I wrote this post more than a year ago about my friend who wasn’t okay. This weekend I read my own words again as reminder that even though I’m not okay right now–it’s okay. My heart is a mess. I’m tired. I’m trying to figure out how to rest and simultaneously continue… Maybe you need these words too…
I sat on the edge of her bed, and she didn’t even look up. I was visiting a friend who was not okay.
It was more than a bad day, it was a sad season for her.
But I wasn’t deterred from my mission to cheer her up. And I tried everything. I suggested fun activities, reminded her of good times, quoted inspiring Scripture, and offered to play encouraging music.
I got an occasional head nod and a shrug.
As I sat there in silence, I thought back to days when I haven’t been okay. Some days I could name the pain I felt and others I couldn’t. And it’s when I thought of my own pain, I remembered what I needed the most.
So I did what I should have in the first place: I hugged her and whispered in her ear, “It’s okay to not be okay.”
She sighed in relief. Permission to not be okay is sometimes exactly what we need.
We sat in comfortable silence for a long time. I reminded her that God loved these days the best — the ones we can’t fix on our own. Because He is there with us. He doesn’t always change our circumstances, and we don’t always feel something new, but we aren’t alone. Sometimes that’s all we need.
She wiped away a single tear and whispered thank you. By the time I left, I hadn’t done much, but it was enough.
Today, you might not be okay. You might be facing a mountain of sadness or impossibility. You might be walking through a valley of despair. You might not even know why you aren’t okay. You might be looking at a scary diagnosis, experiencing a financial disaster, or struggling with a wayward child.
I’ve experienced all of the above.
These are the moments we do everything we can think of to resolve the struggle in our soul. And life sort of feels like quicksand — the harder we struggle, the deeper we sink. The days seem dark and lonely, and our soul is crushed by the heaviness of despair.
And if I’m perfectly honest with you about how I’m feeling today, I’m not okay either. I’ve been sick for days but beyond a cough and cold, my soul is exhausted. I’m burdened and overwhelmed. I’ve bitten off more than I can chew (Mercy House, opening a retail store, out-of-the-country houseguests, speaking and traveling –all this month) and today, I really miss my oblivious days when my biggest concerns were what to buy at Target and how to decorate for fall.
I see how easy my life is in the eyes of those who live such a hard one. And while I admit that I’ve made my life harder to ease the burden of theirs, I also confess that I am weary in well doing. And today, I’m not okay.
“Laying a life up against the chest of His Word, and hearing the steady beat of His heart, is the only soundtrack that strengthens the human heart.” ~ Ann Voskamp
But only one thing can refresh and renew and save our soul. And that’s the Word. Yet, God’s Word is often the last place we turn. It’s crazy to think a book with words can be the answer, but the Word of God is alive, and it cuts to the broken places and heals what we cannot.
The situation or struggle might not dissolve overnight, but we can find solace and comfort in the words He’s left for us:
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff–
they comfort me.
{Psalm 23:2-4}
Today, I’m not okay. I need my soul to rest.
And there’s only one place we can find comfort, and that’s in the quiet space at His feet, where it’s okay to not be okay.
Because one day He will make everything okay.
I needed to read this tonight. I had a horrible day and my soul was unsettled. I I gave myself permission for it to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for writing this.
BEAUTIFUL WORDS WE ALL NEEDED TO READ !! Thank you so much for letting me know it’s okay not to be okay !! IM NOT OKAY TODAY !! LOVING THE LORD AND THE WORDS HE SPEAKS WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL GREAT !! MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND EVEN A STRAGERS KIND WORDS AND ME TELLING SOMEONE THEY ARE AWESOME MAKES ME AND ALL FEEL OKAy ! I’m not okay today and not tomorrow but soon !! Amen GOD BLESS YOU ???❤️❤️❤️????
My soul needed this word tonight. Thank you.
I am desert dry and weary tonight. I have needed someone to say theses words. Listen to Nicole’s newer song. I found comfort in that too. http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=YKGGWGNX
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!
Love this song so very much!!
We, my Husband and I have been struggling for the past 3 years. It’s been a journey that has been filled deep sadness, and confusion. We have felt abandoned not only by our friends but by God Himself.
We have tried to be generous with our finances, our talents and time. Now when we are the ones in need, we feel abandoned.
My heart hurts. I can’t even seem to pray.
This morning a Dear Friend forwarded this post to me. . . . I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear that it’s okay to be where we’re at. And I wept at the renewing of the Word.
It was a refreshing I so desperately needed.
Just yesterday on the way to church, I was feeling not okay. I didn’t have it all together and I hoped no one was expecting much of me because I was sure I’d fail them, let them down. Then I felt as if the Lord were saying He that loves me anyway. Even though not having it all together that morning was probably my own fault – He loves me anyway. Unconditionally. His mercy is great. Our pastor spoke on the 23rd Psalm reminding us that it’s okay to just be a sheep. [It’s okay to be “ewe.”] God is the Shepherd keeping track of everything we miss and providing all things good for us. So many times in so many ways I miss the mark in life. It’s okay. Just keep following His lead.
Thankful for this. Today, I am not okay. My daughter was diagnosed with a life long illness 6 weeks ago and life has been… more than hard. It’s too much for one person to bear. On top of that, things are unstable at my husbands work and all of his time and energy must be put there as he is our breadwinner. So, we are both weary and exhausted and not okay. But this post helps to give me hope that I will be. Thank you.
A timely post for me. My husband of 59 years is struggling with lung cancer and it hurts so to see him suffer. This is not a journey we planned to take but we know the LORD is with us and whatever happens, He knows best!! Our situation is complicated by a son who lives with us (for past 6 years). He has seizures, deep emotional issues and is falling apart about his dad.
Most days I can cling to God’s Word as it comforts and sustains me but there are moments I feel so alone!! Also, music is a tremendous help–I hold on to these words, “…strength for today and bright HOPE for tomorrow, blessings are mine with 10,000 besides!! Great is His faithfulness!!
I am not okay! I am seriously struggling today, but the Lord has given me things like this to help me get through. If only life could be placed on hold while I rest and recharge. Thank you for understanding!
Thank you for this wonderful comfort to know others feel like us! When words don’t come to say , we know God knows how we feel but it’s something good to know others have been or are where we are so in the flesh we can relate. God bless all those who are okay to not be okay and come out OKAY
I am not ok either. My marriage of 36 years has also never really been ok. As time goes by in spite of therapy, it’s not ok. I’m married to a perfectionist – nothing is ever ok or good enough. And that’s not ok- at all. I’m very much alone and feel unloved by him. I have no where to go and I don’t know what to do – my husband works very hard as he’s the bread winner- and yet – I never give up hope that one day all will be ok. Please pray for us.
Miwa, please do a google search for Marriage Helpers by Joe Beam. This ministry is designed to help couples in crisis stay together. It’s okay that your marriage is not okay right now, but I promise it does not have to stay this way. Seriously, please contact Joe.
Praise God for him. Praise God for your marriage. God is making all things well for you both! Keep up praying Truth and strength into your marriage. God wants your marriage to be all that it can be more than you do.
Oh my goodness how perfect are these words for me tonight. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your words have struck a chord and I am realizing it is okay to give myself permission to not be okay? I try to stay strong and not show the pain but it gets so wearing and overwhelming. Sometimes I just need people to see that I just need to rest and maybe need a hug? Bless you ??
I needed this.
God Bless You for these beautiful words of comfort… I so needed this today…Feeling not okay…but knowing that sometimes that’s just where I am… & as you stated it’s really okay to not be okay! ; )!!!
So needed this today. Things have been a little rough lately and I feel a great heaviness. I still know God is going through this with me and I thank Him for that. Thanks for sharing.
This is beautiful
Thank you for sharing. I’m trying to be thankful for seasons and situations in my life that have been and continue not to be ok. I’m thankful that Jesus is the only One to turn to for healing.
Kristen, thank you for the Mercy House. It’s the only ministry that I can regularly physically participate in due to my circumstances and I may come thankful to be able to do something small in foreign missions.
Thank you for this. It’s perfect.
My counselor says I need to stop beating myself up. But I’m not okay, and I wish somebody was paying attention.