I took my daughter shopping one night over Spring Break. It’s flip flop and shorts weather down here in Texas about 10 months out of the year, not to mention my girl gets taller every minute. She passed me up months ago.
Shopping with my teenager should be fun. And mostly it is, except for the actual clothes-shopping-part. It’s so hard to find modest clothes. My teen doesn’t even ask for the shorty shorts any more, even though it’s challenging to find anything but in the stores.
“Why do they do it, Mom? Why do so many stores sell such immodest clothes for girls?” She was frustrated. It was a question I didn’t know how to answer. I think about how girls are viewed in this world and in return, how they view themselves. How do I tell my 13 year old daughter that sex sells? But I do tell her. She’s a smart girl and notices that some stores sell padded bikini bathing suit tops to 8 year olds.
It’s time for moms to be offended and stand up to giant stores like Victoria’s Secret and the way they sell sex to our daughters. Their new tween brand is called, “Bright Young Things,” and includes lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on it, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front. Source.
“Our country is replete with an unprecedented number of young girls suffering from eating disorders and body mutilation, while pushing the limits of sexual promiscuity. Is this racy underwear modeled by unrealistically thin girls really the best that we have to offer our girls? In this age when female sex trafficking is becoming a wide-spread crisis, reaching into the depths of our inner cities, is it really responsible for Victoria’s Secret to entice our impressionable young girls with this “come hither” message?
Underwear that reads, “Call me” does nothing but cheapen a girl’s self-esteem while exacerbating the objectification of her God-given femininity. Our children are being objectified by retailers who see them as nothing more than a path to increased profits.”-Amy Gerwing
We live in a world that hates girls.
Too harsh? I don’t think so. Globally, did you know that more than 200 million girls in our world have been aborted or abandoned in what is being called a “gendercide?” Many who survive, face neglect, violence and most likely sex trafficking. We might feel detached from this epidemic on this side of the world, but we aren’t. The Super Bowl is the biggest day for sex trafficking in the world and most major cities including the one closest to me, is a hub for young girls to be sold into sex slavery.
Coupled with the pornography industry, when you consider every second, 28,258 Internet users are viewing nude images of somebody’s daughter, it’s more than disturbing. Source
Yesterday I read about a young girl who was raped. She was just six years old. I’ve heard of horror stories like these thru our work at Mercy House, but this wasn’t in distant Africa. It was in our county, 20-something miles away. I have an innocent six year old and I am sickened by the crime against this child.
And as if all that isn’t enough to turn a momma gray, the surge of aggressive girls taking the initiative with guys at a very young age, trying to lure them into sexual activity has increased dramatically :
What in the world is happening?
What is going on in the hearts of some young girls that causes them to be so assertive? I think there are several reasons for what we are seeing: (from Family Life)
First, the culture is supporting it. Movies, television shows, commercials, magazines, books … they all glamorize sex and intimacy and the right of young women to go after whatever it is they think will make them happy.
Second, we have a whole generation of young men who are confused in their own sexual identity. Are they supposed to be sensitive or aggressive? Leaders or helpers? Many young men today are not being taught how to treat a young lady with nobility, dignity, and respect. Many are growing up without a father or male figure to provide guidance. As a result, some of these young men have no idea how they should expect to be treated by a real young lady.
Third, the breakdown of the family has resulted in a whole generation of daughters who have been abandoned. And in the absence of a healthy, emotional attachment to their fathers and mothers, they’re trying to fill their emotional gas tanks with the opposite sex.
Finally, there’s little or no preparation for adolescence occurring among parents of preteens or early teens. This may be the core problem. When you ask parents of preteens how many of them would like their children to have the same experience they had in adolescence, there aren’t many hands that go up. But those same parents often become increasingly detached as their children move into the adolescent years.
Seven Things We Must Tell Our Daughters:
- You are Valuable:: She needs to know she is important and so valued that you will protect her with rules and boundaries because you love her. There is safety and comfort within those restrictions, even when she pushes against them.
- Your Worth Isn’t Based on Your Appearance:: She needs to be told she is beautiful–not because she’s wearing a sassy outfit or new lipgloss–her worth is not found in her appearance, the opinions of others or herself. She is beautiful because she was created in the image of God. Her appearance has little to do with true beauty and her worth isn’t wrapped up in looking good or being perfect.
- You Don’t Need a Guy:: She needs to hear starting at a young age (but it’s never too late to start telling her). She needs to be told a boy doesn’t complete her, God does. Chasing or enticing or wanting a guy doesn’t make her attractive and it doesn’t make her a woman. The only guy she needs in her life for a long time is her Dad or a father figure until God brings her a husband if that’s His plan.
- You Are Amazing:: Our daughters need to hear we are proud of them. She is enough. Tell her out of all the girls in the world, you’d always choose her. Sadly, she will be tempted to spend a lot of time in life trying to prove her value to others. Create an atmosphere where she is loved, just like she is.
- You Don’t Have to Believe What You Hear:: She needs to hear your affirming voice in her head. Because there will be mean girls in her life, peers with pressure and adults in her world who will let her down and have low expectations of her. She needs to hear the opposite at home, your voice will lead her to Him and she’ll know who to listen to.
- You Have Me:: No matter what happens in life, the ups and downs that will come her way, the losses and gains, our daughters must know we are there for them. She needs to know she can talk to you about anything. Anytime. More importantly, we can show her Jesus.
- You Can Change the World:: She needs to know she can dream big and can accomplish whatever she wishes. She can do so with God by her side and she doesn’t need a boy or society to make it happen. She can be anything she want to be with your help. Stand by her, with her and watch her fly.
I’m raising two daughters in this world and my heart cries for Jesus to rescue us all. But until He does, I can’t always protect or shield them, so I will tell them the truth. I can’t change (all this) in the world, but I can prepare them for it.
“Our daughters are precious, intrinsically valuable and deserve better — they deserve to be cherished and protected.” -Amy Gerwing
edited repost from the archives
Kayla says
Thank you for this! I have a 20 month old toddler and I cringe at the world she has to grow up in. What a huge responsibility we have as parents. Question–I understand the whole meaning behind “you don’t need a guy” teaching, however how do you practically balance that with teaching that men aren’t scum? I see men degraded all the time and pushed away because of that thinking. I want to teach my daughter that yes, you don’t need a man, but God does have an amazing design and plan for a men and women together. Hope I’m making sense 🙂 thanks again!
grace says
My two cents, as a thirtysomething single woman: I wish I had been told that men are great, they’re my brothers, and I need to think of them as cool, complex people just like me who I’m privileged to have in my life (as they are privileged to have women in their lives), but who I don’t “need” to complete me. I think the idea of a healthy, familial INTERdependence among men and women of all ages is a good corrective to that fearful, men-are-animals, overly sexualized view of relationships in the body of Christ. The men in my church aren’t sin traps or monsters, they’re my brothers, and we need deep, supportive relationships with each other as FAMILY first.
I think this is also important because, frankly, women outnumber men pretty dramatically in the American church — some of our daughters, sisters, and friends will never marry. If we see each other as members of a family who are inherently valuable, whose worth, maturity, and participation in the life of the church doesn’t depend on marital status, we are preparing women for a more contented, blessed, connected future rather than a future of confusion and isolation.
Annie says
I wish I had been taught this as well.
Aly says
Kayla,
in response to your question about how should we teach our daughters about men, I believe that it’s important for our daughters to know that men need to be respected. Not in terms of an ego boost, but that they deserve to be protected as well from a sex saturated culture. Little girls can play their part in this by respecting them with their modesty, with their attitude towards them, and by not enticing them sexually. Most little girls, when they like somebody, try to care for them, and the best way to care for them is to protect them from any type of sexual advance. You can teach your daughters that boys are good and wonderful, but also teach them that they need to be cared for just as the girls need to be cared for by keeping their purity intact. just like little girls,boys are and will never be perfect, our responsibility is to always build them up.
sunny says
“Little girls can play their part in this by respecting them with their modesty, with their attitude towards them, and by not enticing them sexually. Most little girls, when they like somebody, try to care for them, and the best way to care for them is to protect them from any type of sexual advance”…this comment really bothers me. “Little girls” can’t “entice” anyone “sexually”….they are little girls. Besides, that’s not my daughter’s responsibility. Teach your sons, as I did the four of mine, that girls and women are not sexual objects. I want my daughter to dress modestly for herself not for anyone else. I don’t won’t her, or any other female, to be objectified.
Adrienne says
I agree, I have 3 sons and it is my job to teach themto respect women, to have sf control and protect their own purity regardless of what women are, or are not wearing.
However, if I had daughters I would teach them to dress modestly NOT because of the men, but because her body is a temple to God and she needs to respect her body by not showing every aspect of it. Her body should be saved for he husband. She shouldn’t dress modestly because society has taught women that men can’t control themselves, but because she respects herself and God.
Melanie says
I agree with most of your comments that girls should do this for their own self worth, but as God-fearing women, we are TOLD to not cause our fellow brothers and sisters to stumble. Unfortunately, a girl scantily clad who is (typically) doing it in order to get a rise out of boys or men, is GOING TO cause another to stumble. It is my daughters’ responsibilities not to cause someone else to stumble by what they do and it is my responsibility to teach them as such, just as much as it is my duty to teach my son to avert his eyes when a girl doesn’t seem to care about his soul…because that’s what it boils down to. Part of respecting God is respecting our brothers in Christ–which is what they are until marriage happens.
Maria says
I hope no one minds if I reply to this not as a mother, but as a young woman in her twenties who recently finished that portion of my life. 😉
I was blessed with an incredible mother and father who somehow managed to teach me respect for myself and respect between the genders without ever having to say a word about it, through example and through the way they treated myself and my brother. I would say the best way to show girls that lesson is through the way you, as their parents interact, or interact with church friends, work friends, etc. My parents were always respectful of each other, and never once did I see any power struggles between them. They both had their strengths and they were not afraid to admit when something wasn’t their strength. They discussed every decision fairly and came to the best conclusion. Because of that, I have never questioned my worth as a female or the fact that I can contribute to life, decisions, and society, I only question whether I am informed enough to contribute on a certain topic (and if I’m not, generally go out and learn more about it. 🙂 )
Another way is through how you treat your daughters in respect to the boys around them. I grew up with an older brother and mostly male cousins in my family, and I never once doubted my right to join them in any activity they planned. My parents never told me, “no don’t go with them, they’re going to come back muddy” or “shooting guns isn’t for girls,” etc etc. I took it for granted that I could join in any of the games I wanted to, and I thoroughly enjoyed running through the woods, playing with GI Joes, swordfighting (or lightsaber fighting, haha) with sticks, playing paintball, or whatever else I wanted to do. As a result, boys were always my friends (and still are), not something to be treated with disdain, or fear, or disgust or anything. I learned that they were just as much my friends as girls, and that attitude kept me in a serious of very steady and non romantic relationships for years, and helped me to find a quality man without feeling that I needed to be dating all the time.
Mary says
I am a grandmother now. My husband and I raised four boys and one very important thing I believe was present for instruction on their behavior was the respect we showed each other. When contemplating marriage as a young girl, I desired to be married to a virgin man and to remain a virgin for the man I married. God was awesome to provide this desire even though my husband and I were not Christians until sometime after we married. We had no scars in that area and consequently could pray for and teach our boys to honor and respect women. If they could not respect a woman, then they should consider that as a message from the LORD to avoid a relationship that could possibly end in a sorrowful ending. I am not saying that a fallen woman who is truly sorry for her actions would not be suitable for my son to love. It is the harden woman who believes her body is a lure for her own gratification that we talked with our sons about. Mothers/Fathers of sons have just as much responsibility to talk honestly with their sons as Mothers/Fathers of daughters. I had a Father who behaved in an unhealthy action that caused great grief for many years. My Mother was a believer and to keep our home in tact, ask him to confess his indiscretion to me, a married woman at the time, and this caused me to turn my heart to God. My Father became a godly role model after that, truly sorry for his behavior. Be honest with your answers is really what I covet with all Mothers and Fathers. A hidden hurt may be a hindrance between parents and children. One other thing that I would encourage mothers to teach their daughters is: when they ask questions about their bodies, sex, feelings about relationships….be truthful in your conversations. If the girls are little, ask them what they think something means before you start explaining as their concept and your concept of the question may be totally different.
Maddie says
Listen to “Average Girl” by Barlow Girl. I think they describe it very well. Play it for her as much as possible. I think it relates very very well to this post. If you disagree, well, at least I only wasted 3 minutes of your life.
Faith says
I think teaching your daughter that she doesn’t need a guy involves teaching her about the value of girls as women and boys as men. BOTH are needed for society, BOTH are designed by God, and as such, BOTH are to be respected and honored. Teaching your child to honor herself as a person, created by God with purpose and meaning, necessarily will involve teaching her the same about ALL people–whether male or female.
Just my two cents.
Amanda says
As a mom of two boys I love this article! I think though these words are important for both boys and girls. Raising our children up with this foundation helps them respect themselves as well as the opposite sex. Important for sure!
Alethea Osborne says
Thank you for this. I have a 12 year old and we have been talking for years now about the sexualization of her generation. She is sickened by what the stores sell for shorts and tops. The underwear don’t even go there. She asked me why the stores sell this stuff and I told her the truth.
Sex sells. The sad part is that sex is viewed as no big deal and everyone should be engaging in this activity no matter what age. Problem with that is that young girls are confused. Their favorite shows they see girls extremely skinny wearing inappropriate clothing. My daughter has taken to wearing boys basketball shorts because they are long enough for her. She wears tshirts because she can’t stand the shirts they sell for her age. And with her being in the junior sizes, there is no appropriate bathing suits. Our WalMart only sold bikinis. NO one pieces except for plus size women. I know it sounds extreme for her to go the opposite way, but she is confident in who she is, stays out of trouble, doesn’t hang out with girls that are very sexual, and one of our favorite shows is the “Duggars”. I know it is reality tv, but there is something so refreshing about them being so modest and so non sexual. It is our favorite hour to spend together on Tuesday nights.
Thanks again.
This was so great to read.
Alethea
Ebony Arts says
Here is a website for modest swimsuits. http://www.reyswimwear.com I love their slogan. “Who says it has to be itsy bitsy”
Becca O says
We love swimsuits from Lands End they have a lifetime warranty. My girls each have a swim dress for actual pool days. Plus a rash guard and board skirt for things like going to the beach where they will be running around.
Maria says
She sounds exactly like me at that age, and for some years after as well. There’s nothing wrong with going a little extreme in the opposite direction. She’ll learn a bit of femininity when she’s ready, and she’ll be much more balanced for it! 🙂 Sounds to me like you’re doing a fine job.
Melissa says
Try Speedo or Dolfin, my girls started wearing them after they joined swim team. They are completely practical and do come in cute patterns.
Leslie says
Great article! As the mom of 11 and 13 year old daughters, this kind of advice is invaluable to me. I especially love #3. It grates on my very last nerve when grandparents/family/friends ask my daughters if they have a boyfriend. NO, THEY DON’T HAVE TIME FOR A BOYFRIEND. THEY’RE TOO BUSY BEING LITTLE GIRLS! And my 13 y/o has expressed the same feelings as yours about clothing options in stores. Its hard to be modest, but I’m proud that she even notices or cares.
I, too, have a past that I am not proud of. I hope and pray that my girls feel more valuable than I did at that precious age.
Nikki says
The scariest thing to me about all of this is that stores sell these types of clothes because people buy them. They only stock what sells, so people are buying this trashy stuff for their daughters to wear. It scares me for the children’s sake, and it sickens me for the parents.
Cinda K. Hise says
Yes, Nikki. And many of these parents are attending church. It is so refreshing to hear a Mother actually say that she is avidly looking for modest clothing and teaching her daughters to do the same. It seems that all I hear lately from mothers is how cute the clothing is . . . while fathers give up the battle.
Cinda K. Hise says
Very well written. As a mother to boys, I must insert that boys are hated, too. It is an evil thing. We are facing many battles in this old world and faith and prayer are our only resources. Praise God that He has won the war.
Amy Tilson says
Amen! We boy moms have to deal with those same stores as we walk through the mall trying to shield their little eyes, minds and hearts, too. Your 7 things are great to teach them as well. What a crazy, broken world we live in.
Mandy says
I agree, 100%. Our girls are growing up in a world where they are constantly bombarded with what everyone else thinks makes them “women.” I tell my daughter what my mom always stressed to me: there’s a difference between a woman and a lady; biology makes you a woman, but how you act makes you a lady.
Our daughters need to know that God loves them and that we love them, because it is only then that they will be able to truly love themselves. They need to know that they are beautiful, strong, courageous, and capable because God made them that way–and that’s so much more important than what the world tells them they are.
My own post of what I want my daughter to know:
http://lifefaithful.blogspot.com/2014/05/what-i-want-my-daughter-to-know.html
Myssi says
Just the other day I was in the parking lot at our library in the pouring rain. There was a young girl maybe 15-16 standing by her boyfriend’s car and he was in her face screaming obscenities at her. I had my five young kids with me and didn’t want to say something to him because I felt it would make him more aggressive. I stood in the lobby out of the rain watching to make sure she was okay. When the boy sped off in his car leaving her standing there crying I went outside to her. I asked if she needed a ride somewhere she said no that she’d call her mom. She had mascara running all down her face and she just broke my heart. I asked if I could give her a hug. I looked into her eyes and said “honey your worth is not found in what some guy thinks about you.” Her eyes filled up and I could tell those words struck something in her. Like it had been a long time if ever since she’d heard someone tell her that. I again offered my help but she said no and apologized for the words her boyfriend was using in front of the kids. He ended up coming back and she ended up leaving with him.
Sarah says
I have two daughters too- littles, 1 & 3, and worry about the day when they’re going to emerge from the world of princess and dress up to see what life actually is like. Thanks for give me some solid truth to stand on as I follow your steps.
Marty says
AMEN!
Great post!
Elena says
I heard a mother say to her teenage daughter, “You have to show what you got, girl. Hopefully a boy will get trapped on you for that, since you have no brains!”. Immediately, the mother handed the girl a t-shirt with a neckline that showed more than what I wanted to see!
Isn’t this sad?
My mom was/is not perfect, but she did take care of me in this sense. Not only with her words, but with her example, as I never saw her wearing a shirt that would “show what she got”. I want to follow her example, and as a mom, I also want to protect my girls. After all, even the looks of perverted man on our girls can easily be counted as another form of abuse. Don’t you think?
I pray we, as moms who fear the Lord, become wise on being an example of modesty, and helping our girls be modest and wise too.
Thanks for your post.
Elena, from Ecuador (South America)
Michelle says
Hello Kristen, thank you for writing this.
My daughters and I have talked many times about this topic. Their daddy and I continually remind each other to remind our daughters who they are as God’s unique and wonderful creations. There is indeed a roaring lion roaming the earth seeking those whom he might devour. But he does not have the final say!
Louise says
It is so hard to raise girls in todays world. I took my 8 y.o. Bathing suit shopping and picked a one piece out. When she tried it on the v neck went all the way past her chest halfway to her belly button, really?? When she was 7 she was running with a friend who was faster and she wanted to be faster, so I told her she needs to run more so that she can get faster also it is all about practice to improve. She looked at me and said “Mommy, do you want me to be thinner?” I told her no, I want you to be healthy and happy. There are plenty of unhealthy thin people who can not run fast. We just had a talk about bodies again yesterday, so it is obviously on her mind a lot. I always say, it doesnt matter what you look like, as long as you are healthy, happy, and have a wonderful heart…which she does. It is sad that 8 y.o. girls are so concerned about their bodies. They should be climbing trees, riding bikes, reading books, etc., not worried about how they look or others think they should look.
loretta says
There’s one more thing you need to tell your daughters: I will love you no matter what. You can do al of the above, but your daughter (or son) is still a sinful creature who can make wrong choices. My daughter and I had all of the above conversations, she worked hard to dress modestly (and cute), but she struggles with sexual temptation and has fallen. But above all, she has known she could come to her father and I, no matter what, and we would love her and pray for her.
Niki says
Loretta….I think this is the best view of all. (Along with #1-#7.) :)) Love them no matter what. Because it is a fallen world, and we are sinful people, and our kids are not us. If they make a wrong choice, God can redeem even that. Even one who falls into sexual sin. He is so much bigger than any of our mistakes.
Kim Adams Morgan says
I love everything about this article and can’t wait to share it. We live in such a broken world. I fear for the grandchildren I will one day have and how bad it will be then.
Jaci says
I love this! I’m 28 days away from having my 3rd child but first girl! I’m hoping to instill all of these things in my daughter, though honestly I’m overwhelmed at the practical side of it! How do I do this naturally throughout the days weeks and years that “it’s not too late”?
Sujata says
Hi Kristen,
Your article has made my belief stronger, that I’m not crazy, thinking on the same lines. I have two daughters, aged 19 and 14. Although sometimes, I think they might have hated me for putting boundaries, but now they understand and I’m proud of them, for who they have become.
Tom Vander Well says
Amen! Thanks for summarizing it so well in tangible ways. FWIW, here’s the way I tried to speak into the hearts of my daughters:
http://tomvanderwell.wordpress.com/2010/10/19/loveable-valuable-and-capable/
jen kelley says
Thank you for this amazing article! I have an almost 2 yr old daughter and I tell her this stuff every day. I also tell this to my 7 yr old step daughter. I only hope that this message stays with them.
Michael says
Or maybe tell 1-7 but leave having to include God in said advice, because really you are just teaching her to lean on an imaginary and judgmental father figure up in a shiny place called heaven who created woman to be subservient to their husbands. Woman Are amazing all on there own and they DO NOT have to have God in the picture to be amazing people. If they want to believe in Gob more power to them but it is not necessary to be great
sheila nawrot says
This comment was unnecessary and cruel. This mom has a Christian world view and thus writes from that perspective. If you disagree so be it. Believing in God is a choice. If you choose not to hooray for you. When people write articles that don’t come from a faith based world view do you applaud them for NOT including God in the story? I would guess not. Why you read the article in the first place is beyond me. Could you not tell from the site itself that this was going to be an article from a Christian point of view? For the record, she was speaking to moms and dads who share her worldview, not trying to convert anyone to it. Comments, like yours, that query the very idea that she would dare to speak of her belief in God in regards to the objectification of girls was, as I began, unnecessary and cruel. Don’t like it? Don’t read it. Simple as that.
Lauren says
From my non-Christian POV, this was still a very useful article, even if it did use the word “God”. If you (like me) personally don’t believe in God, then you can reword it when you tell it to your own kids.
I teach my kids (and my nieces and nephews and little sisters, for that matter) to respect other peoples’ religions, and to choose their own in their own time. It’s a big question. I didn’t know my answer to it until I was an adult. In the meantime, they benefit from my extensive knowledge on all religions when they have a religious question, and if they want to learn more I have no problem taking them to an appropriate place of worship or arranging a meeting with someone for them. We have lots of friends from all different faiths, and studying religions has been a hobby of mine since I was 12.
What I don’t teach them is to ignore anything to do with God. Often whatever was said is a topic for discussion, and we discuss whether or not the point is still a valid one if we take “God” out of it. Or if the idea of God might be replaced by other ideas if someone else was saying the same thing.
My 5 year old is really in to Veggie Tales lately, and he understands that most of the characters were real people in history (“a really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeally long time ago”). He also tells me that some stories might have happened “a little bit that way, but not really” – meaning the stories might have been embellished. He can also pick out the lesson and tell me how it might apply to him and his friends today.
My 12 year old little sister has decided (at least for now) that God is a concept, He is within us, and what we really mean when we refer to “God” is our love, hope and respect for ourselves. In her view, prayer is a form of meditation to find strength within ourselves.
MATT says
ONE COULD ARGUE THAT YOU PERPETUATE THE PROBLEM BY ADDRESSING ONLY WIVES AND MOMS. I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS TOO.
– DAD
Kathy says
Check out Yellowberry company.com for bras for teens. Colorful non-padded bras and a great new company story.
,
sheila nawrot says
Thank you for this! I too pray for Jesus to rescue us. We cannot be of this world only in it. It is increasingly hard to fight. Your words give me ammunition and hope!
Amna says
Great article! I have 3 girls 8, 5 and 2 and I agree with all the things said in the article. I am a Muslim and choose to dress modestly (cover legs, arms and hair and loose clothing) and want my daughters to make the same choice eventually (can’t force these things) and what I saw in this process is that girls’ nature is very pure, very innocent, shy and all you need is nicely remind them on a regular basis and lead by example; i see more and more moms trying to look like a teen while shopping with their daughters, putting pics on FB and when their similar age-crisised friends comment that they look “hot” they are highly grateful and over the moon. It’s all the little things that matter the most, which shows parents like, which magazine they pick up to browse in the grocery isle. May God protect all our children. Amen!
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Christy Reed says
Thank you for sharing. I’ll keep these in mind when I’m married and have children. 🙂
Lauren says
Have you checked if she will fit into any of the adult brands? Maybe petites? I was always tall for my age, so by the time I was a teenager I could shop in the places my mom shopped, and I had a lot more luck finding modest clothing there. My favorite as a teen was Cotton Ginny, but I think they might just be Canadian.
I also wore boy’s jeans for as long as I could, but hips started making that difficult 😛 I still buy men’s board shorts, though.
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JusticePlague says
I’m not religious (rather the exact opposite) but this article rings so true. So true, I sent it to my fiance so he’s already preparing himself for raising a little girl in this world. I’ve a daughter from a previous relationship (she’s 2, going on 3) that he treats as his, but we’ve got a little girl on the way now. At some point, the reality is going to sink it, better now than later.
Siobhan says
“my heart cries for Jesus to rescue us all. ”
Why wait for Jesus to rescue? I mean really, I’m not waiting for anyone to “rescue us” – I will take action myself and be proactive in raising my teen daughter to be a valued, independent, productive person in our society. If we wait for Jesus we’ll be waiting a long time and he’s not going to be doing anything helpful that’s for sure.
Anon says
I would also like to add: Love never includes physical violence. Teach your daughter that if a boy is picking on her at school it DOES NOT mean he has a crush on her. Boys who like you will never pinch, tease, call you names, etc. When we tell our children “he’s only teasing you because he likes you” we are teaching them that abusing/being abused is okay. What starts out as innocent playground fun may evolve into domestic violence as adults. What kind of message do you want to send to your child? Choose your words carefully.
Mali says
This was such a helpful article. I was reading this as a daughter and I agree with everything. I am in my early teen years and it is horrible walking in public places seeing girls my age and younger showing off all of their skin and basicly giving it all away. I think that there should be more modests opptions in stores especially in the summer. Unless I wear boy shorts or pants it is almost impossible to find bottoms. Not to mention in the summer where i live it gets to almost 40c. There are ways to make modest clothes stylish and suitablefor summer but we as teens need clothing stores to work with us a little.
ALAIN DUMONCEAUX says
Hi Kristen,
Great article. Your words inspired me to add the 7 things to tell our daughters to this week’s topic for my men’s group, The Objectification of Women. In my group, we meet weekly and discuss poignant topics regarding what being a man is in today’s world. This particular topic is part of a larger module I call The Man Box. In it we explore all different sides of how boys are raised into men with faulty beliefs and attitudes. I am sure the men in the group will really enjoy your words of wisdom. Take care and thank you.
Alain