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You are here: Home / Archives for 2014

Archives for 2014

What We Need to Say to the Mean Girls

September 21, 2014 by Kristen

“I asked my friend if she would fold me a fortune teller out of paper like she did for the other girls,” my daughter told me after school.

“But she said she only makes them for her prettiest friends,” she said and her lip quivered.

That girl is not your friend, I whispered in her ear.

It’s my second time to have a second grade daughter and this isn’t our first rodeo with mean girls. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

I hugged my little girl and reminded her that not only was she beautiful on the outside, she was on the inside, too–where it really mattered.

“What did you say to her?” I asked, trying not to show my anger.

Nothing. She said. I turned away from her.

Sometimes the best thing to say to a mean girl is just that–Nothing. It speaks volumes.

whattosaytothemeangirls

Like most 7 year old girls, mine is obsessed with cheerleading, much to her older (band member) siblings dismay. “This will pass, right mom?”

She’s never been a cheerleader, never really performed a cheer, but that doesn’t stop her from joining the other second grade girls from cheering for the boys playing football at recess. We are the Texas stereotype down here. The struggle is real.

My daughter explains one of the girls who is a “real live cheerleader for her brother’s team” has put herself in charge. So naturally, she tells everyone what to do, where to stand, what to say. She’s the “Cheer Coach of the Second Grade” if you will.

On the playground, after this had been going on for a few days, a new girl wanted to join the “squad.” But the Coach wouldn’t let her “because she didn’t like the dress” the new girl was wearing.

It was at this point in the retelling of the story, I stopped my daughter, “What did you say about that?”

“Well, Mom, I felt bad for the new girl. She’s really nice and I liked her dress,” my daughter said. “And it made me sad when she sent her away.”

She finished her story, but I could tell we weren’t done.

Because sometimes the best thing we can say to a mean girl is stop.

“Honey, you know that yucky feeling you had when your “friend” said you weren’t pretty? It’s the exact same way the new girl felt when she was excluded. Here’s the thing about girls who are mean-they change the rules. What happens if you wear red tomorrow and she decides everyone wearing red can’t cheer? I think if you stand up for your new friend, you both might feel better.”

And I could tell by the look on her face, she was thinking hard about this. I knew she understand standing up for someone being targeted, might make you the target.

After school the next day over a snack, she said very nonchalantly, “Mom, it worked. The girl in charge changed her mind and now everyone gets to cheer.”

Moms, here’s where we get to teach our daughters and speak into their lives that we are sisters. We protect each other. We support one another. We turn away from the mean girls by saying nothing. And sometimes we tell them to stop making up their own rules because we won’t follow them. Because when we go along with something wrong, we aren’t helping. We can encourage our daughters to stand up for each other.

It didn’t take more than two weeks of school for my daughter to encounter her first mean girl. It happens. And maybe that little girl wasn’t even trying to be mean, but she was asserting control over others. You know what’s crazy? We’ve all seen it in grown up women and it’s just as ugly.

We can live by the same rules. The next time a friend  talks badly about another or excludes someone, we can do the same thing we want our girls to do.

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55 Comments Filed Under: Parenting

The Problem With The Child-Centered Home

August 3, 2014 by Kristen

I held up a finger when she opened my bedroom door, reminding her I was on an important call and didn't want to be interrupted. But she ignored my attempt to quiet her and asked the question loudly as if MY ONE FINGER in the air meant nothing. I pointed again, more forcefully. My 7 year old kept right on talking. Even my most threatening face didn't stop her. This must be really important, I thought. I said excuse me to the professional on the receiver, covered the mouthpiece and ... Read More

59 Comments Filed Under: Parenting

4 Conversations We Need to Have With Our Tweens

June 1, 2014 by Kristen

A long, long time ago, I taught one year of first grade. It kicked my butt. It was hard and I realized not everyone who likes kids should be a teacher. I loved recess the most--like most of my students. I loved it because the kids would get out their pent-up energy. And the 6-7 year olds loved it because it was free time. It was also the time they would talk. And by talk, I mean share. New words were learned and stories were told. The playground is where my daughter first heard the ... Read More

23 Comments Filed Under: Parenting

The Problem With Not Having Any Losers

May 29, 2014 by Kristen

My first grader announced she was trying out for the end-of-the-year school Talent Show with a couple of girls in her class. They had rehearsals at recess. And she practiced at the kitchen table. And outside. I didn't voice my surprise at this announcement. But I was surprised. She can be shy in front of other people. And she doesn't usually love that kind of attention. But I signed the permission slip, encouraged and reminded her that no matter what the outcome, to have fun. The ... Read More

47 Comments Filed Under: Parenting

Why I Share About My Broken Marriage In My Book

May 7, 2014 by Kristen

She pulled me close and said the words in a hush, " Your book for me is like the book Radical was for you." The words stun. Because I know what that means. I'm looking in the eyes of a woman who is about to turn her life upside down in her yes to Jesus. "We are about to start the book as a family," she motions to her three teens sitting at the picnic table. "Except for that one chapter. We may skip over that one for now." And I knew which chapter she was referring to without even ... Read More

25 Comments Filed Under: Marriage

WFMW: DIY Inspiring String Art

April 29, 2014 by Kristen

[Beginning next week, I will be featuring your yes stories every Wednesday. Please continue to link up helpful links that work for you. I hope it's a yes or two.] Put a yes in your mess. And create something new and beautiful.   #yesinmymess #rhinestoneJesus #releasestomorrow #!!!!! ... Read More

24 Comments Filed Under: Home

A Simple Way to Teach Family a Lesson About Complaining Less

April 21, 2014 by Kristen

I handed everyone at the table a rubber band and told them to put it around their wrists like a bracelet. We slipped it on as we finished dinner and I read these instructions from our dinner time devotional:  Every time you grumble or complain, snap your rubber band.  The day before we memorized John 6:43, "Stop grumbling among yourselves." Guess who got the first "pop?" My kids laughed as the first complaint rolled off my tongue just minutes after reading our assignment. I ... Read More

30 Comments Filed Under: Family

What To Say to Your Kids When Their Friends Get Everything They Want

April 20, 2014 by Kristen

I tucked her in bed and pulled up the cozy pink comforter to her chin. "Mommy?" she whispered after prayers were said. "Yes, honey?" I waited. "I am sad." "Really, why?" trying to remember what would cause this statement. "I'm sad I don't have my own iTouch like my friends." SAY WHAT? "A lot of my friends have them and iPhones, too," she said as she rattled off half her first grade class. "Why do you want one?" I asked, even though I could have guessed her answer. Because ... Read More

42 Comments Filed Under: Parenting

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