I called my family into the living room and told them we had to have a meeting, my voice pinched and shaky.
They looked nervous.
I took a deep breath, “We have family pictures this weekend and we have to talk about outfits and coordinating them,” I said as I pointed to the wild assortment of clothes spread out on the couch.
“I’m serious. We haven’t had them in two years and this is important and I need your help!” They looked at me like I was crazy. I half felt it.
I felt a meltdown coming for days. I had held it together with off-and-on company for months, my husband in Africa when school started along with three carlines, a car wreck, broken appliances, speaking engagements, the pressure of our Mercy House fundraising Gala, stress from turning in another book manuscript, and now, I was going to lose it over clothes.
As I stood in my living room trying to get a grip on reality, the words hanging in my entryway caught my attention. You make me brave. They made me think of the young mother who approached me at the ladies retreat where I spoke recently about Mercy House who waited to tell me, “how brave I was.”
I looked at the clothes and I could almost hear the words mocking me.
Little did I know, the next day the bravest person in America would remind me that life is about more than clothes and busyness and everyday stress. It’s about more than my momentary troubles and sometimes hectic life. It’s about more than me.
The headlines read “School Shooting-Again,” and we flinched at the senseless deaths. This time, the news hit closer to home as we learned those who admitted to being Christians were killed on the spot.
I don’t know about you, but I have to wonder just how brave I would be with a gun pointed at my head. I wonder if I would hesitate or declare my faith boldly-knowing it would mean death. I want to believe I would lay down my life to stand for Christ, but it scares me just to think about it.
I’ve imagined what it must have been like for the second and third and fourth person to answer that questions as their classmates died at their feet.
I go days and weeks without thinking of losing my life to find it or picking up my cross to follow Jesus. I’m a Christian. I choose to follow Christ but I don’t know where He will lead me.
And we don’t have to travel to an oppressed country or militant region to find out, we just have to send our kids to English class at the community college down the street.
It’s terrifying to think that by raising our kids to follow Jesus, we might also be putting their lives at risk.
I wonder about this country and where it’s going and I worry about my children’s future.
No, I’m not brave.
But I know I live for something worth dying for.
As we stood and posed for our family pictures, I didn’t think about our outfit choices or how we looked or the crazy month we had. I looked at my husband and kids and whispered a prayer of thanks for the fake smiles and awkward poses.
And I asked God to make me braver.
I’ve thought the same thing…am I putting my boys’ lives at risk? It makes me look hard at what I believe. If I believe that Jesus IS life, and if I do not teach them of Jesus, what life is there?
Dear Kristen,
It feels kind of strange to write this down.
Yesterday morning in church i heard the news for the first time(since our marriage 13 years ago id do not watch any news on the tv anymore, my parents flooded me with news when i lived at home and it makes me afraid, mad, question things even more)
Anyway, i heard about the shooting in a school in America. how bizarre that is (again)
The next few hymns and psalms i good not even get one note out of my throat, something was stuck in there.
I could only think about our 8 year old son and baby girl of 12 months and 1 week old.
I cried.
how in the world is it possible that there are people capable of doing things like that (to innocent kids). There are no words.
This could easily happend to our kids.
I thought the same thing what you wrote, how immensely brave of firm in faith must those children have been. Wow..i can only be quiet.
For you and your family it’s even more crazy cause you live in America.
I can imagen your fear.
For us the immensely group of people (“refugees”) are coming to our country is a big concern, most of those people are not real refugees but serving there greater purpose and that is : europe becoming an islam state.
The question in the back of our minds is: when will the strike and hit! in schools, daycare, nursing homes etc.
This is a song that maybe you and i need from time to time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nFybpgasv4
There’s something else that hit me,
The parents as broken and sad as they must be, can have one comfort: They raised there child with all the love they can have to love there Havenly Father and He’s embracing them now with a love and warmth that can not be comprehend. They are now playing on the streets of gold in the love and care of there Father!
May all those family’s and loved ones of those children seek there faith and strength in the the comfort of our loving Father.
Thank you so much for your words,
Sandra Goud
The Netherlands
Thank you, Kristen, for once again speaking truth! In the wake of the school shooting, our state’s lieutenant governor came out saying that Christians who are serious about their faith to think about applying for a handgun carry permit, because our enemies are armed and we must do likewise. I have been walking around in a state of disbelief since reading that and your post was a breath of fresh air that lightened my heart while making me think carefully about how I would respond in a similar situation. I still don’t know, but I hope I would make the right choice – love my enemies, pray for those who persecute me, and show that, no matter what the outcome, my God is bigger than any situation….
Thank you Sandra and Kristin for saying the words we are thinking. We are tired of the frivolous and yet not sure how to live brave. Oh to live every day w more faith that says If our God is for us who can be against us. To live this w courage and joy too. To be forthright and outward. To share the message that is the only one w Hope. This God—- is at work, is faithful and is worthy of our complete trust. Joyfilled Monday to you!
We have – as the body of Christ – lived basically unchallenged here in America. Yes there are naysayers and critics of our faith in Christ, but we generally still feel safe in holding a different opinion. I’ve often wondered how firmly I’d stand for the One that stood and died in my place, and it makes me think of the words of Corrie ten Boom in the book The Hiding Place… She & her family were helping Jews during WW2 and she asked her father if he thought she’d be brave enough if ever they were caught – he reminded her that, just as he didn’t give her the money to buy a train ticket days or weeks in advance, God would give her the grace she would need to endure the situation at the moment she needed it.
Sharing the Truth of eternal life in Christ is the Only True hope we have and we’d be neglecting our children and the world around us by not sharing because of a fear of what might happen to us in this world. “In this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world!”
My 18 year-old daughter who is a freshman in college proclaimed “I would rather die and be in Heaven than deny Him and be in Sentenced to hell!” She is a lesson for bravery for me everyday! God sent her to me to show me repeatedly that our only hope lies in Jesus Christ as our savior. Thankful and I too will pray for this same bravery.