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You are here: Home / Archives for entitlement

entitlement

The Christmas I Got What I Asked For (And What It Taught Me About Entitlement)

December 6, 2017 by Kristen

I’ll never forget the first time I told my husband not to get me anything for Christmas.

It was the year he got me exactly what I’d asked for.

Nothing.

I watched my kids open their gifts, snapped pictures of their excited faces, made a big breakfast feast and I waited. I knew he was going to pull out a surprise gift.

But he didn’t. And I was disappointed.

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Inwardly, I felt like such an ungrateful brat. He was doing exactly what I told him, but the problem was I still had expectations. I still wanted…something.

A couple of days after Christmas, he brought home a belated gift and I said thank you, you didn’t have to. We both knew I had missed the point of Christmas.

A couple of months later, I traveled to Africa for the first time and my life–including my expectations and entitlement– wrecked me. I had no idea this yes would turn my life completely upside down.

There are expectations with Christmas. And with expectations, comes disappointment. And disappointment is the breeding ground for ingratitude.We’ve had our fair share of all of the above in our house.

My youngest is in her last year of elementary school this year. She came home the other day and we had this conversation:

“Mom, my friends and I were talking about Christmas presents. Everyone was telling how many presents they each open on Christmas morning. I told them I get three gifts. The other kids couldn’t believe it. Did you know other kids get 10 or even 20? I think they felt sorry for me,” she said. I could hear the longing for more in her voice. It was a good opportunity to talk about expectations and how gratitude turns what we have into enough.

I spent the first few years as a mother giving my kids everything I wanted them to have whether they needed it or not and I failed to see that I was creating an atmosphere that would be difficult to change.

We all know how hard parenting is… But if I’ve learned anything in this parenting journey, I’ve discovered that entitled kids start with parents who entitle them. And if we are really honest, we might admit we struggle with our own list of things we think we deserve.

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Here are 4 ways to battle entitlement this Christmas season–for us and our kids:

1. Give back on Christmas Day | Look for a way to do something tangible for someone else on Christmas Day. For 6-7 years, we’ve taken treats to the local hospitals that took care of our youngest when she was born premature. It’s always a great way to stop in the middle of celebrating and remember someone else. Invite a single person over for Christmas dinner or visit someone who might feel forgotten…

2. Don’t forget to create opportunities for hard work | Grace and salvation are free, but stuff we want isn’t. Sometimes this is more obvious at Christmas (especially if we don’t get what we hoped for). Typically this time of year, we put up a job list up and give our kids opportunities to earn money to buy Christmas gifts. Two of my kids actually argued over who got to do the job that topped the list: SCOOP DOG POOP. It’s these kind of moments in parenting, that we treasure in our hearts.  Here are 15 ways to teach kids about hard work. (Christmas break is a great time to start).

3. Look for the lesson -When entitlement rears its head, look beyond the demand. | When my kids expect more than I give them, my first reaction isn’t to look for the teachable moment. But I’m learning that’s often what I need to do. I understand I’ve created some of the problem and it’s to be expected in our culture in certain situations. Offering perspective is often a great way to remind kids how much they already have.

4. Make gratitude a way of life all year long | When we make gratitude and thankfulness a priority all the time, kids are more apt to show thankfulness when they get what they want and when they don’t.

Christmas and kids go together. And in our culture, entitlement right along with them. My family will be opening gifts on Christmas morning probably like yours.  Everyone might get exactly what they want or maybe they won’t. But we can start teaching our kids the true meaning of Christmas by making entitled moments teachable ones and thanking them for grateful ones.

2 Comments Filed Under: entitlement

4 Ways to Beat Entitlement & Stir Up Gratitude This Christmas

December 11, 2016 by Kristen

I'll never forget the year I told my husband not to get me anything for Christmas. It was the year he got me exactly what I'd asked for. Nothing. I watched my kids open their gifts, snapped pictures of their excited faces, made a big breakfast feast and I waited. I knew he was going to pull out a surprise gift. But he didn't. And I was disappointed. Inwardly, I felt like such an ungrateful brat. He was doing exactly what I told him, but the problem was I still had ... Read More

3 Comments Filed Under: entitlement, Holidays, Parenting

I Didn’t Just Want Something; I Wanted More

April 14, 2016 by Kristen

I married my husband two weeks before Christmas in 1994. After a week honeymooning, we woke up on Christmas morning in our first apartment with dozens of wedding gifts to unwrap. It was just as romantic as it sounds. After a leisurely morning of opening presents we didn’t pay for, we drove an hour to my parents’ house to a feast we didn’t have to prepare. We were the newlyweds, and we were special. By the next Christmas and our first anniversary, we lived hundreds of miles from home and it was ... Read More

5 Comments Filed Under: entitlement, Raising Grateful Kids

3 Reasons Parents Sometimes Miss the Boat (And How to Get on Board)

March 9, 2016 by Kristen

"My daughter always wants to borrow my clothes," I told my friend over lunch. "Really? That's great! They say that's the highest form of flattery from a  teen," she said laughing. "I think so too, unless I have to dig through the laundry on her bedroom floor when I want to wear them," I said. That story led to a conversation on entitlement that I will never forget. “Oh, I know what you’re talking about,” she said. I wondered what she could possibly be referring to since her three kids were ... Read More

2 Comments Filed Under: entitlement, Raising Grateful Kids

Why I Won’t Give My Kids An Easy Life

January 24, 2016 by Kristen

I skipped church last Sunday with one of my kids. Because sometimes it's more sacred to sacrifice what you should do for what you need to do. So, we did something important: we stayed in our pajamas and divided up the secret chocolate stash and we talked. I think I needed the quiet and space as much as my kid did. I waited and resisted the urge to fill up the silence. After some chatting, this came out: "Sometimes I just want to know why you're so hard on me? Some days everything ... Read More

48 Comments Filed Under: entitlement, Parenting, popular, Raising Grateful Kids

The Book: Raising Grateful Kids in An Entitled World {PreOrder Day}

November 30, 2015 by Kristen

Today is Giving Tuesday. It's a global day set aside for giving back. It comes on the heels of the two biggest shopping days of the year. Yeah, that's on purpose. I don't know about you, but the pressure and temptation to give my kids everything they want is hard to resist, especially this time of the year. The commercials. The wish lists. The "but my friend has it conversations." I want to give them the world. But I also want them to be grateful. Doing both proves to be ... Read More

2 Comments Filed Under: entitlement, Raising Grateful Kids

10 Things Our Kids Don’t Need This Christmas

November 29, 2015 by Kristen

I already feel it--the pressure. Just a peek on social media and I feel like I'm chasing the holidays and I'm falling behind and it's not even December 1. Maybe you feel it, too? It's not just all the busyness and festivities of the pending season, it's the understanding that it's up to parents to make Christmas perfect for our kids. We are supposed to make it magical. The best Christmas ever. I don't know about you, but there's nothing perfect about my life. It's messy. There ... Read More

30 Comments Filed Under: entitlement, Parenting, popular

Dear Kids of America: Nothing Is Free

November 18, 2015 by Kristen

She walked around the warehouse and carefully chose two gifts: a plaid wallet for her brother made in Cambodia and a fair trade coin purse made from a vintage scarf for her sister for Christmas. "Oh, I think they will love these," I told my 8 year old. I told her how much the items cost and she said, "But Mom, you're in charge here. You mean these aren't free?" Oh, honey. We had ourselves a little chat in which I explained an important truth. It went something like this, "Nothing ... Read More

16 Comments Filed Under: entitlement, Parenting

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