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You are here: Home / Archives for Marriage

Marriage

Three Things I Need to Say To the Wives Who’s Husbands Are Struggling With Porn

November 8, 2015 by Kristen

I know.

Click away as fast as you can, right? Nobody wants to read this kind of post.

Heck, I don’t want to write it.

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But for years, I’ve been inundated with emails and phone calls, private FB messages from hurting wives. These are our sisters, our friends, women we sit across from at Bible study: Women who need to talk, who need to know they aren’t alone.

And sometimes, we find out those women are us.

There are new emails, fresh wounds, brokenhearted sisters in my inbox, on my phone every single week. I sat down face-to-face with two just last week.

And with the Internet in our back pocket and available all the time, everywhere, it shouldn’t be surprising. Then I read that the latest research tells us that pornography is a problem in more than 40% of Christian homes and I realize this addiction and entrapment is affecting nearly half of everyone I know. Half of the church. Many of my friends.

So, yeah, I don’t want to talk about it anymore than you do, but we can’t pretend it doesn’t affect us or someone we know.

The first thing I tell women in email and in person is I’m not a counselor. I can’t solve your problems, fix your marriage, or offer you life changing advice. But I can listen. I can nod my head, grab your hand, and I can pray. I also want them to know they aren’t alone. Not only have countless other wives walked this hard road, God is right in the middle of our pain.

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But there are three more things I want wives who find themselves in this difficult place to know:

  1. Freedom is between he and God | My world fell apart ten years ago when my husband confessed his struggle with pornography. I was completely unaware of his private battle and when he laid his burden at my feet, he was relieved, but the weight of his confession nearly crushed me. And as if that wasn’t enough, I immediately blamed myself. If only I’d…, Maybe I could have…With some very good counseling, I begin to understand that my husband’s battle had very little to do with me. It was between he and God. I also discovered that we couldn’t repair or rebuild our marriage unless his relationship with God was more important than his one with me. Pray for your husband’s brokenness. Pray that he wants freedom from sin more than he wants anything else. Because you can build an amazing marriage on that foundation.
  2. Forgiveness is between you and God | I encouraged and supported my husband, but I had my own private hell to endure. My heart was broken. I lived in the middle of forgiving my husband and hating him. Forgiveness isn’t for them; it’s for us. It’s an intentional and voluntary release of fear and hate and heartbreak. It’s a letting go. And no matter what happens in our marriages, forgiveness is between us and God.
  3. Fight for both as long as you can | I was my husband’s biggest cheerleader for freedom. He was mine for forgiveness. There weren’t any guarantees we would make our way back to each other. We were both on our own broken roads. Some men don’t find freedom. Some women don’t stay. Sometimes it’s the other way around. But whether you flee or follow, forgiveness is something you can’t leave behind.

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53 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

Why I Share About My Broken Marriage In My Book

May 7, 2014 by Kristen

She pulled me close and said the words in a hush, " Your book for me is like the book Radical was for you." The words stun. Because I know what that means. I'm looking in the eyes of a woman who is about to turn her life upside down in her yes to Jesus. "We are about to start the book as a family," she motions to her three teens sitting at the picnic table. "Except for that one chapter. We may skip over that one for now." And I knew which chapter she was referring to without even ... Read More

25 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

If Your Marriage is Broken

January 27, 2014 by Kristen

It was 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday in January and we were still in bed. Is there a better way to begin a weekend? My husband flipped to his side and said, "I'm sorry." I stretched and yawned myself awake and that's when I remembered we'd gone to bed the night before irritated at each other. It was a stupid little fight. Aren't they always? It wasn't really about the price of ski pants (don't ask). It was simply the result of two thick-headed people who both wanted their way and ... Read More

559 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

How to Stay Married In America

November 14, 2013 by Kristen

Exactly eight years ago, my marriage fell apart and my world with it. My husband confessed a secret struggle and I was crushed under the weight of it. One day we were discussing fun, romantic ways to celebrate 11 years of marriage without our two preschoolers and the next I was wondering how we would make it to our 12th anniversary. Because while his confession floored me, the real devastation was the realization that my marriage wasn't what I thought it was. 11 years is a lot of ... Read More

84 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

7 Habits of a Hot Marriage in the Middle of Monotony

September 18, 2013 by Kristen

He pulled me into the closet. And closed the door. I could hear kids calling. We ignored them. He whispered, "I miss Hawaii. I miss you." We promised each other back in August, sand between our toes, loving a carefree togetherness we hardly recognized that we wouldn't slip back into the hurried routine and forget each other. It was a free company trip and we took advantage of every second. And now all we have left are the amazing sunglasses his company gifted us. It's easy to make ... Read More

143 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

What Every Husband Needs to Hear

June 20, 2013 by Kristen

  I wrote this to honor my husband on Father's Day, but didn't have a chance to post it last week. Thanks for all the emails and love.   When he walked thru the door, I let out the breath I'd been holding for days. The pinch in-between my shoulders eased and the throbbing in my head paused. My husband was home. He is my other half, the calm to my temper, the quiet to my chatter, the hard shoulder for my weary head. Grief has changed us this year. The easy ebb and ... Read More

22 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

WFMW: 200+ Date Night Ideas

February 14, 2012 by Kristen

We have at least one date night a month. But I'm pretty sure we have just about talked our dear friends into a second dating co-op, so two date nights a month (without paying a babysitter) is looking good. What is a date night co-op you ask jealously? It's just babysitting swapping with friends. You take a turn. They take a turn. It cuts down on costs and my big kids who don't feel like they need a babysitter, but don't really stay by themselves yet, can play or help our friends with younger ... Read More

114 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock

February 5, 2012 by Kristen

Write him letters Go on regular date nights Write his name on lipstick on the bathroom mirror Revitalize the romance with intimate dates Pray together Hide notes in secret places Go to bed at the same time Listen to music together-share earbuds Send him on a scavenger hunt in the house Buy him gifts he will love Hide a treat in his glovebox or desk at work Read the Bible together Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse Praise your spouse to ... Read More

Filed Under: Marriage

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