I never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day as a teenager. Or most other days for that matter.
When I saw my friends and frenemies with flowers and balloons, I acted like I didn’t care. But every girl cares a little. And then in the 11th grade, a boy I liked gave me a handmade card. It was a doomed relationship of 6 days, but I might still have that carefully crafted red and pink construction paper card in my attic.
My 13 year old who is just noticing these things asked me the other day, “Momma, did you have a lot of boyfriends before Daddy?”
I smile and I tell her of a crush or two, and of the unrequited love that makes up my romantic history. Until her Daddy. He was the first one who loved me for me.
Back then, I wanted what I didn’t have…attention, affection, admiration from a boy. Now as a momma of daughters, I’m so happy to tell them I waited for real love.
She smiles a goofy grin, the dreamy-kind, “I like that story. I like that you waited for Daddy and he was your first real love.”
I like it too, honey.
Because he was worth every lonely Valentine’s Day.
There’s a lot of unspoken pressure to give and receive today, even as an adult.
I’m not going to turn away flowers or flush chocolate down the sink, but it’s not really about all that.
We all know what our husbands want today, right? I bet many of us would say it starts with S and ends with X.
Close. (It’s actually an easy gift to give and it’s free (hola!) )
But really our men want more than sex. Our husbands are deeper than that. It’s really opportunity they are seeking, it’s the chance to please their wives.
“Women, this might surprise you, but even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleasured. It might seem like it’s all about him, but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he’ll end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unloved.” -Dr. Kevin Lehman, Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
Knowing that under the layers of desire, there’s the simple fact that he wants the chance to please me is just about the best gift we can give each other.
“And believe it or not, getting enough sex isn’t the point. Nearly all the men surveyed – 97 per cent – said that even if their wives agreed to have sex every time husbands wanted, sex would still be empty if their wives didn’t seem to desire them.
When we say no to sex, we’re usually saying we don’t want sex at that moment. But he hears the much more painful message that we don’t want him. One man said, “When she says no, I feel rejected. ‘No’ is not no to sex; it’s no to me as I am.” By contrast, making the first move once in a while sends a powerful and affirming message to your man.” -Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
Alrighty, girls. I’ve said enough.
Y’all have a sweet day.