She made a beeline for me at the girls night out.
“You said your daughters are strong-willed, right?” she got right to the point.
We found a corner of the room and I waited. She had a lot to say about her precious and precocious two year old, her first daughter.
“She screams no! She throws herself onto the floor when she doesn’t get her way. I can’t go anywhere with her. My sons never once acted like this and I don’t know what to do.”
I listened and smiled and nodded my head because I understood. Sometimes the best way to encourage one another is to remind each other This is normal. And This shall pass. And You’re not alone.
You will survive this hard place.
And most importantly, One day, You will thank God for it.
My own strong-willed girl walked up in the middle of our conversation and my friend said, “Look at your daughter. She loves Jesus. She’s amazing and she isn’t out of control.”
“Not in public anyway,” my daughter quipped and wandered off.
We laughed. Because I’ve learned strong-willed toddlers grow up to be strong-willed teens.
And that’s more than okay. It’s actually a blessing and I wouldn’t change it if I could. Even when saying no means tempers flare or make the meanest mom. I’ll take it.
I pulled my friend close and I said these words, “Listen, I know strong-willed children are challenging. They push our buttons, they make us question our parenting. We cry and beg for answers. But they are used by God to transform us. They show us our humanity, our weakness and mostly how much we need Jesus. We want our determined, fierce kids to stand up first to us so someday they can stand up against the world.”
I thought of my own strong-willed girls who have stood against most of my food and friend and fashion suggestions for years, only to see them stand up for faith in the face of a culture that lacks it.
The beauty of strong-willed children is that they are strong.
They will try and lead and manipulate us; starve and dress themselves and win every argument. Their determination will embarrass and thrill us all in the same day.
We will beg and barter and bribe. We will question every move we make and cringe at every fit. But we will remember that their fierce determination is channeled into velvet strength and these kids who won’t give up their will, also will not give in.
Yes, they chase hard after what they want, but they also chase hard after what’s right.
So, listen close, mom of the strong-willed child, be encouraged. That little one will change the world.
But first, she will change you.
This is beautiful and so accurate. A strong willed child does change us in such wonderful ways. In was never patient, until there was Hayden!
Thank you for sharing! I am going to save this, some days I need this reminder!
Kristen, I’m a long time reader of your blog but this is my first comment. I feel like you’re my online mentor! I often have your posts speak straight to my heart. I’m a young mum of very strong willed two year old boy and needed this encouragement today. He sure is changing me!
Wow! Great word and very true. My strong willed child has definitely changed me. She also has allowed to see myself in her. Which gives me a great understanding on ho to deal with her. Because I know me. LOL
Thank you for this, Kristen. I needed this today, after having a day yesterday where I was in tears over parenting my strong-willed little girl feeling so guilty for losing my patience with my sweet girl:) As challenging as it can be to parent a strong-willed child, I know that her strength and independence will serve her well in the world.
Lovely to read and well written. My 1 year old daughter is very strong-willed already.
I enjoy reading your blog regularly it truly inspires me to be a better mom/blogger/sister/wife. I would love to have to join me on my journey as a mom too. Stop by my blog http://www.cincitystyleedition.com and see what my family have been up too or what beauty finds are new on the blog.
My four year old daughter would certainly fall into the strong-willed child category. Thank you for sharing this as it helped me understand her.
I always thought all toddlers were strong-willed – I know my are! And while it’s a challenge sometimes, I would certainly rather them be leaders and world-changers than simply go-with-the-crowd or take the easy non-confrontational way all the time (although, blessed are the peacemakers!). I suppose some people might consider me a rather strict mom, and I often struggle finding the balance between encouraging my children to question/challenge me and expecting obedience just because I’m their mom and God has placed me in authority over them. I read recently that children learning to obey their parent now helps them to obey God later. God doesn’t tell me why or change his mind because I whine. And yet He’s full of grace. Amazing. Something I aim for in my parenting, and yet I’m sure fall short of most of the time.