If I could give parents one bit of advice concerning their kids and social media, it would be this:
Hold off as long as you can.
Because once that switch is flipped, it’s harder to turn off.
In our culture, kids are interacting online earlier and earlier. And passive parenting in this area can lead to problems in others.
We’ve asked our kids to wait until high school to become active in social media and here’s what we’ve learned so far:
1. Nothing is ever really private | Statuses and pictures can be shared and altered
2. Or permanently deleted | Everything is traceable. I read something really disturbing on Facebook the other day from an old friend and when I went back to show my husband because I was alarmed, it had been deleted. But it definitely wasn’t forgotten.
3. Some things are better said face to face (like apologies or confrontations) | Social media makes it easier for us to be cowardly. We need to teach our kids the value of looking someone in the eye and making things right. Sure, it’s harder, but they won’t forget it.
4. Remember there are real people with feelings behind every avatar | Lately, I’ve been on the receiving end of some harsh words. And sometimes I just want to remind the offenders that I’m a real person. I think it’s good to teach our kids that our (online) words can hurt.
5. It’s okay to disagree with someone’s opinion, but kindness always win | “If you’re not kind on the Internet, than you are not kind.” -Glennon Melton. It’s as simple as that.
6. Don’t let negative comments to your pictures, statuses or no likes at all change how you feel about yourself | This one is especially important to teach our girls. There’s this whole secret online code between mean girls and we have to remind our daughters who they are doesn’t change because of how people see them.
7. It’s easier to attain a bad online reputation than a good one-so watch what you say | We’ve all probably done something online that we regretted. Our words follow us.
8. Avoid drama | We all read and see things we don’t agree with and I want my kids to use self control and click away.
9. Don’t ever mention your location | Predators don’t lure kids at the school bus nearly as much as they do online. Our children need to know the dangers of over sharing.
10. Take a day of rest from social media | Recently, I asked my teen to take a break from social media. She wasn’t doing anything wrong or in trouble. I just noticed she was isolating herself and it would be healthy for her to take a couple of days off. Later, she thanked me.
My life has been changed by a social media love story and I’m so thankful for the online world. Let’s commit to protecting our kids by teaching them how to handle this powerful tool.
I am all for regular social media breaks! It’s surprisingly refreshing. My mum suggested them when I was younger (so, you know, a few years ago) and I didn’t always agree with her wisdom (my mistake) but now I voluntarily switch off, log off and recently decided to deactivate my Facebook account for a while.
This is great advice. We will be waiting to begin social media.
Great points! I love hearing from moms (like you!) who have children several years older than my own.
Don’t have teenagers but the wife and I have already decided against letting them jump on the social media wagon – EVER! Okay, so maybe not EVER but there’s no rush.
I deactivated my own FB at the beginning of May…..I’ve never felt so free nor got so much done! We need to be an example for our children, not just saying the words but doing. I’ve learned after 21+ years of parenting that is what they are looking at anyway….actions.
I love these… Especially those about avoiding drama and taking rest. Thanks for sharing.
Our oldest children (sons) chose to wait till their mid to late teens to participate in social media. Our eldest daughter had a desire around 13 (now 18). We chose Facebook and created a name to share, so that together we could learn the in and outs. Rules and boundaries were establushed. We shared an account for almost two years before she had one of her own. This was more of her doing than ours. She didn’t feel pushed to separate.
I also wanted to wait but computers at school take it out of everyone’s hands. When the program first started and they gave the kids emails a little “friend” taught my youngest how to set up his own email no one knew about. It is sadder and sadder these days – A youtube school channel caused tears for the kid that got made fun of for his speaking voice – we are going to hell in a hand basket!
Our teen boys have access to social media BUT at random times we grab their phones and have a thorough scroll through. If they refuse, the I-things are confiscated. We check everything including private messaging and web browsing history. There have been issues with inappropriate viewing, but we have chosen the tack “It’s not what you’re looking at; I’m more concerned that it will distort what you think real women look like/do”. I don’t think you can really stop what they choose to look at, but explaining that what’s written/shown online is never ever truly gone, my boys have definitely modified their behavior. I believe in blunt, honest and open conversation. It’s working so far (fingers crossed).