I’ll never forget the moment of clarity I had in the middle of the pasta aisle. It was the day after I returned from a trip to Kenya with my family. I ran into an old friend next to the spaghetti sauce and she hugged me and said, “so, was your trip to Kenya just ah-maazing!?!?”
She drug out the last word and her voice went up and I was afraid to commit. It’s the tone used to describe a memorable vacation in an exotic place with a lot of exclamation points.
Before I could answer, she said, “I bet you just want to give all this up and move there!”
When I answered, I meant to say was, “Yes, we had some amazing moments. But it was also hard.”
Instead what came out was, “On this trip to Kenya, I convinced one of the teen moms not to run away with her tiny baby, we bathed in a bucket because there was a water shortage and counted the hours until we boarded the plane. Oh, and I saw a man die in the middle of the road.”
She couldn’t grab her noodles fast enough.
I was left standing in the pasta aisle thinking don’t make me pick a favorite place. I can love America and Kenya, while I simultaneously dislike certain things about both places. I can do both even though lately it feels like our culture is trying desperately to squeeze us all into a polarizing box.
I live a paradox and you know what? That’s okay.
- I can love sweet tea and Keto (loving them at the same time might make one ineffective).
- I can not be a cat lover but love the cat that became my college daughter’s roommate
- I can protect my immune-compromised kid and let my other kids do high-risk activities.
- I can be pro-life and not vote Republican.
- I can love immigrants and refugees and not vote Democratic.
- I can be politically homeless and love my country.
- I can run a non-profit and also have no idea what I’m doing some days.
- I can be a storyteller but not a public speaker.
- I can choose to wear a mask if it means others around me feel protected even if I’m not convinced of all the science around it.
- I can find new hobbies and passions and still binge-watch Netflix.
- I can put up boundaries for toxic people and still fiercely love them.
- I can see behind the veil of conspiracy theories while I also believe evil is at work in our world.
- I can believe in the absolute truth of the Bible and still love my neighbors who don’t.
- I can love Muslims and be in relationships with them and not try to “convert” them.
- I can anxiously wait for the return of Jesus and also live every day to the fullest.
- I can hate recording videos for Mercy House and also look forward to hosting Facebook lives sales for Mercy House.
- I can be a smart intelligent woman who also admits I don’t have all the answers.
Friends, let’s refuse to be labeled. We don’t belong in a box!
Wow! This is fantastic. Thanks for the perspective!
This is exactly what I have been feeling lately. Boxed in! Thank you for this.
Great perspective! Our Abba created us for relationship, messy, wild, beautiful. He did not create us for boxes!
Beautiful perspective
This is excellent!!
I want to give due credit, I believe the concept stems from the writing of Glennon Doyle. Instead of the polarizing society that we live in that makes you feel like your beliefs and actions have to be “either/or”…why can’t they be “and/both”. Why can’t I be for equal rights for all US Citizens and against police brutality but also for the police and first responders who often time do the most heroic work that I would not have the courage to do?? I want a political party and leadership that is “And/Both”. This has been on my mind a great deal lately!
I needed this today! I was beginning to think I was the only person who felt this way.
I wholeheartedly agree with this thought Kristen!
A year or so ago I listened to one of Jessica’s podcasts where she talked about the ‘AND’ life instead of the ‘OR’. And I as like “YES! this is life! Or should be”
The ‘AND’ life is welcoming to others, gives us an open mind, frees us…and on and on. Really understanding this thought, and being able to live out your examples above, will be good for all of us.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. <3
I think one of the hardest things about having the opportunity to travel to the developing world is the range of emotions that swing from being thankful that I live here and wanting to jump on a plane and go help those who have so much less than I do. But the reality for me is that those people I want to go help, often times have more joy because they are not consumed with the life we have here and all the messages we see and read, and the hate and negativity that is consuming our screens on a daily basis. There are days when I long for life before social media, but I love how I can stay connected and learn from people who might have a different view point or opinion than I do.
I’m sharing your idea to make a list!
This is exactly how I feel!! Thank you for expressing it. So wonderful to know others are out there who feel the same. Thank you.🥰
My thought exactly. Oh, I wish I had had your words last week when disagreeing with a family member. You are so wise.
My therapist has taught me the amazing benefits of living in the both/and.
Thanks for using your platform for speaking up and out!
I especially like 7, 11,&12.
Excellent perspective. Why can’t we have “both” sometimes??? I also try to teach my children about choice, that sometimes saying “yes” to one thing means saying “no” to something equally as good. And that is ok. HARD but ok. Again and again I am thankful for the absolute TRUTH of Jesus and the Bible…I really don’t know how people get through tough times without Him.
Adding to your list would be advocating for the Title 1 school in my area while sending my kids to the private Christian school in our community.