When God Doesn’t Make Sense

I’m just going to say it: Sometimes I don’t get God.

Oh, I try. I line up my limited understanding and my perfectly planned to-do list next to His revealed path and sometimes, it’s a terrible matching game.

So, spending this past week in a hospital bed for five days, hooked up to continuous iv fluids, working round the clock to revive my shutdown kidneys (WHAT!?@), I whispered it. “God, this doesn’t make sense.”

I don’t understand why the day before we were to leave for Africa to do work at Mercy House, I went into acute renal failure, as a perfectly healthy young woman. This doesn’t make sense.

As a last-minute precaution, knowing I had a long flight the next day, I made an unplanned visit to Urgent Care to have my lower back pain and nagging nausea checked out. Nothing could have prepared me for a “You will end up on dialysis or worse if you go to Africa tomorrow” speech from an ER doctor.

I knew I should be overwhelmed with thankfulness that I didn’t have this unexpected health crisis in a third-world country. I was, I am–thankful. But it’s all layered with a bunch of confusion and anger as to why it had to happen and the terrible timing.

When my Pastor sat at the end of my bed, I asked him, chin trembling, faith-weakened. Is this satan attacking or is this God’s plan?

He quoted, “The enemy can take no advantage but what the Lord permits him; and He will permit him none but what He designs to overrule for your greater advantage in the end.” – John Newton… His timing was perfect, Kristen.”

Ultimately, the how and why still don’t make sense to me, but I trust Him. I don’t want my plan-it’s one-sided and error-filled.

I want His plan, even if it’s hard. Because in the end, it’s better.

When God doesn’t make sense, He is still God.

[Insert painful dose of honesty] I’M AN EMOTIONAL MESS, Y’ALL….trying to find my bearings and figure out what’s next. I’m waiting on further test results to try and figure out this medical mystery while ironically, feeling very good. I’m also hoping to be cleared to re-schedule our trip. Trying to get needed supplies over, Skyping meetings I thought I’d have in person….

I’ve cried and whined and reminded myself to trust. I’ve felt bitter and angry and relieved and anxious. And finally, just a night or two ago, I whispered it, “What do I need to learn from this, God? What are you trying to teach me?”

I’m leaning into the answer. He is revealing my need for ultimate trust, my desire to control the uncontrollable, my dependency on too much of me, not enough of Him. And the simple fact that I haven’t truly rested in a year.

He is still the One I trust.

Even when I don’t understand.

——————————

A month ago, I wrote a post for (in)courage about darkness and finding my way around in it. I’m sure it’s not a coincidence.


Comments

  1. 1

    says

    Thank you for writing this…..I’m glad to know that although we do have true and complete faith in God and His plans, we can still wonder why this way, or why at this time! Praying for your full and complete recovery, as well as for your next steps for Mercy House!

  2. 2

    says

    I just jumped into your blog a few weeks ago. It is great! When I read about your hospital stay on the eve of your trip, I also wondered what God was up to. I am eager to keep reading to find out. I hope that your recovery goes quickly and well, and am so thankful that you decided to make that trip to urgent care. That was God’s protection. Here is a blog post I wrote about sometimes not knowing what to pray: http://thequantumhousewife.blogspot.com/2011/05/god-is.html

  3. 3

    says

    Kristen, I am with you. It’s mind boggling and frustrating to know you are following God’s plans only to have them derailed. We ask questions, we believe the lies that the enemy whispers in our ear. I raised money for 6 months to go serve in Nicaragua. I was on fire, but scared. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, because I knew I was headed in the right direction, with God’s blessing. 24 hours there, I fell into a 3 foot deep hole, ended up in the hospital and taken off my feet for the remaining 6 days of the trip. I’m telling you, I did not understand. I was depressed and confused. I felt like I had failed God, myself and all the people that paid for the trip. He used those moments to literally change my life. I have been a believer for a long time, but I only started walking with Him during and after that trip. I’m sorry you are hurting and confused right now. I do understand and feel like I have been there too. I am continuing in prayer for you, yourfamily, Mercy House and Maureen. I am praising God for the girls whose lives have already been affected by your faithfulness.

  4. 4

    says

    So sorry to hear about all you’re struggling with! Your pastor’s right… God’s timing is perfect, and there’s got to be a reason why this was for your benefit and to His glory. Praying that your questions will be answered and that your body will heal miraculously.

  5. 5

    says

    In 1998, I came home from China with intestinal infection. This horribly ruined my plan to return there the following summer and spend 3 years. I was ill. It was many months and an upper GI later before the cocktail of antibiotics left me well enough to eat. Somedays I still wonder “Why Me?”. “God…WHY?” And I don’t know that I’m any closer to an answer. Except I trust that his plan was perfect…and still IS. I know what it’s like to lay awake in bed and cry, “WHY?” Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’ve been praying for you, your family, and Mercy House…and I will continue. I know God’s timing will be perfect with what He has planned next.

  6. 6

    Melanie says

    I love how honest you are in your blog entries. Thank you for that.
    I have no idea what God has in store for you with this experience, but I am hopeful that it is something amazing, and that you will be able to see the “why” of all this. It is so frustrating when we have everything planned, especially when it’s extra-special, and then our plans are interrupted.
    Praying for your healing, and that you are able to resume your travels when you are well. Hang in there!! :)

  7. 7

    says

    A loud AMEN to your pastor’s words to you, Kristen. It’s hard to understand when we’re going through it. We always want to know why, how, when. But if we knew it all we wouldn’t have to exercise faith or obedience. As it is we have to depend on Him to take care of us. He’s got you right where He needs you now.

  8. 8

    Lyndsi says

    I’m blessed by your faith and courage through these trials and the vulnerability you show by sharing your life with the world. I’ve been praying for you often this last week. I’m glad to know how to be praying specifically in the week to come.

    Lyndsi in Austin, TX

  9. 9

    Lindsay says

    Your blogs are all so purely honest, raw, and REAL! Thank you! Christianity, in general, would be more enticing if there were more like you! Can’t wait to hear how God “makes sense” of this all for you! Keep the Faith! I’m in nursing school right now to help bring aid to the same cause that you are working with! Can’t wait! But even as I work towards it, God is challenging us with the strangest circumstances. I want to quote a song for you though that my husband sang in church yesterday; “When I don’t know what to do…..I’ll lift my hands! When I don’t know what to say…..I’ll speak your praise. When I don’t know where to go….I’ll run to your throne. When I don’t know what to think….I’ll stand on your truth.” We are joining you in surrendering everything to His strong and faithful plans for our lives!

    • 9.2

      Shari says

      Lindsay – VERY WELL said!. And I agree that Christianity, in general, would be more enticing if there were more people like Kristen. I really feel that reading her book when I say to myself “I’ve been there”.

      Kristen – I’ve been thinking about you & praying for you. Can’t imagine how it would feel to have this sprung on you anytime, let alone the day before such an important journey.

  10. 10

    says

    Friend, I was SO shocked, sad, and surprised when you announced you were being admitted…I told my hubby & my heart was just sad for you, but I am happy that it came out while you were still able to have access to wonderful healthcare, and before it became even more serious. I’ve thought mucho about you guys over the last week, and am praying that His work will still be done. It will, of course. So glad that you’er feeling great now. :)

    much love,

    mandie

    • 10.1

      kristen says

      thanks, sweet friend. Shock is the right word. Btw, got your sweet gift…can’t wait to share it with Maureen.

      • 10.1.1

        says

        I’m so glad- did you find yours, too? I was so worried they wouldn’t arrive in time to go with. Ahem. ;) I’m glad you’re doing better, & can’t wait to see Mercy House through your eyes- and soon! :)

        M

  11. 11

    Kysia says

    Thanks for sharing you struggle. There are times in life where our plans are trumphed for some greater plan that we can not see. Praying for you and all who relate to this situation. It is easy to say “God’s wisdom is greater than ours”. It is far harder to follow and believe it. Keep praying and follow. We are blessed through your sharing as you work through this.

  12. 12

    Maria Matthias says

    Praying for you to have peace in this, and for your family (American and African). He will work even this for good, because you love him and are called according to his purpose, and because He loves you. While you are laying there, please pray for our adoption process to go fast. I know the pain of “wanting to be there, NOW”….

  13. 14

    says

    I can imagine that this is hard but good that you are allowing God to teach you. I will continue to pray as you plan for the upcoming trip. I hope you make another prayer calendar! :)

  14. 15

    says

    Keep the trust, keep the trust, keep the trust. I have no idea why I feel so compelled to write to you–I certainly have no great insight in to His plan either–but I feel it in my heart-bones-soul-gut-everywhere that this was supposed to happen this way. I don’t know why. I don’t know that you’ll know why in this lifetime. Maybe there was an encounter on a plane that was NOT supposed to happen. Maybe there is a playdate your kids are having at the right moment to minister to a friend who is hurting in ways you don’t know that they would have missed if you were in Africa. I don’t know why but I have a total sense of peace about you not going when you were supposed to. I think you should go–it’s not a phew-what-a-relief-they-didn’t-have-to-go feeling at ALL. Just a feeling of–GOOD. This is how it’s supposed to play out. I hope you are able to find that peace sooner rather than later too. And your trip, when it happens, will be a blessing to many.
    It’s easier to trust when watching someone else’s plan, I think. But reading your post, I felt compelled to write to say: all is well. This is happening in God’s way. I wish I knew more but that’s what I feel like I’m supposed to be telling you so I am!

    • 15.1

      kristen says

      in my heart-my gut-I know you are exactly right and I agree. I may never know the WHY, but this was for His purpose. Sometimes His purpose is hard. thank you.

  15. 16

    Adrienne says

    God is faithful. These were the words in one of my most recent devotionals. With much thought and sincerety, you can plug it in at the end of most sentences. Sometimes it is the only answer to “what does it mean”…

  16. 17

    says

    {hugs} That quote your pastor gave you is PERFECT! I printed it out but inserted my name. ;)

    Remember when we were trying to go to Kenya this summer and every ding dong door was slammed in our face? I mean we were willing to pay our way ENTIRELY and yet, no go. Every time I thought there was an opening, it was promptly shut down. I was heart sick. I was mad at God. I couldn’t figure out WHY we weren’t “good enough” to even PAY OUR WAY TO HELP. Sigh. But then I realized quickly that God has a way of protecting us, for whatever reason and suddenly I was on my knees thanking Him for caring so much as to save me from myself.

    I am praying mightily for you. I know I say that all the time, and I know it probably feels like there’s no way that I am, but I do. Even through my pain of not being able to go to Kenya myself, I prayed and prayed for you. I’m not saying this to be thought of as a better person, because I know my prayers are only answered if it’s God’s will for you. But I also know that God has protected you beyond what you could have ever imagined. I fear what may have happened had you not been obedient and went to the hospital for your back pain. I fear your entire family may have perished in some horrific way. Or worse yet, you lived through a horrific event and they did not survive. I believe God saved you in a mighty way. Jeez am I ever debbie downer. SORRY! BUT I really do believe you were saved from by FAR WORSE than kidney failure. For real.

    • 17.1

      kristen says

      gives me chills, Darla. Truly. I know we have so much to be thankful for, even with the questions. xoxo

  17. 18

    says

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

    This is a scripture I go to when there are times I just don’t understand God’s plan. I may not know how, but I trust that IN ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him – just as He will in your situation.

  18. 21

    says

    Kristen,
    I haven’t commented in quite awhile but I am still a faithful reader… My heart has been so heavy for you since I read last week of your not going. I can only imagine the disappointment… to be all packed and ready…. to be certain this was where you guys were to go… to have the kids all ready… you’ve been prepping and gearing up for this for so long… and then to get a very sudden, a very unexpected, “No Go” would just be devastating… and confusing… and disappointing… and frustrating… and I really didn’t know how to comment… seemed anything I thought to say would come across either patronizing or trite.

    I appreciate so much your heart for God’s will.. your desire to serve him fully, where you are, now, and with your family. I Love the way you desire to teach your kids to do the same. And I think your faith in God in the midst of this time of not understanding is commendable.

    I hope you guys can take your trip soon. And in the mean time, I hope you feel God’s presence and peace and His loving arms around you as you wait to find out when… and why… though sometimes we don’t get to see the answer to why… I hope you do.

    Keep shining girl. His light is so bright in your life…. even in the midst of what must feel like a dark time for you. Keep letting His light shine.

  19. 22

    says

    Your faith, no matter how small you feel it is, is an inspiration to me. You are strong! Satan doesn’t want you to be. The fact that you are constantly counteracting his doubts tells everyone you don’t want him to win. God will win! He gives you everything you need to overcome. Stay strong. God bless you!

  20. 23

    says

    Popped over from Kendall-s blog. So glad I did. I’ve been dealing with adrenal failure for the last year or so. I know that I never would have heeded God’s command to walk in rest & take care of myself unless I had been literally forced to. Could be part of your story too? I will pray for you. I’m so sorry- I know this is hard.

  21. 24

    says

    Thank you for your honesty. It is important to share our struggles with each other and to be open with God. Holding it all in or pretending its all ok is not good. I am praying for answers for you, that the doctors can figure out your health and that you can get to Africa in God’s perfect timing.

  22. 25

    says

    Our ways are not His ways.

    I did not say this the other day, but I wanted to–and so, I will say it now.

    I was recently talking with a friend of our family, who told me a story about his grandfather. His grandfather was in the army in WWII. He fell out of his bunk in the army barracks, and broke his back. He was hurt very badly, and certainly did not understand why.

    His entire unit was killed in battle–but not him, because he was not at that battle. He was in the hospital. God gave him a hard trial (then) to protect him.

    When you said why you could not go, I immediately thought of this story, and could not help but feel that you and your family are protected by this. Africa is a changing place, and it is not without violence, on both a grand scale and a small one. Your family is home and safe, and you are, too. I am so glad that you are.

    I have wanted certain things before, and I watched as time after time God wanted me to do something else. I didn’t know what, then. It often has taken years to know, on some of them.

    I attended a women’s conference at our church earlier this year. I would like to share with you some of the quotes on adversity that I heard that have helped me; perhaps they will be a blessing to you as well:

    “The disciple accepts the adversity as a chance to grow.”

    “‘Whom the Lord loveth, the Lord chasteneth’ ; another word for ‘chasten’ is ‘discipline’, which is related to ‘disciple.'”

    “Life cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free.”

    “We need to stop asking ‘why’, because the Lord loves us. ” She continued by explaining that God gives us trials BECAUSE He loves us. He wants us to grow. She said, “Heavenly Father doesn’t let us struggle or suffer as a punishment.”

    As I have looked back over my own trials, I can see that it is during the times of trial that my faith has grown. In addition, during those times, my talents have grown, and I have come to know Him better.

    You might know why after some time. You might never know why, in this life. Nevetheless, “Not my will, but Thine be done.” God has a plan for you.

    I hope that you find peace and health at this time.

  23. 26

    Liz says

    You know I was chatting with a friend recently about a situation and trying to figure out what God might be doing and she smiled and touched my hand and said, “He doesn’t ask us to figure it all out… he just asks us trust Him.” Wise words….

  24. 27

    says

    I am so sorry you are going through this. God can be hard to understand but your honesty and openness, even in your difficulty, is inspiring. I pray that you heal quickly and feel better soon. God bless you.

  25. 28

    Beth says

    Sweet Kristen,
    Recently I experienced a great disappointment with a ministry opportunity falling apart at the very last minute. I was so confused, hurt, and sad. I had sought God’s face and prepared for this trip for many months. Then everything came to an abrupt halt. I was heartbroken and wondered what in the world God was doing.

    In His goodness He reminded me of something I had just read in Lysa TerKeurst’s book, “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God”. Lysa writes about losing an important document for a book she was writing. She says, “Wait just a minute, I thought. I have said yes to God today and had a great quiet time. I just know He can and will help me find this. But for whatever reason, my document was gone and God had chosen not to bring it back. Tears filled my eyes as bitterness started to creep in my heart. Why would God allow this? My friend could sense my despair and gently replied, “Lysa, recently when something like this happened to me, someone told me to look at my loss as a sacrifice of praise to God. It is so hard in today’s abundance to give God a true sacrifice, but losing 2000 words and a whole day’s work would qualify. Give this to Him without feeling bitter.” “Being a woman who says yes to God means making the choice to trust Him even when you can’t understand why He requires some of the things He does. It also means that once you’ve said yes to God, you refuse to turn back, even when things get hard.” (page 16)

    God used those words to bless me in an incredible way. Viewing my disappointment as a sacrifice of praise to Him brought such peace and comfort to my broken heart. My prayer for you is that God will continue to heal your body and bring peace to your hurting heart.

  26. 29

    says

    Hang in there! On Sunday, a doctor in our congregation spoke of “God’s plan v/s a good plan” about his experiences working at a hospital in Honduras once a year for the past 4 years. Pray, take your frustration to God, listen, trust!

  27. 30

    says

    All I can do is wish that I could give you a big HUG.
    This post was for all of us who struggle with “Why?”
    Thank you for writing it.
    Lord, I pray you will heal Kristen. Lord, I pray that Kristen will trust you even though her situation seems unexplainable. Lord, I pray that Kristen will love you even though she feels neglected. Amen.

  28. 32

    says

    I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I do know that God loves you. I pray that you’ll have the opportunity to see His bigger plan in all this. Praying for healing and comfort for you as He draws you closer to His heart.

  29. 33

    says

    Kristen, I appreciate your gut-level honesty. And you know what? I sincerely believe God does, too. I think He WANTS us to be honest sometimes when we feel that “Why this, why now, God!?” coming on. I think it’s okay to say “God, this really stinks and I don’t like it.” Even knowing that God’s on our side and all is within His plan, I think it is perfectly okay for us as human as we are to say that we are not okay with it. Thank you for your honesty and your transparency. I love that you are “leaning into it” and it sounds like your spirit is open and willing to receive whatever He is teaching you. May you hear his voice loud and clear, and receive His patience and mercy. Bless you all, and remember that He is orchestrating this Mercy House in HIS timing and He WILL complete what good work He has begun in you, and through you. Take it easy and rest.

  30. 34

    Deb Wilson says

    I don’t have any fancy words for you…I’m not a writer. But I’ve been praying so much for you. Everytime I pray for you…John 14:1 comes to mind. It can sound so cheesy coming from someone you don’t know, telling you to “not let your heart be troubled”… but really, it’s not from me, Jesus says it to YOU. So I just will pray that you will hear HIS voice louder than any advice or comfort, that ANY one else can try to give.

  31. 35

    says

    My heart hurts for you so badly, Kristen. I think maybe God is just squeezing in a little more glory-getting before you go to Africa. He has this crazy way of using stupid things like kidney failure to make his name glorious. THANK YOU for letting him!! (and for being honest that it’s NOT what you want to do–but you’re doing it)

  32. 36

    says

    Oh Kristen, I’m aching for you – knowing we will step onto a plane headed South in less than a week now. I’ve wondered all these same questions on your behalf and I think I’m now at the point of being just plain curious what God has up his sleeve for you, my friend.

    SO much love
    Lisa-Jo

  33. 37

    says

    I am thankful that I don’t understand God at ALL. I am thankful that I don’ t understand His plan. Why? Because I know how selfish and rightous we can’t help but be as humans. Even at our best, we are so far from God. I am calmed at the fact that God is God and I can’t understand his plan. I need to know that God is so outside our humanism wants and thoughts, that I can’t understand it at all. I would be more anxious about God if I could comprehend it all. We don’t need to understand, we need to trust. That’s the hard part, but yet, it’s what it’s all about here on earth, can you trust Him if you don’t understand ? This is always easy to say yes to, until we really , really don’t understand. Of course, there is no way to build trust except through doing. I am sorry for your health issues, I pray you get well soon and get back to your family, keep up your mission and trust God when it’s hard too

  34. 38

    says

    Kristen: A friend sent me your blog post yesterday because she said that it reminded her of me. I too was called by the Lord to start a non-profit, KidzRAP, to get families serving. I too was in good health and a very active stay-at-home mom until an “ordinary Sunday” (as I call it) afternoon when everything changed. I have now been battling unexplained illness after unexplained illness for over four years. It started with my intestines failing and in bed for six months. Then a black out and convulsions at the beach followed by two years of debilitating at time heart trouble. At first, I too would ask “How can this be Lord. We have sooooo much work to do with the vision you have given me for this ministry!” I have truly learned what Paul meant when he asked God to take away “his thorn” and God didn’t. But what I too have learned is that my testimony is strengthened for those around me who see me “press into” the Lord and serve Him in spite of my illness. I heard Beth Moore say once “People aren’t looking for you to have it all together. They are looking at what happens to you when you don’t.” My prayer is that as your become “utterly dependent” on the Lord right now your testimony will be greater and your team will become stronger as they must fill in the gaps as mine had to do. And may this verse bring you as much comfort as it did when someone gave it to me, “Humble yourself under the mighty power of God after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support and strengthen you and He will place you on a firm foundation.” 1 Peter 5: 6,10

  35. 39

    Season Taft says

    My friend, you may NEVER know why…but in this moment….The Lord can do a work in your heart. Sometimes when we are faced with sickness…it gives us a sweetness more sincere….a smile more endearing….a trust that is immovable. Lean on Him and have Him collect your tears. Your family is watching…be real with them and show them God can be in control even when you cry. When you get scared….tell Him you are scared. When you are at peace, thank Him. Your children and husband will remember this time and the heart you will end up with after this is FAR GREATER than your planned trip. Maybe He felt you needed this instead. Or maybe it’s just all a part of the rain falling on the just and the unjust. Who knows…but Him. Maybe your hubby can buy you the album Scripture Songs, Hidden in my heart…soo soothing. I will pray for your recovery…physical and emotional :)

  36. 40

    says

    Hi there. Just coming upon your blog for the first time. I love your about page descriptions, and I immediate thought of “that” family here in my small town. With four boys and their own parking space at the hospital (ha, kidding), I have heard a multitude of her tales and thought.. wow. Can this really happen? But I think you gently explain the need to give extra grace to those families, and to not judge… Thanks for sharing your world.

  37. 41

    says

    This is my favourite post that I have read on your blog since I started following it a few weeks ago. So many people get tripped up when things don’t go according to plan and I love that you are honest in your disappointment and confusion and yet still teachable and vulnerable in asking God to show you His will and what He wants you to learn. I have been praying for you and look forward to seeing the rest of your journey unfold :-)

  38. 42

    says

    Thank you for being brave enough to write a Blog post that wasn’t happy-go-lucky – when things are anything but in your heart. As one who has been there, and is still holding on to the hem of His robe, I appreciated your honesty. I pray that the doctor’s can figure out what is going on with your body and the Lord will guide you gently in to what He is doing in your heart.

  39. 43

    says

    No quick, easy answer/comment for all this…
    Just…I’m so sorry for how much this wasn’t what you were hoping for, planning for etc…for the scary aspect, the discouraging side…I’m so sorry.
    Praying you’ll soon get a sense of Him in the midst….His plan. I appreciate your words. It’s clear that you are looking for Him, listening for Him.
    Will continue praying for healing and answers…

    • 43.1

      marky says

      Kristen
      Your post made me cry. I can’t imagine your disapointment. But truly you know by know how our God works, his timing not ours. 5 Years ago I had to have open heart surgery, out of the blue, my mitral valve went. I balked kicked cried and screamed, but IF I wanted to make it through the summer, I would have that surgery. Along with it came multiple complications and re admissions to the hospital. I couldn’t understand WHY God had put all of ths on my husand (who was travelling so much for work) and why my whole summer was spent in and out of the hospital.
      Truth be told~ I Still don’t know! BUT what I do know is that GOD strengthened my heart (literal and spiritual) in ways I couldn’t have imagined, I Learned TRULY leaning and trusting to a whole new level and, He proved to me tha GOD is in control. I only share this because I want you to know that I am praying, and on some tiny level I understand your disapointment. continue to listen and lean He will not let you down. Praying for your health to be fully restored!

  40. 44

    Jocelyn says

    Thank you for your honesty!- I am praying… HARD… for the emotional mess you are feeling inside. I cannot imagine the questions swirling around in your head- I’ve had them FOR you the past few weeks and I’m not LIVING it! My heart continues to weep for you in the loss of this… for the excitement, the planning, the yearning, all the work… all of it… stopped at a dead stand-still. Praying that you continue to cry out to God and ask WHY… and that in the next few months you fully feel God saying “this is why, my dear child”. Also praying for COMPLETE healing dear Kristen! If you need anything– I am here!

  41. 47

    says

    Having had some similar talks with God I know this….the question is just as you asked “What am I to learn from this”? He never lets something happen in our lives without purpose…it is just that we miss it sometimes. Praying for you!

  42. 48

    stacy says

    I really love reading your blog because you are so open and honest. The last paragraph you wrote about trusting in Him, wanting to be in control instead of letting God be in control, depending only on myself, an really, really needing to rest….that’s me!! My situation isn’t nearly as bad as yours but it has literaly taken me off my feet. Three weeks ago I slipped on the muddy sidewalk and broke my ankle and tibia. I’ll be in a cast and wheelchair for another 5 weeks. I never knew I had it in me to whine and complain so much. Guess what? I’m having to learn to trust God for whatever circumstances I’m in. I missed the last two weeks of school, had to give up control our graduation and the closing down of the my classroom to the paras I work with.. They did a fantastic job in both areas. I’ve had to learn to rely on others to help me in so many areas…I can’t get down the steps to go outside without help…help washing hair…etc. It’s been torture for miss independent me. And as for the resting part? I knew I knew I was exhausted from work…but,that didn’t stop me from making a 2 page to-do list for the summer. God has had other plans…that’s for sure.
    I’m being forced to stay off my feet and rest…my body sure has needed the sleep! I’ve also has lot’s of extra time to read my bible. No excuses now!

    I will be praying for good health for you.

  43. 49

    says

    I can’t tell you how much this post has meant to me this week in light of a year full of hard (and also wonderful).

    I’m praying for you and your family and the folks with whom you’ll interact in Africa.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>