I never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day as a teenager. Or most other days for that matter.
When I saw my friends and frenemies with flowers and balloons, I acted like I didn’t care. But every girl cares a little. And then in the 11th grade, a boy I liked gave me a handmade card. It was a doomed relationship of 6 days, but I might still have that carefully crafted red and pink construction paper card in my attic.
My 13 year old who is just noticing these things asked me the other day, “Momma, did you have a lot of boyfriends before Daddy?”
I smile and I tell her of a crush or two, and of the unrequited love that makes up my romantic history. Until her Daddy. He was the first one who loved me for me.
Back then, I wanted what I didn’t have…attention, affection, admiration from a boy. Now as a momma of daughters, I’m so happy to tell them I waited for real love.
She smiles a goofy grin, the dreamy-kind, “I like that story. I like that you waited for Daddy and he was your first real love.”
I like it too, honey.
Because he was worth every lonely Valentine’s Day.
There’s a lot of unspoken pressure to give and receive today, even as an adult.
I’m not going to turn away flowers or flush chocolate down the sink, but it’s not really about all that.
We all know what our husbands want today, right? I bet many of us would say it starts with S and ends with X.
Close. (It’s actually an easy gift to give and it’s free (hola!) )
But really our men want more than sex. Our husbands are deeper than that. It’s really opportunity they are seeking, it’s the chance to please their wives.
“Women, this might surprise you, but even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleasured. It might seem like it’s all about him, but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he’ll end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unloved.” -Dr. Kevin Lehman, Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
Knowing that under the layers of desire, there’s the simple fact that he wants the chance to please me is just about the best gift we can give each other.
“And believe it or not, getting enough sex isn’t the point. Nearly all the men surveyed – 97 per cent – said that even if their wives agreed to have sex every time husbands wanted, sex would still be empty if their wives didn’t seem to desire them.
When we say no to sex, we’re usually saying we don’t want sex at that moment. But he hears the much more painful message that we don’t want him. One man said, “When she says no, I feel rejected. ‘No’ is not no to sex; it’s no to me as I am.” By contrast, making the first move once in a while sends a powerful and affirming message to your man.” -Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
Alrighty, girls. I’ve said enough.
Y’all have a sweet day.
TRUTH…
Such a great reminder. I love both of those books for their honesty and insight.
So happy that today falls on a day our kids stay with the grandparents! They are with their grandparents every Thursday for babysitting reasons, we both work early on Fridays but….WE HAVE THE HOUSE TO OURSELVES TONIGHT!!
Nods
Oh, I just love that book! Thanks for the reminder. I needed that today!
That book sounds AWESOME! need to get that one!!!!
I so appreciate your blog! Thank you.
So true. Ill be getting those books. Thanks for the morning inspiration.
In the words of the prophet Cheap Trick.. “I want you to want me. I need you to need me.”
Truth.
Spoken very wisely!
I love the way you share truth so plainly, Kristen. My husband would totally agree with this. It’s not enough to just have sex, he wants me to want him and he wants to know he can please me. I figure it’s all win-win!
wonderful post!
I can’t say enough good things about the Sheet Music book! We LOVE it
Thanks for being brave and sharing something many people shy away from!
Good words to read this morning. Like many Moms, I often feel exhausted and drained at the end of the day. You’ve helped me shift my perspective a bit on evening activities. Thank you for that.
I happened to be awake extra early this morning, read this post, and was inspired. So…..I treated my husband to a Valentine’s wake up call he won’t soon forget! Thanks Kristen! (My husband thanks you too!)
Whew! This makes me feel much better about the dirty little text I sent my husband earlier today. ;o)
Yep. Thx for the reminder!
Oh and you and I have the same story…my forever boyfriend was my first boyfriend. And all the sweat, tears and gnashing of teeth through the teen years was worth it.
So true – and a great reminder!! Thanks, girl!
Have you read For Women Only?…. one of the best books I’ve read (and re-read and re-read!) Thank you!