My little girl barged into the bathroom while I was soaking in the tub.
My head snapped up from my book.
She walked over to the edge of the tub and stuck both hands in my warm water.
And wildly splashed.
There went my relaxation. And my privacy (thanks, broken bathroom door lock). And my temper.
“Please don’t touch the water again,” I whispered through gritted teeth.
She stared at me and let her fingers hover over the water, so close to touching, but not quite. So, obeying. But just barely.
This is a strong-willed battleground and I know it well.
In the last 14 years, between my two strong-willed girls, there have been meltdowns and tantrums and wild words and power struggles. There have been moments of anger and tempers and tears and regret from all of us. We have hurled angry words at each other over little things that don’t matter, the color of clothes, the length of shorts, the scary stuff under beds.
We have found our way, only to falter and find it again as we navigate this life together.
Much of parenting is two steps forward, one step back.
My daughters are loyal. They are determined leaders. They stand for justice. They work hard and are fiercely protective of those they love. They can’t be bullied or manipulated. They are rule followers, but also risk-takers. They are respected by their peers. They know what they want and nothing can deter them. They are passionate lovers and fighters. And they never stop talking.
They walk into a room and light it up.
Their iron clad wills have rocked my world. And even in the hardest moments when I fail them or they fail me, I wouldn’t change who they are for a minute.
Because their fierceness will change the world.
And so I pray this over them, under them, before them and after them:
God,
You gave me strong girls. They are a gift. You and I both know, this is a hard calling.
Please help me not to crush their determined spirits with all my rules and regulations.
You created them to color outside the lines, give me the courage to let them.
Channel their determination into purpose. Turn their stubbornness into pliable willingness to say yes to you. Teach them to yield their steadfast spirit and help me to let go of what doesn’t matter.
I need help mothering: Show me how to look past the attitude and see a pure heart. Lead me to look for the good and appreciate the crazy. Instead of controlling them, teach me to empower them. And instead of drawing a line in the sand and demanding my way, remind me that these girls are a whole lot like me.
Oh, and see what you did there.
Most of all, teach all of us how to follow you.
Amen.
This one brought me to tears! You so get not only being a parent of a strong willed child but also the angle of being a strong willed person yourself! I printed out the prayer as a reminder/guideline for me to use in my own prayer life.
I did too!
cry & Print, then prayed! <3!
Definitely me!
Some say I’m ‘stubborn’
I say I’m determined!
You say I’m stubborn just ’cause I wont do something the way YOU want me to!
Wow… tears, tears, tears! Thanking GOD for you and this prayer. I am writing this prayer down and will hang it somewhere in my daughter’s room to remind me daily of how I need to pray for my blessing. So inspiring to see the hearts and perseverance of others who share the beauty and challenges of a strong willed child in their lives. GOD bless each of you and continue to give you wisdom. GOD YOU ARE GREAT!!!
Oh, I have said this prayer many times for my strong willed boy! Now he is graduating this spring and it is truly by God’s grace that he is a wonderful young man. Really – that he turned out so well despite his Type A mother is a testament to God’s wisdom and grace. 🙂
I am constantly praying Stormie O’Martian’s Power of a Praying Parent over my kids, especially my strong-willed one. I’ll add this to my arsenal!
I needed this at just this moment. I had my first parent teacher conference over my 5 year olds “sasiness.” So I needed to read this. Thank you for sharing!!!
Beautiful – such a needed prayer. Oooh – looking past the attitude – tough one, but I can’t take everything personally. You expressed what I’d like to do with my kids – embrace their determination, courage and silliness and empower, rather than hinder them. It’s those things I know will serve them well in many areas of their lives. I also need to remember they are a lot, sometimes too much, like me. Thanks, Kristen!
Thank you!!
I was just telling a friend yesterday how hard it is some days. I don’t want to crush her strong spirit, but sometimes she HAS to obey. Having a very obedient older girl makes it hard too, I constantly have to remind myself that they’re unique and not to compare the younger one to her older sister.
This parenting thing isn’t for sissy’s
MJ,
I too had that same experience yesterday with our 9 year old, My dear friend that I called liked this fb page and I read the prayer and thought , WoW I need this today GOD is right on time :] I hope you are having a better day today! perhaps something was in the air yesterday !
Thank you for your post,
I wish I had seen this years ago! You wrote beautifully expressing the balance between treasuring our strong-willed children and knowing that they do need to learn to channel that will for the right things.
I have two strong willed girls (8 and almost 5) and I have failed them more times than they have failed me. I struggle with praying for the “right” way to parent them because I am the polar opposite of them. In short, THANK YOU for this example of a prayer. It’s hard and painful sometimes (especially when the other 3 kiddos suffer because of it, too), but in those rare moments where the attitudes are gone and their loving nature comes back, it is all SO worth it. Again, thank you for this! It is exactly what I needed to read this morning.
Sounds like youve got some great daughters, my friend.
Nell
I have a strong-willed 4 year old. We thought surely our second would be a little…less so. 🙂 It appears that is not to be. And while we wait and see how they continue to grow i must admit, i look forward to their impact on this world…prayerfully for the cause of Christ!
I could have written this myself! Know you’re not alone on this particular journey. Some children just stand out in a room full of others……..mine (and apparently yours as well) are those children!
Like you, I think it will serve them well throughout their lives……but good golly, in the meantime and dealing with a school environment it can definitely be a challenge at times.
Just the sheer drama of it all! Thanks for the prayer, it’s needed for many of us!
Wow! Did this post hit close to home, and make me a little teary eyed! Thank you for sharing your prayer. It’s one that I need to say and one I needed to hear.
Thank you for this…I have one strong-willed girl…my other girl is very tender – a different prayer for her – but thank you…each day can be a challenge and rewarding at the same time!
Thank you for this post. It seems God has seen fit to give me 2 girls much like your own! I’m not usually big on written prayers but what you have written fits me to a “T”. I printed it out as a bookmark for my Bible so I remember it. Thanks so much.
Thank you! I so needed this today! I too am the mother of a strong willed girl and a strong willed boy!
Thank you thank you! I really needed this today!!! I have 2 girls, 5 and 7. The 7 year old And I have struggles almost daily! This really helps me!!!!!!!
Thank you. *I* am the strong-willed girl. And I have trouble seeing my personality in a positive light. Everything about my design seems so diametrically opposed to all that is described of womanhood in the Bible: “gentle and quiet,” “not permitted to speak,” “submissive”… I truly struggle to know what the heck it means to be a godly woman AND BE ME.
But your description of your girls is beautiful. And it’s accurate for me, as well. (Well, I don’t know about my “lighting up a room,” but until you get to that part…) So never mind the part about what to pray for my children. I’m printing out this description so I can remind myself of it…and hopefully bless my children by giving them a mama who’s a little less broken.
Thank you for this! So many people equate “strong-willed” with “badly-behaved” or “trouble,” and it’s SUCH a relief to be reminded that this is not the case! I have 3 girls who are 6, 4, and 1, and all three of them are very strong little ladies. I will be printing that prayer and sticking it up all over my house! =)
thank you so much for sharing this today! it was EXACTLY what i needed! i’ve been struggling with my strong-willed child and wasn’t even sure what to pray for him. i hope you dont mind, but i shared your prayer on my blog…to hopefully help other mama’s with their own strong-willed children! feel free to read it at http://sarahkhurst.blogspot.com. you have been such an inspiration to me with how you live as a wife, mother and how you serve on the mission field!!
Thank you for this post! It has given me much needed hope with my own strong-willed girl! Thank you for the prayer.. I’ll be praying it over my girl each and every day!
O boy…..we have a strong willed daughter too. It can be very hard to appreciate even her strengths at times. I often find myself saying – in the future this trait (eg. Persistence) will be beneficial….it is sometimes very hard to see how it all is a positive thing now. You captured it perfectly in your prayer – thank you:)
Thank you for the reminder that my daughter and everything about her is a blessing. Nearly brought me to tears reading how you speak to your Father in Heaven about your daughters — such respect and love. Best of luck to all of us!
Oh, how did I ever need to read this tonight!!
Thank you so much for posting this. I so needed it. My 5yr old son sounds like you girls. I love him so much – but some days he def pushes my buttons.
I needed this today. I have so many rules and regulations and a dear child who decides she’ll overlook them when she wants to. Makes me crazy! I know right now it’s over dumb stuff like saying she can’t paint her nails tonight and she does it anyway. I get so angry at the disobedience. Not because I care about nail polish, but because deep down I am afraid that she won’t walk the line when it REALLY matters. I prayed this prayer just last night – help me to let go of what doesn’t matter and help her to know what really does. In these end times God is sending His strongest spirits to this Earth. Each generation will be more strong willed than the last because the battle ahead for the souls of men is a fierce one. and We have the privilege of raising Godly warriors in a fallen world. It is HARD work. Glad to know we’re in it together!
Wow, it has been a very hard two weeks, with my 3 and 4 year old. I needed this prayer today, like it was sent just to me. My 24 year old was very strong-willed, and my 19 year old is more compliant. I do have to look over this and hear what is important and what is not, and still appreciate who they are and help mold the strong-will toward perseverance for Christ like you said. I so badly needed this shot in the arm.
Check out Carol Tuttle’s website, thechildwhisperer.com. Get her book, The Child Whisperer. There’s a good chance your girls are type 3’s or 4’s. Her techniques have greatly changed my ability to work with my own two strong-willed children.
Kristen,
Thank you so much for sharing. I was brought to tears by reading your prayer and I will be using it for my son! Your post today was such a blessing to my heart and that prayer is exactly what my heart and mind needed to hear!
This post was forwarded to me by a friend and it almost brought me to tears. I too have 2 strong willed girls. They are only 4 and 2 but I lay awake at night having anxiety over the pre-teen and teen years as their toddler years have been such a challenge. I didn’t think it was possible to have two, but my second one is almost stronger willed than my first. It is so hard when they are so opposite of my personality. People who don’t have strong-willed children seriously don’t understand what a challenge it is!
I had tears in my eyes reading this. My son is a match to your daughters, and while there have been some long days (weeks, months…ha!), I absolutely love the way God has made him for all the reason that you listed and more.
I. Get. This. =)
xoxo
*Thank you!* Oh, my goodness, just thank you!
I loved this post! I have one of these little darlings as well. Never a boring moment with her. I am realzing God is going to use her vigor And empower her to do great things through Him. She lights up a room, people LOVE her and she has great insight into the heart of God.
What a lovely prayer and a great reminder of the great potential that lies behind the will!
Thank you, I needed this! God gave me two girls just as strong-willed as their Momma;) I’m printing out your prayer, thanks for sharing!
I needed to hear this today…even shared it in one of our facebook homeschooling/parenting groups 🙂 Found you on a blog hop link, that someone else posted! Top link from February I think was the title. Anyway, a new follower here! Rachael @ Diamonds in the Rough (http://www.parentingandhomeschoolinginfaith.com)
Thank you for sharing. I have a strong-willed 4-year-old son. He’s amazing but exhausting and tries my patience daily. He’s a lot like me; we’re both strong-willed so we get frustrated with each other easily. But like your daughters, he’s charismatic and determined and I believe he will be an amazing teenager / young-adult / adult someday. I thank my Heavenly Father daily for sending him to me, right alongside those constant prayers for patience. Hang in there!
Oh my goodness! The way she had her hand JUST above the water but not touching is SO exactly what my first and third daughters would do. Thank you for this prayer! They’re a handful. Every. Single. Day.
I was the strong-willed child in my family, and I have spent my life feeling like I was a curse on them. As an adult, I know that nine times out of ten, my stubbornness was just a wish to be seen and understood. My parents were so terrified of “feeding” my opposition that they could never acknowledge what was behind it. The times when they did, I had no problem getting on with whatever it was they wanted from me.
From Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, I learned many tactics for approaching opposition, but the basis is: acknowledge the feelings, and then WAIT and see what the child has to say. “I see that you really don’t want to do the dishes tonight. It sucks having to do stuff you don’t like. I don’t like doing the dishes myself!” So often that is all that’s needed to diffuse opposition, and it helps “coach” the child through conflicting feelings and realize that yes, sometimes we have to do stuff we don’t like in life, without making them feel like a failure for not understanding it already.
Sadie,
As a single-parent over 20+ years, it was not easy raising my youngest strong-willed daughter. How I wish I had found your advice when she was younger.
I wish we had been acquainted back then, Sadie. I could’ve used some good advice. There were days, when I felt like a failure as a parent.
But obviously I did something right, she has graduated from college with honors.
THANK YOU! I so needed to read this!
I should be sleeping… this is the 3rd post ive read in a row… from parenting toddlers to this…your words have struck me hard …. my girls, 6, 3 and 18 mo are a bunch of strong willed crazies and this prayer is an amazing blessing to me…thank you forever
Good article! We are linking to this great article on our website.
Keep up the great writing.
Kristen, I just read your blog, here on “How to Pray for your Strong willed Children” God has definitely led me to your site and to this particular article. I have been struggling with how to deal with and encourage my very strong-willed 10- yr old daughter toward good behavior. I’ve read several books, and prayed about it and cried over it. My hubby even gets very frustrated.
More than anything I’ve read so far, your post has filled me with hope! I know God has a purpose for every one of his children, but sometimes us parents of s/w children need the right perspective to jerk us out of the mundane of dealing w/ everyday bad behaviors. I am more encourages and know that I (and hubby) partner with the Lord, He can use our daughter’s heart mightily now and later as a an adult! Thank you for sharing your experience!
OOPS, TYPO-should have read: I am more encouraged and know that as I (and hubby) partner with the Lord, He can use our daughter’s heart mightily now and later as an adult!
Hi! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was
wondering which blog platform are you using for this website?
I’m getting tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform.
I would be fantastic if you could point me in the
direction of a good platform.
We need more girls like your girls! Thank you for always inspiring and encouraging me, I always come away feeling like I’m not alone and reminded to put God first.
I love this post and your prayer is beautiful. I have shared it on my blog in a post about the same topic. I hope this is ok – please let me know if it is not!
Thank you
x
I have NEVER replied to anything like this online but I just had to tonight. My 12 year old daughter takes me to the edge and tonight I went over. I then open up Facebook and here is this. God is so good. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Tears are still streaming down. Thank you for those who replied. It is good to know I’m not the only one.
This is beautiful and is perfect timing for me! My daughter is almost 3 and so strong willed, I know it’s a blessing but it can be so hard for me sometimes. I just wrote an entire article about it on my very own blog, and I may use this prayer not only in my personal life but I also may share this on my blog! Thank you so much, God has definitely led me to this!
Thank you so much for this post!! It brought me to tears … I have these girls too and its been very hard mothering them at times. This was beyond encouraging and so powerful!
And even when you are elderly and the child is 40-50-60, this will still be your prayer.
Thank you for this prayer today. I needed this message. You just don’t know what encouragement this brought to my spirit today.
Oh, how I can relate to this story & prayer! It brings tears to my eyes!
I have raised a “STRONG-WILLED” young lady! My Lord, it has not been an easy ride. Oh, how “PROUD” I AM of the Beautiful Young Lady she has grown up to be! She graduated from college with Honors! She bought her first NEW car with her own down-payment & got it financed on her own credit. She will be 21yo in July!!
So. Much. Yes. I have a three year old strong willed child…who is exactly like me!
Yes i need this badly. Thank you lord for hearing and leading to this website when I feel so desperate. I tears and tears . Thank you lord
Thank you lord for hearing and leading to this website when I feel so desperate. I tears and tears .