have been guilty of forgetting of how much he does do and have a tendency to point out the things he hasn’t done, then stop and remind myself all the things that he has done, it always brings a smile to my face and heart. I love this man he is a good christian, a good father, good provider, and a good loving man, I am a truly blessed woman. We celebrated 32 yrs. of marriage this year and I always hear from people that that is a rarity these days, I’m praying and hoping for 32 more years I love this man of mine. Thank you for reminding me I need to love him just a little more and remind him a little more of how much that I love him .
Kristen, AWESOME! my man has been sexy for 43 years!!!!
Well, I was going to start my own blog, but then I found yours!
When I see someone post their engagement on social media, I watch as the inevitable ball-and-chain ribbing fills the comments section. So, I always take a moment to tell the betrothed how much I love being married. Most times, others start to follow suit.
Thank you so much for writing this post! It serves as a great reminder that what we focus on is what we live. My husband and I have only been together for 7 years and married for 3 1/2. Our relationship had a pretty rough beginning, but we managed to get through. On the days when I focus on what he lacks as a husband or a man, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with him. On the days, that are coming more and more often, that I focus on the ways that he loves, the things that he does for me, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
I am a very blest husband who found this blog … My wife of 43 years has the kind of love you speak of – I am so blest… She is the successful mama of 6
I needed this today. My husband and I celebrated 13 years together this week…10.5 married. And I needed to remember all the things he does instead of all the things he doesn’t do
I could not have written a better story about my own husband. Describes him to a tee! God has truly blessed me more than I deserve.