Nearly two years ago, I dropped shrunken dried bulbs into what I hoped would become a flower garden.
I didn’t know that bulbs have a top and a bottom. I planted them upside down and covered them with thick dirt.
I buried hope in the ground upside down.
Stay with me.
Did those large dormant seeds even stand a chance buried in the darkness ?
Here’s the incredible truth about a seed: because it was born to grow, it reaches for the light.
I don’t know how it happens, but somehow in some scientific magical way, underground upside bulbs slowly turn themselves right side up and reach for the sun.
Something hard—and beautiful — happens in the darkness.
It’s difficult to describe the last six months.
When the floor gave way on March 3, 2022, I found it challenging to stand firm. My first reaction was to cling and control.
This became a physical, spiritual and emotional free-falling. Flailing.
Mercy House was displaced. So was I.
Everything felt unstable, out of balance. Temporary.
Painful. And I don’t just mean the ministry I lead— my marriage, parenting, me. Darkness threatens everything.
I Cor 15:58 both mocked and made me: “Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
Here’s the thing about being buried: it’s not wasted.
Keep going. Keep toiling. It’s not in vain. No matter how hard it is. Even if it’s fruitless.
Even if your standing firm looks like crawling on the floor.
Jesus redeems everything.
“Jesus’ words to his disciples are just as true for us today. We will weep and mourn. We will have sorrow. And our sorrow will turn to joy. Today, in the tension of pain that persists, we are living the reality Jesus named. Here we find the descending, rising rhythm that creates our new life. As Henri Nouwen says, “It is the way in which pain can be embraced, not out of a desire to suffer, but in the knowledge that something new will be born in the pain.” KJ Ramsey
I’m back on firm ground today— physically, mentally, spiritually— in all the ways. Oh, I still battle anxiety, fear, and doubt, but just in the regular Kristen-way.
Pain birthed a deeper dependence in me. It forced my hand open—instead of clinging for control, in my fragile state, I had no choice but to be held.
A spring, summer and fall passed and nothing erupted from the ground where I planted those bulbs in the front yard.
I thought they had given up … that the darkness had overwhelmed them… that my planting error provided them with no way out.
It turns out they just needed more time. They shouldn’t be blooming today, but they are. We don’t always grown on schedule.
Don’t give up, dear friend, Jesus is working in the darkness. He promises something new will be born in the pain.
“We don’t always grow on schedule,” really speaks to me. I’ve always considered myself a late-bloomer; but maybe I’m right on God’s time schedule.
Praying for you and MHG to have tremendous growth.
Pain helps to grow.
You write so beautifully. Thank you for expressing hope and reminding us all that even in the darkest times Jesus is working something beautiful in us.
What an encouraging and accurate word. Today, ten years ago I was in the middle of a 21-day coma after suffering a brain hemorrhage. It would be another 3 months before I returned home after re-learning to breathe, swallow, speak, walk, and talk. Statistically, of every 100 brain hemorrhage victims, 90 will die. Of the 10 that survive, less than 1 will live without significant disability. By the mercy of God, I am fully functional and live a very active life. And the $4.2 million hospital bill – God made a way there also. I had to LEAN and LOVE in a completely different way. Without control of much and I needed to become excited with a new reality. We are like breath on a cold winter day – a vapor. Now I look for ways to do ONLY my part and let God do His. God’s vision is far greater than our own sight.
Thank you for this beautiful message of hope, Kristen.
Wow – this is beautiful! (And since I do not have a green thumb, it speaks extra to me!) You and Mercy House are in my daily prayers.
I am not sure why I haven’t stumbled upon your blog before but I am grateful I read it today. I am reminded that God is working with me in The darkness. I can’t wait to see the colors of God’s tapestry when His Light shines through. I pray daily for Mercy House Global and God’s protection.
Thank you for sharing, Kristen. I don’t watch any other ministries that have had unexpected hard things over and over. While we don’t compare hard, we’ve had enough in our life, to land in those places of darkness, hurt, and total weariness. We find God many ways in it all, often at just the right time through someone else’s stories of transparency and God’s faithfulness. You’re not alone. We aren’t either
So, so good. Thank you for writing this. I’m glad you’re better 🙂