I sat straight up in bed in the middle of the night, heart pounding.
“What is it, honey?” my husband asked groggily.
“Do you think she knows not to call boys? Have I told her that yet?” I asked.
He sighed.
It’s hard letting your daughter turn 15.
I remember being 15 years old. I think I cried every day that year, always trying to figure out how I fit in a one-size fits-all world.
She is more woman than girl now and she longs for independence and understanding. I’m learning to give her a little of both. She is strong—the change-the-world-kind.
Three years. That’s all I have left with my daughter at home. I long to teach her so many truths. Even though I know life is a great teacher and she’s got my stubborn streak. Yeah.
Last week at church, I watched a mom hug her 30 year old daughter goodbye as she and her family prepare to be missionaries in Africa. I cried seeing the look of pride and brokenness on the mother’s face. I don’t know where life will take my daughter, but I’m holding on a little tighter and learning to let go a little more every day.
And I’m making a list of the lessons I want to teach her (or continue to) before she leaves home:
- Less is more–less makeup, less skin, less perfume, less selfies
- There is a difference between being alone and being lonely: Life can be lonely, but you are never alone because God.
- It’s okay to be alone.
- One good friend is better than 10 who just like your new shoes.
- If in doubt, always wash your clothes in cold water.
- Failure is often a better teacher than success. Even though we usually prefer one over the other.
- Don’t pursue a guy. If he’s into you, you’ll know. You don’t have to call or chase or change who you are. Just wait. The right one will come (you know, when you’re much older).
- You are (skinnier) than you think (prettier, taller, ____ fill in the blank). Embrace your looks. It’s a great way to say thanks to God. Looks aren’t everything, so don’t make everything about the way you look.
- Always carry a little cash in your purse.
- Make your bed. You’ll wake up one day and want your kids too (ask me).
- Compounding interest.
- People are more important than things. Always.
- Laugh at yourself.
- There’s nothing shameful about pausing or quitting a career to become a mom.
- A boyfriend doesn’t make you something you’re not.
- Save more than you spend.
- Procrastination always catches up with you.
- Serving and giving to others feels immensely better than serving and giving to yourself.
- This life is temporary. God is eternal (remember that on a hard day).
- Don’t wish away time. It’s a gift.
- Don’t waste your money on glamour and beauty magazines that tell you what you’re not.
- Be grateful for everything.
- Believe this: you were created to do something that matters. Don’t waste your life on things that don’t.
- No matter how far you travel away from me, I will always, always be closer than you think.
Thank you! I only have boys, but aside from the few girly ones (makeup and glamour magazines) I’m taking this list for my boys.
Great idea. Please do the same with my book, Rojo, The Baby Red Panda at the Zoo. I created Rojo to be a female, but certainly want boys to be able to relate to all the lessons Rojo learns from her mom that even though she’s not “big” or “black and white” or whatever society says a panda should be she IS the original panda and made just the way God intended. Check it out at your favorite online retailer in hardback or eBook. Red pandas provide a great venue for teaching our children those lessons we want them to learn.
Adding to #5: If in doubt, wash your clothes in cold water, then hang to dry. If it says dry clean only – then don’t attempt to wash….or don’t buy it in the first place. 🙂
This was so “spot on”! I have a daughter close to her 30’s who just married. Guess I hung on a little too tightly since she waited until the right one came along. She was my best friend (although I’m pretty sure I wasn’t hers). It took me 3 mos. to grieve the loss of that close relationship – as I rarely heard from her – 3 mos. later she started to call again & confide in me. I realized I hadn’t lost her / the relationship changed but it’s still there – only different. You don’t have as much time as you think. Make sure you have a life outside the relationship of your children – don’t put your eggs all in the same basket – and remember you only have a short span of time to teach & model what you want your child to learn.
My little are still very young, but I LOVE your blog and want so much to raise my beauties to know the Truth you share! Thank you!
I needed to read this for myself at age 35! Definitely great things to teach my daughter (she’s only 8…but it starts early).
Such a great list! The list would make a great Valentine’s gift for each of my 3 daughters. I’ll frame it and give YOU all of the credit!
I wonder if parents ever lay down their lesson plan book . . . Your desire to cram in all you can while there is time goaded me into some ideas for our adult kids:http://autumngarden-bwsmith.blogspot.com/2015/01/lessons-still-to-be-taught.html
Raising our 3rd at this age (it is a different ballgame every time) I was feeling that panic that we have one year maybe two & then all bets off of how much influence/time with this precious girl God gave us to keep us young. Thank you for the reminder to be intentional on some of the things I want her to take when she ventures out. It is a joy to watch our children become their own person when they make wise choices & draws us to our knees when we think they might not. I’m realizing I cannot be on my knees for my children & now grandbabies nearly enough. I’m thankful that I can do my best & trust God for the rest.
Mother of 29yr old, 28yr old, 16yr old, & grandbabies 4, 22 months, & 12 days. 🙂
I would earnestly suggest that you amend number 7 to include teaching on the fact that some people remain single, sometimes by choice and often by circumstance. You have to start early with this one, and they cannot hear it too often.
I wholeheartedly agree. We should not promise that the ‘right one will come along.’ This is not helpful for those who do remain single far longer than they would choose. I found my last few years of being single (in my 30’s) to be much more content when I finally accepted the fact that I may not, in fact, ever get married. When I was holding out for it since everyone was telling me “of course you’ll get married some day!” in my 20’s, it just bred discontent.
Also, although I think it’s a very important message to say there’s nothing shameful about pausing or quitting a career to become a mom…there are equally important messages to balance with this. For example, there’s nothing shameful about not being able to have children. Or in wanting to maintain a career while also starting a family.
In general, I loved this list – sorry if this sounds negative! All very important lessons for us to teach our children. Especially love #3, 4, 12 and 22. Yes, yes and yes!
I agree with you totally, Victoria and Diana. I have several friends who are single in their 30s and 40s – some loving it and a few others who are desperately miserable. They won’t have the opportunity to become mothers and fathers and I would hate to think that if we teach out children that being married to ‘The One’ and having children is an expectation of being an adult, then we do them a disservice. We need to tell our children that happiness comes from within not from others.
Love this post. My daughter just turned 6 and as I was tucking her into bed on her birthday I thought “I am a 3rd of the way done with raising you under my roof.”
What a great list! My boys are basically on their own now but I think I might share some of these reminders with them. I don’t think the beauty magazines are an issue (lol) but this is still something to think of when talking to my boys.
+1 for number 14 🙂
My eldest just turned 18……she is just learning the “less is more” route and becoming a better person for it!
Trying to say things without her hearing it as nagging is hard sometimes, but I’m proud of the young woman she has become!
A recent conversation centred around her desire to have a summer holiday with friends when they finish exams in June, before heading off to various Universities in September. “They just want to go somewhere and get drunk mum, and I just don’t see the point!”
Yeah! Lesson learnt! You don’t need alcohol to have a good time!
(Have to point out, we’re in the UK, drinking at 18 is totally legal!)
I have read this over and over since I saw it posted earlier today. Aaaannnd I got a little weepy every single time as my baby girl looks forward to her seventeenth birthday one week from today… This really hits close to home. Sigh….sniff…sniffle…
Thank you!
My youngest daughter turns 15 tomorrow, 1/14. I shared this with her on fb. Sometimes its easier for them to read it than to listen to their mom go on and on and on…. 🙂 Thanks.
I like these!
Why is there a time limit as to when they have to leave home ? If that were true as a rule none of my maternal family tree would exist . Yes I believe that we need to learn to fly but don’t decide that the nest evaporates at 18 please it is one of the hardest bridges to rebuild.
Thank you for this. I’m in tears and having a hard day with my 8 year old girl. It’s just a reminder that we’re both still learning but I can’t get hung up on today. I have to enjoy my time with her.
Beautiful post! These are perfect things to teach your daughter. <3
On 2 – you are never alone because God is always with you.
On 3 – it’s okay to be alone? –without God? Maybe it should’ve read, it’s okay to be lonely because you are never alone. 🙂
Great list though.
-Emily
I found this list to be great for single dads as well. I will start going over this list with my soon-to-be 13 year-old the next weekend I have her. Thanks for the great advice!
I agree so much with don’t chase boys. I have a wonderful husband whom I love dearly, but I often wish I had given him more opportunity to take more initiative in our relationship. It set a pattern that still has me insecure about his love all these years (& kids) later. I often wish he would chase me more, but that is not the pattern we have in our relationship.
i taught my daughter when she goes to a school dance to always dance with a boy that asks her to dance. It is 3 minutes out of her life but a rejection to a boy could last a long time. She is 23 now and has had so much fun at the dances while she watched her friends sit in the corner waiting for the “right” boy to ask them to dance.
your daughter is my cousin cheri’s twin (when at the same age) my cousin is now in her 50’s….just sharing. and nice words of wisdom.
I almost missed this, but so glad that I didn’t. Copying this list for my own girls. Thanks, girl.
I wonder how #2 (…you’re never alone because of god) and #3 ( It’s OK to be alone) work out together?
Perhaps add.. it’s ok not to like someone. And it’s ok if someone doesn’t like you. Respect people and expect the same. It is not necessarily bad to dislike a boss or a Co worker or an in law… lol. Be respectful because everyone no matter their situation can teach you something, even if it’s how not to be.
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#15 A boyfriend doesn’t make you something you’re not. Correction: He can make you pregnant.
I love this list. I really love #1 lol. Less is definitely better! My oldest is almost 9, but I will be holding onto this list so I can teach her everything from it when she is a teenager. Thanks so much!
Love it! Saving it for my teen girl. Thanks for sharing!!
Kristen, so your daughter is 18 now?
We are in 2018. I just read your blog, and I thought you wrote it this year. THANKS AND God bless you. LOVE IN CHRIST.